ON ELECTIONS

Ned M'Grane was reading the paper as Denis Monaghan came into the forge, with a hearty¹, "God save all here."

"God save you kindly², Denis," said Ned, "an' keep you from ever aspirin³' to be a candidate at an election."

"What's your raison for sayin' such a thing as that, Ned?"

"Well, Denis, I was just turnin' over in me mind all the lies that does be scattered⁴ around an' all the trickery an' deceit an' humbug⁵ that comes into the world durin' election times, an' I was just sayin' to meself, 'I hope an' pray, Ned M'Grane, that neither you nor any of your friends or relations or dacint neighbours 'll ever be tempted⁶ be the divil to go up as candidate for election, either as a Poor Law Guardian⁷, District Councillor, County Councillor, Mimber o' Parliament, or anythin' else that has to be voted for, because as sure as ever you do you'll have to turn on the tap o' the keg where every man keeps his store o' lies in case the truth ever fails him, an' let it flow like the Falls o' Niagara after a flood.' An' that's the raison, Denis, I put that tail on to 'God save you kindly,' because I don't want to see an old friend like yourself ever fallin' as low as that."

"I don't think there's much fear o' me, Ned."

[Pg 95]

"You never can tell, Denis; you never can tell. I seen sensibler men than Denis Monaghan—because, as you are well aware, you have a streak⁸ o' th' amadán in you, the same as meself—an' you'd think they'd never set the few brains they had trottin' an' twistin' about election honours, as they're called, an' then some fine day or another when th' Ould Boy finds it too hot to be at home an' takes to prowlin' an' meandrin' about the world he comes along an' shouts in a whisper into me honest man's brain box that it'd be a grand thing for him to have his name in the papers an' on big strips o' paper as wide as a quilt on every old wall an' gate post, an' to be elected as a councillor or a guardian an' be able to gabble round a table every week an' have people lookin' up to him an' thinkin' him a great fella, an' expectin' him to make the country a plot out o' the Garden of Eden, the same as is promised in every election address, and so me poor man, bein' maybe not on his guard, an' a bit seedy or sick or somethin' finds th' Ould Boy's palaver⁹ sweeter than the screechin' o' three hungry pigs, an' with his teeth waterin' he makes up his mind to go forward as a candidate. An' that's how the whole thing happens, Denis.

"You know yourself the blathers an' the humbugs¹⁰ dacint men make o' themselves when they set out on the road to a Council seat or to be a chip o' the Board o' Guardians¹¹ or an M.P., or anythin' else that has to be voted for, an' you know all the lies an' tomfoolery that's pelted¹² about like clods at such a time. One fella says that he'll cut the taxes across in the middle, the same as if you got a splash-hook at them, an'[Pg 96] another fella promises to mend all the broken backed bridges in the barony, an' another is goin' to get a pound a week an' a two story house an' a farm o' land for every labourin' man that he's fond of, an' another is goin' to revive th' old ancient language of Ireland, although he doesn't know a word of it himself, an' another playboy 'll make it his business to see that every child gets a vote as soon as he's in short clothes an' weaned off the bottle, an' they go on romancin' out o' them an' makin' up lies that'd lift the skin off your head, let alone the hair, if you started to consider an' ponder over them, and there you have quiet, honest next-door neighbours callin' each other names an' tryin' to clip th' ears off each other with their ash poles for sake o' puttin' one or th' other o' the tricks I was talkin' about at the head o' the list on the day the election is on. An' when they get in the bridges may mend themselves an' the houses for the labourers may grow like mushrooms or daisies, an' the fairies may bring back th' old ancient language an' the women may go about breakin' the world up into little bits lookin' for votes, but the boyo that was goin' to do everythin' takes a sudden fit of forgettin' an' never gets over it until the next election whistles to say it's comin'. Every time I see an election, Denis, I can't help thinkin' that there's a terrible lot o' knaves¹³ an' goms in the world still, in spite o' the free libraries an' everythin'.

