Wondrous6 images loom7 up before me like large great question marks in the trembling air. Similar scenes from the distant mirage8 of my own youth come to mind. Like a hot, long-dammed-up stream my emotions break from the unconsciousness into consciousness. I am overcome by a long-forgotten yearning9. Is not my heart beating faster? Is there not a wild pleasure in the melancholy10 that oppresses me?
How strange! A little while ago I lay lost in cheerful reflections in the tall grass, delighting in the noiseless pace of time, and now I am excited, restless, disturbed, and sad, but not unhappy. My mood has undergone a complete change. What has brought this transformation11 about? Surely, only the appearance of the beautiful boy who was trying to catch a butterfly [Pg 144]with his green net. Why did this scene excite me so? There must have been set up in my mind a thinking process of which I was not conscious. Some secret power that drives the wheels of the emotions had set into action a long-inhibited and hidden spring.
Gradually the shadowy thoughts came into the bright light of comprehension. The boy was to me a symbol of my life. An echo of my distant youth. And the slumbering12 cemetery13, my inevitable14 future. My heart too is a cemetery. Numberless buried hopes, too early slain15, unblown buds, longings16 goaded17 to death, unfulfilled wishes lie buried here within and no cross betrays their presence. And over all these dead possibilities I, too, am chasing a gilded butterfly. And when I catch it in my net I seize it with my rude heavy hands, doing violence to the delicate dust on its wings, and throw the lusterless remainders among the dead. Or it is destined18 to a place in a box, transfixed with the fine needle named “impression” and constituting one of the collection of dead butterflies which go to make up “memory.”
It really was an “unconscious” thought, then, that transformed my mood from dur into moll. And the truth dawns on me that all our “incomprehensible” moods are logical and that they must all have a secret psychic19 motivation. Moody20 persons are persons with whom things are not in order. Their consciousness [Pg 145]is split up into numerous emotionally-toned “complexes.” An unconscious complex is like a state within a state. A sovereign power, too repressed, too weak, and too tightly fettered21 to break into consciousness without having to unmask, but strong enough to influence the individual’s conduct. Moody persons have their good and their bad days. The bad days are incomprehensible puzzles to them. Simple souls speak of being under the influence of demons22; poets share their pains with the rest of the world and “sublimate” their petty individual woes23 into a gigantic world-woe; commonplace souls place the responsibility for their moods upon “nature,” the bad weather, the boss, the husband, or wife, their cook, their employment, and what not.
In the grasp of an incomprehensible mood we are ill at ease and anxious, very much like a brave person who finds himself threatened in a dark forest by a vindictive24 enemy whom he cannot see. To muster25 up courage we deceive ourselves, just as the little child that falteringly26 proclaims: “Please, please! I am good. The bogey27 man won’t come!” But the bogey man does come, for a certainty. He always comes again because everything that is repressed must take on the characteristics of a psychic compulsion. If we do not want him to come again we must bravely raise our eyelids28 and look at him fixedly29 with eyes of understanding and realise that he is nothing but a phantom30 of our [Pg 146]excited senses, that he does not exist and has not existed. The bogey man cannot long endure this penetrating31 look; slowly he dissolves into grey shadows and disappears for ever.
Modern psychologists have pointed32 out the relationship between unmotived moods and the periodical character of certain phenomena34 of life. It is, of course, a fact that we are all subject to certain partly known and partly unknown periodical influences. But whether this alone is sufficient reason for attacks of depression does not seem to me to have been proved. My own experiences speak against it. Just as a stone, thrown into a body of water, causes the appearance of broad circular ripples35 which gradually get feebler and feebler until they disappear with a scarcely perceptible undulation of the surface, so does a strong impression continue to work within us, giving rise to ever wider but ever feebler circles. Only when these circles set a floating mine in motion does the water shoot up, the mud is thrown on high, and the clear surface is muddied. These floating mines are the split off, unconscious complexes. The secret thought must not be put in motion.
