PETER ODD, at this epoch1 of his life, felt that he was resting on his oars2 and drifting. He had spent his life in strenuous3 rowing. He had seen much, thought much, done much; yet he had made for no goal, and had won no race; how should he, when he had not yet made up his mind that racing4 for anything was worth while?
Perhaps the two years in Parliament had most closely savored5 of consciously applied6 contest, and in that contest Odd considered himself beaten, and its efforts as though they had never been. Every one had told him that to bring the student’s ideals into the political arena7 was to insure defeat; one’s friends would consider a carefully discriminating8 honesty and broad-mindedness mere9 disloyal luke-warmness, foolish hair-splitting feebleness; one’s enemies would rejoice and triumph in the impartiality10 of an opponent. Certainly he had been defeated, and he could not see that his example had in any way been effectual. At all events, he had held to the ideals.
His fine critical taste found even his own books but crude and partial expressions of still groping thoughts. His unexpressed intention, good indeed, if one might so call its indefiniteness, had been to make the world better for having lived in it; better, or at least wiser. But he doubted the saving power of his own sceptical utterances11; the world could not be saved by the balancings of a mind that saw the tolerant point of view of every question, a mind itself so unassured of results. A strong dash of fanaticism12 is necessary for success, and Odd had not the slightest flavor of fanaticism. Perhaps he had given a little pleasure in his more purely13 literary studies, and Peter thought that he would stick to them in the future, but he had put the future away from him just now. He had only returned from the great passivity of the Orient a few weeks ago, and its example seemed to denote drifting as the supreme14 wisdom. No effort, no desire; a peaceful receptivity, a peaceful acceptance of the smiles or buffets15 of fate; that was Odd’s ideal—for the present. He was a little sick of everything. The Occidental’s energy for combat was lulled16 within him, and the Occidental’s individualistic tendencies seemed to stretch themselves in a long yawn expressive17 of an amused and tolerant observation free from striving; and, for an Occidental, this mood is dangerous. Odd also did a good deal of listening to very modern and very clever French talk. He knew many clever Frenchmen. He did not agree with all of them, but, as he was not sure of his own grounds for disagreement, he held his peace and listened smilingly. Certainly the exclusively artistic18 standpoint was a most comforting and absorbing plaything to fall back on.
Peter’s friends talked of the amusing and touching19 spectacle of the universe. The representation of each man’s illusion on the subject, and the manner of that representation, were never-ceasing sources of interest. Peter also read a little at the Bibliothèque Nationale, paid a few calls, dined out pretty constantly, and bicycled a great deal in the mornings with Katherine Archinard. She understood things well, and her taste was as sure and as delicate as even Odd could ask. Katherine had absorbed a great deal of culture during her wanderings, and it would have taken a long time for any one to find out that it was of a rather second-hand20 quality, and sought more for attainment21 than for enjoyment22. Katherine talked with clever people and read clever reviews, and being clever herself, with a very acute critical taste, she knew with the utmost refinement23 of perception just what to like and just what to dislike; and as she tolerated only the very best, her liking24 gave value. Yet au fond Katherine did not really care even for the very very best. Her appreciation25 was negative. She excelled in a finely smiling, superior scorn, and could pick flaws in almost any one’s enjoyment, if she chose to do so. Katherine, however, was kind-hearted and tactful, and did not arouse dislike by displaying her cleverness except to people who would like it. Enthusiasm was banal27, and Katherine was not often required to feign28 where she did not feel it; her very rigor29 and exclusiveness of taste implied an appreciation too high for expression; but Katherine had no enthusiasm.
Her rebellious30 and iconoclastic31 young energy amused Odd. He thought her rather pathetic in a way. There was a look of daring and revolt in her eye that pleased his lazy spirit. Meanwhile Hilda troubled him.
Would she never bicycle? Katherine, wheeling lightly erect32 beside him, gave the little shake of the head and shrug33 of the shoulders characteristic of her. She evidently found no fault with Hilda. Others might do so—the shrug implied that, implied as well that Katherine herself perhaps owned that her sister’s impracticable unreason gave grounds for fault-finding—but Hilda was near her heart.
When could he see her? That, too, seemed wrapped in the general cloud of vagueness, unaccountableness that surrounded Hilda. Odd called twice in the evening; once to be received by Katherine alone, Hilda was already in dèshabille it seemed, and once to find not even Katherine; she was dining out, and Miss Hilda in bed. In bed at nine! “Was she ill?” he asked of Taylor. Wilson had evidently accompanied the Captain.
“No wonder if she were, sir,” Taylor had replied, with a touch of the grievance34 in her tone that Hilda always seemed to arouse in those about her; “but no, she’s only that tired!” and Odd departed with a deepened sense of Hilda’s wilful35 immolation36. Katherine brought him home to lunch on several occasions after the bicycling, but Hilda was never there. She lunched at her studio.
On a third call Hilda appeared, but only as he was on the point of going. She wore the same black dress, and the same look of unnatural37 pallor.
“Hilda,” said Odd, for amid these unfamiliar38 conditions he still used the familiar appellation39, “I must see the cause of all this.”
