Memory is no longer fragmentary and episodic. Life here begins to be a story, ever broken, ever clouded, with radiant hours amid its many sadnesses, quaint3 and adorable surprises ever coming to dry the tears of blank despair and solitude4; an Irish melody of mirth and melancholy5, all sorts of unimaginable tempests of passion and tears, soothed6 as instantaneously as evoked7, by the quickening touch of rapture8 and racial buoyancy. Mine was the loneliest, the[Pg 90] most tragic9 of childhoods, yet I doubt if any little creature has ever been more susceptible10 to the intoxication11 of laughter, more vividly12 responsive to every mirthful and emotional claim of life.
After my singular and enchanting13 experience of the police-station, where, as a rule, the hardened instruments of justice are not permitted to show themselves in so gracious and hospitable14 a light, it was decided15 to expatriate the poor little rebel beyond the strip of sullen16 sea that divides the shamrock shores from the home of the rose. There, at least, vagrant17 fancies would be safely sheltered behind high conventual walls, and the most unmerciful ladies of Mercy, in a picturesque18 midland town of England, were requested to train and guide me in the path I was not destined19 to adorn20, or indeed to persevere21 in.
Pending22 the accomplishment23 of my doom24, I was removed from the centre of domestic discord25 and martyrdom to the suburban26 quiet of my grandfather's house.
This decision had its unexpected compensation. The cross old cook, whom I had not seen since the day I stole her bowl of damson-jam, had disappeared to make way for Mary Ann, the[Pg 91] divine, the mysterious, the sublime, the ever-delicious Mary Ann. Where did she come from, whither has she vanished, the soother27 of the sorrows of those most lamentable28 days?
Alas29! now I know the secret of her enchantment30, of those perishable31 surprises of mood and imagination that so perpetually lifted me out of my miserable32 self, diverted me in my tragic gloom, and sent me to bed each night in a state of delightful33 excitement. Mary Ann drank punch, and on the fiery34 wings of alcoholism wafted35 herself and me, her astonished satellite, into the land of revelry and mad movement. How ardently36, then, I yearned37 for the reform of poor humanity through the joyous38 amenities39 of punch. Had my grandmother up-stairs consumed punch instead of her embittering40 egg-flip! Had the ladies of Mercy, my future persecutors, drunk punch, the world might have proved a hilarious41 playground for me instead of a desperate school of adversity.
Mary Ann possessed42 a single blemish43 in a nature fashioned to captivate a lonely and excitable child. She worshipped my uncle Lionel. My uncle Lionel was his mother's favourite—a Glasgow lad, my grandfather contemptuously defined him, without the Cameron nose; a fine,[Pg 92] handsome, fair young fellow, the picture of my mother, extremely distinguished44 in manner and appearance, and reputed to be a genius. He is said to have written quantities of superlative verse which he disdained45 to publish; but as nobody ever saw even the manuscript, we may regard the achievement as apocryphal46. He had finished his studies in Paris, which explained a terrifying habit, whenever he met me—frightening the wits out of me the while by his furious look—of bursting out into what I afterwards learnt to be an old French song: "Corbleu, madame, que faites vous ici?"
I wish grown-up persons could realise the shudder47 of terror that ran through me and momentarily dimmed for me the light of day, when I heard that loud voice, encountered the mock ferocity of that blue glance, and then felt myself roughly captured by strong arms, lifted up, and a shaven chin drawn48 excruciatingly across my tender small visage. These are trifles to read of, but what is a trifle in childhood? A child feeds greedily upon its own excesses of sensation, thrives upon them, or is consumed by them. To these early terrors, these accumulated emotions, these swift alternations of anguish49 and rapture, which made opening [Pg 93]existence for me a sort of swing, perpetually flying and dropping between tears and laughter, from radiant heights, without transition, to pitch darkness, do I attribute the nervous illnesses that have so remorselessly pursued me in after-years. The wonder is the mind itself did not give way.
Big language for a handsome young man with a blonde moustache and an elegant figure to have provoked, with his Corbleu, madame! his theatrical50 fury, and his shaven chin. He now and then gave me a shilling to console me, which shilling I spontaneously offered to Mary Ann, whose real consolation51 it was, since it filled the steaming glass for her and my friend Dennis, the red-nosed coachman, and permitted me to sit in front of them, a grave and awed52 spectator of their aged53 frolics.
Immoral54 undoubtedly55, yet that evening bumper56 of punch converted Mary Ann into a charming companion. She and the fire in front of us—for it was on the verge57 of winter—cheered me as I had not yet been cheered since I had left my kind Kildare folk. The tyrants58 sat above in state, while I, enthralled59 below, listened to Mary Ann, as she wandered impartially60 from legend to reminiscence and [Pg 94]anecdote, and not infrequently burst into song and dance.