But enough of metaphors36! Let us take an example from our daily life. A woman is suffering from frequently-recurring incomprehensible depressions. She has everything that a childish, spoiled heart can desire. And she is not a spoiled child, for she had been a poor seamstress when she made her husband’s acquaintance. [Pg 147]Now she lives in a magnificent palace, wears costly37 garments, has a houseful of servants, adorns38 herself with the finest laces; her husband clothes her like a doll, pampers39 and coddles her, treats her with the greatest affection—in short, worships her. And this woman, the envy of her associates as she rides by them in her splendid automobile40, has days on which she cries for hours. Our first guess is she does not love her husband. You are wrong, you psychologists of the old school! She does love her husband, she is as happy with her finery and wealth as a child with a toy; she can assign no cause for her melancholy.
Notwithstanding this, her depression was of psychic origin. When we investigated carefully the experiences and excitements that ushered41 in one of these attacks it became clear that subterranean42 bridges led to secret (suppressed) desires. Quite often the immediate43 occasion was of a trifling44 nature. She had seen a poor woman pass her in the street. Alone? No—with a young man, very happy, care-free, their arms affectionately intertwined. On another occasion she had been reading of a pair of lovers who had drowned themselves. Suicide was a subject, beyond all others, which she could not bear to hear. At the theatre she once sat in a box on the third tier. Suddenly she looked down into the orchestra and was seized with horror. That was a yawning abyss! What if her opera glass fell down there! Or if she lost [Pg 148]her balance and toppled over! A shudder45 passed through her. She put the opera glass aside and became greatly depressed46.
The mystery surrounding her melancholy was soon solved. Her husband, fifteen years her senior, is not adapted to her temperamentally. In secret she longs for a life rich in emotions, full of sin and perhaps also of vice47. Nature probably intended her for a fast woman, not for an eminently48 respectable lady. Alluring49 melodies beckon50 her to the metropolis51. She would rather lose her breath in an endless dance in the tight embrace of a pair of coarse arms than ride sedately52 down the main avenue. She loves her husband, but sometimes she hates him. He’s the obstacle. She knows how terribly jealous he is. He was very sick once; just then the wicked thought entered her mind: “If he died now I’d be rich and free!” The reaction was not long in coming. She saw herself as a dreadful sinner. Life had no more interest for her. Since then she has been suffering from periodical attacks of depression.
What happened in this case in the wake of powerful repressions53 happens a little in all moody persons. An unconscious motive33 for the depression can always be demonstrated. In most instances it is secret reproaches that provoke the change in mood. In young people they are the sequel of exaggerated warnings about not injuring their health. Sins against religion and morality. Reproaches for too readily yielding to one’s impulses. But also the opposite! [Pg 149]Many an attack of depression is nothing but the expression of regret at having to be virtuous54.
A girl suffers from violent (psychically), apparently55 wholly unmotived crying spells. The last one lasted half a day. I inquired whether she had excited herself in some way. Had she any reason for being depressed? No! Was she sure? A trifling matter—“of no particular significance”—occurs to her. On one of the city bridges a very elegant, young gentleman had addressed her. Would she permit him to accompany her? Indignantly she repelled56 him. What did he think she was! But he persisted in his role; he painted in glowing colours the delights of a rendezvous57, till finally she found the courage to exclaim: “If you do not leave me at once, I shall call a policeman!” Then, flushed, bathed in perspiration58, she rushed home, ate her meal in silence and soon thereafter gave vent59 to an almost unending crying spell.
And now I discover that her first attack of crying followed a similar occurrence. She was coming home from the country and had to travel at night. She asked the conductor to point out the ladies’ coupé. To her horror a tall, blonde lieutenant60 entered her coupé at the next station. She at once protested vigorously at the intrusion. The officer very politely offered his apologies, explaining that the train was full and that he would be quite satisfied with a modest corner. He would be greatly obliged to her for her kindness. But so anxious was she about her [Pg 150]virtue that she was proof against his entreaties61. She appealed to the conductor and insisted on her rights. The spruce officer had to leave the coupé and for the rest of the night she was not molested62. But the occurrence had so excited her that she could not fall asleep and she lay awake till dawn. The following day she had the first attack of depression and crying. She bewailed her cruel fate that compelled her to be virtuous while all the hidden voices within clamoured for a gay life. She did not find herself strong enough to conquer her ethical63 inhibitions. She was too weak to sin and not strong enough to be really virtuous.
