“Guy—why Guy diced1 and drabbed and ruffled2 away his inheritance, and to save his neck took shipping3 for the tobacco plantations4 where, they say, he married a daughter of Lo, the poor Indian, and none hath since heard of him.”
This is the kind of talk that one could hear in the clubs of London a matter of, say, two hundred and fifty years ago. In plain terms, Guy, poor devil, being a wastrel5,—and a broken wastrel at that—had betaken himself to America, there probably to found one of the “fine old Virginia families” of which American writers, and particularly American fictional7 writers, are so prone8 to babble9.
America, of course, was really started not by the Indians or Columbus, but by the Pilgrim Fathers, assisted and backed up by several cargoes10 of blue-brained and cleverblooded spirits from the British Isles11, whose minds were full of theology and whose souls were full of tea. I shall be told that it is unkind of me to make such remarks.
But, quite apart from all questions of[8] kindness, it is desirable that you know something of the antecedents of a man before you set about a proper estimate of him. If you wish to understand him thoroughly12, you must never let sleeping dogs lie nor allow bygones to be bygones. It is notorious that the average frantic13 Fourth of July American is an adept14 at showing the best side of himself and his institutions to an admiring world. If you are to believe him the first American was Christopher Columbus, whose name in this connection I had hoped not to mention. But Don Columbus made the mistake of “discovering America.” For the accomplishment15 of this feat16 the Americans bestow17 upon his memory unqualified p?ans. Really, of course, the fact that Columbus steered18 his leaky lugger desperately19 for Coney Island and Long Branch, when he had the rest of the world—including China and Gozo—before him where to choose, proves that so far from being a hero and a man of genius, he was a dull and evilly disposed person.
According to the bumptious20, khaki-tinted gentleman from Indiana too, the Pilgrim Fathers already referred to were high-minded, blameless, and entirely21 disinterested22 saints, incapable23 of hurting a fly or causing butter to melt north of the colour line. They “inaugurated[9] America for conscience sake, sir, and you can bet your pile that I am proud to have them for ancestors.” In which connection I shall pass no rude observation, contenting myself rather with the hint that the reader who wishes to acquaint himself with the true inwardness of the Pilgrim Fathers and their doings in America should look up some of the serious literature on the subject. The Americans, be it noted24, read that literature very privately25, and neither in the basket nor in the store.
I might proceed indefinitely on these lines of disillusion26 for Master Phineas B. Flubdub; but as it is not my particular business to amuse him inordinately27, I shall desist.
In Europe, or at any rate in England, there is a disposition28 on the part of the sandblind to look upon the United States and the people who dwell in them with an eye of amused wonderment, as well as admiration29. For reasons that are not difficult to appreciate America has never been taken quite seriously by the superior European. In spite of all her boasting and shouting, in spite of her e-normous population and her equally e-normous wealth, in spite of the fact that there is a U.S. Army and a U.S. Navy that can lick creation, and that the U.S. also boasts of a reeking,[10] shrieking30 press, together with the most gaudy31 and scintillating32 “Courts of Justice” that ever delighted civilisation33, no person in Europe believes in the back of his mind that the land of hustle34 and bluff35 is a nation of any weight where nations count, or that she is capable of exercising the smallest direct or indirect influence upon the manners, customs, tendencies, or destiny of haughty36 feudal37 Europe.
The Americans are hot stuff. They go in for cut-throat finance and lime-light lynchings, their swindles are beautiful, their fortunes colossal38, and their corruption39 is picturesque40. They have a wonderful country. It is theirs and not ours, and they are welcome to do as they like in it. They can never hurt us. Knowing this, the Englishman sleeps snugly41 of nights, and when he meets a “Yank” in London or on the Riviera or in Paris, he smiles to himself, professes42 to be tickled43, tolerates him if there be occasion for it, grapples him to his bosom44 with hooks of steel if there is money in it, and parts from him pretty much in the mood of a man who has been inspecting a new motor car.
