Now Colonel Raymond’s manner was so radically10 bluff11 and straightforward12 that it would be absurd to argue any want of sincerity13 from such trifles. Every man he met was either “the best fellow on this earth,” or “a blackguard, sir, a low Radical9 blackguard!” Shades and fine distinctions did not exist for him; there was no nonsense about him, he would say. But there was very little sense.
The Colonel had his idols14. Dizzy, “old[3] Dizzy,” was one of them, and this full measure of his approbation15 was conferred on the Queen when old Dizzy was created an Earl, for the aristocracy was another. His wife’s sister had married a man whose sister had married Lord Avesham, and had this fortunate peer known it, he must have often been gratified to have heard himself alluded to by the Colonel as “my noble relative.” His noble relative was President of the Wroxton County Club, toward which the Colonel was now marching; but on the few occasions on which his lordship had set foot in that establishment, the Colonel, if there, had speedily effaced16 himself, only to come in half an hour afterward17 with the avowed18 object of looking for him, and much regret at having missed him. He had once even gone so far as to address a note to Lord Avesham, with a few formal lines inside and his own name very large on the left-hand corner of the envelope. This he left conspicuously19 in the rack which held members’ letters, with “To await arrival” in the corner. But from some reason or other (Lord Avesham had been seen in Wroxton several times that week) the Colo[4]nel surreptitiously removed it the day after. Perhaps he thought that he would certainly meet his noble relative in the street, and could ask him to tiffin then.
On this particular afternoon the Colonel had drawn20 himself up and looked interesting quite a number of times—indeed, it would scarcely be an exaggeration to say that he had not looked dull for thirty seconds together during the second and more populous21 part of his walk. The day had been hot, and the inhabitants of Wroxton were streaming out for a walk in the cool of the evening. Once, a fine instance of the innate22 kindliness23 of the Colonel, he had gone so far as to help a nursery-maid over a crossing with her perambulator, for the strong should always assist the weak, and there was a butcher’s cart standing24 only a few doors off, which might have driven rapidly in her direction without warning. Then he had passed the younger Miss Clifford on her bicycle, and, though the younger Miss Clifford was forty-three and as plain as a biscuit, the gallant Colonel had fired some piece of robust25 wit at her on the subject of country lanes and chance meetings.[5]
The smoking-room of the club was rapidly filling when the Colonel entered. Captain Johnson and Major Daltry were on the point of going to the billiard-room, and as they both played a game more slow than sure, the table would be occupied for the next hour. Colonel Raymond, with all his gallantry and romantic bearing where the other sex was concerned, did not trouble to stand on his manners when among what he called “old cronies,” and when he found that Mr. Hewson, who completed his regular four at whist, had not arrived, he was not pleased. Among his old cronies, in fact, he gave the impression of being always in a rage. At whist he certainly was, particularly with his partner. However, as he had to wait, he took up the evening paper until Mr. Hewson should appear, and, standing in front of the fireplace, read out scraps26 of news with loud, explosive comments.
“Perfectly27 childish and suicidal,” he said, hitting the paper angrily with his hand. “I have always said so, and I shall always say so. Our foreign policy is perfectly childish and suicidal. I don’t know what we are[6] about. Why don’t we turn those blackguards out of Constantinople, and hang the Sultan, and make an end of the whole business in the good old English fashion. Old Dizzy would have done it long ago. I’m ashamed, positively28 ashamed to be English. Eh, what?”
And he turned fiercely on Mr. Newbolt, a gentle solicitor29 with mutton-chop whiskers, who had not spoken.
“I didn’t say anything, Colonel,” he remarked.
“No, sir,” retorted the Colonel, “there is nothing to be said. There is no justification30 possible for our policy. Childish and suicidal I call it, because I am a man who doesn’t mince31 matters, and isn’t afraid of speaking his mind. Bring me a whisky and soda32, waiter. Ah, here is Hewson. Now perhaps we shall get a game of whist at last.”
“I am not late, Colonel,” he said. “It is only just the half hour.”
“Let us lose no more time in getting to our whist,” repeated Colonel Raymond.
Mr. Newbolt had furtively33 picked up the[7] paper which the Colonel had dropped on Mr. Hewson’s entry.
“Hullo, here is news for you,” said he; “Lord Avesham is dead.”