Her sense of hospitality was warm and unlimited61. Dennis she welcomed with a "Troth an' 'tis yourself, Dennis, me boy." For me she placed a chair opposite her own, and sometimes, in the midst of her enjoyment62, stopped to help me to a spoonful of the stimulating63 liquid from her tumbler, remarking with a wink64 that it brightened my eyes and considerably65 heightened my beauty. It certainly made me cough, sputter66, and smartened my eyelids67 with the quick sensation of tears, and then she would meditatively68 refer to the days when she too was young, and had pink cheeks and eyes the boys thought were never intended for the salvation69 of her soul. I was a curious child, and was eager for an explanation of the dark saying, on which Dennis would chuck my chin, with the liveliest of sympathetic grimaces70 across at the irresistible71 Mary Ann, which made the saying darker still, and Mary Ann would fling herself back in her chair convulsed with laughter.
"Ah, Miss Angela, 'twas the devil of a colleen I was in thim days, most outrageous72, with a foot, I tell ye, as light as thim cratures as dances be moonlight. Sure didn't I once dance down Rory[Pg 95] Evans in the big barn of Farmer Donoghue's at Clonakilty, when there was that cheering, I tell ye, fit to lift the roof off the house."
At this point she invariably illustrated73 the tale of her terpsichorean74 prowess in a legendary75 past by what she called "illigant step dancing," and endeavoured to teach me the Irish jig76. She observed with indulgent contempt that I showed a fine capacity for the stamping and whirling and the triumphant77 shout, but I failed altogether in the noble science of "step dancing."
But what I preferred to the dancing, exciting as it was, were the ghost-stories, the legends of banshees, the thrilling and beautiful tales of the Colleen Bawn and Feeney the Robber. Those two were for long the hero and heroine of my infancy78. Gerald Griffin's romance she, oddly enough, knew by heart. I forget now most of the names of the persons of the drama, but at seven I knew them all as dear and intimate friends: the forlorn young man who wrote those magic lines, "A place in thy memory, dearest"—did even Shelley later ever stir my bosom79 with fonder and deeper and less lucid80 emotions than those provoked by those tinkling81 lines, breathed from the soul of Mary Ann upon the fumes82 of punch?—the perfidious83 hero who once, like[Pg 96] Mary Ann, drank too much and danced a jig when he ought to have been otherwise engaged, Miles, Anne Chute, and the lovely betrayed Eily.
I knew them all, wept for them as I had never wept for myself, and was only lifted out of a crushing sense of universal woe84 when Dennis produced an orange, which was his habit whenever he saw me on the point of succumbing85 under alien disaster.
Sometimes, to entertain my hosts, I would volunteer to warble my strange symphonies, and was never so ecstatically happy as when I felt the tears of musical rapture roll down my cheeks, when Dennis, by way of applause, always observed lugubriously—
"Ah, 'twas the poor master was proud indeed of her voice. 'She'll be a Catherine Hayes yet, you'll see, Dennis,' he used to say, 'or maybe she'll compose illigant operas.'"
Alas! I neither sing nor compose, and listen to the singing and the music of others with unemotional quietude. So many different achievements have been fondly expected of me, that I have preferred the alternative of achieving nothing. Better demolish86 a multitude of expectations than build one's house of the perishable bricks of a single one!
Preparations for my departure around me must have been going on, but I perceived nothing of them. I vaguely87 remember daily acquaintance with a dame's school in the neighbourhood, whither Mary Ann conducted me every morning. But remembrance confines itself to the first positive delights of a slate88 and pencil. Next to my own operas and Mary Ann's stories, I could conceive nothing on earth more fascinating than a certain slate, after I had arduously89 polished it, a slate-pencil, and leisure to draw what I liked on the blue-grey square. There were little boys and girls on the benches before and behind me, but I only see myself absorbed with my new pleasure, making strokes and curves and letters, and effacing90 them with impassioned gravity.
