She reached the shabby landing on which two or three sheep-skins laid at the doors of the rooms served for carpet, and there, indeed, she paused awhile and pressed her hand to her side to still the beating of her heart. She gazed through the window. On the sweep below, Calamy was shaking out the cloth, while two or three hens clucked about his feet, and a cat seated at a distance watched the operation with dignity. In the field beyond the brook5 a dog barked joyously6 as it rounded up some sheep. Miss Peacock's voice, scolding a maid, came up from below. All was going on as usual, going on callous7 and heedless: while she--she had that before her which turned her sick and faint, which for her, timid and subject, was almost worse than death.
And with her on this forlorn hope went no comrades, no tramp of marching feet, no watching eyes of thousands, no bugle8 note to cheer her. Only Clement9's shade--waiting.
She might still draw back. But when she had once spoken there could be no drawing back. A voice whispered in her ear that she had better think it over--just once more, better wait a little longer to see if aught would happen, revolve11 it once again in her mind. Possibly there might be some other, some easier, some safer way.
But she knew what that whisper meant, and she turned from the window and grasped the handle of the door. She went in. Her father was sitting beside the fire. His back was towards her, he was smoking his after-breakfast pipe. She might still retreat, or--or she might say what she liked, ask perhaps if he wanted anything. He would never suspect, never conceive in his wildest moments the thing that she had come to confess. It was not too late even now--to draw back.
She went to the other side of the table on which his elbow rested, and she stood there, steadying herself by a hand which she laid on the table. She was sick with fear, her tongue clung to her mouth, her very lips were white. But she forced herself to speak. "Father, I have something--to tell you," she said.
"Eh?" He turned sharply. "What's that?" She had not been able to control her voice, and he knew in a moment that something was wrong. "What ha' you been doing?"
Now! Now, or never! The words she had so often repeated to herself rang in her ears. "Do you know who it was," she said, "who saved you that night, sir? The night you were--hurt?"
He turned himself a little more towards her. "Who? Who it was?" he repeated. "What art talking about, girl? Why, the lad, to be sure. Who else?"
"No, sir," she said, shaking from head to foot, so that the table rocked audibly under her hand. "It was Mr. Ovington's son. And--and I love him. And he wishes to marry me."
The Squire12 did not say a word. He sat, his head erect13 still as a stone.
"And I want--to help him," she added, her voice dying away with the words. Her knees were so weak, that but for the support of the table she must have sunk on the floor.
Still the Squire did not speak. His jaw14 had fallen. He sat, arrested in the attitude of listening, his face partly turned from her, his pipe held stiffly in his hand. At last, "Ovington's son wants to marry you?" he repeated, in a tone so even that it might have deceived many.
"He saved your life!" she cried. She clung desperately15 to that.
"And you love him?"
"Oh, I do! I do!"
He paused as if he still listened, still expected more. Then in a low voice, "The girl is mad," he muttered. "My God, the girl is mad! Or I am mad! Blind and mad, like the old king! Ay, blind and mad!" He let the pipe fall from his hand to the floor, and he groped for his stick that he might rap and summon assistance. But in his agitation16 he could not find the stick.
Then, as he still felt for it with a flurried hand, nature or despair prompted her, and the girl who had never caressed17 him in her life, never taken a liberty with him, never ventured on the smallest familiarity, never gone beyond the morning and evening kiss, timidly given and frigidly18 received, sank on the floor and clasped his knees, pressed herself against him. "Oh, father, father! I am not mad," she cried, "I am not mad. Hear me! Oh, hear me!" A pause, and then, "I have deceived you, I am not worthy19, but you are my father! I have only, only you, who can help me! Have mercy on me, for I do love him. I do love him! I----" Her voice failed her, but she continued to cling to him, to press her head against his body, mutely to implore20 him, and plead with him.
"My God!" he ejaculated. He sat upright, stiff, looking before him with sightless eyes; as far as he could withholding21 himself from her, but not actively22 repelling23 her. After an interval25, "Tell me," he muttered.
That, even that, was more than she had expected from him. He had not struck her, he had not cursed her, and she took some courage. She told him in broken words, but with sufficient clearness, of her first meeting with Clement, of the gun-shot by the brook, of her narrow escape and the meetings that had followed. Once, in a burst of rage, he silenced her. "The rascal26! Oh, the d--d rascal!" he cried, and she flinched27. But she went on, telling him of Clement's resolve that he must be told, of that unfortunate meeting with him on the road, and then of that second encounter the same night, when Clement had come to his rescue. There he stopped her.