“God bless my soul!” cried the Colonel, wheeling suddenly round. “Dead? My noble relative dead? Pooh, I don’t believe a word of it. It’s some lie of that infernal Radical paper of yours. Why, it was only the other day that—Let’s look.”
He took the paper out of Mr. Newbolt’s unresisting hand.
“Expired at nine o’clock this morning at his residence in Prince’s Gate,” he read. “Yes, Number Seventeen, that’s quite right. Seems to be true. Very shocking, indeed. Poor Avesham, poor fellow. Family all there—I must send a wire. No, I’ll send it after our whist, or to-morrow morning first thing. Dear me, dear, dear me! Waiter, am I going to wait all night for that whisky and soda? Bring it to the card-room, and look sharp.”
“He seems to have been ill some time,” said Mr. Newbolt, in quiet, precise tones. “I suppose you expected it, Colonel?[8]”
“No, sir, I did not,” he replied. “The report of his illness was greatly exaggerated. It’s a blow to me, a blow.”
And the Colonel strutted34 out of the room, followed by the three others, as if Lord Avesham’s death had brought him within a life or two of the title.
Colonel Raymond’s whist was as explosive as his manner among his old cronies, and was conducted on principles founded crookedly35 on Cavendish. The rule there inculcated to retain command of a suit, he interpreted by readings of his own, and thus it not infrequently happened that a perfect spate36 of kings and aces37 would burst from his hand after his adversaries38 had begun to rough the suit. His unhappy partner had to cower39 beneath the rain of winning cards and censure40 when this happened.
“You should have drawn the trumps41, sir,” the Colonel would say; “a baby in arms would have drawn the trumps. You could see I was keeping command of the ordinary suits, and if you had only had the sense to draw the trumps they would all have made. My deal, I think; cut again, please, I hate a[9] slovenly42 cut. Let’s see, that’s a treble. We pay dear for your mistake. Honours? Two against us by honours. One of the instances, as Cavendish says, where a weak hand could have been turned into a winning hand by a little judgment43 and forethought.”
His partner, if discreet44, would not reply, but sometimes, goaded45 to frenzy46, if the same sort of thing had happened before that evening, he would point out with perfect justice that he had positively had no opportunity of taking a trick, as the Colonel held all the winning cards, and that being the case he might have played one of them, and opened trumps for himself.
That was what Colonel Raymond was waiting for.
“And weaken my own suit, sir,” he would cry, “and spoil all chance of what I was playing for. What would have been the use of that? You fail to understand the elementary laws of the game. You will spend an hour with Cavendish now and then, as I’m not ashamed to do, if you take my advice. It will save you many rubbers.”
But his partner, if wise, would say noth[10]ing, possessing his soul in a show, at any rate, of patience until the Colonel revoked48. Sometimes he revoked early, sometimes late, but one revoke47 in an evening might be confidently looked for. It cost three tricks, it is true, but peace at any price was the motto of the Colonel’s partner, for after the revoke occurred the Colonel ceased to be a man of war, and let his kings die like men under the stroke of the ace5. At other times he would cover his mistakes with humorous gallantry.
“I ought to have played the queen, sir, and I acknowledge it,” he would be so kind as to say; “but I couldn’t bear that that knave49 of a king—knave of a king, ha, ha!—should take her from me. The fair sex, sir, the fair sex.”
Morton Hall, the country-seat of the Colonel’s noble relative, was only a few miles out of Wroxton, and when he returned home that evening to dinner, after breaking the news of Lord Avesham’s death to Mrs. Raymond and his daughters, he held a loud, overbearing discussion across the table (for at home, as among his old cronies, his gallantry was relaxed) as to whether the eldest50 son of[11] his deceased relative would be able to keep it open. The family was poor, and the Colonel asserted angrily, as if he had been personally affronted51, that the death duties would be so heavy that they would have to let it.
“Don’t tell me,” he said, sipping52 his soup with a sound of many waters, though nobody had told him anything. “Don’t tell me. They are as poor as rats. Pepper, give me the pepper. I’d sooner wash my hands in this soup, Constance, than drink it. Simple water, simple warm water. As poor as rats. Poorer. It’s all that infernal Radical government. We are the best blood in England—the Aveshams are the best blood in England, and have served their king and country for five hundred years. There ought to be a government grant. Take away the soup.”