“Of what?” Her smile was certainly the sweet smile he remembered.
“Of this unearthly devotion; these white cheeks.”
“Hilda is naturally pale,” put in Mrs Archinard; “she has my skin. But, of course, now she is a ghost.”
“Well, I want to see the haunted studio. I want to see the masterpieces.” Odd spoke40 with a touch of gentle irony41 that did not seem to offend Hilda.
“You will see nothing either uncanny or unusual.”
“Well, at all events, when can I come to see you in your studio?” The vague look crossed Hilda’s smile.
“You see—I work very hard;” she hesitated, seemed even to cast a beseeching42 glance at Katherine, standing43 near. Katherine was watching her.
“She is getting ready her pictures for the Champs de Mars. But, Hilda, Mr. Odd may come some morning.”
“Oh yes. Some morning. I thought you always bicycled in the morning. I wish you would come, it would be so nice to see you there!” she spoke with a gay and sudden warmth; “only you must tell me when to expect you. My studio must be looking nicely and my model presentable.”
“I will take Mr. Odd to-morrow,” said Katherine, “he would never find his way.”
“Thanks, that will be very jolly,” said Odd, conscious that an unescorted visit would have been more so, yet wondering whether Hilda alone might not be more disconcerting than Hilda aided and abetted44 by her sister.
So the next morning he called for Katherine, and they walked to a veritable nest of ateliers near the Place des Ternes, where they climbed interminable stairs to the very highest studio of all, and here, in very bare and business-like surroundings, they found Hilda. She left her easel to open the door to them. A red-haired woman was lying on a sofa in a far, dim corner, a vase of white flowers at her head. There was a big linen45 apron46 of butcher’s blue over the black dress, and Hilda looked very neat, less pallid47, too, than Odd had seen her look as yet. Her skin had blue shadows under the chin and nose, and a blue shadow made a mystery beneath the long sweep of her eyebrows48 and about her beautiful eyes. But when she turned her head to the light, Odd saw that the lips were red and the cheeks freshly and faintly tinted49.
He was surprised by the picture on the big easel; the teapot had not prepared him for it. A rather small picture, the figure flung to its graceful50, lazy length, only a fourth life-size. It was a picture of elusive51 shadows, touched with warmer lights in its grays and greens. The woman’s half-hidden face was exquisite52 in color. The sweep of her pale gown, half lost in demi-tint, lay over her like the folded wings of a tired moth53. The white flowers stood like dreams in the dreamy atmosphere.
“Hilda, I can almost forgive you.” Odd stood staring before the canvas; he had put on his eye-glass. “Really this atones54.”
“Isn’t it wonderfully simple, wonderfully decorative55?” said Katherine, “all those long, sleepy lines. My clever little Hilda!”
“My clever, clever little Hilda!” Odd repeated, turning to look at the young artist. Her eyes met his with their wide, sweet gaze that said nothing. Hilda was evidently only capable of saying things on canvas.
“It is lovely.”
“You like it really?”
“I really think it is about as charming a picture as I have seen a woman do. So womanly too.” Odd turned to Katherine, it was difficult not to merge56 Hilda in her art, not to talk about her talent as a thing apart from her personality: “She expresses herself, she doesn’t imitate.”
“Perhaps that is rather unwomanly,” laughed Katherine: “a crawling imitativeness seems unfortunately characteristic. Certainly Hilda has none of it. She has inspired me with hopes for my sex.”
“Really cleverer than Madame Morisot,” said Odd, looking back to the canvas, “delightful as she is! She could touch a few notes surely, gracefully57; Hilda has got hold of a chord. Yes, Hilda, you are an artist. Have you any others?”
Hilda brought forward two. One was a small study of a branch of pink blossoms in a white porcelain58 vase; the other a woman in white standing at a window and looking out at the twilight59. This last was, perhaps, the cleverest of the three; the lines of the woman’s back, shoulder, profil perdu, astonishingly beautiful.
“You are fond of dreams and shadows, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t a very wide range, but one can only try to do the things one is fitted for. I like all sorts of pictures, but I like to paint demi-tints and twilights and soft lamplight effects.”
“‘Car nous voulons la nuance60 encor—
pas la couleur, rien que la nuance,’”
chanted Katharine. “Hilda lives in dreams and shadows, I think, Mr. Odd, so naturally she paints them. ‘L’art c’est la nature, vue à travers un temperament61’. Excuse my spouting62.”
“So your temperament is a stuff that dreams are made of. Well, Hilda, make as many as you can. Hello! is that another old friend I see?” On turning to Hilda he had caught sight of a dachshund—rather white about the muzzle63, but very luminous64 and gentle of eye—stretching himself from a nap behind the little stove in the corner. He came toward them with a kindly65 wag of the tail.
“Is this Palamon or Arcite?”
A change came over Hilda’s face.
“That is Palamon; poor old Palamon. Arcite fulfilled his character by dying first.”
“And Darwin and Spencer?”
“Dead, too; Spencer was run over.”
