For they are actions that a man might play;
But I have that within which passeth show.
HAMLET.
“Miss Sterling1?”
I was sitting by the side of Mrs. Harrington in her own room. By a feverish2 exertion3 of strength I had borne her thither4 from her mother’s chamber5, and was now watching the returning hues6 of life color her pale cheek. At the sound of my name, uttered behind me, I arose. I had expected a speedy visit from one of the brothers, but I had been in hopes that it would be Dwight, and not Guy, who would make it.
“I must speak to you at once; will you follow me?” asked that gentleman, bowing respectfully as I turned.
I glanced at Mrs. Harrington, but he impatiently shook his head.
“Anice is at the door,” he remarked. “She is accustomed to Mrs. Harrington, and will see that she is properly looked after.” And, leading the way, he ushered7 me out, pausing only to cast one hurried glance back at his sister, as if to assure himself she was not yet sufficiently8 recovered to note his action.
In the hall he offered me his arm.
“The gas has not yet been lighted,” he explained, “and I wish you to go with me to the parlor9.”
This sounded formidable, but I did not hesitate. I felt able to confront this man.
“I am at your service,” I declared, with a comfortable sensation that my tone conveyed something of the uncompromising spirit I felt.
The room to which he conducted me was on the first floor, and was darkness itself when we entered. It was musty, too, and chill, as with the memory of a past funeral and the premonition of a new one.
Even the light which he soon made did not seem to be at home in the spot, but wavered and flickered10 with faint gasps11, as if it longed to efface12 itself and leave the grand and solitary13 apartment to its wonted atmosphere of cold reserve. By its feeble flame I noted14 but two details: one was the portrait of Mrs. Pollard in her youth, and the other was my own reflection in some distant mirror. The first filled me with strange thoughts, the face was so wickedly powerful, if I may so speak; handsome, but with that will beneath its beauty which, when allied15 to selfishness, has produced the Lucretia Borgias and Catherine de Medicis of the world.
The reflection of which I speak, dimly seen as it was, had, on the contrary, a calming effect upon my mind. Weary as I undoubtedly16 was, and pale if not haggard with the emotions I had experienced, there was still something natural and alive in my image that recalled happier scenes to my eyes, and gave me the necessary strength to confront the possibilities of the present interview..
Mr. Pollard, who in his taciturn gloom seemed like the natural genius of the spot, appeared to be struck by this same sensation also, for his eyes wandered more than once to the mirror, before he summoned up courage, or, perhaps, I should say, before he took the determination to look me in the face and open the conversation. When he did, it was curious to note the strife18 of expression between his eye and lip: the one hard, cold, and unyielding; the other deprecating in its half-smile and falsely gentle, as if the mind that controlled it was even then divided between its wish to subdue19 and the necessity it felt to win.
“Miss Sterling,” so he began, “it would be only folly20 for me to speak as if nothing had occurred but an ordinary and natural death. It would be doing your good sense and womanly judgment21 but little honor, and putting myself, or, rather, ourselves — for we children are but one in this matter — in a position which would make any after-explanations exceedingly difficult. For explanations can be given, and in a word; for what has doubtless struck you as strange and terrible in my mother’s last hours — explanations which I am sure you will be glad to accept, as it is not natural for one so blooming in her womanliness to wish to hamper22 her youth with dark thoughts, or to nurse suspicions contrary to her own candid23 and noble nature.”
He paused, but meeting with no response beyond a rather cool bow, the strife between his eye and lip became more marked. He went on, however, as if perfectly24 satisfied, his voice retaining its confident tone, whatever the disturbance25 communicated to his inward nature.
“The explanation to which I allude26 is this,” said he. “My mother for the past three months has been the victim of many unwholesome delusions27. The sickness of my father, which was somewhat prolonged, made great inroads upon her strength; and his death, followed by the necessity of parting with Mrs. Harrington — whom you perhaps know was for family reasons married immediately upon my father’s decease — sowed the seed of a mental weakness which culminated28 on her deathbed into a positive delirium29. She had a notion, and has had it for weeks, unknown to every one but my brother and myself, that Mrs. Harrington had been the occasion of some great misfortune to us; whereas the innocent girl had done nothing but follow out her mother’s wishes, both in her marriage and in her settlement in a distant town. But the love my mother had felt for her was always the ruling passion of her life, and when she came to find herself robbed of a presence that was actually necessary to her well-being30, her mind, by some strange subtlety31 of disease I do not profess32 to understand, confounded the source of her grief with its cause, attributing to this well-beloved daughter’s will the suffering, which only sprang out of the circumstances of the case. As to her wild remarks in regard to Mr. Barrows,” he added, with studied indifference33, “and the oath she wished us to take, that was but an outgrowth of the shock she had received in hearing of the clergyman’s death. For, of course, I need not assure you, Miss Sterling, that for all our readiness to take the oath she demanded, neither my brother nor myself ever were at the mill, or knew any more of the manner or cause of Mr. Barrows’ death than you do.”
