On the evening of the same day Aaron and Rachel were alone in their house in Prince's Gate, which was soon to know them no more. Esther had taken an affectionate leave of them, and she and her father were travelling to Portsmouth. Esther was bright and cheerful, but Mr. Moss2's heart was heavy; he was older than Aaron, and confident as he was in speech he was not inwardly so courageous4 in the hour of adversity. Ordinarily, when he and his daughter were travelling together, his blithe5 spirits found vent6 in song; on this occasion, however, he was moody7 and silent. Esther looked at him in surprise, and asked what made him so melancholy8.
"When you reach my age," he replied, "I hope you will not discover that life is a dream."
The remark seemed to him rather fine and philosophical10, and afforded him some kind of melancholy satisfaction; but had he been asked to explain its precise meaning he would have found it difficult to do so.
"I hope I shall, father," said Esther, as she leant back and thought of her lover; "a happy dream."
"I am glad to get back to you and to our dear home," Rachel was saying to her husband at the same moment. "You must not send me away again. Indeed, dear Aaron, if you ever have such an intention I shall for once in my life be rebellious11, and shall refuse to go. I am happiest by your side."
She spoke12 tenderly and playfully, and held his hand in hers, as in the olden days.
"Nevertheless, my love, your short visit to the seaside has done you good."
"Yes, dear, I am almost well; I feel much stronger."
"There is the justification," said Aaron. "Neither am I happy away from you, but there are occasions when it is our duty to make sacrifices. This is the longest separation there has been between us in the twenty-six years of our married life."
"How time has flown!" she mused13. "Twenty-six years of peace and joy. It has always been the same, dear husband, whether we were poor or rich. I cannot recall a day in the past without its flower of dear remembrance which money could not purchase."
"You make my task easier, Rachel," said Aaron. "I have something to disclose to you."
"And it is not good news, love," she said, in a tone of much sweetness.
"It is not good news, Rachel. By what means have you divined that?"
"I see without eyes. In the early days of my blindness I used to tell you that I was acquiring new senses. It is true. Some accent in your voice, the touch of your hand, conveys the message to my mind, and I wait in patience, as I am waiting now. Aaron, my dear husband, I have known for some time past that you have a sorrow which one day you would ask me to share. How have I known it? I cannot tell, but it is clear to me. You have not had a joy in your life apart from me. It is my right, is it not, to share your sorrows?"
"It is your right, Rachel, and you shall share them. I have not been without my errors; once in the past my footsteps strayed, but in the straying I inflicted15 suffering upon no human being."
"Of that I am sure, my love. It is human to err14, but it is not in your nature to inflict16 suffering or commit an injustice17. I am not pressing you to confide3 in me before in your judgment18 the proper time arrives. Nothing can shake my faith and trust in you."
He regarded her in silence awhile. The turn the conversation had taken favoured the disclosure of his secret respecting Ruth, but he still feared to speak of that and of his ruin in the same hour. The latter was the more imperative19, because it demanded immediate20 action, and he nerved himself to the task.
"Your loving instinct, Rachel, has not misled you. For many years I have had a secret which I have concealed21 from you."
"Fearing to give me pain, dear husband?"
"Yes; and fearing that it would disturb the faith you have in me. I place so high a value upon it that my life would be dark indeed were I to lose it."
"That is impossible, dear. Banish22 the fear from your mind. Were the hands of all men raised against you I would stand before you as your shield, and they would not dare to strike. So long as we are together I am happy and content."
"Dear life of my life, you inspire me with hope. But it is not of this secret I must speak first. There is another trouble which has come upon me quite suddenly, and which demands immediate action. Rachel, for twenty years Heaven has showered prosperity upon me; not a venture I have made has failed, and many of my undertakings23 have succeeded far beyond my expectations. I have heard it said, 'Everything Aaron Cohen touches turns to gold.' It really has been so. I accumulated a large fortune, and--with humbleness24 I say it--no man, however high or low his station, was the loser by it. But a breath may destroy what the labours of a lifetime have created. If such a reverse has come to me, Rachel, how would you accept it?"
