THE PRICE OF PEACE

I cannot remember how old I was when I wrote the thrilling poem about the tiger who swallowed the horse, nor am I quite certain that it was my first literary effort, but I know that I was still at the tight knickerbocker stage, and that my previous poems, if there had been any, had remained secrets of my own.  It was due to a cousin that my conspiracy¹ against the world of common sense was finally discovered.  Woman-like, she tickled² my ears with flattery, and persuaded me to let her read the precious document; and then, as soon as she had it in her hand, she fled to the camp of the Olympians, leaving me alone in the little dark room to reflect on the guiles of the sex.  With straining ears I waited for the distant chorus of mocking laughter that would announce my failure, while my body p. 162tingled all over with shame.  Yet beneath my fear I was conscious that I had not been wholly unwilling³ to be betrayed.  It seemed to me that if I proved to be a great poet, my future traffic with the Olympians might be of a more agreeable character than it had been previously⁴.  On the other hand, I felt that life would be impossible if they greeted my poem with scorn.  Conceived and perfected in solitude⁵, it had become an intimate part of myself, and I turned dark thoughts to the purple berries that grew in the shrubbery, and provided us with wholly innocuous poison for our arrows.  Even then, it would seem, I had an instinctive⁶ knowledge of the tragedy of failing as a poet.

And then, while I yet waited in suspense⁷, I heard the sound of footsteps and knew that my cousin was returning.  In a flash I realised how stupid I had been to remain in the room, when I might have hidden myself in some far corner of the attic⁸ and appeared no more until my shame had been forgotten.  My legs trembled in sudden panic, and it seemed to me that my face was ticking like a clock.  I received my first p. 163critic with my head buried in the cushions of the sofa.

Looking back, I perceive that the Olympians rose to the occasion, but at the time I could hardly believe my good-fortune.  Long after my cousin had gone away I lay on the sofa turning over the pleasant message in my mind—and the magic half-crown in my hand.  Praise I had desired, if not expected; but that the Olympians—whose function in life was to divert our tips into a savings-bank account that meant nothing to us, that these stern financiers should give me a whole half-crown in one sum, unhindered by any restrictions⁹ in the spending, was incredible.  Yet I could feel its rough edge in the dark; and considering its source, I formed an erroneous idea of the influence of the arts on the minds of sane¹⁰ grown-up people, from which even now I am not wholly delivered.

After a while, with a mind strangely confused between pride and modesty¹¹, I stole into the room where the others were sitting.  But with a quick sense of disappointment I saw that I need not have concerned p. 164myself at all with the proper attitude for a young poet to adopt.  The Olympians, engaged in one of their meaningless discussions, did not notice my entrance, and only my brothers were interested when I crept silently into their midst.

“What are you going to spend it on?” they whispered.

Oddly, for I was the youngest of four, this success of mine was responsible for a literary outburst in our normally uncultured schoolroom, and one of the fruits of that intellectual disturbance¹², in the shape of a manuscript magazine, lies before me.  It contains an editorial address to the “friendly reader,” two short stories full of murders, a quantity of didactic verse, and the first instalment of a serial¹³, which commences gravely: “My father was a bootmaker of considerable richness.”  Of literary achievement or even promise it would be hard to find a trace in these yellowing pages, but there is an enthusiasm behind every line of them that the critic would seek in vain in modern journalism¹⁴.  Indeed, those were the days in which to write, when paper and p. 165pencil and half an hour never failed to produce a masterpiece, and the finished work invariably thrilled the artist with “out-landish pride.”  I cannot recall that any further half-crowns rewarded our efforts, and possibly that is the reason why three of the four boys who wrote that magazine are now regenerate¹⁵ and write no more.

And even the fourth must own to having lost that fine, careless trick of throwing off masterpieces, and to regretting, in moments of depression, the generous Olympian impulse that enabled him to barter¹⁶ his birthright of common sense for a silver coin with a rough edge.  And the Olympians—they, too, have regretted it, I suppose, for the goddess of letters is an exacting¹⁷ mistress, and we do not willingly see our children engaging in her irregular service.  Yet I do not see what else they could have done at the time.

A little while ago I discovered a small girl, to whom I act as a kind of illegal uncle, in the throes of lyrical composition.  With soft words and flattering phrases, borrowed, perhaps, from the cousin of the past, I won the paper from her grasp.  It was like all p. 166the poetry that children have ever written, and I was preparing to banter¹⁸ the young author when I saw that she was regarding me with curious intentness, and that her face turned red and white by turns.  Even if my intentions had been honourable¹⁹ I could not have disregarded her signs of distress²⁰.  “I think it’s very nice indeed,” I said; “I’ll give you half a crown for it.”

As her fingers closed on the coin I felt inclined to raise a shout of triumph.  For now that I had paid the half-crown back I should be able gradually—for, of course, the habit of years is not broken in a minute—to stop writing.  My only fear is that my conscience may have gone to sleep in my long years of aloofness²¹ from simplicity²²; for though I already detect a note of vagueness in the eyes of my niece, and her mother complains that she is becoming untidy, I hold my peace, and offer no explanation.  For I feel sure that if I did I should recover my half-crown.