This distinct denial, made in quiet but emphatic34 tones, caused me to look up at him with what was perhaps something of an expressive35 glance. For at its utterance36 the longing37 cry had risen in my heart, “Oh, that it were Dwight who had said that!” And the realization38 which it immediately brought of the glad credence39 which it would have received from me had it only fallen from his lips caused an inward tremble of self-consciousness which doubtless communicated itself to my glance. For Guy Pollard, without waiting for any words I might have to say, leaned towards me with a gratified air, and with what I would like to call a smile, exclaimed:
“You have been in the house scarce twenty-four hours, but I feel as if I could already give you the title of friend. Will you accept it from me, Miss Sterling, and with it my most cordial appreciation40 and esteem41?”
“Ah, this is mere42 bait!” I thought, and was tempted43 to indignantly repel44 the hand he held out; but something restrained me which I am to proud to call fear, and which in reality I do not think was fear, so much as it was wonder and a desire to understand the full motive45 of a condescension46 I could not but feel was unprecedented47 in this arrogant48 nature. I therefore gave him my hand, but in a steady, mechanical way that I flattered myself committed me to nothing; though the slight but unmistakable pressure he returned seemed to show that he took it for a sign of amity49, if not of absolute surrender.
“You relieve me of a great weight,” he acknowledged. “Had you been of the commonplace type of woman, you might have made it very uncomfortable for us.” “And what have I said and done,” I could not help remarking, though neither so bitterly nor with so much irony50 as I might have done had that desire of which I have spoken been less keen than it was, “to lead you to think I shall not yet do so?”
“Your glance is your surety,” was the response he made. “That and your honest hand, which does not lightly fall in that of a stranger.” And with a real smile now, though it was by no means the reassuring52 and perhaps attractive one he doubtless meant it to be, he fixed53 me with his subtle glance, in which I began to read a meaning, if not a purpose, that made the blood leap indignantly to my heart, and caused me to feel as if I had somehow stumbled into a snare54 from which it would take more than ordinary skill and patience to escape.
A look down the shadowy room restored my equanimity55, however. It was all so unreal, so ghostly, I could not help acknowledging to myself that I was moving in a dream which exaggerated every impression I received, even that which might be given by the bold gaze of an unscrupulous man. So I determined56 not to believe in it, or in any thing else I should see that night, unless it were in the stern soul of the woman who had just died; a qualification which my mind could not help making to itself as my eyes fell again upon her portrait, with its cruel, unrelenting expression.
“You do not feel at home!” exclaimed Guy, interpreting according to his needs my silence and the look I had thrown about me. “I do not wonder,” he pursued. “Dreariness like this has little to do with youth and beauty. But I hope”— here he took a step nearer, while that meaning look — oh, my God! was I deceiving myself? — deepened in his eyes —“I hope the day will come when you will see the sunshine stream through the gloom of these dim recesses57, and in the new cheer infused into the life of this old mansion58 forget the scenes of horror that encompassed59 the beginning of our friendship.” And with a bow that seemed to intimate that necessity, and not his wishes, forced him to terminate this interview, he was stepping back, when the door opened quickly behind him, and the face of Dwight Pollard showed itself on the threshold.
The look he cast first at his brother and then at me caused a fresh tumult60 to take place in my breast. Was it displeasure he showed? I was pleased to think so. I could not be sure of his feeling, however, for almost on the instant his brow cleared, and advancing with an excuse for his interruption, he spoke51 a few low words to Guy. The latter gravely bowed, and with just a slight glance in my direction, immediately left the room. I was once more alone with Dwight Pollard.
He seemed to feel the situation as much as I did, for it was several moments before he spoke, and when he did, his voice had a subdued61 tremble in it which I had not noticed before.
“Miss Sterling,” he remarked, “my brother has been talking to you, trying, I presume, to explain to you the distressing62 scene to which you have just been witness.”
I bowed, for I seemed to have no words to say, though he evidently longed to hear me speak.
“My brother is not always considerate in his manner of address,” he went on, after a moment’s intent scrutiny63 of my face. “I hope he has not made you feel other than satisfied of our good-will towards you?”
“No,” I faintly smiled, wishing I knew what feeling prompted this subtle attempt to learn the nature of the interview which had just passed. “Mr. Guy Pollard has never been any thing but polite to me.”
He looked at me again as if he would read my very soul, but I gave him no help to its understanding, and he presently dropped his eyes.