"Without murmuring, love," she said, drawing him close to her, and kissing his lips. "I should have but one regret--that I could not work for you as you have worked for me. But that, also, was God's will, and I have never repined. Who would presume to question His wisdom? His name be praised for ever and ever!"
"Amen. In our old home in Gosport you were happy."
"I have never been happier, Aaron. I have sometimes felt pride in your successes, but surely that is pardonable. Many and many a time have I thought of our early life and struggles with gratitude25, because of the love which sustained us and gave us strength. It is the most precious gift that life can bestow26. All else is nought27. It is our soul-life, and dies not with the body."
"You do not value money, Rachel?"
"For the good it may do to others, not for the good it can do to the possessor; for the suffering it may be made the means of relieving, for the blessings29 it may bring into the lives of the afflicted30 and unfortunate. Then it becomes God-like, and when so used the angels smile approval."
"Dear love, you lighten my burden. When I won you my life was blessed. Listen, Rachel. This is a dark day for many men who find themselves fallen from their high estate. Despair sits in many homes at this hour."
"But not in ours, Aaron, whatever has happened."
"Thank God! It is my happy belief that this hour is not dark for us. It was my intention, Rachel, to retire altogether from business and public life, and to that end I took advantage of your absence from London to settle my affairs. My resolution was prompted by the secret, the burden of which, although I have not yet disclosed it to you, you have made lighter31 for me to reveal. Brought to public knowledge, which I fear its peculiar32 nature will render inevitable33, it will be immediately said that I am unfitted to retain my position as a leader and teacher. To tarry until that judgment was pronounced upon me would be to aggravate34 the disaster, and I resolved to anticipate the verdict by resigning the honours which have been conferred upon me. I have done so, and I have withstood the pressure that has been put upon me to withdraw my resignation. An examination of my worldly affairs resulted in my finding myself in possession of nearly a hundred thousand pounds. I divided this into three portions, one of which I intended to retain in order that we might pass what years of life remained to us in comfort; the second portion I devoted35 to charity, and it has thus been distributed; the third portion was devoted to repairing to some extent the error of which I have been guilty."
He looked at Rachel after he uttered these words, which he had spoken with averted36 head. There was no change in her. Sweetness and sympathy were expressed in her beautiful face, and it seemed as if her soul's light dwelt thereon.
"Do you approve, Rachel?"
"Entirely37, love. Let me hold your hand."
He continued. "The money I intended for our private use was lodged38 in a City bank, and in this bank I hold shares for which I am liable to the depositors. Yesterday Mr. Moss brought me news of a commercial crisis in which I discerned----"
"Go on, dear husband. I am prepared for the worst."
"In which I discerned my ruin. This morning I convinced myself that the news was true."
"And we are poor again," said Rachel, in a gentle voice.
"And we are poor again. Everything is lost. I do not know the extent of my liabilities upon the shares I hold in the bank, but it is certain that my property--even down to the smallest possession--will scarcely be sufficient to meet them. I have nothing more to tell of my worldly trouble, Rachel."
"Dear love," said Rachel, sweetly, with her arms around him, "it is a small trouble, and we will meet it bravely. With all my heart and strength I will help you to meet it, and it will not make the future less happy. We cannot remain in this house; the expenses are too great."
"You echo my thought, Rachel. I have already discharged the servants, and have paid what is due to them. They expressed their sorrow, for I think they have an affection for us, but the separation is unavoidable. To-morrow they take their departure, and to-morrow, dear love, we must move into humbler quarters."
"I am content," said Rachel, "I am happy. We have each other. Do all the servants go--all?"
"No; one insists upon remaining. I could not convince her that it would be for her good to leave us."
"Prissy!" cried Rachel.
"Yes, Prissy, the foolish woman. With or without my consent she insists upon sharing our poverty."
"Dear, faithful Prissy! Do you remember the first night she came to us in Gosport? What changes there have been since that time! Let it be as she wishes, love; I know her constant, devoted nature. She will be a comfort to both of us."