1 conspiracy   

n.阴谋，密谋，共谋

参考例句：

• The men were found guilty of conspiracy to murder.这些人被裁决犯有阴谋杀人罪。
• He claimed that it was all a conspiracy against him.他声称这一切都是一场针对他的阴谋。

2 tickled   

（使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐

参考例句：

• We were tickled pink to see our friends on television. 在电视中看到我们的一些朋友，我们高兴极了。
• I tickled the baby's feet and made her laugh. 我胳肢孩子的脚，使她发笑。

3 unwilling   

adj.不情愿的

参考例句：

• The natives were unwilling to be bent by colonial power.土著居民不愿受殖民势力的摆布。
• His tightfisted employer was unwilling to give him a raise.他那吝啬的雇主不肯给他加薪。

4 previously   

adv.以前，先前（地）

参考例句：

• The bicycle tyre blew out at a previously damaged point.自行车胎在以前损坏过的地方又爆开了。
• Let me digress for a moment and explain what had happened previously.让我岔开一会儿，解释原先发生了什么。

5 solitude   

n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方

参考例句：

• People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
• They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。

6 instinctive   

adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的

参考例句：

• He tried to conceal his instinctive revulsion at the idea.他试图饰盖自己对这一想法本能的厌恶。
• Animals have an instinctive fear of fire.动物本能地怕火。

7 suspense   

n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑

参考例句：

• The suspense was unbearable.这样提心吊胆的状况实在叫人受不了。
• The director used ingenious devices to keep the audience in suspense.导演用巧妙手法引起观众的悬念。

8 attic   

n.顶楼，屋顶室

参考例句：

• Leakiness in the roof caused a damp attic.屋漏使顶楼潮湿。
• What's to be done with all this stuff in the attic?顶楼上的材料怎么处理？

9 restrictions   

约束( restriction的名词复数 )； 管制； 制约因素； 带限制性的条件（或规则）

参考例句：

• I found the restrictions irksome. 我对那些限制感到很烦。
• a snaggle of restrictions 杂乱无章的种种限制

10 sane   

adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的

参考例句：

• He was sane at the time of the murder.在凶杀案发生时他的神志是清醒的。
• He is a very sane person.他是一个很有头脑的人。

11 modesty   

n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素

参考例句：

• Industry and modesty are the chief factors of his success.勤奋和谦虚是他成功的主要因素。
• As conceit makes one lag behind,so modesty helps one make progress.骄傲使人落后，谦虚使人进步。

12 disturbance   

n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调

参考例句：

• He is suffering an emotional disturbance.他的情绪受到了困扰。
• You can work in here without any disturbance.在这儿你可不受任何干扰地工作。

13 serial   

n.连本影片，连本电视节目；adj.连续的

参考例句：

• A new serial is starting on television tonight.今晚电视开播一部新的电视连续剧。
• Can you account for the serial failures in our experiment?你能解释我们实验屡屡失败的原因吗？

14 journalism   

n.新闻工作，报业

参考例句：

• He's a teacher but he does some journalism on the side.他是教师，可还兼职做一些新闻工作。
• He had an aptitude for journalism.他有从事新闻工作的才能。

15 regenerate   

vt.使恢复，使新生；vi.恢复，再生；adj.恢复的

参考例句：

• Their aim is to regenerate British industry.他们的目的是复兴英国的工业。
• Although it is not easy,you have the power to regenerate your life.尽管这不容易，但你有使生活重获新生的能力。

16 barter   

n.物物交换，以货易货，实物交易

参考例句：

• Chickens,goats and rabbits were offered for barter at the bazaar.在集市上，鸡、山羊和兔子被摆出来作物物交换之用。
• They have arranged food imports on a barter basis.他们以易货贸易的方式安排食品进口。

17 exacting   

adj.苛求的，要求严格的

参考例句：

• He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision.他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
• The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed.随着时间的推移，公众的要求更趋严格。

18 banter   

n.嘲弄，戏谑；v.取笑，逗弄，开玩笑

参考例句：

• The actress exchanged banter with reporters.女演员与记者相互开玩笑。
• She engages in friendly banter with her customers.她常和顾客逗乐。

19 honourable   

adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的

参考例句：

• I don't think I am worthy of such an honourable title.这样的光荣称号，我可担当不起。
• I hope to find an honourable way of settling difficulties.我希望设法找到一个体面的办法以摆脱困境。

20 distress   

n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛

参考例句：

• Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
• Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

21 aloofness   

超然态度

参考例句：

• Why should I have treated him with such sharp aloofness? 但我为什么要给人一些严厉，一些端庄呢？ 来自汉英文学 - 中国现代小说
• He had an air of haughty aloofness. 他有一种高傲的神情。 来自辞典例句

22 simplicity   

n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯

参考例句：

• She dressed with elegant simplicity.她穿着朴素高雅。
• The beauty of this plan is its simplicity.简明扼要是这个计划的一大特点。