Mrs. Raymond was a resigned and feeble woman, with a thin, vague face which it was impossible to remember. Ten years of married life with her husband had made a phantom53 of her. She had the wreck54 of long-departed prettiness about her, but that had been sunk, becoming, as it were, a total loss, [12]leaving her face devoid55 of any qualities. Her mind was destitute56 of hopes, aims, and regrets; she was as intangible to description as a moonbeam.
“It would be impossible to provide for all the families of all the poor peers in England, Robert,” she suggested.
“Impossible? Yes, if you have a government of Atheists and Socialists57, who are afraid of the Sultan, and wish to abolish the House of Lords—God bless it! That is where the fault lies. England is going to the dogs. I wish, Constance, you would sometimes get hold of fish that is eatable. Worcester sauce. Give me the Worcester sauce. Venison—my fish is venison. Going to the dogs. Why, in the good old days it was sufficient for a man to be connected with a bishop58 or a peer to make sure of a government office. The apotheosis59 of the brewer60, that’s what I call the England of to-day. Take away the fish. What else is there for dinner?”
“It is very hard to get good fish in this weather,” said Mrs. Raymond. “It is next to impossible to keep it.”
“Impossible? Nonsense. You women have no method. You’ve only got to keep it[13] cool. No method at all. You keep fish all day in a hot kitchen, and then expect it to be good in the evening.”
“The fish was only sent in at half past six this evening,” said his wife, in a low, monotonous61 voice. “It was so late I thought it would not be here in time for dinner.”
“And a good thing if it hadn’t been,” retorted the Colonel; “I’d sooner have no fish at all than fish like that—uneatable, perfectly uneatable.”
Mrs. Raymond was silent, and the meal proceeded to the noise only of knives and forks.
“Arthur Avesham, too,” broke out the Colonel again. “He’ll have to make his way in the world alone now. What’s to happen to him and Jeannie? Tell me that. Some ignoramus said the other day that his father had bought him a place in Dalton’s brewery62 here. I don’t believe a word of it, not a word of it. Even if it’s true, what then? Eh?”
“Perhaps he’ll go on living at Morton, if it’s true,” said Mrs. Raymond, “or perhaps he’ll take a house at Wroxton.[14]”
“Take a house in Wroxton?” cried her husband, again insulted. “Sheer nonsense. There’s not a house in the town to live in beside our own. And as for Morton, I tell you that they’ll have to shut it up. They’re as poor as rats.”
“If it’s true about his place in Dalton’s,” said Mrs. Raymond, “I suppose he will have a few hundred a year. His father cannot have left him nothing.”
“A few hundred a year!” said Colonel Raymond. “If I were to say that his income was a hundred and fifty all told, I should be overstating it. And what’s that to a young fellow who has been brought up with every luxury that wealth and rank can supply? Eh?”
“I thought you said they were as poor as rats,” remarked Mrs. Raymond, in the same even, colourless voice.
The argument—or, rather, the string of assertions—was not worth continuing, and Colonel Raymond only snorted contemptuously in reply. The three daughters had long been fidgeting on their seats and struggling against the twitchings of sleepiness.[15] They were not yet of an age to dine with their parents, but Colonel Raymond insisted on their presence at dinner till bedtime came. Sometimes they were regaled with a grape or two, but usually they had to sit silent and unoccupied. Their father said he saw so little of them during the day, which was not surprising, since the first rule of the house was that he must never be disturbed. Occasionally he took them out for a walk, and then he might be seen stalking over the downs outside the town, stopping occasionally to revile63 them for lagging behind, followed by a string of small figures in various stages of labour and distress64, panting and trotting65 after him. These nightmare excursions were part of Colonel Raymond’s system. A good, quick walk he considered the panacea66 of all childish ailments67, particularly tiredness, which was synonymous with laziness, and he did not approve of coddling. Consequently their mother coddled them in private, and their father walked them off their legs in public. The happy mean did not result from this treatment, and they were growing up peaked and thin, and their father had to confess that[16] even the best blood in England had a tendency to run to seed.