"How do you know?" he asked. "How do you know? How dare you say----" And now he did make a movement as if to repel24 her and put her from him.
But she would not be repulsed28. She clung to him, telling him of the coat, of the great stains that she had seen upon it; and at last, "Why did you hide this?" broke from him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She told him that she had not known, that the part which Clement had taken on that night was new to her also.
"But you see him?" he snarled29, speaking a little more like himself. "You see him!"
"Twice only--twice only since that night," she vowed30. "Indeed, indeed, sir, only twice. Once he came to speak to you and tell you, but you were ill, and I would not let him. And yesterday he came to--to give me up, to say good-bye. Only twice, sir, as God sees me! He would not. He showed me that we had been wrong. He said," sobbing31 bitterly, "that we must be open or--or we must be nothing--nothing to one another!"
"Open? Open!" the Squire almost shouted. "D--d open! Shutting the stable door when the horse is gone. D--n his openness!" And then, "Good Lord! Good Lord!" with almost as much amazement32 as anger in his voice. That all this should have been going on and he know nothing about it! That his girl, this child as he had deemed her, should have been doing this under his very eyes! Under his very eyes! "Good Lord!" But then rage got the upper hand once more, and he cursed Clement with passion, and again made a movement as if he would rise and throw her off. "To steal a man's child! The villain33!"
"Oh, don't call him that!" she cried. "He is good, father. Indeed, indeed, he is good. And he saved your life."
He sat back at that, as if her words shifted his thoughts to another matter. "Tell me again," he said, sternly, but more calmly. "He told you this tale yesterday, did he? Well, tell me as he told you, do you hear? And mind you, if you're lying, you slut, he or you, 'twill come up! I am blind, and you may think to deceive me now as you have deceived me before----"
"Never, never again, sir!" she vowed. Then she told him afresh, from point to point, what she had learned on the Sunday.
"Then the lad didn't come up till after?"
"Arthur? No, sir. Not till after Thomas was gone. And it was Clement who followed Thomas to Birmingham and got the money back." For Clement had told her that also.
When she had done, the Squire leant forward and felt again for his stick, as if he were now equipped and ready for action. "Well, you begone," he said, harshly. "You begone, now. I'll see to this."
But, "Not till you forgive me," she entreated34, holding him close, and pressing her face against his unwilling35 breast. "And there's more, there's more, sir," in growing agitation, "I must tell you. Be good to me, oh, be good to me! Forgive me and help him."
"Help him!" the Squire cried, and this time he was indeed amazed. "I help him! Help the man who has gone behind my back and stolen my girl! Help the man who--let me go! Do you hear me, girl! Let me get up, you shameless hussy!" growing moment by moment more himself, as he recovered from the shock of her disclosure, and could measure its extent. "How do I know what you are? Or what he mayn't have done to you? Help, indeed? Help the d--d rascal who has robbed me? Who has dared to raise his eyes to my girl--a Griffin? Who----"
"He saved your life," she cried, pleading desperately with him, though he strove to free himself. "Oh, father, he saved your life! And I love him! I love him! If you part us I shall die."
He could not struggle against her young strength, and he gave up the attempt to free himself. He sank back in his chair. "D--n the girl!" he cried. He sat silent, breathing hard.
And she--she had told him, and she still lived! She had told him and he had not cursed her, he had not struck her to the ground, he had not even succeeded in putting her from him! She had told him, and the world still moved about her, his gold watch, which lay on the table on a level with her head, still ticked, the dog still barked in the field below. Miss Peacock's voice could still be heard, invoking36 Calamy's presence. She had told him, and he was still her father, nay37, if she was not deceived, he was more truly her father, nearer to her, more her own, than he had ever been before.
Presently, "Ovington's son! Ovington's son!" he muttered in a tone of wonder. "Good God! Couldn't you find a man?"
"He is a man," she pleaded, "indeed, indeed, he is!"
"Ay, and you are a woman!" bitterly. "Fire and tow! A few kisses and you are aflame for him. For shame, girl, for shame! And how am I to be sure it's no worse? Ain't you ashamed of yourself?"
She shivered, but she was silent.
"Deceiving your father when he was blind!"
She clung to him. He felt her trembling convulsively.
