Ballad1 of Sir Aldingar.
By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. So, with warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and went my way through the little garden towards the forest. Some of the garden flowers had wandered into the wood, and were growing here and there along the path, but the trees soon became too thick and shadowy for them. I particularly noticed some tall lilies, which grew on both sides of the way, with large dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal green. It was now dark enough for me to see that every flower was shining with a light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I saw them, an internal, peculiar2 light, proceeding3 from each, and not reflected from a common source of light as in the daytime. This light sufficed only for the plant itself, and was not strong enough to cast any but the faintest shadows around it, or to illuminate4 any of the neighbouring objects with other than the faintest tinge5 of its own individual hue6. From the lilies above mentioned, from the campanulas, from the foxgloves, and every bell-shaped flower, curious little figures shot up their heads, peeped at me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit them, as snails7 their shells but I was sure some of them were intruders, and belonged to the gnomes8 or goblin-fairies, who inhabit the ground and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, creatures with great heads and grotesque9 faces shot up like Jack-inthe-box, and made grimaces10 at me; or rose slowly and slily over the edge of the cup, and spouted11 water at me, slipping suddenly back, like those little soldier-crabs that inhabit the shells of sea-snails. Passing a row of tall thistles, I saw them crowded with little faces, which peeped every one from behind its flower, and drew back as quickly; and I heard them saying to each other, evidently intending me to hear, but the speaker always hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his direction, “Look at him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a beginning, and it will never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!”
But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds became fewer, giving way to others of a different character. A little forest of wild hyacinths was alive with exquisite12 creatures, who stood nearly motionless, with drooping13 necks, holding each by the stem of her flower, and swaying gently with it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the crowded floral belfry. In like manner, though differing of course in form and meaning, stood a group of harebells, like little angels waiting, ready, till they were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. In darker nooks, by the mossy roots of the trees, or in little tufts of grass, each dwelling15 in a globe of its own green light, weaving a network of grass and its shadows, glowed the glowworms.
They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are fairies everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, when their own can appear, and they can be themselves to others as well as themselves. But they had their enemies here. For I saw great strong-armed beetles16, hurrying about with most unwieldy haste, awkward as elephant-calves, looking apparently18 for glowworms; for the moment a beetle17 espied19 one, through what to it was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss14, it pounced20 upon it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the beetles, and then I discovered a thing I could not account for. But it is no use trying to account for things in Fairy Land; and one who travels there soon learns to forget the very idea of doing so, and takes everything as it comes; like a child, who, being in a chronic21 condition of wonder, is surprised at nothing. What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there over the ground, lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like earth than anything else, and about the size of a chestnut22. The beetles hunted in couples for these; and having found one, one of them stayed to watch it, while the other hurried to find a glowworm. By signals, I presume, between them, the latter soon found his companion again: they then took the glowworm and held its luminous23 tail to the dark earthly pellet; when lo, it shot up into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, however, reaching the height of the highest tree. Just like a rocket too, it burst in the air, and fell in a shower of the most gorgeously coloured sparks of every variety of hue; golden and red, and purple and green, and blue and rosy24 fires crossed and inter-crossed each other, beneath the shadowy heads, and between the columnar stems of the forest trees. They never used the same glowworm twice, I observed; but let him go, apparently uninjured by the use they had made of him.
In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage25 was illuminated26 by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly coloured fire-flies, which sped hither and thither27, turned, twisted, crossed, and recrossed, entwining every complexity28 of intervolved motion. Here and there, whole mighty29 trees glowed with an emitted phosphorescent light. You could trace the very course of the great roots in the earth by the faint light that came through; and every twig30, and every vein31 on every leaf was a streak32 of pale fire.
All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the feeling that other shapes, more like my own size and mien33, were moving about at a little distance on all sides of me. But as yet I could discern none of them, although the moon was high enough to send a great many of her rays down between the trees, and these rays were unusually bright, and sight-giving, notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I constantly imagined, however, that forms were visible in all directions except that to which my gaze was turned; and that they only became invisible, or resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment my looks were directed towards them. However this may have been, except for this feeling of presence, the woods seemed utterly34 bare of anything like human companionship, although my glance often fell on some object which I fancied to be a human form; for I soon found that I was quite deceived; as, the moment I fixed35 my regard on it, it showed plainly that it was a bush, or a tree, or a rock.
