But in order to justify14 my friend, he confessed, that this expedient15 was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country, when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court in joints16 from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at a play-house and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged17, diseased, or maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth18, and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, they are now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and consequently pine away from want of nourishment19, to a degree, that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen20 the number of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay at home and pay tithes21 against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly22, The poorer tenants23 will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress24, and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old, and upwards25, cannot be computed27 at less than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby28 encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely29 of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings sterling30 per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns31, where the vintners will certainly be so prudent32 as to procure33 the best receipts for dressing34 it to perfection; and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful35 cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive36 to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should soon see an honest emulation37 among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy38, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf39, or sow when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage40.
Many other advantages might be enumerated41. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel'd beef: the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat yearly child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other publick entertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute26 that Dublin would take off annually42 about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened43 in the kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients44: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly45 rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein46 of parsimony47, prudence48 and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions49, nor acting50 any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing51, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty52 and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur53 no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent54 upon my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, As things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for a hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round million of creatures in humane55 figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers, with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my overture57, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance58, with neither house nor cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable59 prospect60 of intailing the like, or greater miseries61, upon their breed for ever.
I profess56, in the sincerity62 of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive63 than the publick good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.
The End
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1
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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3
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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4
discoursing
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| 演说（discourse的现在分词形式） | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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6
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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7
deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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patriot
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| n.爱国者，爱国主义者 | |
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fatten
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| v.使肥，变肥 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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11
submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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scrupulous
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| adj.审慎的，小心翼翼的，完全的，纯粹的 | |
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13
censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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14
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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15
expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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filth
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| n.肮脏，污物，污秽；淫猥 | |
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nourishment
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| n.食物，营养品；营养情况 | |
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20
lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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21
tithes
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| n.（宗教捐税）什一税，什一的教区税，小部分( tithe的名词复数 ) | |
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secondly
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| adv.第二，其次 | |
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tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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26
compute
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| v./n.计算，估计 | |
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computed
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| adj.[医]计算的，使用计算机的v.计算，估算( compute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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taverns
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| n.小旅馆，客栈，酒馆( tavern的名词复数 ) | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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procure
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| vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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skilful
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| (=skillful)adj.灵巧的，熟练的 | |
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contrive
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| vt.谋划，策划；设法做到；设计，想出 | |
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emulation
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| n.竞争；仿效 | |
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pregnancy
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| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
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calf
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| n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮 | |
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40
miscarriage
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| n.失败，未达到预期的结果；流产 | |
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41
enumerated
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| v.列举，枚举，数( enumerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
annually
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| adv.一年一次，每年 | |
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43
lessened
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| 减少的，减弱的 | |
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44
expedients
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| n.应急有效的，权宜之计的( expedient的名词复数 ) | |
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45
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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46
vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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47
parsimony
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| n.过度节俭，吝啬 | |
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48
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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49
factions
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| 组织中的小派别，派系( faction的名词复数 ) | |
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50
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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51
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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52
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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53
incur
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| vt.招致，蒙受，遭遇 | |
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54
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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55
humane
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| adj.人道的，富有同情心的 | |
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56
profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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57
overture
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| n.前奏曲、序曲，提议，提案，初步交涉 | |
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58
sustenance
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| n.食物，粮食；生活资料；生计 | |
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59
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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60
prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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61
miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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62
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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63
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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