This story draws to an end for several reasons: first, there is no great affinity3 between schoolboys, for whom it professes4 to be written, and volumes seventy-nine chapters in length; secondly5, if the reader is not tired of it, the writer[391] begins to be; thirdly, a story dies a natural death as soon as its writer unriddles, or attempts to unriddle, its mysteries; fourthly (and this is perhaps the strongest reason of all), there is nothing more to be written.
If there are other reasons why the story should be brought to an end, they concern the writer, not the reader, and therefore need not be specified6. But in case the reader should care to hear what became of those boys, the writer graciously spins out a few pages more.
Naturally they married, observes the reader who is familiar with works of fiction. Certainly; every one of them married.
Marmaduke fell desperately7 in love; and, as was evinced when he rescued Sauterelle, he was a man who could love passionately8 and for ever. He married the object of his choice, of course. By the way, she was actually a French heiress—at least, her papa was a Frenchman teaching French in one of our colleges, and on the wedding-day he gave her the magnificent dowry of five hundred dollars, the accumulated savings9 of very many years.
Charles married the young lady referred to incidentally in the last chapter. All the heroes were present at his wedding; and their enthusiasm ran so high that they clubbed together, and bought the happy pair a marvel10 of a clock, that indicated not only the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and centuries, but was furnished, also, with a brass11 band,—which thundered forth12 “Yankee Doodle,” “Hail Columbia,” and “Home, Sweet Home,”—a regiment13 of well-dressed negroes, an ear-piercing gong, and “all the latest improvements.”
Charles and his pretty little wife tolerated this nuisance exactly three days, and then the former proposed the following resolution: “That clock runs just one year after being wound, and the boys wound it up tight when they brought it here and set it up. If we let it alone till it runs down, we shall be as mad as the man that made it. I used to delight in “Yankee Doodle,” but now I abominate14 it! We can keep the handsomest darkey in remembrance of the boys’ mistaken kindness,—rather,[392] in remembrance of the horrible fate they prepared for us,—but the clock’s doom15 is sealed. I will immolate16 it this very evening; and the street boys may make off with its broken remains17.”
It is hardly worth while to go on and describe the wedding-feast of each of the heroes. Turn to the last page of any novel whatsoever18, and you will find an account quite as applicable to this case as to the original of a hero’s marriage.
Will continues to commit his ridiculous blunders as of yore; but they are not quite so ridiculous as those narrated19 in this tale, for he has learned to keep a strict watch over himself. But, notwithstanding that, notwithstanding his bumps, notwithstanding that he is now a man, he will occasionally unstring the nerves of some weak-headed person by an unseemly act.
Stephen still takes delight in playing off his practical jokes. He often gets into trouble by this means, but it is not in his nature to profit by experience.
George is a man, wise and learned in his own estimation. He sends scientific treatises20 to the leading journals sometimes, but, alas21! it generally results in their being declined. But George does not value time and postage-stamps so highly as he should, consequently he still persists in harassing22 the editors with his manuscripts. He is very dispassionate in his choice of subjects, writing with equal impartiality23 and enthusiasm about astronomy, geology, philosophy, a?ronautics, and philology24. Probably that is the reason why he does not succeed. If he should take up a single science and devote all his energies to it, his name might eventually become known to every school-boy in the land.
The less said about Timor, the better. Any boy who will attempt to hide from a June thunder-storm by skulking25 under his bed, can never become a man. He may grow up to man’s estate, doubtless; but he will be nothing but a big, overgrown coward.
Bear this in mind, O parent; and if you should ever catch your little son skulking in the aforementioned place while the lightning is playing over the vault26 of[393] heaven, fall on him, drag him out by the coat-collar, and hoist27 him on the gate-post, that he may see how beautiful and marvellous the lightning is.
Henry is a man, in every sense of the word. He has a good head for business, and in a few years will, in all probability, become a rich man—which, in good romances, is the main point.
Marmaduke never became a poet, as Steve fondly prophesied28. But he is probably the most orthodox antiquary in the United States. He may safely be consulted on whatever relates to antiquities29, as his information is unlimited30, and his home one great museum of curiosities and monstrosities. To be sure, there are some hideous31 and repulsive32 objects in his cabinets—objects which a child would shudder33 to pass in broad daylight—but his home is the resort of profound, but absent-minded and whimsical, antiquaries from all parts. He and his wife live a quiet and happy life, pitied contemptuously by the ignorant, but honored and respected by those who know them best. He is not so romantic as formerly34, his experience with “Sauterelle” having shaken his faith in romance and mystery so much that he afterwards transferred his attention to antiquities, leaving romance and mystery for the novelists and detectives to deal with. He is undeniably a genius, and, much to Steve’s joy, a thorough American.
Reader, it is utterly35 impossible for the writer to inform you of the occupation of all the others—in fact, he is not morally certain that he did right in making an antiquary of Marmaduke. Take the matter into your own hands, and think in what business those boys would succeed best. If you can tell, good—very good; the writer is spared the trouble.