“Poor old Palamon! Poor old dog!” Odd had lifted the dog in his arms, and was scratching the silky smooth ears as only a dog-lover knows how. Palamon’s head slowly turned to one side in an ecstasy66 of appreciation. Odd looked down at Hilda. Katherine was behind him. “Poor Palamon, ‘allone, withouten any companye.’” Hilda’s eyes met his in a sad, startled look, then she dropped them to Palamon, who was now putting out his tongue towards Odd’s face with grateful emotion.
“Yes,” she said gently, putting her hand caressingly67 on the dog’s head; her slim, cold fingers just brushed Odd’s; “yes, poor Palamon.” She was silent, and there was silence behind them, for Katherine, with her usual good-humored tact26, was examining the picture. The model on the sofa stretched her arms and yawned a long, scraping yawn. Palamon gave a short, brisk bark, and looked quickly and suspiciously round the studio. Both Odd and Hilda laughed.
“But not ‘allone,’ after all,” said Odd. “Is he a great deal with you? That is a different kind of company, but Palamon is the gainer.”
“We mustn’t judge Palamon by our own standards,” smiled Hilda, “though highly civilized68 dogs like him don’t show many social instincts towards their own kind. He did miss Arcite though, at first, I am sure; but he certainly is not lonely. I bring him here with me, and when I am at home he is always in my room. I think all the walking he gets is good for him. You see in what good condition he is.”
Palamon still showing signs of restlessness over the yawn, Odd put him down. He was evidently on cordial terms with the model, for he trotted69 affably toward her, standing with a lazy, smiling wave of the tail before her, while she addressed him with discreetly70 low-toned, whispering warmth as “Mon chou! Mon bijou! Mon petit lapin à la sauce blanche!”
“Don’t you get very tired working here all day?” Odd asked.
“Sometimes. But anything worth doing makes one tired, doesn’t it?”
“You take your art very seriously, Hilda?”
“Sometimes—yes—I take it seriously.” Hilda smiled her slight, reserved smile.
“Well, I can’t blame you; you really have something to say.”
“Hilda, I am afraid we are becoming de trop. I must carry you off, Mr. Odd. Hilda’s moments are golden.”
“That is a sisterly exaggeration,” said Hilda. Had all her personality gone into her pictures? was she a self-centred little egotist? Odd wondered, as he and Katherine walked away together. Katherine’s warmly human qualities seemed particularly consoling after the chill of the abstract one felt in Hilda’s studio.
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1
epoch
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| n.(新)时代；历元 | |
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oars
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| n.桨，橹( oar的名词复数 )；划手v.划（行）( oar的第三人称单数 ) | |
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strenuous
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| adj.奋发的，使劲的；紧张的；热烈的，狂热的 | |
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racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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savored
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| v.意味，带有…的性质( savor的过去式和过去分词 )；给…加调味品；使有风味；品尝 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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arena
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| n.竞技场，运动场所；竞争场所，舞台 | |
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8
discriminating
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| a.有辨别能力的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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impartiality
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| n. 公平, 无私, 不偏 | |
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utterances
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| n.发声( utterance的名词复数 )；说话方式；语调；言论 | |
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fanaticism
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| n.狂热，盲信 | |
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13
purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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14
supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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buffets
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| （火车站的）饮食柜台( buffet的名词复数 )； （火车的）餐车； 自助餐 | |
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16
lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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second-hand
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| adj.用过的，旧的，二手的 | |
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21
attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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22
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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24
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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banal
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| adj.陈腐的，平庸的 | |
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feign
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| vt.假装，佯作 | |
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rigor
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| n.严酷，严格，严厉 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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iconoclastic
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| adj.偶像破坏的，打破旧习的 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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33
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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34
grievance
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| n.怨愤，气恼，委屈 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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immolation
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| n.牺牲品 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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unfamiliar
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| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
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appellation
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| n.名称，称呼 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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41
irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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42
beseeching
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| adj.恳求似的v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的现在分词 ) | |
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43
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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44
abetted
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| v.教唆（犯罪）( abet的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；怂恿；支持 | |
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45
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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46
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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47
pallid
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| adj.苍白的，呆板的 | |
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48
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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49
tinted
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| adj. 带色彩的 动词tint的过去式和过去分词 | |
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50
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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51
elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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52
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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53
moth
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| n.蛾，蛀虫 | |
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54
atones
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| v.补偿，赎（罪）( atone的第三人称单数 )；补偿，弥补，赎回 | |
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55
decorative
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| adj.装饰的，可作装饰的 | |
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56
merge
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| v.(使)结合，(使)合并，(使)合为一体 | |
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57
gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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58
porcelain
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| n.瓷；adj.瓷的，瓷制的 | |
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59
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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60
nuance
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| n.(意义、意见、颜色)细微差别 | |
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61
temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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spouting
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| n.水落管系统v.（指液体）喷出( spout的现在分词 )；滔滔不绝地讲；喋喋不休地说；喷水 | |
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muzzle
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| n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默 | |
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64
luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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65
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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66
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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caressingly
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| 爱抚地，亲切地 | |
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68
civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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69
trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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discreetly
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| ad.(言行)审慎地，慎重地 | |
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