“Did he tell you,” he at last resumed, with some effort, “that it is our wish for you to remain in this house till our mother is buried?”
“No,” I returned, “he said nothing about it.”
“But you will do so?” he queried65, in that rich and deep tone which thrilled so dangerously to my heart.
“I— I must have time to think,” I faltered66, taken by surprise, and not seeing my way as clearly as I could wish. “It is my desire to attend the funeral of Mr. Barrows and Miss Reynolds, and — Mr. Pollard!” I suddenly exclaimed, taking perhaps the most courageous67 resolution of my life, “I must be honest with you. It is useless for me to deny that the manner and circumstances of your mother’s death have made a great impression upon me; that I cannot, in spite of all explanations, but connect some special significance to the oath you were requested to take; and that, weakened as your mother may have been, something more terrible than the mere shock of hearing of her pastor’s sudden decease must have occasioned emotions so intense as to end in death and delirium. If, therefore, you are willing to assure me, as your brother has done, that it was entirely68 a fancy of hers that you ever held any communication with Mr. Barrows at the mill, I will gladly promise to disabuse69 my mind of all unfavorable impressions, and even promise to stay here, if such be your desire, till the days of your trouble are over, and the body of your mother is laid in her grave.”
“And has my brother given you such an assurance as you speak of?”
“He has,” I returned.
“Then why do you ask one from me?”
Was it possible for me to tell him?
“If it was not enough coming from his lips, how could it be coming from mine?” he continued.
Shame and confusion kept me silent.
“Would it be?” he persisted, this time with feeling and something like a hint of eagerness in his voice.
I dared not say “Yes,” and yet I must have the assurance I demanded, if ever I was to know peace again.
“You no not answer; but I think, I feel confident you would believe my word, Miss Sterling.”
“I have asked for it,” I returned.
He turned frightfully pale; it seemed as if he would speak, but the words did not come. I felt, my heart growing sick, and as for him, he started violently away from my side, and took a turn or two up and down the room.
“I cannot deny what looks like an accusation,” he declared at last, coming and standing64 before me with a sombre but determined air. “My pride alone is sufficient to deter17 me. Will you accept from me any thing less. I am not such a man as my brother.”
“I will accept your assurance that as the true friend to Ada Reynolds I may remain in this house without stain to her memory or love.”
“Then you think —”
“No,” said I, with a burst I could not control, “I do not think; I do not want to think; do not make me, I entreat70.”
He smiled, a sad and fearful smile, and took another turn up and down the seemingly darkening room. When he came back I was cold as marble, and almost as insensible.
“Miss Sterling,” were his words, “do you remember a conversation we had this morning?”
I bowed, with a sudden rush of hope that almost melted me again.
“In that conversation I made a solemn assertion; do you recollect71 what it was?”
“Yes,” I looked, if I did not audibly reply.
“I make that assertion again — is it sufficient?” he asked.
At that moment it seemed to me that it was. I looked and felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my heart, and though he flushed deeply, as any man of spirit, let alone one of such a proud and aristocratic nature as his, would be apt to under the circumstances, I saw that he experienced a relief also, and giving way to an impulse I do not yet know whether to regret or not, I held out my hand, saying calmly:
“I will remain, Mr. Pollard.”
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1
sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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2
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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3
exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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4
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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hues
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| 色彩( hue的名词复数 )； 色调； 信仰； 观点 | |
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7
ushered
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| v.引，领，陪同( usher的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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9
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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10
flickered
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| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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12
efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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14
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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allied
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| adj.协约国的；同盟国的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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17
deter
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| vt.阻止，使不敢，吓住 | |
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18
strife
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| n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争 | |
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19
subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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20
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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21
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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23
candid
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| adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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26
allude
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| v.提及，暗指 | |
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27
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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28
culminated
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| v.达到极点( culminate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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30
well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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31
subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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32
profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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34
emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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38
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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39
credence
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| n.信用，祭器台，供桌，凭证 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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41
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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42
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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44
repel
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| v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥 | |
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45
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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46
condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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47
unprecedented
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| adj.无前例的，新奇的 | |
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arrogant
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的 | |
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amity
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| n.友好关系 | |
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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51
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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52
reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的 | |
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53
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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54
snare
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| n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑 | |
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55
equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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56
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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57
recesses
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| n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭 | |
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58
mansion
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| n.大厦，大楼；宅第 | |
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59
encompassed
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| v.围绕( encompass的过去式和过去分词 )；包围；包含；包括 | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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distressing
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| a.使人痛苦的 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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64
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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65
queried
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| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
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66
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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67
courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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68
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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69
disabuse
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| v.解惑；矫正 | |
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70
entreat
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| v.恳求，恳请 | |
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71
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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