We had not engaged a carriage to come for us, knowing that a cab-stand was near by, and that a cab would be much cheaper than the snug2 broughams ladies usually secure for evening use.
Out flew the little maid to get us a cab, and we hurried on our wraps eager to be gone. But we waited and waited, for Mary Ann did not come, and we were beginning to think something had happened to her, when she came hurrying back to say that all the cabs were gone from the neighboring stand, and she had run to another, where, after some delay, she had secured a hansom.
Now it is not considered quite the thing for ladies to go about in hansom cabs, without a gentleman to accompany them, especially in the evening; but being independent Americans, and impatient to relieve our weary hostess of our presence, we said nothing, but bundled in, gave the address,—24 Colville Gardens, Bayswater,—and away we went.
A dense3 fog had come on, and nothing was visible but a short bit of muddy street, and lamps looming4 dimly through the mist. Our driver was as husky as if it had got into his throat, and the big, white horse looked absolutely ghostly as he went off at the breakneck pace which seems as natural to the London cab-horse as mud is to London streets.
"Isn't it fun to go rattling5 round in this all-out-of-doors style, through a real London fog?" said my sister, who was now enjoying her first visit to this surprising city.
"That remains6 to be seen. For my part, I'd give a good deal to be shut up, dry and decent, in a four-wheeler, this is so very rowdy," I returned, feeling much secret anxiety as to the propriety7 of our proceeding8.
"You are sure you gave the man the right direction?" I asked, after we had driven through what seemed a wilderness9 of crescents, terraces, gardens, and squares.
"Of course I did, and he answered, 'All right, mum.' Shall I ask him if it is all right?" said M, who dearly liked to poke10 up the little door in the roof, which was our only means of communication with the burly, breezy cherub11 who sat up aloft to endanger the life of his fare.
"You may, for we have ridden long enough to go to St. Paul's."
Up went the little door, and M asked blandly,—
"Are you sure you are going right, driver?"
"No, mum, I ain't," was the cheering response breathed through the trap-door (as M called it) in a hoarse12 whisper.
"I told you where to go, and it is time we were there."
"I'm new come to London, mum, and ain't used to these parts yet,"—began the man.
"Good gracious! so are we; and I'm sure I can't tell you any thing more than the name and number I have already given. You'd better ask the first policeman we meet," cried I, with the foreboding fear heavier than before.
"All right, mum," and down went the little door, and off rattled13 the cab.
My irrepressible sister burst out laughing at the absurdity14 of our position.
"Don't laugh, M, for mercy's sake! It's no joke to be wandering about this great city at eleven o'clock at night in a thick fog, with a tipsy driver," I croaked16, with a warning pinch.
"He isn't tipsy, only stupid, as we are, not to have engaged a carriage to come for us."
"He is tipsy; I smelt17 gin in his breath, and he is half asleep up there, I've no doubt, for we have passed one, if not two policemen, I'm sure."
"Nonsense! you wouldn't know your own father in this mist. Let Jarvey alone and he will bring us safely home."
"We shall see," I answered, grimly, as a splash of mud lit upon my nose, and the cab gave a perilous18 lurch19 in cutting round a sharp corner.
Did any one ever find a policeman when he was wanted? I never did, though they are as thick as blackberries when they are not needed.
On and on we went, but not a felt helmet appeared, and never did escaping fugitive20 look more eagerly for the North Star than I did for a gleaming badge on a blue coat.
"There's a station! I shall stop and ask, for I'm not going slamming and splashing about any longer. Hi there, driver!" and I poked21 up the door with a vigor22 that would have startled the soundest sleeper23.
"Ay, ay, mum," came the wheezy whisper, more wheezy than ever.
"Stop at this station-house and hail some one. We must get home, and you must ask the way."
"All right, mum," came back the hollow mockery conveyed in those exasperating24 words.
We did stop, and a star did appear, when I, with all the dignity I could muster25, stated the case and asked for aid.
"Pleeseman X," gave it civilly; but I greatly fear he did not believe that the muddy-faced woman with a croaky voice, and the blonde damsel with curls, long earrings26 and light gloves, were really respectable members of the glorious American Republic.
I felt this and I could not blame him; so, thanking him with a bow which would have done credit to the noblest of my Hancock and Quincy ancestors, we went on again.
Alas27, alas, it was all go on and no stop; for although our driver had responded briskly, "Ay, ay, sir," to the policeman's inquiry28, "You know your way now, don't you?" he evidently did not know it, and the white horse went steadily29 up and down the long, wet streets, like a phantom30 steed in a horrid31 dream.
Things really were becoming serious; midnight was approaching. I had not the remotest idea where we were, and the passers-by became more and more infrequent, lights vanished from windows, few cabs were seen and the world was evidently going to bed. The fog was rapidly extinguishing my voice, and anxiety quenching32 my courage. M's curls hung limp and wild about her face, and even M's spirits began to fail.
"I am afraid we are lost," she whispered in my ear.