I could cite many such examples. They all show convincingly that there are no “inexplicable” psychic depressions, that consciousness does not embrace all the psychic forces that govern and direct us.
The classification of human beings into those that are free and those that are not was determined64 by a social or ethical canon. But in reality most human beings are the slaves of their unconscious complexes. Only he can be free who knows himself thoroughly65, who has dared to look unafraid into the frightful66 depths of the unconscious. Most persons are under the yoke67 of their “other self” who, with his biting whip, drives them to pains and to pleasures, compels them to leave the table of life and goads68 them into the arms of crime.
The greatest happiness in life is to have [Pg 151]achieved one’s inner freedom. This thought is still expressed in an old aphorism69. “Everyone may have his moods; but his moods must not have him.”
Moody persons are the slaves of their past, masters of renunciation and assuredly bunglers in the art of life. Their only salvation70 is in learning the truth or in the art of transforming their depression into works of art. Most of the time they glide71 through life’s turbulence72 like dreamers. Their ears are turned inward and thus it comes about that life’s call is perceived but faintly by them. They are chasing butterflies in cemeteries73....
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1
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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interred
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| v.埋，葬( inter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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mounds
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| 土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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7
loom
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| n.织布机，织机；v.隐现，(危险、忧虑等)迫近 | |
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8
mirage
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| n.海市蜃楼，幻景 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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transformation
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| n.变化；改造；转变 | |
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12
slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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cemetery
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| n.坟墓，墓地，坟场 | |
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14
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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slain
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的过去分词 )； (slay的过去分词) | |
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longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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psychic
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| n.对超自然力敏感的人；adj.有超自然力的 | |
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moody
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| adj.心情不稳的，易怒的，喜怒无常的 | |
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fettered
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| v.给…上脚镣，束缚( fetter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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demons
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| n.恶人( demon的名词复数 )；恶魔；精力过人的人；邪念 | |
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23
woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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falteringly
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| 口吃地，支吾地 | |
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bogey
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| n.令人谈之变色之物；妖怪，幽灵 | |
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eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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fixedly
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| adv.固定地；不屈地，坚定不移地 | |
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phantom
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| n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的 | |
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penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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ripples
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| 逐渐扩散的感觉( ripple的名词复数 ) | |
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metaphors
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| 隐喻( metaphor的名词复数 ) | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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adorns
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| 装饰，佩带( adorn的第三人称单数 ) | |
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pampers
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| v.纵容，宠，娇养( pamper的第三人称单数 ) | |
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automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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41
ushered
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| v.引，领，陪同( usher的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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subterranean
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| adj.地下的，地表下的 | |
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43
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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45
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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46
depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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47
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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eminently
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| adv.突出地；显著地；不寻常地 | |
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alluring
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| adj.吸引人的，迷人的 | |
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50
beckon
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| v.(以点头或打手势)向...示意，召唤 | |
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51
metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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52
sedately
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| adv.镇静地，安详地 | |
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53
repressions
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| n.压抑( repression的名词复数 )；约束；抑制；镇压 | |
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54
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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55
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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56
repelled
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| v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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57
rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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58
perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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lieutenant
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| n.陆军中尉，海军上尉；代理官员，副职官员 | |
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entreaties
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| n.恳求，乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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molested
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| v.骚扰( molest的过去式和过去分词 )；干扰；调戏；猥亵 | |
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ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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64
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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65
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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goads
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| n.赶牲口的尖棒( goad的名词复数 )v.刺激( goad的第三人称单数 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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69
aphorism
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| n.格言，警语 | |
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70
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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glide
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| n./v.溜，滑行；(时间)消逝 | |
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72
turbulence
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| n.喧嚣，狂暴，骚乱，湍流 | |
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cemeteries
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| n.（非教堂的）墓地，公墓( cemetery的名词复数 ) | |
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