How much there was to say! how much to ask! how much to answer! Even Mr. Dacre poured forth10 questions like a boy. But May: she could not speak, but leant forward in her chair with an eager ear, and a look of congratulation, that rewarded him for all his exertion11. Everything was to be told. How he went; whether he slept in the mail; where he went; what he did; whom he saw; what they said; what they thought; all must be answered. Then fresh exclamations12 of wonder, delight, and triumph. The Duke forgot everything but his love, and for three hours felt the happiest of men.
At length Mr. Dacre rose and looked at his watch with a shaking head. ‘I have a most important appointment,’ said he, ‘and I must gallop13 to keep it. God bless you, my dear St. James! I could stay talking with you for ever; but you must be utterly14 wearied. Now, my dear boy, go to bed.’
‘To bed!’ exclaimed the Duke. ‘Why, Tom Rawlins would laugh at you!’
‘And who is Tom Rawlins?’
‘Ah! I cannot tell you everything; but assuredly I am not going to bed.’
‘Well, May, I leave him to your care; but do not let him talk any more.’
‘Oh! sir,’ said the Duke, ‘I really had forgotten. I am the bearer to you, sir, of a letter from Mr. Arundel Dacre.’ He gave it him.
As Mr. Dacre read the communication, his countenance15 changed, and the smile which before was on his face, vanished. But whether he were displeased16, or only serious, it was impossible to ascertain17, although the Duke watched him narrowly. At length he said, ‘May! here is a letter from Arundel, in which you are much interested.’
‘Give it me, then, papa!’
‘No, my love; we must speak of this together. But I am pressed for time. When I come home. Remember.’ He quitted the room.
They were alone: the Duke began again talking, and Miss Dacre put her finger to her mouth, with a smile.
‘I assure you,’ said he, ‘I am not wearied. I slept at —— y, and the only thing I now want is a good walk. Let me be your companion this morning!’
‘I was thinking of paying nurse a visit. What say you?’
‘Oh! I am ready; anywhere.’
She ran for her bonnet18, and he kissed her handkerchief, which she left behind, and, I believe, everything else in the room which bore the slightest relation to her. And then the recollection of Arundel’s letter came over him, and his joy fled. When she returned, he was standing19 before the fire, gloomy and dull.
‘I fear you are tired,’ she said.
‘Not in the least.’
‘I shall never forgive myself if all this exertion make you ill.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because, although I will not tell papa, I am sure my nonsense is the cause of your having gone to London.’
‘It is probable; for you are the cause of all that does not disgrace me.’ He advanced, and was about to seize her hand; but the accursed miniature occurred to him, and he repressed his feelings, almost with a groan20. She, too, had turned away her head, and was busily engaged in tending a flower.
‘Because she has explicitly21 declared her feelings to me, and, sincere in that declaration, honours me by a friendship of which alone I am unworthy, am I to persecute23 her with my dishonoured24 overtures25 — the twice rejected? No, no!’
They took their way through the park, and he soon succeeded in reassuming the tone that befitted their situation. Traits of the debate, and the debaters, which newspapers cannot convey, and which he had not yet recounted; anecdotes26 of Annesley and their friends, and other gossip, were offered for her amusement. But if she were amused, she was not lively, but singularly, unusually silent. There was only one point on which she seemed interested, and that was his speech. When he was cheered, and who particularly cheered; who gathered round him, and what they said after the debate: on all these points she was most inquisitive27.
They rambled28 on: nurse was quite forgotten; and at length they found themselves in the beautiful valley, rendered more lovely by the ruins of the abbey. It was a place that the Duke could never forget, and which he ever avoided. He had never renewed his visit since he first gave vent29, among its reverend ruins, to his overcharged and most tumultuous heart.
They stood in silence before the holy pile with its vaulting30 arches and crumbling31 walls, mellowed32 by the mild lustre33 of the declining sun. Not two years had fled since here he first staggered after the breaking glimpses of self-knowledge, and struggled to call order from out the chaos34 of his mind. Not two years, and yet what a change had come over his existence! How diametrically opposite now were all his thoughts, and views, and feelings, to those which then controlled his fatal soul! How capable, as he firmly believed, was he now of discharging his duty to his Creator and his fellow-men! and yet the boon35 that ought to have been the reward for all this self-contest, the sweet seal that ought to have ratified36 this new contract of existence, was wanting.