And, truth to tell, in the guileless, sight-seeing, rush-about American whom the Englishman encounters on his own midden, there does not appear to be anything[11] which is either very outrageous45 or very formidable. All you see of him is a somewhat undersized, loosely built human biped, with a fat jowl, straight hair, a nobby suit, a little round white or brown felt hat—and a guide-book. Of course, there is also the smart swagger American, accompanied by a feminine entourage of peaches and dreams. But usually your man from Yankeeland has with him a plain, up-and-down, sad sort of woman who might have stepped out of Noah’s ark—and that is the end of it. When he engages you in conversation, which he commonly insists upon doing, he blows foolishly about his own Country, admits that yours “hez the bulge46 in antiques,” says that he is glad that he came over, and sticking out his finger in the direction of the woman, remarks: “This is Mrs. Sarah B. Gazabo, my wife.” The real “insides” of the man never strike you, partly because you are busy loathing47 his accent and admiring his ginger48, and partly because he has left his vital concerns, his private essence and sheer Americanisms “way back to hum.” All Americans imported for us by Thos. Cook & Son and his imitators are of this order. For them England is a place in which to tread softly and speak low, or at any rate as low as possible. They visit us in the same spirit that a prize-fighter[12] might visit a cemetery49, and though the casual observer would scarcely suspect it, their intention is to be subdued50, sober, decorous, and civil.
Eight times out of nine the American is a fine specimen51 of a manly52 man, but it is the ninth that is such a wonder. We, the obtuse53 and effete54 people of Great Britain, now and again wake up suddenly to the circumstance that we have been the victims of an American invasion. Such a ghastly conviction may at any moment overtake the best of us, for no class of society knows whose turn is likely to be next. There was an American invasion of the turf a year or two back, and English sport is sore and poor about it to this day. There have been sundry55 social invasions which those most directly concerned find it difficult to forget, and at the present moment we are in the thick of a theatrical56 invasion which is not doing us an appreciable57 amount of good. The fact of these invasions and of their always unpleasant consequences so far as the invaded are involved is, in my judgment58, a fact of the most serious import to Englishmen.
I shall for a moment drop the American as he seems to be, and regard him as he actually is. What can one record of him that is to his credit? Imprimus: He[13] has devoted59 three hundred years more or less to the frantic and bloodthirsty pursuit of the Almighty60 Dollar. Item: During those three hundred years more or less he has done absolutely nothing but pursue dollars. Item: He is still pursuing them. Item: But he makes the best husband in the world, and places woman in the high place to which she is so amply entitled. I will put so much to the credit side, though I make no doubt that there are people in the world who will find themselves unable to commend me for doing it.
Now for the obverse or discredit61 side. I shall ask you to note:
(1) That the Americans are the only nation who are ruled by a bureaucracy of millionaires and at the same time croon themselves into a state of vacuous62 coma63 to the touching64 strains of “vox populi, vox dei!”
(2) That they are the originators of the yelling yellow press, the pioneers of the New Humour and the apostles of the New Pathos65.
(3) That they are the only civilised people who make a point of exporting the finest specimens66 of their womankind to foreign countries, included[14] in a consignment67 of cold dollars calculated pro6 rata with the antiquity68, decay and general worthlessness of the name which the former take in exchange.
(4) That having inherited, borrowed or stolen a beautiful language, they wilfully69 and of set purpose degrade, distort and misspell it apparently70 for the sole purpose of saving money in type-setting.
(5) That out of twenty-six Presidents of the United States, three have met death at the hands of the assassin.[1]
(6) That having by sheer accident or because of the care and forethought, which Providence71 has for fools, become possessed72 of a President who is a man among men and a ninety horse-power statesman with direct drive on all speeds, they allow him to be handicapped by a spectacular gang of undesirable73 citizens.
(7) That they consider no function, public or private, sacred or profane74, to be complete without a newspaper correspondent, a lime-light photographer, and a sky-sign contractor75.
[15]
(8) That willingly and of their own unfettered volition76 they have thrown back to the customs of their aboriginal77 ancestors in the matter of diet, which diet is rapidly reducing them morally, physically78 and intellectually to the level of primordial79 protoplasms.
