“It would be less trouble to look after them myself.”
Jeannie flushed slightly, but said nothing, and went back to her work. Nurse James hurried out of the room, but returned a moment later.
“You must forgive me, Miss Avesham,” she said, “but I am worried to death. What we should do without you and Miss Fortescue I don’t know. But the temperature always goes up a little in the afternoon; it is only the very sudden rise or sudden falls, particularly the latter, which need alarm you.”
Jeannie smiled.
“I see; I will try to remember,” she said. “You are very patient with me.”
The work was terribly severe to any one unaccustomed to it. In her ward were women and girls only, who were easier to manage than the men, but who were more hopeless and apathetic6, and Jeannie often thought that she would sooner have them fretful and irritable7 if they only would be less despond[230]ent. One woman, who was having the attack very slightly, and getting through with it very well, would spend half the day in sulky tears, pitying herself, and moaning over the cruelty of Jeannie, who, in obedience8 to her orders, did not, of course, let her have a crumb9 of any solid food. Sometimes when she was giving her a wash in the morning she would be called away by another trying to raise herself in bed or wanting to be attended to in some way, and when she came back there would be nothing but querulous complaints of the time she had been left; she felt sure she would catch a cold; Jeannie had not dried her properly before she went. At another time she would beg for food with tears, saying how she had read a story in which was described an epidemic of typhoid, where a charitable lady in the village had sat by her patients and fed them with cooling fruits. Jeannie had laughed at this, out of the superiority of her ten days’ knowledge.
“My good woman,” she said, “if I wanted to kill you I should give you a cooling fruit.[231]”
“You are killing10 me with starvation,” cried the woman. “Look how thin I have grown with a fortnight of this. Oh, for God’s sake, Miss, give me just a crust of bread!”
Jeannie had finished washing her, and covered her up gently.
“Now I am leaving you, and I shall come again to you in two hours with your milk,” she said. “Look, you have two hours before you. Just say your prayers, and thank God for getting over this. And ask Him to make you more sensible and more patient. You are more trouble than all the rest of the ward put together.”
Jeannie took down the woman’s temperature-chart, which hung over her bed, and put down the ten o’clock register.
“You are doing very well,” she said. “Just think over what I have said.”
The next case was as bad as a case can be. It was a girl not more than sixteen years old, and even now, when the second week of the fever was only just beginning, her strength was terribly exhausted11 by the continued high fever. The afternoon before Jeannie had spent two hours sponging her[232] with iced water, and had only succeeded in bringing it down to 102°. She came on duty herself at eight in the morning, and as she put the thermometer into the child’s mouth she looked at the temperature-chart. It had been 102° again at six in the morning, when it should have been lowest, and she looked anxiously at the face. It was very wan4 and thin, and the skin looked hard and tight as if it had been stretched. Below the eyes were deep hollows, and though they were wide open it was clear that the girl was scarcely conscious. She waited a full half minute, and then drew the thermometer gently out of her mouth and looked at it. It registered only 98°. She frowned and put it into her mouth again, hoping there might have been some mistake. Then when she saw it a second time she hurried into the next ward.
“That girl, Number 8,” she said to Nurse James, “had a six-o’clock temperature of 102°. It has sunk to 98°.”
Nurse James hardly looked up; she was watching a man who lay quite still, but tried every other moment to get up in bed.
“Dr. Maitland is in the next ward,” she[233] said; “go and tell him at once. It may be perforation. Then, when you have finished your round, if all the rest are doing well, I wish you would come here while I finish. I can’t leave this man alone. You can hear any sound in your ward from his bed.”
Jeannie hurried on and told Dr. Maitland. He came at once, looked at the girl, and shook his head.
“You did quite right to send for me, Miss Avesham,” he said. “Yes, she is as bad as she can be. I can do nothing.”
At moments like these Jeannie felt sick and utterly12 helpless, and almost inclined to say that she could bear it no longer. But she said nothing, and went on to the next bed.
The next patient was a robust13 woman of about thirty with a baritone voice. She proclaimed loudly that she was perfectly14 well, and was being starved. Her gray Irish eyes used to plead with Jeannie for something to eat, and she badly resented being washed. But this morning she took it in silence, and thanked Jeannie.