Soon a vague sense of discomfort36 possessed37 me. With variations of relief, this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were wandering about in my neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and sometimes further off, but still approaching. The feeling continued and deepened, until all my pleasure in the shows of various kinds that everywhere betokened38 the presence of the merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full of anxiety and fear, which I was unable to associate with any definite object whatever. At length the thought crossed my mind with horror: “Can it be possible that the Ash is looking for me? or that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is gradually verging39 towards mine?” I comforted myself, however, by remembering that he had started quite in another direction; one that would lead him, if he kept it, far apart from me; especially as, for the last two or three hours, I had been diligently40 journeying eastward41. I kept on my way, therefore, striving by direct effort of the will against the encroaching fear; and to this end occupying my mind, as much as I could, with other thoughts. I was so far successful that, although I was conscious, if I yielded for a moment, I should be almost overwhelmed with horror, I was yet able to walk right on for an hour or more. What I feared I could not tell. Indeed, I was left in a state of the vaguest uncertainty42 as regarded the nature of my enemy, and knew not the mode or object of his attacks; for, somehow or other, none of my questions had succeeded in drawing a definite answer from the dame43 in the cottage. How then to defend myself I knew not; nor even by what sign I might with certainty recognise the presence of my foe44; for as yet this vague though powerful fear was all the indication of danger I had. To add to my distress45, the clouds in the west had risen nearly to the top of the skies, and they and the moon were travelling slowly towards each other. Indeed, some of their advanced guard had already met her, and she had begun to wade46 through a filmy vapour that gradually deepened.
At length she was for a moment almost entirely47 obscured. When she shone out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, I saw plainly on the path before me — from around which at this spot the trees receded48, leaving a small space of green sward — the shadow of a large hand, with knotty49 joints50 and protuberances here and there. Especially I remarked, even in the midst of my fear, the bulbous points of the fingers. I looked hurriedly all around, but could see nothing from which such a shadow should fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however undetermined, in which to project my apprehension51, the very sense of danger and need of action overcame that stifling52 which is the worst property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this were indeed a shadow, it was useless to look for the object that cast it in any other direction than between the shadow and the moon. I looked, and peered, and intensified53 my vision, all to no purpose. I could see nothing of that kind, not even an ash-tree in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow remained; not steady, but moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers close, and grind themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as if in uncontrollable longing54 for some anticipated prey55. There seemed but one mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I went forward boldly, though with an inward shudder56 which I would not heed57, to the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the ground, laid my head within the form of the hand, and turned my eyes towards the moon Good heavens! what did I see? I wonder that ever I arose, and that the very shadow of the hand did not hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my brain. I saw the strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent58, in the central parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the outside, until it ended in extremities59 capable of casting such a shadow as fell from the hand, through the awful fingers of which I now saw the moon. The hand was uplifted in the attitude of a paw about to strike its prey. But the face, which throbbed60 with fluctuating and pulsatory61 visibility — not from changes in the light it reflected, but from changes in its own conditions of reflecting power, the alterations62 being from within, not from without — it was horrible. I do not know how to describe it. It caused a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a horrible odour, or a ghastly pain, or a fearful sound, into words, so I cannot describe this new form of awful hideousness63. I can only try to describe something that is not it, but seems somewhat parallel to it; or at least is suggested by it. It reminded me of what I had heard of vampires64; for the face resembled that of a corpse65 more than anything else I can think of; especially when I can conceive such a face in motion, but not suggesting any life as the source of the motion. The features were rather handsome than otherwise, except the mouth, which had scarcely a curve in it. The lips were of equal thickness; but the thickness was not at all remarkable66, even although they looked slightly swollen67. They seemed fixedly68 open, but were not wide apart. Of course I did not REMARK these lineaments at the time: I was too horrified69 for that. I noted70 them afterwards, when the form returned on my inward sight with a vividness too intense to admit of my doubting the accuracy of the reflex. But the most awful of the features were the eyes. These were alive, yet not with life.
