Twenty years ago, when anybody on this side of the Atlantic wished to be rather crudely and shockingly amused, he sent to the libraries for something American. In that day and generation Mark Twain was at the zenith of his fame and powers, and the names of Artemus Ward1 and Josh Billings were names to conjure2 with. Autres temps autres moeurs. The popularity of Mark Twain has suffered woeful eclipse, and Artemus Ward and Mr. Billings have gone clean out of vogue3, and are remembered only as the originators of a very tiresome4 kind of humour which depends on phonetic5 spelling for its more excruciating effects.
The fact is that America and England alike have been dosed to death with the lucubrations of handy scribblers who caught something of Mark Twain’s trick and pretended to something of his gift, and the label “American humourist” nowadays repels6 with an even greater insistence7 than it formerly8 attracted.[30] Mr. Twain made desperate and valiant9 efforts to retrieve10 his waning11 popularity with a book called “A Yankee at the Court of King Arthur.” If ever there was a piece of writing nicely calculated to tickle12 and make purr the fat-necked American here was the article. But it fizzled in the pan, failed in short to bring ’em on again. And it now belongs to the category of books that people have forgotten. So much for Mr. Twain, whom I admire, but of whom, nevertheless, I have taken leave to speak the truth.
Artemus Ward and Josh Billings are dead, and their souls, I trust, are with the saints; so that they will pardon me when I venture on the opinion that the humour they gave us was of the thinnest sort, and, taking into account the furore it created, extraordinarily13 ephemeral. However any person of sense came to accept the following for humour passes my comprehension:—
Experiences as an Editor
“In the Ortum of 18— my friend, the editor of the Baldissville Bugle14, was obleged to leave perfeshernal dooties & go & dig his taters, & he axed me to edit for him doorin his absence. Accordinly I ground up his Shears15 and commenced. It didn’t take me a grate while to slash16 out copy enuff from the[31] xchanges for one issoo, and I thawt I’d ride up to the next town on a little Jaunt17, to rest my Branes which had bin18 severely19 rackt by my mental efforts (This is sorter Ironical) So I went over to the Rale Rood offiss and axed the Sooprintendent for a pars20.
‘You a editer,’ he axed, evinebtly on the point of snickerin.
‘Yes, Sir,’ sez I, ‘Don’t I look poor enuff?’
‘Just about,’ sed he, ‘but our Road can’t pars you.’
‘Can’t hay.’
‘No Sir—it can’t.’
‘Becauz,’ sez I, looking him full in the face with a Eagle eye, ‘it goes so darned slow it can’t pars anybody!’ Methink I had him thar. It is the slowest Rale Road in the West. With a mortified21 air, he tole me to get out of his offiss. I pittid him and went.”
The essence of this excursion into the realms of the Comic Spirit is about as cheap and small a thing in essences as one is likely to come across. Mr. Ward had made or heard somebody make a punning retort of an ultra-feeble quality, and straightway he rushes off to turn it into humourous lucubration. The Americans believed it was “darned funny,” it raised “gales of laughter” among them, and they[32] shouted about its excellences22 till the English also began to recognise them. At best Artemus Ward is humour of the “Wot-the-orfis-boy-finks” order, and as such it has always been eschewed24 by persons blessed with a trifle more than the milk-maid order of intellect.
And lest I be accused of raking up what the Americans themselves choicely term “dead dog” I will ask your attention for the space of a paragraph or two to the brand of the New Humour generally consumed by the inhabitants of the United States in the present era of grace. In this connection it would be easy for one to take a distinctly bitter line; inasmuch as the books of humour as distinguished25 from the humourous periodicals, nowadays published in America are not really books of humour at all, but aggregations26 of acrid27 and wicked cynicism. The authors of them either do not intend to be funny or have no conception of the meaning of fun. Sourness of spirit, meanness of thought, and savageness28 of expression are their principal standby. In the humourous periodicals, however, you discover a well-defined intention to be funny—though the cynicism and the vitriol are not of course forgotten.
I believe that these periodicals are[33] nicely adjusted to the public requirements, for the American is not out to produce even comic papers “for his health,” and being nothing if not practical, he gives his public exactly “what they want.” Here are some samples of “exactly what they want,” published so recently as May of the present year. First as to verse:
If
If all the trips I’ve had at sea
Should take effect at once on me,
In one huge, nauseated29 spell
Gee30! wouldn’t I be sick! Well, well!
But possibly the fault is mine. You see I’m English. Perhaps the above example of the New Humour is really a choice sample of the New Pathos31.
Again; and this smacks32 of genius:
Now Birdie Gets His
Of all the things that swim or run,
Man beats in easy pace;
He gives big odds33 to fin23 and fur,
And wins in every race.
He hops34 into his auto-car
And handicaps the horse;
Or takes the greyhound for a try
And licks him even worse.
Perhaps the whale or shark get gay
And want a little go.
Man dives into his submarine
And does them down below.
[34]
And now the chesty feathered chap
Must close his gay bazoo,
For man puts on his flying gear
And wallops birdie, too.
As to prose, here you are:
Want Too Much
“Some time ago two surgeons took a ten-pound tumor35 out of Dave Saunders, an’ to-day he got a terrible big bill for the operation.”
“Is Dave goin’ to pay it?”
“No; he sez, ‘they’ve got enough out of him already.’”
Monkish36
Behold37 the tippler and mark how he tippeth in the streets. Whoso hath discolouration of the optic? Is it not the meddler38? Yea. He that is a lunkhead condemneth that which he comprehendeth not.