“She’s bad?” she asked, looking hard to the next bed.[234]
“Yes, very bad,” said Jeannie, hardly able to speak. She took the woman’s chart down from the wall and indicated the ten-o’clock temperature on it.
“You’re nearly through, I hope,” she said. “Yes, quite normal this morning. Now all you have to do is to lie very quiet, and you will get stronger every day. The doctor said you might have beef-tea this morning instead of milk.”
She smiled at her rather sadly, and was passing on, but the woman seized her hand.
“It’s cruel hard on ye,” said she; “but don’t mind so, don’t mind so. An’ me worrying you and all. I’ll bite out me tongue before I say another hasty word to ye.”
Then came two or three very bad cases. One was a frail15, tired-looking woman, who glanced at Jeannie wistfully as she examined the thermometer.
“I’m no better?” she asked.
Jeannie smiled, but with a heavy heart. The woman, she felt sure, could not last through very many days of this.
“How do you feel?” she said.[235]
“Weak and tired—oh, so tired! And I have a pain in my back.”
“Do you cough at all?” asked Jeannie.
“I couldn’t sleep for it last night,” said the woman, “and that makes a body weary.”
“Keep yourself warm, then,” she said, “and lie still.”
“But I’m no better?” she asked again.
“That was one of the questions which we settled not to ask,” said Jeannie. “When you are quite well you will get up. Till then, nothing, nothing.”
Half an hour more sufficed to finish the round, and she went into the next ward to watch the man who was so restless. For nearly an hour she had to sit close by his bedside, with her hands continually pressing on his shoulders to prevent his getting up. He was more than half unconscious and wandering in his talk, saying things now and then which ten days ago would have made Jeannie turn from him in horror and disgust. But now she had nothing of that left, only pure pity and the one great end in view to let none of these poor people die.
Then when Nurse James had finished her[236] round she came back to her, and by then it was time to get the patients’ food. Some of the more advanced and progressing cases were already allowed Mellin’s Food, but for the most it was still only milk and beef-tea.
At mid-day she had a couple of hours’ interval16, usually returned home to lunch, and went afterward17 for a walk. But to-day she felt too fagged and too sick at heart to do more than sit in the garden and beneath the pitiless leaden cowl of the sky. The effort of appearing cheerful and remaining cheering was too great, and when alone she abandoned herself to a sort of resigned hopelessness. Just before leaving the ward she had seen the terrible screen put up round the bed of the girl who was dying. That was all the privacy that could be given her. She almost hoped that when she got back the end would have come; only two days before she had sat in the still and awe-struck ward while a woman passed through her last hours. She had heard the wandering, inarticulate cries; she had counted her breaths through the long, pitiless silences; she had shut her teeth hard to bear, without screaming audibly, that one[237] last exclamation18 in which the spirit clutches with unavailing hands not to be torn away from the inert19 body, the one last convulsive breath in which the body tries to retain it, and she thought she could hardly bear it again. Then she cudgelled and contemned20 herself for her paltry21, selfish cowardice22. Was there ever, she thought, a girl so puny-spirited?
During these ten days in which she had been nursing the epidemic had showed no signs of abatement23. Sometimes for a couple of days the return of the fresh cases was suddenly diminished, and once when Jeannie went to the hospital at eight in the morning to take up her duties they told her that there had been no fresh cases reported since the night before. But on all these occasions the lull24 was only temporary, and in the next twelve hours there would perhaps be seventy more reported. She pictured the disease to herself like some hideous25 monster which would lie down to sleep for a few hours after one of its gigantic meals, and then, when the victims were digested, would rise up again and clutch at them with his hot hands.[238] Once as she was leaving the hospital Dr. Maitland had called her into his consulting-room to ask her a question about one of her patients, and as she rose to go he had said:
“Would you like to see what is the matter with all these people?”
He pointed26 to a microscope which stood on the table, and Jeannie looked through it at the drop of water which was beneath the lenses.
“There are a quantity of typhoid bacilli in that,” he said; “they are long and black, with one pointed end, rather like pencils.”
He adjusted the light for her, and among the infinitesimal denizens27 of the water she saw five or six little dark lines seemingly as lifeless as the rest. She drew back with a shudder28.
“I thought of it as some terrible beast with claws and teeth,” she said; “but this is the more terrible.”