They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing71 voracity72, which devoured73 the devourer74, seemed to be the indwelling and propelling power of the whole ghostly apparition75. I lay for a few moments simply imbruted with terror; when another cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from the immediately paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the object of horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power of fear within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for apprehension than before, I remained equally ignorant from what I had to defend myself, or how to take any precautions: he might be upon me in the darkness any moment. I sprang to my feet, and sped I knew not whither, only away from the spectre. I thought no longer of the path, and often narrowly escaped dashing myself against a tree, in my headlong flight of fear.
Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began to mutter, then growl76 in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell heavier. At length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; and, like a second firmament77, they poured their torrents78 on the earth. I was soon drenched79, but that was nothing. I came to a small swollen stream that rushed through the woods. I had a vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I should be in safety from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was as false as it was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended80 a rising ground, and reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. Through them I directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I could guess, but not at all certain that I was not moving in an opposite direction. My mind was just reviving a little from its extreme terror, when, suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a cataract81 of successive flashes, behind me, seemed to throw on the ground in front of me, but far more faintly than before, from the extent of the source of the light, the shadow of the same horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung to yet wilder speed; but had not run many steps before my foot slipped, and, vainly attempting to recover myself, I fell at the foot of one of the large trees. Half-stunned, I yet raised myself, and almost involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the hand within three feet of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two large soft arms thrown round me from behind; and a voice like a woman’s said: “Do not fear the goblin; he dares not hurt you now.” With that, the hand was suddenly withdrawn82 as from a fire, and disappeared in the darkness and the rain. Overcome with the mingling83 of terror and joy, I lay for some time almost insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice above me, full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound of a gentle wind amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured over and over again: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a beech84-tree.” I found I was seated on the ground, leaning against a human form, and supported still by the arms around me, which I knew to be those of a woman who must be rather above the human size, and largely proportioned. I turned my head, but without moving otherwise, for I feared lest the arms should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat mournful eyes met mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I could see very little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and rainy shadow of the tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from its stillness; with the aspect of one who is quite content, but waiting for something. I saw my conjecture85 from her arms was correct: she was above the human scale throughout, but not greatly.
Two large soft arms were thrown around me from behind
“Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?” I said.
“Because I am one,” she replied, in the same low, musical, murmuring voice.
“You are a woman,” I returned.
“Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?”
“You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not know it?”
“I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman sometimes. I do so to-night — and always when the rain drips from my hair. For there is an old prophecy in our woods that one day we shall all be men and women like you. Do you know anything about it in your region? Shall I be very happy when I am a woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights like these that I feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that.”
I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all musical sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether women were happy or not. I knew one who had not been happy; and for my part, I had often longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed for the world of men. But then neither of us had lived long, and perhaps people grew happier as they grew older. Only I doubted it.
I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were still round me. She asked me how old I was.
“Twenty-one,” said I.
“Why, you baby!” said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss of winds and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss that revived my heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the dreadful Ash no more.
“What did the horrible Ash want with me?” I said.
“I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the foot of his tree. But he shall not touch you, my child.”
“Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?”
“Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures —(what horrid86 men they will make, if it be true!)— but this one has a hole in his heart that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is always trying to fill it up, but he cannot. That must be what he wanted you for. I wonder if he will ever be a man. If he is, I hope they will kill him.”
“How kind of you to save me from him!”
“I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But there are some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas87! I cannot protect you. Only if you see any of them very beautiful, try to walk round them.”
“What then?”
“I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair about you, and then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some off. You men have strange cutting things about you.”
She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms.
“I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame.”
“Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is wanted again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any use again — not till I am a woman.” And she sighed.
As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, dark hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had finished, she shuddered88 and breathed deep, as one does when an acute pain, steadfastly89 endured without sign of suffering, is at length relaxed. She then took the hair and tied it round me, singing a strange, sweet song, which I could not understand, but which left in me a feeling like this —
“I saw thee ne’er before;
I see thee never more;
But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one,
Have made thee mine, till all my years are done.”