Be thou not envious39 of them that have vacation in time of influenza40.
I have not gone out of my way to search for these excerpts41 in the cheaper class of American comic publication. Nor have I been at special pains to search for blemishes42 through the files of the ten cent “high class journal” which is laid under contribution. In point of fact, I find them in the first number of that journal which came to my hands, namely, its latest issue obtainable[35] in London. How really foolish and vulgar these samples are! The first set of verses is about being sick; the second set is slangy, ill-expressed and contains a childish mistake in grammar; the first piece of prose is objectionable because of its reference to “a ten-pound tumor,” and the second piece is sheer banality43, meaning nothing that is worth a smile.
The plain fact is that humour in America is the humour of fatty degeneration of the intellect. America’s funny man was at one time a fairly clean, healthy creature, with a droll44 outlook on the facts of life. That he was a trifle over-devoted to rye whiskey and effusive45 practical jokes, and had a tendency to rank irreverence46, were among the defects of his qualities. The great American people speedily learnt to vote him slow, and into his shoes they hurried the hard-faced, terrier-toothed, cigarette-smoking, an?mic, fleering decadent47. And at long and last they have set up for their humourous god the sheer hoodlum or larrikin, whose sense of what is comic is even more degraded than that of a Chinaman, and whose view of morality is the view of a naughty parrot. There can be no possible hope for a country whose risible48 faculties49 are exercised only at[36] squalid moments or excited only by squalid writing.
No matter how wealthy and hard-headed your man, and no matter how beautiful or accomplished50 your woman, they are spiritually and morally topsy-turvy if they laugh at the wrong things, and I maintain that the twentieth-century American is consistently laughing at the wrong things, and quite incapable51 of appreciating the right and proper humour even when you have explained it to him. The Scotch52 cannot see a joke, the Americans can see only bad jokes.
Nearly all the vilest53 and most offensive jokes that creep into the third-rate English comics are of American origin. The Weary Willie and Tired Tim business is purely54 American, so are the Buster Brown and grinning Pup futilities, so are the idiotcies associated with the patronymic Newlywed; so are the disgusting buffooneries about whiskers. The English have learnt that American canned meat is a dubious55 viand. The sooner they learn that the current American humour is even more noxious56 the better it will be for the English.
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1
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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conjure
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| v.恳求，祈求；变魔术，变戏法 | |
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Vogue
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| n.时髦，时尚；adj.流行的 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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phonetic
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| adj.语言的，语言上的，表示语音的 | |
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6
repels
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| v.击退( repel的第三人称单数 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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valiant
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| adj.勇敢的，英勇的；n.勇士，勇敢的人 | |
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retrieve
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| vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索 | |
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waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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tickle
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| v.搔痒，胳肢；使高兴；发痒；n.搔痒，发痒 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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bugle
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| n.军号，号角，喇叭；v.吹号，吹号召集 | |
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15
shears
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| n.大剪刀 | |
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slash
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| vi.大幅度削减；vt.猛砍，尖锐抨击，大幅减少；n.猛砍，斜线，长切口，衣衩 | |
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jaunt
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| v.短程旅游；n.游览 | |
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bin
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| n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件 | |
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19
severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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pars
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| n.部，部分；平均( par的名词复数 )；平价；同等；（高尔夫球中的）标准杆数 | |
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21
mortified
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| v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等） | |
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22
excellences
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| n.卓越( excellence的名词复数 )；（只用于所修饰的名词后）杰出的；卓越的；出类拔萃的 | |
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23
fin
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| n.鳍；(飞机的)安定翼 | |
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24
eschewed
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| v.（尤指为道德或实际理由而）习惯性避开，回避( eschew的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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26
aggregations
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| n.聚集( aggregation的名词复数 )；集成；集结；聚集体 | |
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27
acrid
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| adj.辛辣的，尖刻的，刻薄的 | |
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28
savageness
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| 天然，野蛮 | |
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29
nauseated
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| adj.作呕的，厌恶的v.使恶心，作呕( nauseate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30
gee
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| n.马；int.向右！前进！，惊讶时所发声音；v.向右转 | |
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31
pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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32
smacks
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| 掌掴（声）( smack的名词复数 )； 海洛因； （打的）一拳； 打巴掌 | |
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33
odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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34
hops
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| 跳上[下]( hop的第三人称单数 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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35
tumor
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| n.（肿）瘤，肿块(英)tumour | |
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36
monkish
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| adj.僧侣的，修道士的，禁欲的 | |
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37
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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38
meddler
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| n.爱管闲事的人，干涉者 | |
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39
envious
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| adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的 | |
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40
influenza
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| n.流行性感冒，流感 | |
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41
excerpts
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| n.摘录，摘要( excerpt的名词复数 )；节选（音乐，电影）片段 | |
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42
blemishes
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| n.（身体的）瘢点( blemish的名词复数 )；伤疤；瑕疵；污点 | |
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43
banality
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| n.陈腐；平庸；陈词滥调 | |
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44
droll
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| adj.古怪的，好笑的 | |
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45
effusive
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| adj.热情洋溢的；感情(过多)流露的 | |
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46
irreverence
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| n.不尊敬 | |
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47
decadent
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| adj.颓废的，衰落的，堕落的 | |
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48
risible
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| adj.能笑的；可笑的 | |
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49
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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50
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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51
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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52
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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53
vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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54
purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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55
dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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56
noxious
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| adj.有害的，有毒的；使道德败坏的，讨厌的 | |
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