I might, perhaps, except the story of the Civil War, and my part in the trials and sorrows of my fellow-women, but this story I have fully4 and truly told in my "Reminiscences of Peace and War."
My countrymen were so kind to these first stories that I feel I may claim some credentials5 as a "babbler of Reminiscences." Besides, I have lived in the last two-thirds of the splendid nineteenth century, and have known some of the men and women who made that century notable. And I would fain believe with Mr. Trollope that "the small records of an unimportant individual life, the memories which happen to linger in the brain of the old like bits of drift-wood floating round and round in the eddies6 of a back-water, can more vividly7 than anything else bring before the young of the present generation 2those ways of acting8 and thinking and talking in the everyday affairs of life which indicate the differences between themselves and their grandfathers."
But I shall have more than this "floating driftwood" to reward the reader who will follow me to the end of my story!
Writers of Reminiscences are interested—perhaps more interested than their readers—in recalling their earliest sensations, and through them determining at what age they had "found themselves"; i.e. become conscious of their own personality and relation to the world they had entered.
Long before this time the child has seen and learned more perhaps than he ever learned afterwards in the same length of time. He has acquired knowledge of a language sufficient for his needs. His miniature world has been, in many respects, a foreshadowing of the world he will know in his maturity9. He has learned that he is a citizen of a country with laws,—some of which it will be prudent10 to obey,—such as the law against taking unpermitted liberties with the cat, or touching12 the flame of the candle; while other laws may be evaded13 by cleverness and discreet14 behavior. He finds around him many things; pictures on walls, for instance, that may be admired but never touched,—other lovely things that may be handled and even kissed, but must be returned to mantels and tables,—and yet others, not near as delightful15 as these, "poor things but his own," to be caressed16 or beaten, or even broken at his pleasure. He has learned to 3indulge his natural taste for the drama. His nurse covers her head with a paper and becomes the dreadful, groaning17 villain18 behind it, while the baby girds himself for attack, tears the disguise from the villain, and shouts his victory. As he learns the names and peculiarities19 of animals, the scope of the drama widens. He is a spirited horse, snorting and charging along, or—if his picture-books have been favorable—a roaring lion from whom the nurse flees in terror. Of the domestic play there is infinite variety—nursing in sickness, the doctor, baby-tending, cooking,—and once, alas20! I heard a baby girl of eighteen months enact21 a fearful quarrel between man and wife, ending firmly "I leave you! I never come back!"
These natural tendencies of children would seem to prove that the soul or mind of man can be "fetched up from the cradle"—a phrase for which I am indebted to one of my contemporaries, Mr. Leigh Hunt, who in turn quoted it as a popular phrase in his late (and my early) day. But with the single exception of the spoken language all these childish plays have been successfully taught to our humble22 brothers; to our poor relation the monkey, the dog, elephant, seal, canary bird—even to fleas23. All these are capable of enacting24 a short drama. The elephant, longing25 for his bottle, never rings his bell too soon. The dog remembers his cue, watches for it, and never anticipates it. The seal, more wonderful than all, born as he has been without arms or legs, mounts a horse for a ride, and waits for his umbrella to be poised26 on his 4stubby nose. Even the creature whose name is a synonym27 for vulgar stupidity has been taught to indicate with porcine finger the letters which spell that name.
With these and other animals we hold in common our faculty28 of imitation, our memory, affection, antipathy29, revenge, gratitude30, passionate31 adoration32 of one special friend, and even the perception of music—the infant will weep and the poodle howl in response to the same strain in a minor33 key—and yet, notwithstanding this common lot, this common inheritance, there is born for us and not for them a moment when some strange unseen power breathes into us something akin11 to consciousness of a living soul.