Never before had she realized on what a hair-breadth path this precarious29 life of ours pursues its way. The strength and the wit and the beauty of man were slaves and puppets in the hands of this minute organism.[239] A king on his throne mixes one day a little water with the wine in his golden cup, and with it one of these black pencils, invisible but to a high power of lens, and thereafter he ascends30 his throne no more, but another sits in his place, before whom they sing “God save the King.” And the father is but one among the uncounted dead.
This afternoon, as she sat under the trees in the garden after her lunch, thoughts like these flitted bat-like through the gloomy chambers31 of the brain. How insignificant32 and insecure was life! It was like some ill-constructed clock which might stop any moment. And how mean and trivial were all its best aims. Here was she, with a fair average of birth and brains and heart, and life held for her no more heroic task than to wage war—and, oh, how hopelessly!—with an infinitesimal atom. The peace and sheltered security of Wroxton, the busy tranquility she had fashioned for herself here, were all knocked in the dust. Everything was at the mercy of the bacillus.
Luckily for her peace of mind these unfruitful imaginings were interrupted by[240] Pool. She did not hear his step on the soft grass, and his voice spoke33 before she knew he was there.
“Mr. Collingwood is here, Miss,” he said, “and wants to know if you can see him.”
Jeannie did not move, but her voice trembled a little.
“Yes, ask him to come out here,” she said; “and bring another chair.”
She rose to meet him.
“Ah, how do you do?” she said. “Tell me, the baby is quite well?”
“Quite well,” he said, and then there was silence.
Pool brought out another chair, and still in silence they sat down. Jeannie’s heart had suddenly begun to beat furiously.
“I heard from Arthur this morning,” he said, “and that is why I am here. I knew, of course, from the papers that there was an epidemic of typhoid here, and I was frightened. But his letter told me more. It told me that you spent all your days in nursing at the hospital. And I could not bear it.”
Jeannie said nothing, but a great, pervading34 peace took possession of her troubled[241] soul. It was as if she had suddenly passed from a stormy, mountainous sea round into a harbour, and the bacilli resumed their real dimensions.
“I could not bear it,” he said, again looking at her.
No word of explanation passed between them. His right to question what she did Jeannie did not dispute, and he did not miss the significance of that.
“I could not help myself,” she said. “It was impossible for me not to do what I could. Oh, it has been a terrible time, and we are not at the end of it yet. Oh, these poor people!”
“Leave the place, come away,” he began, suddenly and passionately35, but then stopped, for he saw in Jeannie’s face the light of pity, divine and human and womanly, and all that was selfish in his love for her, all that said “I cannot live without her,” died.
“Do not leave the place,” he resumed. “Do all that your heart prompts you to do. But promise me this—promise that you will leave no precaution untaken to minimize the risk to yourself. I know there is no need to[242] ask you that, because that is your duty as much as the other, but it will comfort me to hear you say it.”
“I promise you that,” said Jeannie, simply.
The divine deed was done, and the word yet unspoken had changed all. Three minutes before there had been only a leaden sky, the withered36, drought-yellowed grass round her, but the grass was become the paved sapphire37 of the courts of heaven, and the sky was the sky. Each of them was so utterly in tune38 with the other that Jack39 felt no desire to speak directly, nor did Jeannie wish it. The pause out of which music should issue was theirs.
“And what is to be done with me?” he asked, in a lighter40 tone. “May I stop here?”
“No, Jack,” she said, and the utter unconsciousness with which she spoke his name smote41 him with sweetness. “No, you are to go back to your work, too. We have all got our work; nothing can refute that. Tell me about the baby.”
“He cries for you,” said Jack.[243]
“Kiss him for me then, and pray for us. Oh, let me tell you about it all. It will do me good, and I am too heart-sick to talk it over with the others. If I tell Aunt Em about my cases it is a double burden for her, and if she tells me about hers it is double for me. Arthur behaves splendidly. He goes his rounds all day, like a milkman, he says, with cans of disinfectants.”
“Ah, he helps too, does he?” said Jack. “He never mentioned that in his letter.”