I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me again, and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light wind that had arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a trance of still delight. It told me the secret of the woods, and the flowers, and the birds. At one time I felt as if I was wandering in childhood through sunny spring forests, over carpets of primroses90, anemones91, and little white starry92 things — I had almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful flowers at every turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer noon, with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered me, and received their last blessing93 in the sweet odours of decay; or, in a winter evening, frozen still, looked up, as I went home to a warm fireside, through the netted boughs94 and twigs95 to the cold, snowy moon, with her opal zone around her. At last I had fallen asleep; for I know nothing more that passed till I found myself lying under a superb beech-tree, in the clear light of the morning, just before sunrise. Around me was a girdle of fresh beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing with me out of Fairy Land, but memories — memories. The great boughs of the beech hung drooping around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, with its great sweeps of curving surface that swelled96 like undeveloped limbs. The leaves and branches above kept on the song which had sung me asleep; only now, to my mind, it sounded like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat a long time, unwilling97 to go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I must act and wander. With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as far as they would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said good-bye. A trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last drops of the night’s rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I walked slowly away, I seemed to hear in a whisper once more the words: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a beech-tree.”
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1
ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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illuminate
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| vt.照亮，照明；用灯光装饰；说明，阐释 | |
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tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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hue
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| n.色度；色调；样子 | |
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7
snails
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| n.蜗牛；迟钝的人；蜗牛( snail的名词复数 ) | |
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8
gnomes
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| n.矮子( gnome的名词复数 )；侏儒；（尤指金融市场上搞投机的）银行家；守护神 | |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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grimaces
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| n.（表蔑视、厌恶等）面部扭曲，鬼脸( grimace的名词复数 )v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的第三人称单数 ) | |
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spouted
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| adj.装有嘴的v.（指液体）喷出( spout的过去式和过去分词 )；滔滔不绝地讲；喋喋不休地说；喷水 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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beetles
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| n.甲虫( beetle的名词复数 ) | |
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beetle
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| n.甲虫，近视眼的人 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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espied
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| v.看到( espy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pounced
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| v.突然袭击( pounce的过去式和过去分词 )；猛扑；一眼看出；抓住机会（进行抨击） | |
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chronic
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| adj.(疾病)长期未愈的，慢性的；极坏的 | |
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chestnut
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| n.栗树，栗子 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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illuminated
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| adj.被照明的；受启迪的 | |
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thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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complexity
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| n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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twig
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| n.小树枝，嫩枝；v.理解 | |
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vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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mien
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| n.风采；态度 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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betokened
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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verging
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| 接近，逼近（verge的现在分词形式） | |
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diligently
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| ad.industriously;carefully | |
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eastward
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| adv.向东；adj.向东的；n.东方，东部 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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dame
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| n.女士 | |
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foe
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| n.敌人，仇敌 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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wade
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| v.跋涉，涉水；n.跋涉 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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48
receded
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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49
knotty
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| adj.有结的，多节的，多瘤的，棘手的 | |
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joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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stifling
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| a.令人窒息的 | |
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intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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extremities
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| n.端点( extremity的名词复数 )；尽头；手和足；极窘迫的境地 | |
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throbbed
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| 抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 )； （心脏、脉搏等）跳动 | |
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pulsatory
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| adj.脉动的，搏动的 | |
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alterations
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| n.改动( alteration的名词复数 )；更改；变化；改变 | |
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hideousness
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vampires
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| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
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corpse
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| n.尸体，死尸 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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fixedly
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| adv.固定地；不屈地，坚定不移地 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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voracity
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| n.贪食，贪婪 | |
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devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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devourer
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| 吞噬者 | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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growl
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| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
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firmament
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| n.苍穹；最高层 | |
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torrents
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| n.倾注；奔流( torrent的名词复数 )；急流；爆发；连续不断 | |
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drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cataract
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| n.大瀑布，奔流，洪水，白内障 | |
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withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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mingling
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| adj.混合的 | |
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beech
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| n.山毛榉；adj.山毛榉的 | |
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conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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steadfastly
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| adv.踏实地，不变地；岿然；坚定不渝 | |
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primroses
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| n.报春花( primrose的名词复数 )；淡黄色；追求享乐（招至恶果） | |
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anemones
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| n.银莲花( anemone的名词复数 )；海葵 | |
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starry
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| adj.星光照耀的, 闪亮的 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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boughs
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| 大树枝( bough的名词复数 ) | |
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twigs
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| 细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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