"Not a doubt of it."
"The man must be tipsy, after all."
"That is evident."
"What will people think of us?"
"That we are tipsy also."
"What shall we do?"
"Nothing but sit here and drift about till morning. The man has probably tumbled off; this dreadful horse is evidently wound up and won't stop till he has run down; the fog is increasing, and nothing will bring us to a halt but a collision with some other shipwrecked Yankee, as lost and miserable33 as we are."
"Oh, L, don't be sarcastic34 and grim now! Do exert yourself and land somewhere. Go to a hotel. This horrid man must know where the Langham is."
"I doubt if he knows any thing, and I am sure that eminently35 respectable house would refuse to admit such a pair of frights as we are, at this disreputable hour. No, we must go on till something happens to save us. We have discovered the secret of perpetual motion, and that is some comfort."
M groaned36, I laughed, the ghostly horse sneezed, and I think the driver snored.
When things are pretty comfortable I am apt to croak15, but when every thing is tottering37 on the verge38 of annihilation I usually feel rather jolly. Such being the perversity39 of my fallen nature, I began to enjoy myself at this period, and nearly drove poor M out of her wits by awful or whimsical suggestions and pictures of our probable fate.
It was so very absurd that I really could not help seeing the funny side of the predicament, and M was the best fun of all, she looked so like a dilapidated Ophelia with her damp locks, a blue rigolette all awry40, her white gloves tragically41 clasped, and her pale countenance42 bespattered with the mud that lay thick on the wooden boot and flew freely from the wheels.
I had my laugh out and then tried to mend matters. What could we do? My first impulse was to stir up the sleeping wretch43 above, and this I did by energetically twitching44 the reins45 that hung loosely before our noses like the useless rudder of this lost ship.
"Young man, if you don't wake up and take us to Colville Gardens as quickly as possible, I shall report you to-morrow. I've got your number, and I shall get my friend, Mr. Peter Taylor, of Aubrey House, to attend to the matter. He's an M.P., and will see that you are fined for attempting to drive a cab when you know nothing of London."
I fear that most of this impressive harangue46 was lost, owing to the noise of the wheels and the feebleness of my nearly extinguished voice; but it had some effect, for though the man did not seem scared by the threatened wrath47 of an M.P., he did feel his weak point and try to excuse it, for he answered in a gruffy, apologetic tone,—
"Who's a-goin' to know any thing in such a blessed fog as this? Most cabbies wouldn't try to drive at no price, but I'll do my best, mum."
"Very well. Do you know where we are now?" I demanded.
"Blest if I do!"
He didn't say "blest"—quite the reverse;—but I forgave him, for he really did seem to be making an effort, having had his nap out. An impressive pause followed, then M had an inspiration.
"Look, there's a respectable man just going into his house from that four-wheeled cab. Let us hail the whole concern, and get help of some sort."
I gave the order, and, eager to be rid of us at any price, our man rattled us up to the door at which a gray-haired gentleman was settling with his driver.
Bent48 on clutching this spar of salvation49, I burst out of our cab and hastened up to the astonished pair. What I said I don't know, but vaguely50 remember jumbling51 into my appeal all the names of all the celebrated52 and respectable persons whom I knew on both sides of the water, for I felt that my appearance was entirely53 against me, and really expected to be told to go about my business.
John Bull, however, had pity upon me, and did his best for us, like a man and a brother.
"Take this cab, madam; the driver knows what he is about, and will see you safely home. I'll attend to the other fellow," said the worthy54 man, politely ignoring my muddy visage and agitated55 manners.
Murmuring blessings56 on his head, we skipped into the respectable four-wheeler, and in a burst of confidence I offered Mr. Bull my purse to defray the expenses of our long drive.
"Rash woman, you'll never see your money again!" cried M, hiding her Roman earrings and clutching her Etruscan locket, prepared for highway robbery if not murder.
I did see my purse again and my money, also; for that dear old gentleman paid our miserable cabby out of his own pocket (as I found afterwards), and with a final gruff "All right!" the pale horse and his beery driver vanished in the mist. It is, and always will be my firm belief that it was a phantom cab, and that it is still revolving57 ceaselessly about London streets, appearing and disappearing through the fog, to be hailed now and then by some fated passenger, who is whisked to and fro, bewildered and forlorn, till rescued, when ghostly steed and phantom cab vanish darkly.
"Now you will be quite safe, ladies;" and the good old gentleman dismissed us with a paternal58 smile.
With a feeling of relief I fell back, exhausted59 by our tribulations60.
"I know now how the wandering Jew felt," said M, after a period of repose61.
"I don't wish to croak, dear; but if this man does not stop soon, I shall begin to think we have gently stepped out of the frying-pan into the fire. Unless we were several miles out of our way, we ought to arrive somewhere," I responded, flattening62 my nose against the pane63, though I literally64 could not see one inch before that classical feature.