(9) That they are the only nation who in civilised times rate noise above all else, save dollars, and who in their theatres acclaim80 as the greatest actor or play the one that in the shortest time makes the greatest uproar81 for the smallest reason.
(10) That they have resolved their sports and pastimes into business propositions in which the avowed82 aim and object of every competitor is the utter destruction of his opponent by any means that can be found, devised or conceived.
(11) That they are the only nation who in civilised times have been happy and content to sink their individuality in an all pervading83 and evil smelling atmosphere of hog84 and by-products.
The foregoing are merely a few of the main counts in the indictment85. Behind every one of them lies a history of gaiety, graft86, dyspepsia, bossism, fakery,[16] flamboyancy87, hysteria, vociferation brain storms and dementia Americana of the most disconcerting and entertaining kind. The details are on record, and I do not propose to harrow the reader’s feelings with examples of them. I shall suggest simply that it is questionable88 whether any other known race of men, white or black, has managed to pack into three centuries such a volume of unthinkable excitement and picturesque iniquity89 as can be rightfully and without exaggeration laid at the door of these abounding90 Americans.
A certain Western city has been described by a friendly visitor as “hell with the lid off.” For the greater part of her existence as a nation that description might with justice have been applied91 to all America, and I am by no means sure that it is not still applicable. It would seem that under the inspiring ?gis of the much-vaunted American constitution the whole of the vices92 of civilised man have become grossly and incredibly intensified93. For unscrupulousness, insincerity, cynicism, and the pure worship of mammon the United States stands without rival among the nations to-day.
I believe the man lied who said there is not an institution in the country—political,[17] social, economic or even religious—that is not based on a species of ingrained rottenness and not infested94 with the worm of corruption and the scrawl95 of scandal. But there is no national aspiration96 that does not have at the back of it the root idea that the sole duty of an American man is to get rich and to get rich quick. There are few standards of American life that are not gold standards and few kinds of American effort that are not directed towards the rapid acquisition of other people’s money.
It can be proved out of the history books that, broadly speaking, your average American is a nondescript and nefarious97 hybrid98 composed of three parts promoter, three parts missionary99, three parts slave-driver, and one part Indian. On this unsavoury soil the worst passions of the soaring human animal have grown and run hoggishly100 to seed. Out of such blood nothing that is honest or of good report could be expected to rise. And when we in England, as has been the tendency in the past few years, condescend101 to the adoption102 of American methods and American notions, and applaud rather than rebuke103 American smartness and American impudence104, there can be no question whatever that we are on the[18] toboggan. The gradual Americanisation of this grand old country is not only flattering to American vanity, but gratifying to American greed. As I shall presently show, America has no more love for England than would easily cover a threepenny-bit, and her insatiable cry is for markets, markets, markets—a howl in which she is dulcetly supported by her dear friend Germany. The causes for alarm in so far as they affect the larger concrete issues are as yet comparatively slight. But it behoves every Englishman to meditate105 on the possibility that Macaulay’s New Zealander may in the long run turn out to be an American.
[1] This is a greater percentage than has obtained in the case of the Czars of Russia, and in America there are no Nihilists or at any rate none who are actively106 opposed to the American Presidency107.