"It shall be as you say, Rachel; a faithful heart like hers is a treasure."
Rachel paused before she spoke again, and Aaron, gazing upon her, held his breath, for he divined what was coming. She took his hand, and held it between her own.
"Kiss me, love," she said, her voice trembling from emotion. He pressed his lips to hers in silence. "I have been a great trouble to you, dear."
"You have been the blessing28 of my life, Rachel," he said in a low tone.
"Not only your love, dear, but the thought that you believed me worthy39 of your confidence, has brought great sweetness into mine. You have made me truly happy; and yet, dear husband, my heart is aching--not for myself, not because we are poor again, but for you, for you; for your heart, also, is charged with sorrow. We commence a new life to-morrow, and it affects not ourselves alone, but those who are dear to us. Let this night end your sorrows, and let me share them now, before I sleep. Aaron, not once have you mentioned the name of Ruth. Is it the thought of her that oppresses you? It oppresses me, too, and it is no new grief. For a long time past I have felt as if something had come between us, weakening the tie which should unite mother and child. If anything has been hidden from me which I should know, let it be hidden no longer. I am well, I am strong. Give me all your confidence. There is nothing I cannot bear for your dear sake."
He could not resist the appeal. In a voice as tremulous as her own he related the story of his sin. He recalled all the incidents of their life in Gosport, of the calamities40 which had trodden upon each others' heels, of the desperate state of poverty he was in when the fire occurred which deprived her of sight, of the birth of their child, of the doctor's words that Rachel's life depended upon the life of her babe and upon his taking her away to a warmer clime, of his giving her the sleeping draught41 and leaving her, wrapt in slumber42, to admit Mr. Moss who had come from Portsmouth charged with a startling commission, the acceptance of which would be the saving of Rachel, of his reluctance43 to accept the guardianship44 of a strange child, and of his requesting time to consider it. Here he faltered45; he stood, as it were, upon the threshold of his sin, and but for Rachel's tender urging he would have been unable to proceed.
"Dear love, dear love," she said, "my heart bleeds for you! Ah, how you must have suffered! Be strong, dear husband, and tell me all. I am prepared--indeed, indeed I am!"
In hushed and solemn tones he told her of the death of their offspring, of the desperate temptation that assailed46 him, of his yielding to it, of the transposition of the babes, and of his agony and joy as he watched her when she awoke and pressed the stranger to her breast.
"By my sin you were saved," he said.
"By your agony was I saved," she murmured, and still retained and fondled his hand while the tears ran down her face. But love was there in its divinest aspect, and tenderest pity; and thus fortified47, he continued to the end, and waited for the verdict that was to mar9 or make his future. He had not long to wait. Rachel held him close in her embrace, and mingled48 her tears with his.
"Can you forgive me, Rachel?"
"It is for me to bless, not to forgive," she sobbed49. "For me you strayed, for me you have suffered. Comfort his bruised50 heart, O all-merciful God, who sees and judges! And, Aaron, dear and honoured husband, we have still a son to bless our days!"
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1
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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2
moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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5
blithe
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| adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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7
moody
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| adj.心情不稳的，易怒的，喜怒无常的 | |
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8
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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9
mar
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| vt.破坏，毁坏，弄糟 | |
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philosophical
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| adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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12
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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13
mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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14
err
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| vi.犯错误，出差错 | |
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15
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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banish
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| vt.放逐，驱逐；消除，排除 | |
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undertakings
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| 企业( undertaking的名词复数 )； 保证； 殡仪业； 任务 | |
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humbleness
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| n.谦卑，谦逊；恭顺 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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nought
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| n.／adj.无，零 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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aggravate
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| vt.加重(剧)，使恶化；激怒，使恼火 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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lodged
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| v.存放( lodge的过去式和过去分词 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属 | |
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39
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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40
calamities
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| n.灾祸，灾难( calamity的名词复数 )；不幸之事 | |
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41
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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42
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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43
reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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44
guardianship
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| n. 监护, 保护, 守护 | |
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45
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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fortified
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| adj. 加强的 | |
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48
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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49
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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50
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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