Therefore: Each reader is at liberty to make what he pleases of Will, Charles, George, Stephen, Jim, and Henry. There is, however, this proviso: Do not think of Charles as an ambassador to Persia; of Steve, as the “proprietor” of a pea-nut stand; of Jim, as a reader of ghost-stories at midnight. Do not think of one of them as a future candidate for the presidency36.
[394]
Something has been said of Steve’s calligraphic propensities37. But he never made his fortune with his pencil; he did little more than while away an idle hour.
“Ah,” sighs the conscientious38 reader, “were those boys not reformed? Did the faults of their boyhood cling to them in their manhood?”
Yes; they clung to them. It was originally the intention to reform them, one and all; but insurmountable difficulties lay in the way. In the first place, nothing short of a frightful39, perhaps fatal, catastrophe40 could have a lasting41 effect on them; and it is unpleasant to deal with catastrophes42. Consequently, they are suffered to live on, their ways not amended43. But the writer is as grieved at their follies44, or faults, as you are, gentle reader.
After a careful and critical perusal45 of this composition,—which the writer is conceited46 enough boldly to call “tale,” “story,” and “history,” and indirectly47 to call “romance” and “novel,”—the reader may inquire, vaguely48: “Who is supposed to be the hero of it, anyway?”
The writer does not resent this as an insult, but replies calmly that he does not know. In the beginning, it was designed that Will should be the hero-in-chief, but it soon became manifest that that was a mistaken idea. Will is, at best, a shabby hero, not half so noble as the gamins in the fable49, who stopped stoning the frogs when the frogs reasoned them out of it.
In point of religion, Will is probably the best of all, though each one is sound in his belief. George does not permit his scientific hobbies to shake his faith in God or man; and if the reader imagines he detects profane50 levity51 in the course of this book, he is mistaken, for nothing of the sort is intended.
We do not inform possible inquirers what church these worthies52 attended, or whether each one attended a different church. We do not disclose with which political party they sided, but it may be taken for granted that they were not all Republicans nor all Democrats53.
There is a motive54 for this reticence—a very base and significant motive. That motive is—policy!
[395]
To return to Will. He endeavored to live up to the precept55 enforced in the following lines:
“So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan56, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber57 in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged58 to his dungeon59, but, sustained and soothed60
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.”
The disgusted reader, if he has persevered61 to the end, tumbles this volume into an out-of-the-way corner, fetches a yawn of intense relief, and mutters, “Good-bye to that self-styled writer, with his Wegotism and his ‘demoralized’ heroes, who are always ‘chuckling’ over their atrocities62; and who are a set of noodles, anyway; always quaking with fear, overwhelmed with consternation63, or shuddering64 with horror—and all for nothing.”
The End
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1
trepidation
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| n.惊恐，惶恐 | |
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surmounted
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| 战胜( surmount的过去式和过去分词 )； 克服（困难）； 居于…之上； 在…顶上 | |
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affinity
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| n.亲和力，密切关系 | |
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professes
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| 声称( profess的第三人称单数 )； 宣称； 公开表明； 信奉 | |
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secondly
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| adv.第二，其次 | |
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specified
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| adj.特定的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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savings
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| n.存款，储蓄 | |
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marvel
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| vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事 | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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12
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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abominate
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| v.憎恨，厌恶 | |
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15
doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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immolate
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| v.牺牲 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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18
whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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19
narrated
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| v.故事( narrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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treatises
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| n.专题著作，专题论文，专著( treatise的名词复数 ) | |
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21
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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22
harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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23
impartiality
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| n. 公平, 无私, 不偏 | |
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24
philology
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| n.语言学；语文学 | |
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25
skulking
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| v.潜伏，偷偷摸摸地走动，鬼鬼祟祟地活动( skulk的现在分词 ) | |
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26
vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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hoist
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| n.升高，起重机，推动；v.升起，升高，举起 | |
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28
prophesied
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| v.预告，预言( prophesy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29
antiquities
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| n.古老( antiquity的名词复数 )；古迹；古人们；古代的风俗习惯 | |
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30
unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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31
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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34
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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presidency
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| n.总统(校长，总经理)的职位(任期) | |
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37
propensities
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| n.倾向，习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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38
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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40
catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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42
catastrophes
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| n.灾祸( catastrophe的名词复数 )；灾难；不幸事件；困难 | |
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43
Amended
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| adj. 修正的 动词amend的过去式和过去分词 | |
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44
follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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45
perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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46
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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47
indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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48
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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49
fable
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| n.寓言；童话；神话 | |
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50
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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51
levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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52
worthies
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| 应得某事物( worthy的名词复数 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征 | |
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53
democrats
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| n.民主主义者，民主人士( democrat的名词复数 ) | |
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54
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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55
precept
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| n.戒律；格言 | |
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56
caravan
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| n.大蓬车；活动房屋 | |
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57
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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58
scourged
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| 鞭打( scourge的过去式和过去分词 )； 惩罚，压迫 | |
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59
dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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60
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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61
persevered
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| v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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62
atrocities
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| n.邪恶，暴行( atrocity的名词复数 )；滔天大罪 | |
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63
consternation
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| n.大为吃惊，惊骇 | |
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64
shuddering
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| v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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