“No? That is so like the dear boy. He has found lots of cases which they were trying to keep dark, for they hate going to hospital, and he alone of us all remains42 perfectly cheerful. But it is terrible at the hospital. I have about a dozen cases almost entirely43 under me. One died two days ago; another, I am afraid, will die to-day. It is so awful to work and work and work, and with what result? Oh, I am a stupid, ungrateful little fool! Is it not enough to find that little silver line on the thermometer a little lower than it was at the same time yesterday, and perhaps a degree lower than it was the day before? But one feels so helpless. And it is[244] all on account of a little invisible demon44 which the carelessness of dirty people allowed to get into the water-supply. People talk of the horror of war. The horror of water-companies seems to me the more frightful45.”
Jeannie paused a moment.
“But I would not have gone through it, and I would not be now going through it for the kingdoms of the world,” she said. “The mischief46 has been done, and it is an inestimable privilege to be allowed to help in minimizing the results. It is giving me a new view of life, Jack. Here in this sheltered, peaceful town I was in danger, I think, of becoming a sort of ruminating47 animal, sleek48, and living in the meadows like a sort of cow.”
“I didn’t gather you were in danger of that,” remarked Jack. “You did happen to hold some classes in your meadow, did you not?”
“Yes, classes of other cows. We were all cows together—at least I was. But out of all this suffering there comes, I know not what—certainly despondency; but I do not be[245]lieve that that is the permanent net result. One learns what a little thing is life, and how great. Also it seems as if I was learning to be egoistic.”
She got up out of her chair.
“Oh, you have done me good!” she cried. “Look, what was that?”
Jack had seen it, too; it was as if the sky had winked49. They waited in silence, and in a few minutes came the growl50 of answering thunder. Jeannie stretched out her arms with a great sigh.
“Thunder!” she cried. “Perhaps there will be rain. How I have prayed for that. You don’t know what it may mean to us. Well, what is it, Pool?”
“Mrs. Raymond is here, Miss,” said he, “and would like to speak to you.”
“Very well, I will come in. Wait here, Mr. Collingwood; I will see what she wants.”
Jeannie went indoors with a new briskness51 of step and found Mrs. Raymond standing52 helplessly in the middle of the drawing-room.
“Oh, Miss Avesham,” she said, “will you[246] come? Maria is ill, and I can’t find any doctor in. So I thought, if you would be so kind, you would come and look at her, as I heard you have been working at the hospital.”
“When was she taken ill?” asked Jeannie.
“She wasn’t well yesterday at lunch, and had no appetite. And my husband said it was all nonsense and took her out for a walk. She was very bad last night, but he said she would be all right in the morning, and now she’s no better.”
Jeannie gave a little exclamation of impatience53, and looked at her watch.
“Yes, I’ve just got time before I go back to the hospital,” she said. “Have you a carriage here?”
“Yes, it’s waiting,” said Mrs. Raymond.
“Very good; get in. I’ll follow you in a moment.”
She went quickly into the garden again.
“I must go,” she said to Jack. “I have to see a girl before I go back to the hospital.”
“And I am to go back to paint my silly little pictures?” he asked.[247]
“Yes; you don’t paint badly, you know!”
“I will try and paint better. But I may come again?”
Jeannie shook hands with him.
“Yes, do come again,” she said.
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1
aptitude
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| n.(学习方面的)才能，资质，天资 | |
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epidemic
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| n.流行病；盛行；adj.流行性的，流传极广的 | |
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ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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inspection
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| n.检查，审查，检阅 | |
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apathetic
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| adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的 | |
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irritable
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| adj.急躁的；过敏的；易怒的 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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crumb
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| n.饼屑，面包屑，小量 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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15
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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16
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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inert
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| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
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contemned
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| v.侮辱，蔑视( contemn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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abatement
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| n.减(免)税，打折扣，冲销 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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denizens
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| n.居民，住户( denizen的名词复数 ) | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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precarious
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| adj.不安定的，靠不住的；根据不足的 | |
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ascends
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的第三人称单数 ) | |
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chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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33
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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pervading
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的现在分词 ) | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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sapphire
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| n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的 | |
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tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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40
lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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41
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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42
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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44
demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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45
frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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46
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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47
ruminating
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| v.沉思( ruminate的现在分词 )；反复考虑；反刍；倒嚼 | |
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48
sleek
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| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
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49
winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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50
growl
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| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
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51
briskness
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| n.敏捷，活泼 | |
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52
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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53
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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