"Did I ever tell you about the election that was over in the West—I think it was in Galway—a few years ago? It showed that there was one sensible man left in the world. There was a lot o' fellas up for[Pg 97] election an' 'twas goin' to be a close fight, as close as a circus tumbler's shirt. One boyo hit on a plan of advertisin' himself, so he got up a big competition, as he called it, an' offered a ham to be won be the man that could give the best raison why he was to vote for this candidate above all th' others. Well, there was a terrible hub-bub an' hullabuloo over it, an' the night came to decide about the ham, an' every man for five miles around was packed into the town hall, an' everyone o' them wantin' to get his lie in first, an' the teeth waterin' with everyone o' them an' they lookin' up at the ham that was hangin' over the platform. An' when th' examination started every mother's son o' them had a raison as long as your arm, an' some o' them wrote down on paper—one fella said it was because he knew the country 'd be the better of it, an' another because he had a longin' after truth an' honesty, an' another because his conscience said it was the right thing to do, and so on, till it came to a little man that was that tight squeezed against the door at the far end o' the hall that his tongue was out, an' his face red, an' he twistin' like an eel¹⁴ in a cleeve. When it came to his turn: 'Well, me friend,' says the candidate, 'what's your raison for sayin' I ought to be elected?' 'Because I want that ham,' the little man squeaked¹⁵ out of him, an' it's all he was able to say on account o' bein' jammed so tight. But he got the ham."

1 hearty   

adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的

参考例句：

• After work they made a hearty meal in the worker's canteen.工作完了，他们在工人食堂饱餐了一顿。
• We accorded him a hearty welcome.我们给他热忱的欢迎。

2 kindly   

adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地

参考例句：

• Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
• A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

3 aspirin   

n.阿司匹林

参考例句：

• The aspirin seems to quiet the headache.阿司匹林似乎使头痛减轻了。
• She went into a chemist's and bought some aspirin.她进了一家药店，买了些阿司匹林。

4 scattered   

adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的

参考例句：

• Gathering up his scattered papers,he pushed them into his case.他把散乱的文件收拾起来，塞进文件夹里。

5 humbug   

n.花招，谎话，欺骗

参考例句：

• I know my words can seem to him nothing but utter humbug.我知道，我说的话在他看来不过是彻头彻尾的慌言。
• All their fine words are nothing but humbug.他们的一切花言巧语都是骗人的。

6 tempted   

v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词）

参考例句：

• I was sorely tempted to complain, but I didn't. 我极想发牢骚，但还是没开口。
• I was tempted by the dessert menu. 甜食菜单馋得我垂涎欲滴。

7 guardian   

n.监护人；守卫者，保护者

参考例句：

• The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
• The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。

8 streak   

n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动

参考例句：

• The Indians used to streak their faces with paint.印第安人过去常用颜料在脸上涂条纹。
• Why did you streak the tree?你为什么在树上刻条纹？

9 palaver   

adj.壮丽堂皇的；n.废话，空话

参考例句：

• We don't want all that palaver,do we?我们不想那样小题大做，不是吗？
• Progress is neither proclamation nor palaver.进步不是宣言，也不是空谈。

10 humbugs   

欺骗( humbug的名词复数 )； 虚伪； 骗子； 薄荷硬糖

参考例句：

11 guardians   

监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者

参考例句：

• Farmers should be guardians of the countryside. 农民应是乡村的保卫者。
• The police are guardians of law and order. 警察是法律和秩序的护卫者。

12 pelted   

（连续地）投掷( pelt的过去式和过去分词 )； 连续抨击； 攻击； 剥去…的皮

参考例句：

• The children pelted him with snowballs. 孩子们向他投掷雪球。
• The rain pelted down. 天下着大雨。

13 knaves   

n.恶棍，无赖( knave的名词复数 )；（纸牌中的）杰克

参考例句：

• Give knaves an inch and they will take a yard. 我一日三餐都吃得很丰盛。 来自互联网
• Knaves and robbers can obtain only what was before possessed by others. 流氓、窃贼只能攫取原先由别人占有的财富。 来自互联网

14 eel   

n.鳗鲡

参考例句：

• He used an eel spear to catch an eel.他用一只捕鳗叉捕鳗鱼。
• In Suzhou,there was a restaurant that specialized in eel noodles.苏州有一家饭馆，他们那里的招牌菜是鳗鱼面。

15 squeaked   

v.短促地尖叫( squeak的过去式和过去分词 )；吱吱叫；告密；充当告密者

参考例句：

• The radio squeaked five. 收音机里嘟嘟地发出五点钟报时讯号。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Amy's shoes squeaked on the tiles as she walked down the corridor. 埃米走过走廊时，鞋子踩在地砖上嘎吱作响。 来自辞典例句