It was the habit of Mrs. Raymond to retire early, and on the entry of the tray with whisky and soda at ten o’clock she usually went to bed, leaving her husband to console himself for her absence by a drink of that invigorating mixture, another cigar, and his own thoughts. These latter were as straightforward as himself, and he usually ran over in his mind his gains and losses at whist, and, twirling his mustache, lived over again the moments in which he had assumed an interesting appearance. It must be understood that we are following the Colonel into the innermost sanctum of his being, and are recording68 what he scarcely recorded consciously himself. Probably he did not know how much he was absorbed in these two subjects, but the truth of the matter is he thought about little else except them and the aristocracy. To-night, however, the aristocracy held a dominating place in his reflections, and the quality of his meditations69 was not agreeable. That in-a-propos remark of his wife, in fact, returned again and again to[17] his mind, and he could not help thinking that if Arthur Avesham came to live in Wroxton his habitual70 conversation about his noble relative, Arthur’s father, would have to be curtailed71 or, still worse, corrected.
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1
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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inflated
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| adj.（价格）飞涨的；（通货）膨胀的；言过其实的；充了气的v.使充气（于轮胎、气球等）( inflate的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）膨胀；（使）通货膨胀；物价上涨 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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ace
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| n.A牌；发球得分；佼佼者；adj.杰出的 | |
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afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deduction
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| n.减除，扣除，减除额；推论，推理，演绎 | |
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radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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radically
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| ad.根本地，本质地 | |
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bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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idols
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| 偶像( idol的名词复数 )； 受崇拜的人或物； 受到热爱和崇拜的人或物； 神像 | |
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approbation
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| n.称赞；认可 | |
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effaced
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| v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 )；抹去；超越；使黯然失色 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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conspicuously
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| ad.明显地，惹人注目地 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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populous
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| adj.人口稠密的，人口众多的 | |
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innate
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| adj.天生的，固有的，天赋的 | |
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kindliness
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| n.厚道，亲切，友好的行为 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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26
scraps
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| 油渣 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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solicitor
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| n.初级律师，事务律师 | |
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justification
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| n.正当的理由；辩解的理由 | |
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mince
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| n.切碎物；v.切碎，矫揉做作地说 | |
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soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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strutted
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| 趾高气扬地走，高视阔步( strut的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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crookedly
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| adv. 弯曲地，不诚实地 | |
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spate
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| n.泛滥，洪水，突然的一阵 | |
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aces
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| abbr.adjustable convertible-rate equity security (units) 可调节的股本证券兑换率；aircraft ejection seat 飞机弹射座椅；automatic control evaluation simulator 自动控制评估模拟器n.擅长…的人( ace的名词复数 )；精于…的人；（ 网球 ）（对手接不到发球的）发球得分；爱司球 | |
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adversaries
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| n.对手，敌手( adversary的名词复数 ) | |
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cower
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| v.畏缩，退缩，抖缩 | |
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censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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41
trumps
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| abbr.trumpets 喇叭；小号；喇叭形状的东西；喇叭筒v.（牌戏）出王牌赢（一牌或一墩）( trump的过去式 )；吹号公告，吹号庆祝；吹喇叭；捏造 | |
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42
slovenly
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| adj.懒散的，不整齐的，邋遢的 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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45
goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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46
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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revoke
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| v.废除，取消，撤回 | |
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48
revoked
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| adj.[法]取消的v.撤销，取消，废除( revoke的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49
knave
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| n.流氓；（纸牌中的）杰克 | |
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50
eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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51
affronted
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| adj.被侮辱的，被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 )；相遇 | |
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52
sipping
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的现在分词 ) | |
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53
phantom
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| n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的 | |
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54
wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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56
destitute
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| adj.缺乏的；穷困的 | |
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57
socialists
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| 社会主义者( socialist的名词复数 ) | |
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58
bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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apotheosis
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| n.神圣之理想；美化；颂扬 | |
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60
brewer
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| n. 啤酒制造者 | |
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61
monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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62
brewery
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| n.啤酒厂 | |
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63
revile
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| v.辱骂，谩骂 | |
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64
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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trotting
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| 小跑，急走( trot的现在分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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66
panacea
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| n.万灵药；治百病的灵药 | |
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67
ailments
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| 疾病（尤指慢性病），不适( ailment的名词复数 ) | |
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68
recording
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| n.录音，记录 | |
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69
meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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70
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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71
curtailed
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| v.截断，缩短( curtail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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