Having no past as a standard for the reasonable and natural, nothing surprises children. They are simply witnesses of a panorama34 in the moving scenes of which they have no part. When I was three years old, I visited my grandfather in Charlotte County. The Staunton River wound around his plantation35 and I was often taken out rowing with my aunts. One day the canoe tipped and my pretty Aunt Elizabeth fell overboard. Without the slightest emotion I saw her fall, and saw her recovered. For aught I knew to the contrary it was usual and altogether proper for young ladies to fall in rivers and be fished out by their long hair. But another event, quite ordinary, overwhelmed me with the most passionate distress36. Having, a short time before, advanced a tentative finger for an experimental taste of an apple roasting for me at my grandfather's 5fire, I was prepared to be shocked at seeing a colony of ants rush madly about upon wood a servant was laying over the coals. My cries of distress arrested my grandfather as he passed through the room. He quickly ordered the sticks to be taken off, and calling me to a seat in front of him, said gravely: "We will try these creatures and see if they deserve punishment. Evidently they have invaded our country. The question is, did they come of their own accord, or were they while enjoying their rights of life and liberty, captured by us and brought hither against their will?" My testimony37 was gravely taken. I was quite positive I had seen the sticks, swarming38 with ants, laid upon the fire. "Uncle Peter," who had brought in the wood, was summoned and sharply cross-questioned. Nothing could shake him. To the best of his knowledge and belief, "them ants nuvver come 'thouten they was 'bleeged to," and so, as they were by this time wildly scampering39 over the floor, they were gently admonished40 by a persuasive41 broom to leave the premises42. Uncle Peter was positive they would find their way home without difficulty, and I was comforted.
I remember this little incident perfectly43; I can see my dear grandfather, his white hair tied with a black ribbon en queue, advancing his stick like a staff of office. I claim that then and there—three years old—I found myself, "fetched up my soul" from somewhere, almost "from the cradle," inasmuch as I had pitied the unfortunate, unselfishly espoused44 his cause, and won for him consideration and justice.
Writers of fiction are supposed to present, as in 6a mirror, the truth as it is found in nature. They are fond of hinting that at some moment in the early life of every individual something occurs which foreshadows his fate, something which if interpreted—like the dreams of the ancient Hebrews—would tell us without the aid of gypsy, medium, or clairvoyant45 the things we so ardently46 desire to know. In Daniel Deronda, Gwendolyn, in her moment of triumph, touches a spring in a panel, which, sliding back, reveals a picture,—the upturned face of a drowning man. In Lewis Rand, Jacqueline, the bride of half an hour, hears the story of a duel—and the pistol-shot echoes ever after through her brain, filling it with insistent47 foreboding.
We might recall illustrations of similar foreshadowing in real life. For instance, Jean Carlyle, six years old, beautiful and vivid as a tropical bird, stands before an audience to sing her little song; and waits in vain for her accompanist. Finally she throws her apron48 over her head and runs away in confusion. She was prepared, she knew her part; but the support was lacking, the accompaniment failed her. It was not given to him who told the story to perceive the prophecy!
Were I fanciful enough to fix upon one moment as prophetic of my life—as a key-note to the controlling principle of that life—I might recall the incident in my grandfather's room, when I ceased to be merely an inert49 absorber of light and warmth and comfort, and became aware of the pain in the world—pain which I passionately50 longed to alleviate51.
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1
constrained
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| adj.束缚的,节制的 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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autobiography
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| n.自传 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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credentials
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| n.证明，资格，证明书，证件 | |
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eddies
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| （水、烟等的）漩涡，涡流( eddy的名词复数 ) | |
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7
vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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8
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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akin
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| adj.同族的，类似的 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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evaded
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| 逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 )； 避开； 回避； 想不出 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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groaning
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| adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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enact
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| vt.制定(法律)；上演，扮演 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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fleas
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| n.跳蚤( flea的名词复数 )；爱财如命；没好气地（拒绝某人的要求） | |
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enacting
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| 制定（法律），通过（法案）( enact的现在分词 ) | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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synonym
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| n.同义词，换喻词 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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panorama
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| n.全景，全景画，全景摄影，全景照片[装置] | |
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plantation
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| n.种植园，大农场 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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38
swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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39
scampering
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| v.蹦蹦跳跳地跑，惊惶奔跑( scamper的现在分词 ) | |
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40
admonished
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| v.劝告( admonish的过去式和过去分词 )；训诫；（温和地）责备；轻责 | |
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41
persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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42
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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44
espoused
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| v.（决定）支持，拥护（目标、主张等）( espouse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45
clairvoyant
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| adj.有预见的；n.有预见的人 | |
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ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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47
insistent
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| adj.迫切的，坚持的 | |
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48
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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49
inert
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| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
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50
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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51
alleviate
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| v.减轻，缓和，缓解(痛苦等) | |
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