"Well, I'm so tired, I shall go to sleep, whatever happens, and you can wake me up when it is time to scream or run," said M, settling herself for a doze65.
I groaned dismally66, and registered a vow67 to spend all my substance in future on the most elegant and respectable broughams procurable68 for money, with a gray-haired driver pledged to temperance, and a stalwart footman armed with a lantern, pistol, directory, and map of London.
All of a sudden the cab stopped; the driver, not being a fixture69, descended70, and coming to the window, said, civilly,—
"The fog is so thick, mum, I'm not quite sure if I'm right, but this is Colville Square."
"Don't know any such place. Colville Gardens is what we want. There's a church at the end, and trees in the middle, and "—
"No use, mum, describin' it, for I can't see a thing. But the Gardens can't be far off, so I'll try again."
"We never shall find it, so we had better ask the man to take us at once to some station, work-house, or refuge till morning," remarked M, in such a tone of sleepy resignation that I shook her on the spot.
Another jaunt71 up and down, fog getting thicker, night later, one woman sleepier and the other crosser every minute, but still no haven72 hove in sight. Presently the cab stopped with a decided73 bump against the curb-stone, and the driver reappeared, saying, with respectful firmness,—
"My horse is beat out, and it's past my time for turning in, so if this ain't the place I shall have to give it up, mum."
"It is not the place," I answered, getting out with the calmness of despair.
"There's a light in that house and a woman looking out. Go and ask her where we are," suggested M, waking from her doze.
Ready now for any desperate measure, I rushed up the steps, tried vainly to read the number, but could not, and rang the bell with the firm determination to stay in that house till morning at any cost.
Steps came running down, the door flew open, and I was electrified74 at beholding75 the countenance of my own buxom76 landlady77.
"My dear soul, where 'ave you been?" she cried, as I stood staring at her, dumb with surprise and relief.
"From the Crystal Palace to Greenwich, I believe. Come in, M, and ask the man what the fare is," I answered, dropping into a hall chair, and feeling as I imagine Robinson Crusoe did when he got home.
Of course that civil cabby cheated me abominably78. I knew it at the time, but never protested; for I was so glad and grateful at landing safely I should have paid a pound if he had asked it.
Next day we were heroines, and at breakfast alternately thrilled and convulsed the other boarders by a recital79 of our adventures. But the "strong-minded Americans" got so well laughed at that they took great care never to ride in hansom cabs again, or get lost in the fog.
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1
lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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dense
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| a.密集的，稠密的，浓密的；密度大的 | |
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looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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poke
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| n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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11
cherub
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| n.小天使，胖娃娃 | |
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hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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rattled
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| 慌乱的，恼火的 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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croak
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| vi.嘎嘎叫，发牢骚 | |
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croaked
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| v.呱呱地叫( croak的过去式和过去分词 )；用粗的声音说 | |
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smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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lurch
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| n.突然向前或旁边倒；v.蹒跚而行 | |
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fugitive
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| adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者 | |
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poked
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| v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交 | |
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vigor
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| n.活力，精力，元气 | |
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sleeper
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| n.睡眠者，卧车，卧铺 | |
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24
exasperating
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| adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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26
earrings
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| n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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phantom
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| n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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quenching
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| 淬火，熄 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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eminently
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| adv.突出地；显著地；不寻常地 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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tottering
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| adj.蹒跚的，动摇的v.走得或动得不稳( totter的现在分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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perversity
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| n.任性；刚愎自用 | |
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awry
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| adj.扭曲的，错的 | |
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tragically
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| adv. 悲剧地，悲惨地 | |
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42
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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43
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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reins
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| 感情，激情； 缰( rein的名词复数 )； 控制手段； 掌管； （成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的）保护带 | |
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46
harangue
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| n.慷慨冗长的训话，言辞激烈的讲话 | |
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47
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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48
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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49
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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50
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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51
jumbling
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| 混杂( jumble的现在分词 )； （使）混乱； 使混乱； 使杂乱 | |
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52
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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53
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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54
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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56
blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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paternal
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| adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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tribulations
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| n.苦难( tribulation的名词复数 )；艰难；苦难的缘由；痛苦 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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flattening
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| n. 修平 动词flatten的现在分词 | |
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63
pane
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| n.窗格玻璃，长方块 | |
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64
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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65
doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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dismally
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| adv.阴暗地，沉闷地 | |
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67
vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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procurable
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| adj.可得到的，得手的 | |
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69
fixture
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| n.固定设备；预定日期；比赛时间；定期存款 | |
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70
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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71
jaunt
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| v.短程旅游；n.游览 | |
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72
haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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73
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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74
electrified
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| v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 )；使兴奋 | |
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75
beholding
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| v.看，注视( behold的现在分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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76
buxom
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| adj.（妇女）丰满的，有健康美的 | |
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77
landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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78
abominably
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| adv. 可恶地，可恨地，恶劣地 | |
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recital
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| n.朗诵，独奏会，独唱会 | |
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