It was dusk in my room. I sat on the edge of the bed, chin in hands, staring at the inevitable1 companion of my solitude2. At my feet lay the scattered3 sheets of Alicia’s letter, scrawled4 over in a large, childish hand. The outside world was bright with an afterglow of the departed sun. But gray dusk was in my room.
“Just words,” repeated the face.
“Just words,” I said after him dully. Then, at a thought, I roused a trifle. “He won’t go through with it. Even Nils Berquist can’t be willing to die without a protest — and for such a crawling puppy as would let him do it.”
“He will die, but not entirely5 for your sake,” the presence retorted.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t guessed? Well, it is rather amusing from one viewpoint. Your friend is not only in jail; he’s in love!”
“Nils? Nonsense! Besides, if he were in love he would wish to live, not die!”
“That is the amusing part. He is willing to die, because of the love.”
“Some woman refused him, you mean?”
“No; the girl is not even aware of his feeling toward her. She would, I think, be shocked at the very thought. He has only spoken with her twice in his life. But from the first moment that he saw her face he has loved her. He has sat in the courtroom and watched her while the lawyers fought over his life, and to his peculiar6 nature — rather an amusingly peculiar nature, from our viewpoint — merely watching her so has seemed a privilege beyond price. He is willing to die, not for you, but to buy her happiness.”
“Who is this girl?” I asked hoarsely8, and speaking aloud as I still sometimes did with him.
“You should know.”
“Nils Berquist — in love — with Roberta?” I said slowly. “But that’s absurd. You are lying!”
“No. Every day, as you know, she was in that audience beyond the rail. For your sake. Because she knew how you cared for this man Berquist. She herself has a shrinking horror of the ‘red-handed murderer,’ but her devotion to you has served our purpose well. That first mere7 glimpse he had of her on the street — the hour at dinner in your house — these impressions might have somewhat paled in the stress of confronting so disgraceful a form of death. But in the courtroom he watched her face for hours every day, and each day bound our dear poet and dreamer tighter.”
“But-”
“He measures her love for you by his own for her. As you are his friend still, uncondemned and worthy9, he will buy your life for her.”
“He loves her — and would have her marry a murderer?”
“He believes as you have told him, and truly enough, that you were thrown off balance by some influence connected with Alicia and did not know what you, were doing. But it is rather amusing, as I said. He loves the girl for the goodness and purity of her beauty, and for her newly born sadness. You have tired of her for the same reasons, and plan to break the engagement. But he needn’t know that, eh?”
“Liar! I shall marry Roberta.”
“When? Never! No; you are entirely right. She is not the wife for you. With my help you can easily attract a better. I know at least one woman among your mother’s friends who is already devoted10 to you, and who has means to make not only you but your whole family happy and comfortable. I mean the blond widow, who owns the big house next to your old home. What is her name? Marcia Baird. Yes; she is the woman I refer to. Oh, I knew she’s over thirty, but think what she could give you. As for the girl, she knows your circumstances. Her love is selfish, or she would have released you before this.”
“You are lying, as you have lied in the past.”
“What have I said that proved untrue?”
“You have lied from the first. There was poor old Van. You said that his father would forgive him, and he didn’t.”
“Be fair. You misquote. I said that Van would not be ruined. With the enthusiastic despair of youth, he played hobo for a while. Then he went to work at the one thing be understood. He is a very industrious11 mechanic now in an automobile12 factory with good chances of a foremanship, and — except for grease — living cleaner than he ever did before. He was going the straight down road, but his sacrifice for you pulled him up. You will hear from him shortly. He doesn’t bear you any grudge13.”
“You promised to be my ally; to use your power as an influence to help.”
“I kept the promise. Has the least slur14 of suspicion fallen upon you? Is not every one your friend? Is there a man or woman living who hates or despises you? Are you not shielded and sheltered by the mantle15 of love, as I foretold16?”
“But you promised that Nils would be acquitted17.”
“Not acquitted. I said released. For such a spirit as his, this world is a prison. In real life, such as you and I prize, there is no contentment for him. Death will release him to that higher sphere where the idealist finds perfection, and the dreamer his dreams. Believe me, Nils Berquist could never be happy on earth. In speeding his departure, we are really his benefactors18 — you and I.”
The face beamed as though in serene19 joy for the good we had done together; but I hid my head in my arms, groaning20 for the shame of us both.
June 9 was coming. June 9.
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1
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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2
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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3
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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4
scrawled
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| 乱涂，潦草地写( scrawl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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5
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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6
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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7
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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8
hoarsely
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| adv.嘶哑地 | |
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9
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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10
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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11
industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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12
automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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13
grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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14
slur
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| v.含糊地说；诋毁；连唱；n.诋毁；含糊的发音 | |
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15
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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16
foretold
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| v.预言，预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17
acquitted
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| 宣判…无罪( acquit的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（自己）作出某种表现 | |
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18
benefactors
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| n.捐助者，施主( benefactor的名词复数 )；恩人 | |
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19
serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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20
groaning
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| adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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