That match between the American Army and Navy teams was my first glimpse of a pastime that has captivated a continent. I can well understand its appeal to the modern temperament2; for it is more than a game: it is a sequence of studied, grotesque3 poses through which the players express all the zest4 of the New World. You should see Williams at the top of his pitch. You should see the sweep of Mimms' shoulders at the finish of a wild strike. You should see Fuller preparing to catch. What profusion5 of vorticist rhythms! With what ease and finish they were executed! I know of no keener pleasure than[Pg 177] that of watching a man do something that he fully6 knows how to do—whether it be Caruso singing, Maskelyne juggling7, Balfour making an impromptu8 speech, a doctor tending a patient, Brangwyn etching, an engineer at his engines, Pachmann at the piano, Inman at the billiard-table, a captain bringing his ship alongside, roadmen driving in a staple9, or Swanneck Rube pitching. Oh, pretty to watch, sir, pretty to watch! No hesitation10 here; no feeling his way towards a method; no fortuitous hair's-breadth triumph over the nice difficulty; but cold facility and swift, clear answers to the multiple demands of the situation. Oh, attaboy, Rube!
I was received in the Army's dressing-room by Mimms, their captain, who said he was mighty11 glad to know me, and would put me wise to anything in the game that had me beat. The whole thing had me beat. I was down and out before the Umpire had cried his first "Play Ball!" which he delivered as one syllable12: "Pl'barl!" The players in their hybrid13 costumes—a mixture of the jockey and the fencer—the catcher in his gas mask and stomach protector and gigantic mitt14, and the wild grace of the artists as they "warmed up," threw me into ecstasy15, and the[Pg 178] new thrill that I had sought so long surged over my jaded16 spirit.
Then the game began, and the rooting began. In past years I attended various Test Matches and a few football matches in Northern mining districts, when the players came in for a certain amount of barracking; but these affairs were church services compared with the furious abuse and hazing17 handed to any unfortunate who made an error. Such screams and eldritch noises I never thought to hear from the human voice. No Englishman could achieve them: his vocal18 cords are not made that way. There was, for example, an explosive, reverberating19 "Ah-h-h-h-h-h!" which I now practise in my backgarden in order to scare the sparrows from my early peas. But my attempts are no more like the real thing than Australian Burgundy is like wine. I can achieve the noise, but some subtle quality is ever lacking.
The whole scene was barbaric pandemonium21: the grandstand bristling22 with megaphones and tossing arms and dancing hats and demoniac faces offered a superb subject for an artist of the Nevinson or Nash school. A Chinese theatre is but a faint reflection of a ball game. I had never imagined that this hard, shell-covered, business[Pg 179] people could break into such a debauch23 of frenzy24. You should have heard the sedate25 Admiral Sims, when the Navy made a homer, with his: "Attaboy! Oh, attaway to play ball! Zaaaa. Zaaa. Zaaa!" and when his men made a wild throw he sure handed them theirs.
Here are a few of the phrases hurled26 at offending players:—
"Aw, well, well, well, well, well!"
"Ah, you pikers, where was you raised?"
"Hey, pitcher27, is this the ball game or a corner-lot game?"
"Say, bo, you can play ball—maybe."
"Hey, catcher, quit the diamond, and lemme li'l brudder teach yeh."
"Say, who's that at bat? What's the good of sending in a dead man?"
"Aw, dear, dear, dear! Gimme some barb20' wire. I wanter knit a sweater for the barnacle on second."
"Oh, watch this, watch this! He's a bad actor. Kill the bad actor!"
"More ivory—more ivory! Oh, boy, I love every bone in yer head."
"Get a step-ladder to it. Take orf that pitcher. He's pitching over a plate in heaven."
[Pg 180]
"Aw, you quitter. Oh. Oh. Oh. Bonehead, bonehead, bonehead. Ahhhh."
"Now show 'em where you live, boy. Let's have something with a bit of class to it."
"Give him the axe28, the axe, the axe."
"What's the matter with the man on third? 'Tisn't bed-time yet."
An everlasting29 chorus, with reference to the scoring-board, chanted like an anthem30:—
"Go-ing up! Go-ing up! Go-ing up!"
At the end of the game—the Navy's game all the way—the fury and abandon increased, though, during the game, it had not seemed possible that it could. But it did. And when, limp and worn, I shuffled31 out to Walham Green, and Mimms asked me whether the game had got me, I could only reply, with a diminuendo:—
"Well, well, well, well, well!"