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1 attained | |
(通常经过努力)实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 ); 达到; 获得; 达到(某年龄、水平、状况) | |
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2 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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3 quaint | |
adj.古雅的,离奇有趣的,奇怪的 | |
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4 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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5 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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6 soothed | |
v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 );抚慰;使舒服;减轻痛苦 | |
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7 evoked | |
[医]诱发的 | |
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8 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
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9 tragic | |
adj.悲剧的,悲剧性的,悲惨的 | |
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10 susceptible | |
adj.过敏的,敏感的;易动感情的,易受感动的 | |
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11 intoxication | |
n.wild excitement;drunkenness;poisoning | |
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12 vividly | |
adv.清楚地,鲜明地,生动地 | |
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13 enchanting | |
a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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14 hospitable | |
adj.好客的;宽容的;有利的,适宜的 | |
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15 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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16 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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17 vagrant | |
n.流浪者,游民;adj.流浪的,漂泊不定的 | |
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18 picturesque | |
adj.美丽如画的,(语言)生动的,绘声绘色的 | |
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19 destined | |
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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20 adorn | |
vt.使美化,装饰 | |
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21 persevere | |
v.坚持,坚忍,不屈不挠 | |
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22 pending | |
prep.直到,等待…期间;adj.待定的;迫近的 | |
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23 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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24 doom | |
n.厄运,劫数;v.注定,命定 | |
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25 discord | |
n.不和,意见不合,争论,(音乐)不和谐 | |
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26 suburban | |
adj.城郊的,在郊区的 | |
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27 soother | |
n.抚慰者,橡皮奶头 | |
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28 lamentable | |
adj.令人惋惜的,悔恨的 | |
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29 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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30 enchantment | |
n.迷惑,妖术,魅力 | |
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31 perishable | |
adj.(尤指食物)易腐的,易坏的 | |
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32 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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33 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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34 fiery | |
adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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35 wafted | |
v.吹送,飘送,(使)浮动( waft的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36 ardently | |
adv.热心地,热烈地 | |
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37 yearned | |
渴望,切盼,向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38 joyous | |
adj.充满快乐的;令人高兴的 | |
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39 amenities | |
n.令人愉快的事物;礼仪;礼节;便利设施;礼仪( amenity的名词复数 );便利设施;(环境等的)舒适;(性情等的)愉快 | |
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40 embittering | |
v.使怨恨,激怒( embitter的现在分词 ) | |
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41 hilarious | |
adj.充满笑声的,欢闹的;[反]depressed | |
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42 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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43 blemish | |
v.损害;玷污;瑕疵,缺点 | |
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44 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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45 disdained | |
鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 ); 不屑于做,不愿意做 | |
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46 apocryphal | |
adj.假冒的,虚假的 | |
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47 shudder | |
v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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48 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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49 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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50 theatrical | |
adj.剧场的,演戏的;做戏似的,做作的 | |
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51 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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52 awed | |
adj.充满敬畏的,表示敬畏的v.使敬畏,使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53 aged | |
adj.年老的,陈年的 | |
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54 immoral | |
adj.不道德的,淫荡的,荒淫的,有伤风化的 | |
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55 undoubtedly | |
adv.确实地,无疑地 | |
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56 bumper | |
n.(汽车上的)保险杠;adj.特大的,丰盛的 | |
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57 verge | |
n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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58 tyrants | |
专制统治者( tyrant的名词复数 ); 暴君似的人; (古希腊的)僭主; 严酷的事物 | |
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59 enthralled | |
迷住,吸引住( enthrall的过去式和过去分词 ); 使感到非常愉快 | |
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60 impartially | |
adv.公平地,无私地 | |
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61 unlimited | |
adj.无限的,不受控制的,无条件的 | |
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62 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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63 stimulating | |
adj.有启发性的,能激发人思考的 | |
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64 wink | |
n.眨眼,使眼色,瞬间;v.眨眼,使眼色,闪烁 | |
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65 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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66 sputter | |
n.喷溅声;v.喷溅 | |
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67 eyelids | |
n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 );眼睛也不眨一下;不露声色;面不改色 | |
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68 meditatively | |
adv.冥想地 | |
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69 salvation | |
n.(尤指基督)救世,超度,拯救,解困 | |
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70 grimaces | |
n.(表蔑视、厌恶等)面部扭曲,鬼脸( grimace的名词复数 )v.扮鬼相,做鬼脸( grimace的第三人称单数 ) | |
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71 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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72 outrageous | |
adj.无理的,令人不能容忍的 | |
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73 illustrated | |
adj. 有插图的,列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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74 terpsichorean | |
adj.舞蹈的;n.舞蹈家 | |
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75 legendary | |
adj.传奇(中)的,闻名遐迩的;n.传奇(文学) | |
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76 jig | |
n.快步舞(曲);v.上下晃动;用夹具辅助加工;蹦蹦跳跳 | |
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77 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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78 infancy | |
n.婴儿期;幼年期;初期 | |
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79 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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80 lucid | |
adj.明白易懂的,清晰的,头脑清楚的 | |
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81 tinkling | |
n.丁当作响声 | |
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82 fumes | |
n.(强烈而刺激的)气味,气体 | |
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83 perfidious | |
adj.不忠的,背信弃义的 | |
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84 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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85 succumbing | |
不再抵抗(诱惑、疾病、攻击等)( succumb的现在分词 ); 屈从; 被压垮; 死 | |
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86 demolish | |
v.拆毁(建筑物等),推翻(计划、制度等) | |
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87 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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88 slate | |
n.板岩,石板,石片,石板色,候选人名单;adj.暗蓝灰色的,含板岩的;vt.用石板覆盖,痛打,提名,预订 | |
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89 arduously | |
adv.费力地,严酷地 | |
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90 effacing | |
谦逊的 | |
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