‘Ah!’ he exclaimed aloud, and in a voice of anguish37, ‘ah! if I ne’er had left the walls of Dacre, how different might have been my lot!’
A gentle but involuntary pressure reminded him of the companion whom, for once in his life, he had for a moment forgotten.
‘I feel it is madness; I feel it is worse than madness; but must I yield without a struggle, and see my dark fate cover me without an effort? Oh! yes, here, even here, where I have wept over your contempt, even here, although I subject myself to renewed rejection38, let — let me tell you, before we part, how I adore you!’
She was silent; a strange courage came over his spirit; and, with a reckless boldness, and rapid voice, a misty39 sight, and total unconsciousness of all other existence, he resumed the words which had broken out, as if by inspiration.
‘I am not worthy22 of you. Who is? I was worthless. I did not know it. Have not I struggled to be pure? have not I sighed on my nightly pillow for your blessing40? Oh! could you read my heart (and sometimes, I think, you can read it, for indeed, with all its faults, it is without guile) I dare to hope that you would pity me. Since we first met, your image has not quitted my conscience for a second. When you thought me least worthy; when you thought me vile41, or mad, oh! by all that is sacred, I was the most miserable42 wretch43 that ever breathed, and flew to dissipation only for distraction44!
‘Not — not for a moment have I ceased to think you the best, the most beautiful, the most enchanting45 and endearing creature that ever graced our earth. Even when I first dared to whisper my insolent46 affection, believe me, even then, your presence controlled my spirit as no other woman had. I bent47 to you then in pride and power. The station that I could then offer you was not utterly unworthy of your perfection. I am now a beggar, or, worse, an insolvent48 noble, and dare I— dare I to ask you to share the fortunes that are broken, and the existence that is obscure?’
She turned; her arm fell over his shoulder; she buried her head in his breast.
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1
animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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2
converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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3
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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4
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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5
melodious
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| adj.旋律美妙的，调子优美的，音乐性的 | |
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6
intonations
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| n.语调，说话的抑扬顿挫( intonation的名词复数 )；（演奏或唱歌中的）音准 | |
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7
exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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8
shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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9
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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10
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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11
exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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12
exclamations
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| n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 )；感叹；感叹语；感叹词 | |
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13
gallop
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| v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔；飞速发展 | |
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14
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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15
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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16
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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17
ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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18
bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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19
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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20
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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21
explicitly
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| ad.明确地，显然地 | |
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22
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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23
persecute
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| vt.迫害，虐待；纠缠，骚扰 | |
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24
dishonoured
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| a.不光彩的，不名誉的 | |
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25
overtures
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| n.主动的表示，提议；（向某人做出的）友好表示、姿态或提议( overture的名词复数 )；（歌剧、芭蕾舞、音乐剧等的）序曲，前奏曲 | |
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26
anecdotes
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| n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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27
inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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28
rambled
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| （无目的地）漫游( ramble的过去式和过去分词 )； （喻）漫谈； 扯淡； 长篇大论 | |
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29
vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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30
vaulting
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| n.（天花板或屋顶的）拱形结构 | |
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31
crumbling
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| adj.摇摇欲坠的 | |
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32
mellowed
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| （使）成熟( mellow的过去式和过去分词 )； 使色彩更加柔和，使酒更加醇香 | |
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33
lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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34
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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35
boon
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| n.恩赐，恩物，恩惠 | |
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36
ratified
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| v.批准，签认（合约等）( ratify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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38
rejection
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| n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃 | |
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39
misty
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| adj.雾蒙蒙的，有雾的 | |
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40
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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41
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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42
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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43
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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44
distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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45
enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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46
insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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47
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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48
insolvent
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| adj.破产的，无偿还能力的 | |
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