I shall never again be able to watch with interest a cricket or football match; it would be like a tortoise-race after the ball game. Such speed and fury, such physical and mental zest, I had never before seen brought to the playing of a simple game. It might have been a life-or-death struggle, and the balls might have been[Pg 181] Mills bombs, and the bats rifles. If the Americans at play give any idea of their qualities at battle, then Heaven help the fresh guys who are up against them.
When the boys had dressed I joined up with a party of them, and we adjourned32 to the Clarendon; where one of us, a Chicago journalist, not trusting the delicacy33 of the bartender's hand, obtained permission to sling34 his own; and a Bronx was passed to each of us for necessary action. This made a fitting kick to the ball game, for a Bronx is concentrated essence of baseball; full of quips and tricks and sharp twists of flavour; inducing that gr-r-rand and ger-l-lorious feelin'. It took only two of these to make the journalist break into song, and he gave us some excellent numbers of American marching-songs. He started with the American "Tipperary," sung to an air of Sullivan's:—
Hail, hail, the gang's all here!
What th'ell do we care?
What th'ell do we care?
Hail, hail, the gang's all here,
So what th'ell do we care now?
Then "Happy-land":—
I wish I was in Happy-land,
Where rivers of beer abound35;
[Pg 182]With sloe-gin rickies hanging on the trees
And high-balls rolling on the ground.
What?
High-balls rolling on the ground?
Sure!
High-balls rolling on the ground.
Then the anthem of the "dry" States:—
Nobody knows how dry I am,
How dry I am,
How dry I am,
You don't know how dry I am,
How dry I am,
How dry I am.
Nobody knows how dry I am,
And nobody cares a damn.
After this service of song, brief, bright and brotherly, we moved slowly Eastward36, and in Kensington Gardens I learned something about college yells. For suddenly, without warning, one of the party bent37 forward, with arms outstretched, and yelled the following at a pensive38 sheep:—
"Alle ge reu, ge reu, ge reu. War-who-bar-za. Hi ix, hi ip; hi capica, doma nica. Hong pong. Lita pica. Halleka, balakah, ba."
At first I conjectured39 that the Bronx was running its course, but when he had spoken his piece the rest of the gang let themselves go, and I then[Pg 183] understood that we were having a round of college yells. Respectable strangers might have mistaken the performance for the war march of the priests, or the entry of the gladiators, or the battle-song of the hairy Ainus; for such monstrous40 perversions41 of sense and sound surely have never before disturbed the serenity42 of the Gardens.
I understand that the essential of a good college yell is that it be utterly43 meaningless, barbaric and larynx-racking. It should seem to be the work of some philologist44 who had suddenly gone mad under the strain of his studies and had attempted to converse45 with an aborigine. I think Augustana's yell pretty well fills that condition:—
"Rocky-eye, rocky-eye. Zip, zum, zie. Shingerata, shingerata, bim, bum46, bie. Zip-zum, zip-zum, rah, rah, rah. Karaborra, karaborra, Augus-tana."
At the conclusion of this choral service we caught a bus to Piccadilly Circus and I left them at the Tube entrance singing "Bob up serenely," and went home to dream of the ball game and of millions of fans screaming abstruse47 advice into my deaf ear.
Oh, attaboy!
* * * * *
[Pg 184]
Since that merry meeting I have had many opportunities of getting next to the American Army and Navy, and hearing their views of us and British views of them, and the experience has done me a lot of good. Until then, the only Americans I had met were the leisured, over-moneyed tourists, mostly disagreeable, and, as I have found since, by no means representative of their country. You know them. They came to England in the autumn, and stayed at opulent hotels, and made a lot of noise around ancient shrines48, and sent local prices sky-rocketing wherever they stayed, and threw their weight and fifty-dollar tips about, and "Say'd" and "My'd" and "Gee'd" up and down the Strand49; that kind of American. These people did their country a lot of harm, because I and thousands of other people received them as Americans and disliked them; just as wealthy trippers to and from other countries leave bad impressions of their people. I made up my mind on America from my meetings with these parvenus50. I had forgotten that the best and typical people of a country are the hard-working, stay-at-home people, whose labours just enable them to feed and clothe their children and provide nothing for gadding51 about to other[Pg 185] countries. To-day, the solid middle-class people of England and America are meeting and mixing, and all political history is washed out by the waters of social intercourse52 between them. High officials and diplomats53 are for ever telling one another over official luncheon54 tables that the friendship of this and that nation is sealed, but such remarks are valueless until the common people of either country have met and made their own decision; and the cost of living does not permit such meetings. Thus we have wars and unholy alliances. If only the common people of all countries could meet and exchange views in a common language, without the prejudice inspired by Press and politician, international amity55 would be for ever established, as Anglo-American amity is now established by the free-and-easy meeting of hard-working, middle-class Americans and the same social type of Englishman.