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1
diced
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| v.将…切成小方块，切成丁( dice的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2
ruffled
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| adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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3
shipping
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| n.船运（发货，运输，乘船） | |
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4
plantations
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| n.种植园，大农场( plantation的名词复数 ) | |
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wastrel
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| n.浪费者；废物 | |
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6
pro
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| n.赞成，赞成的意见，赞成者 | |
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7
fictional
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| adj.小说的，虚构的 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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babble
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| v.含糊不清地说，胡言乱语地说，儿语 | |
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cargoes
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| n.（船或飞机装载的）货物( cargo的名词复数 )；大量，重负 | |
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isles
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| 岛( isle的名词复数 ) | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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adept
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| adj.老练的，精通的 | |
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15
accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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17
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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18
steered
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| v.驾驶( steer的过去式和过去分词 )；操纵；控制；引导 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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20
bumptious
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| adj.傲慢的 | |
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21
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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23
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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disillusion
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| vt.使不再抱幻想，使理想破灭 | |
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inordinately
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| adv.无度地，非常地 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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29
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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30
shrieking
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| v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 ) | |
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31
gaudy
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| adj.华而不实的；俗丽的 | |
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32
scintillating
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| adj．才气横溢的,闪闪发光的; 闪烁的 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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hustle
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| v.推搡；竭力兜售或获取；催促；n.奔忙(碌) | |
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35
bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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haughty
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| adj.傲慢的，高傲的 | |
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feudal
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| adj.封建的，封地的，领地的 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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40
picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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41
snugly
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| adv.紧贴地；贴身地；暖和舒适地；安适地 | |
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42
professes
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| 声称( profess的第三人称单数 )； 宣称； 公开表明； 信奉 | |
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43
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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44
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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45
outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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46
bulge
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| n.突出，膨胀，激增；vt.突出，膨胀 | |
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47
loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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48
ginger
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| n.姜，精力，淡赤黄色；adj.淡赤黄色的；vt.使活泼，使有生气 | |
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49
cemetery
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| n.坟墓，墓地，坟场 | |
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50
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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51
specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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52
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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53
obtuse
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| adj.钝的；愚钝的 | |
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54
effete
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| adj.无生产力的，虚弱的 | |
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55
sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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56
theatrical
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| adj.剧场的，演戏的；做戏似的，做作的 | |
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57
appreciable
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| adj.明显的，可见的，可估量的，可觉察的 | |
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58
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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59
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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60
almighty
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| adj.全能的，万能的；很大的，很强的 | |
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61
discredit
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| vt.使不可置信；n.丧失信义；不信，怀疑 | |
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62
vacuous
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| adj.空的，漫散的，无聊的，愚蠢的 | |
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63
coma
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| n.昏迷，昏迷状态 | |
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64
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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66
specimens
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| n.样品( specimen的名词复数 )；范例；（化验的）抽样；某种类型的人 | |
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67
consignment
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| n.寄售；发货；委托；交运货物 | |
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68
antiquity
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| n.古老；高龄；古物，古迹 | |
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69
wilfully
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| adv.任性固执地；蓄意地 | |
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70
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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71
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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72
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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73
undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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74
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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75
contractor
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| n.订约人，承包人，收缩肌 | |
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76
volition
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| n.意志；决意 | |
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77
aboriginal
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| adj.（指动植物）土生的，原产地的，土著的 | |
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78
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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primordial
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| adj.原始的；最初的 | |
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80
acclaim
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| v.向…欢呼，公认；n.欢呼，喝彩，称赞 | |
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81
uproar
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| n.骚动，喧嚣，鼎沸 | |
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82
avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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pervading
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的现在分词 ) | |
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84
hog
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| n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占 | |
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indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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86
graft
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| n.移植，嫁接，艰苦工作，贪污；v.移植，嫁接 | |
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87
flamboyancy
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| n.火焰状，浮华 | |
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88
questionable
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| adj.可疑的，有问题的 | |
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iniquity
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| n.邪恶；不公正 | |
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90
abounding
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| adj.丰富的，大量的v.大量存在，充满，富于( abound的现在分词 ) | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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92
vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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infested
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| adj.为患的，大批滋生的（常与with搭配）v.害虫、野兽大批出没于( infest的过去式和过去分词 )；遍布于 | |
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95
scrawl
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| vt.潦草地书写；n.潦草的笔记，涂写 | |
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aspiration
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| n.志向，志趣抱负；渴望；(语)送气音；吸出 | |
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nefarious
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| adj.恶毒的，极坏的 | |
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98
hybrid
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| n.(动，植）杂种，混合物 | |
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99
missionary
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| adj.教会的，传教(士)的；n.传教士 | |
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100
hoggishly
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| 贪婪的 | |
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101
condescend
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| v.俯就，屈尊；堕落，丢丑 | |
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102
adoption
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| n.采用，采纳，通过；收养 | |
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103
rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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104
impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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105
meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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106
actively
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| adv.积极地，勤奋地 | |
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107
presidency
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| n.总统(校长，总经理)的职位(任期) | |
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