After that he sat for a time as if exhausted38, suffering her embrace, and silent save when at rare intervals39 an oath broke from him, or, in a gust40 of passion, he struck his hand on the arm of his chair. Once, "My father would ha' spurned41 you from the house," he cried, "you jade42." She did not answer, and a new idea striking him, he sat up sharply. "But what--what the devil is all this about? What's all this, if it's over and--and done with?" His tone was almost jubilant. "If he's off with it? Maybe, girl, I'll forgive you, bad as you've been, if--if that's so. Do you say it's over?"
"No, no!" she cried. "He came----"
"You told me----"
"He came to say good-bye to me, because----" And then in words the most moving that she could find, words sped from her heart, winged by her love, she explained Clement's errand, the position at the bank, the crisis, the menace of ruin, the need of help.
The Squire listened, his business instincts aroused, until he grasped her meaning. Then he struck his hand on the table. "And he thought that I should help them!" he cried, with grim satisfaction. "He thought that, did he?" And he would not listen to her protests that it was not Clement, that it was not Clement, it was she who--"He thought that? I see it now, I see it all! But the fool, the fool, to think that! Why, I wouldn't stretch out my little finger to save his father from hell! And he thought that? He took me for as big a fool as the silly girl he had flattered and lured43, and thought he could use, to save them from perdition! As if he had not done me harm enough! As if he hadn't stolen my daughter from me, he'd steal my purse! Why, he must be the most d--d impudent44, cunning thief that ever trod shoe leather. He must be a cock of a pretty hackle, indeed. He should go far, by G--d, with the nerve he has. Far, by G--d! My daughter first and my purse afterwards! This son of an upstart, whose grandfather would have sat in my servants' hall, he'd steal my----"
"No, no!" she protested.
"Yes, yes! Yes, yes! But he'll find that he's not got a girl to deal with now! Help him? Save his bank? Pluck him from the debtors45' prison he's due to rot in! Why, I'll see him--in hell first!"
She had risen and moved from him. She was standing46 on the other side of the table now. "He saved your life!" she cried. And she, too, was changed. She spoke10 with something of his passion. "He saved your life!" she repeated, and she stamped her foot on the floor.
"Well, the devil thank him for it!" the Squire cried with zest47. "And you," with fresh anger, "do you begone, girl! Get out of my room before you try my patience too far!" He waved his stick at her. "Go, or I'll call up Calamy and have you put out! Do you hear? Do you hear? You ungrateful, shameless slut! Go!"
She had fancied victory, incredible, unhoped-for-victory to be almost within her grasp; and lo, it was dashed from her hand, it was farther from her than ever. And she could do no more. Courage, strength, hope were spent, shaken as she was by the emotions of the past hour. She could no no more; a little more and he might strike her. She crept out weeping, and went, blinded by her tears, up the stairs, up, stair by stair, to hide herself in her room. There had been a moment when she had fancied that he was melting, but all had been in vain. She had come close to him, but in the end he had put her from him. He had thrust her farther from him than before. Her only consolation48, if consolation she had, was that she had spoken, that the truth was known, that she had no longer any secret to weigh her down. But she had failed.
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1
ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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3
blurt
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| vt.突然说出，脱口说出 | |
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4
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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joyously
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| ad.快乐地, 高兴地 | |
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7
callous
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| adj.无情的，冷淡的，硬结的，起老茧的 | |
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8
bugle
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| n.军号，号角，喇叭；v.吹号，吹号召集 | |
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9
clement
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| adj.仁慈的；温和的 | |
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10
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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11
revolve
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| vi.(使)旋转；循环出现 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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13
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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14
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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15
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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16
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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frigidly
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| adv.寒冷地；冷漠地；冷淡地；呆板地 | |
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19
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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20
implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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withholding
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| 扣缴税款 | |
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actively
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| adv.积极地，勤奋地 | |
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repelling
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| v.击退( repel的现在分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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repel
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| v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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flinched
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
repulsed
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| v.击退( repulse的过去式和过去分词 )；驳斥；拒绝 | |
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29
snarled
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| v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的过去式和过去分词 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
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30
vowed
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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31
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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32
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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33
villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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entreated
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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36
invoking
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| v.援引( invoke的现在分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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37
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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39
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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40
gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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41
spurned
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| v.一脚踢开，拒绝接受( spurn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
jade
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| n.玉石；碧玉；翡翠 | |
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43
lured
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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44
impudent
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| adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的 | |
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45
debtors
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| n.债务人，借方( debtor的名词复数 ) | |
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46
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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47
zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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48
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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