After meeting hundreds of Americans of a class and position similar to my own, I have changed all my views of America. We have everything in common and nothing to differ about. I don't care a damn on whose side was right or wrong in 1773. I have taken the boys round London. I have played their games. I have[Pg 186] eaten their food. I have talked their slang and taught them mine. They have eaten my food, and we have sported joyfully56 together, and discussed music and books and theatres, and amiably57 amused ourselves at the expense of each other's social institutions and ceremonies. As they are guests in England, I have played host, and, among other entertainment that I have offered, I have been able to give them what they most needed; namely, evenings and odd hours in real middle-class English homes, where they could see an Englishwoman pour out tea and see an English baby put to bed. I found that they were sick of the solemn "functions" arranged for their entertainment. They didn't want high-brow receptions or musical entertainments in Mayfair. They preferred the spontaneous entertainment arising from a casual encounter in the street, as by asking the way to this or that place, leading to an invitation to a suburban58 home and a suburban meal. From such a visit they get an insight into our ways, our ideals, our outlook on life, better than they ever could from a Pall59 Mall club or a Government official's drawing-room. They get the real thing, which is something to write home about. In the "arranged" affairs they are[Pg 187] "guests"; in the others, they are treated with the rude, haphazard60 fellowship which we extend to friends.
In these troubled days there is little room for the exercise of the graces of life. Our ears are deaf to the gentle voice of urbanity. The delicacies61 of intercourse have been trodden underfoot, and lie withered62 and broken. Even the quality of mercy has been standardized63 and put into uniform. Throughout the world to-day, everything is organized, and to organize a beautiful movement or emotion is to brutalize it: while lubricating its mechanism64 you ossify65 its soul. Thank God, there is still left a little spontaneity. Human impulse may be bruised66 and broken, but it is a fiery67 thing, and hard to train to harness or to destroy; and I can assure you that the Americans are grateful for it wherever it finds expression.
One evening, just before curfew—it was night according to the Government, but the sky said quite clearly that it was evening—I was standing68 at my favourite coffee-stall near King's Cross, eating hard-boiled eggs and drinking introspective coffee, and chatting with the boss on the joy of life.
[Pg 188]
"Met any of the Americans?" I asked, anxious to get his opinion of them.
"Met any? Crowds of 'em."
"What do you think of 'em?"
"Oh, I dunno. Bit of a change after all these other foreigners. 'Strewth—d'yeh know, when a Cockney like yesself comes along to the stall I feel like dropping down dead—'strewth, I do. Never get none o' the usual 'appy crowd along now," he went on, mopping the sloppy69 counter.
"But how do the Americans strike you?"
"The Americans? Well...." He folded his arms, which with him is the flourish preliminary to an oration70. Here is his opinion, which I think sums up the American character pretty aptly:—
"The Americans. Well, nice, likeable fellers I've alwis found 'em. Don't 'alf make for my stall when they come out o' the station. Like it better, they say, than Lady Dardy Dinkum's canteen inside. And eat.... Fair clear me out every time they come. I get on with 'em top-'ole. There's something about 'em—I dunno what, some kind o' kiddishness—but not that exac'ly—a sort of——"
[Pg 189]
"Fresh delight in simple things," I suggested, drawing on my Pelmanized Bartlett.
"That's jest it. Mad about London, y'know. Why, I bin71 in London yers an' yers, and it don't worry me. Wants to know which is the oldest building in London, and where that bloke put 'is cloak in the mud for some Queen, an' where Cromwell was executed, and 'ow many generals is buried in Westminster Abbey. 'Ow should I know anything about Westminster Abbey? I live in Camden Town. I got me business t'attend to.
"There's a friend of mine, Mr. 'Ankin, the gentleman what takes the tickets at Baker72 Street—'e met two of 'em t'other day. Navy boys—from the country, I should think. D'you know, they spent the 'ole mornin' ridin' up and down the movin' staircase—yerce, and would 'ave spent the afternoon, too, on'y one of 'em tried to run up the staircase what was comin' down an'.... Well, I dessay it was good practice for 'em, but, as Mr. 'Ankin told 'em, it's safer to monkey with a U-boat than with a movin' staircase. And anyway, 'e'll be out of hospital before 'is ship's moved.
