Book II Chapter 11

A constant reference to one’s own services wounds our friend’s feelings. Like the man who was saved from the proscription¹ under the triumvirate by one of Caesar’s friends, and afterwards found it impossible to endure his preserver’s arrogance², they wish to cry, “Give me back to Caesar.” How long will you go on saying, “I saved you, I snatched you from the jaws³ of death?” This is indeed life, if I remember it by my own will, but death if I remember it at yours; I owe you nothing, if you saved me merely in order to have some one to point at. How long do you mean to lead me about? how long do you mean to forbid me to forget my adventure? If I had been a defeated enemy, I should have been led in triumph but once. We ought not to speak of the benefits which we have conferred; to remind men of them is to ask them to return them. We should not obtrude⁴ them, or recall the memory of them; you should only remind a man of what you have given him by giving him something else. We ought not even to tell others of our good deeds. He who confers a benefit should be silent, it should be told by the receiver; for otherwise you may receive the retort which was made to one who was everywhere boasting of the benefit which he had conferred: “You will not deny,” said his victim, “that you have received a return for it?” “When?” asked he. “Often,” said the other, “and in many places, that is, wherever and whenever you have told the story.” What need is there for you to speak, and to take the place which belongs to another? There is a man who can tell the story in a way much more to your credit, and thus you will gain glory for not telling it your self. You would think me ungrateful if, through your own silence, no one is to know of your benefit. So far from doing this, even if any one tells the story in our presence, we ought to make answer, “He does indeed deserve much more than this, and I am aware that I have not hitherto done any great things for him, although I wish to do so.” This should not be said jokingly, nor yet with that air by which some persons repel⁵ those whom they especially wish to attract. In addition to this, we ought to act with the greatest politeness towards such persons. If the farmer ceases his labours after he has put in the seed, he will lose what he has sown; it is only by great pains that seeds are brought to yield a crop; no plant will bear fruit unless it be tended with equal care from first to last, and the same rule is true of benefits. Can any benefits be greater than those which children receive from their parents? Yet these benefits are useless if they be deserted⁶ while young, if the pious⁷ care of the parents does not for a long time watch over the gift which they have bestowed⁸. So it is with other benefits; unless you help them, you will lose them; to give is not enough, you must foster what you have given. If you wish those whom you lay under an obligation to be grateful to you, you must not merely confer benefits upon them, but you must also love them. Above all, as I said before, spare their ears; you will weary them if you remind them of your goodness, if you reproach them with it you will make them hate you. Pride ought above all things to be avoided when you confer a benefit. What need have you for disdainful airs, or swelling⁹ phrases? the act itself will exalt¹⁰ you. Let us shun¹¹ vain boasting: let us be silent, and let our deeds speak for us. A benefit conferred with haughtiness¹² not only wins no gratitude¹³, but causes dislike.

1 proscription   

n.禁止，剥夺权利

参考例句：

• Charles Evrémonde, called Darnay, in right of such proscription, absolutely Dead in Law. 根据剥夺法律保护条令，查尔斯-埃佛瑞蒙德，又名达尔内，依法当处以死刑，绝无宽贷。 来自互联网

2 arrogance   

n.傲慢，自大

参考例句：

• His arrogance comes out in every speech he makes.他每次讲话都表现得骄傲自大。
• Arrogance arrested his progress.骄傲阻碍了他的进步。

3 jaws   

n.口部；嘴

参考例句：

• The antelope could not escape the crocodile's gaping jaws. 那只羚羊无法从鱷鱼张开的大口中逃脱。
• The scored jaws of a vise help it bite the work. 台钳上有刻痕的虎钳牙帮助它紧咬住工件。

4 obtrude   

v.闯入；侵入；打扰

参考例句：

• I'm sorry to obtrude on you at such a time.我很抱歉在这个时候打扰你。
• You had better not obtrude your opinions on others.你最好不要强迫别人接受你的意见。

5 repel   

v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥

参考例句：

• A country must have the will to repel any invader.一个国家得有决心击退任何入侵者。
• Particles with similar electric charges repel each other.电荷同性的分子互相排斥。

6 deserted   

adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的

参考例句：

• The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。
• The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。

7 pious   

adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的

参考例句：

• Alexander is a pious follower of the faith.亚历山大是个虔诚的信徒。
• Her mother was a pious Christian.她母亲是一个虔诚的基督教徒。

8 bestowed   

赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• It was a title bestowed upon him by the king. 那是国王赐给他的头衔。
• He considered himself unworthy of the honour they had bestowed on him. 他认为自己不配得到大家赋予他的荣誉。

9 swelling   

n.肿胀

参考例句：

• Use ice to reduce the swelling. 用冰敷消肿。
• There is a marked swelling of the lymph nodes. 淋巴结处有明显的肿块。

10 exalt   

v.赞扬，歌颂，晋升，提升

参考例句：

• She thanked the President to exalt her.她感谢总统提拔她。
• His work exalts all those virtues that we,as Americans,are taught to hold dear.他的作品颂扬了所有那些身为美国人应该珍视的美德。

11 shun   

vt.避开，回避，避免

参考例句：

• Materialists face truth,whereas idealists shun it.唯物主义者面向真理，唯心主义者则逃避真理。
• This extremist organization has shunned conventional politics.这个极端主义组织有意避开了传统政治。

12 haughtiness   

n.傲慢；傲气

参考例句：

• Haughtiness invites disaster,humility receives benefit. 满招损，谦受益。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Finally he came to realize it was his haughtiness that held people off. 他终于意识到是他的傲慢态度使人不敢同他接近。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。