[Pg 190]
"Yerce, I like the Americans—what I've seen of 'em. No swank about 'em, y'know—officers an' men, just alike, all pals73 together. Confidence. That's what they got. Talks to yeh matey-like—know what I mean—man to man kind o' thing. Funny the way they looks at England, though. I s'pose they seen it on the map and it looked smallish. One feller come round the stall t'other night, an' 'e'd got two days' leave an' thought 'e could do Stratford-on-Avon, Salisbury Cathedral, Chester, Brighton, Edinburgh Castle, an' the spot o' blood where that American gel, Marry Queener Scots, murdered 'er boy—all in two days. 'Ustle, I believe they calls it over there. So I told 'im to start 'ustlin' right away, else, when 'e got back, 'e'd find 'imself waiting on the carpet, waiting for the good old C.B. Likeable boys, though. 'Ere's to 'em. No, I'll 'ave a ginger-ale. I don't drink me own coffee—not when I'm drinkin' anyone's 'ealth, like. Well, Attaboy, as they say over there."
The End
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1
sonnet
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| n.十四行诗 | |
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2
temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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3
grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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5
profusion
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| n.挥霍；丰富 | |
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6
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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7
juggling
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| n. 欺骗, 杂耍(=jugglery) adj. 欺骗的, 欺诈的 动词juggle的现在分词 | |
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impromptu
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| adj.即席的，即兴的；adv.即兴的(地)，无准备的(地) | |
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9
staple
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| n.主要产物，常用品，主要要素，原料，订书钉，钩环；adj.主要的，重要的；vt.分类 | |
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10
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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11
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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13
hybrid
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| n.(动，植）杂种，混合物 | |
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14
mitt
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| n.棒球手套，拳击手套，无指手套；vt.铐住，握手 | |
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15
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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jaded
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| adj.精疲力竭的；厌倦的；（因过饱或过多而）腻烦的；迟钝的 | |
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17
hazing
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| n.受辱，被欺侮v.（使）笼罩在薄雾中( haze的现在分词 )；戏弄，欺凌（新生等，有时作为加入美国大学生联谊会的条件） | |
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18
vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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19
reverberating
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| 回响，回荡( reverberate的现在分词 )； 使反响，使回荡，使反射 | |
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barb
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| n.（鱼钩等的）倒钩，倒刺 | |
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21
pandemonium
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| n.喧嚣，大混乱 | |
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22
bristling
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| a.竖立的 | |
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debauch
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| v.使堕落，放纵 | |
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24
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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25
sedate
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| adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的 | |
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26
hurled
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| v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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27
pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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28
axe
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| n.斧子；v.用斧头砍，削减 | |
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29
everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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30
anthem
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| n.圣歌，赞美诗，颂歌 | |
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31
shuffled
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| v.洗（纸牌）( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 )；拖着脚步走；粗心地做；摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
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adjourned
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| （使）休会， （使）休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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34
sling
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| vt.扔；悬挂；n.挂带；吊索，吊兜；弹弓 | |
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35
abound
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| vi.大量存在；(in，with)充满，富于 | |
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eastward
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| adv.向东；adj.向东的；n.东方，东部 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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pensive
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| a.沉思的,哀思的,忧沉的 | |
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conjectured
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| 推测，猜测，猜想( conjecture的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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perversions
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| n.歪曲( perversion的名词复数 )；变坏；变态心理 | |
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42
serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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44
philologist
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| n.语言学者，文献学者 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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bum
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| n.臀部；流浪汉，乞丐；vt.乞求，乞讨 | |
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abstruse
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| adj.深奥的，难解的 | |
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shrines
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| 圣地，圣坛，神圣场所( shrine的名词复数 ) | |
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strand
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| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
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parvenus
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| n.暴富者( parvenu的名词复数 )；暴发户；新贵；傲慢自负的人 | |
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51
gadding
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| n.叮搔症adj.蔓生的v.闲逛( gad的现在分词 )；游荡；找乐子；用铁棒刺 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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53
diplomats
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| n.外交官( diplomat的名词复数 )；有手腕的人，善于交际的人 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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55
amity
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| n.友好关系 | |
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joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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amiably
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| adv.和蔼可亲地，亲切地 | |
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suburban
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| adj.城郊的，在郊区的 | |
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pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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haphazard
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| adj.无计划的，随意的，杂乱无章的 | |
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delicacies
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| n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到 | |
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62
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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63
standardized
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| adj.标准化的 | |
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mechanism
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| n.机械装置；机构，结构 | |
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65
ossify
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| v.硬化，骨化 | |
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66
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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67
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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68
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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69
sloppy
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| adj.邋遢的，不整洁的 | |
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oration
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| n.演说，致辞，叙述法 | |
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71
bin
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| n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件 | |
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72
baker
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| n.面包师 | |
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pals
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| n.朋友( pal的名词复数 )；老兄；小子；（对男子的不友好的称呼）家伙 | |
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