When John Brancker took his first walk into the town after Mr. Edislow's call upon him, he looked at the world from a new point of view. All at once he had become sensitive and suspicious. He felt himself to be a marked man. It seemed to him that numbers of those who passed him in the street looked askance at him, or, worse still, purposely averted18 their faces from him; and as he walked along his heart was a prey19 to a dumb, bitter anger which was compelled to feed on itself for lack of a definite object against which it could turn. If you have reason to believe that half-a-dozen people have done you an injustice20, you can either meet them one by one and strive to prove to them where they are in the wrong, or otherwise you can afford to treat their opinion of you with indifference21 or contempt; but what are you to say or do if the assurance festers in your heart that some hundreds of your fellow-townsmen regard you with an eye of suspicion and distrust? In such a case you are helpless; there is nothing you can either say or do; you can only writhe22 in silence, trusting that for you, as for so many others, the whirligig of Time will some day bring in his revenges.
That John, in the soreness of his heart, exaggerated the case as against himself, there can be little doubt. It was a part of his nature, perhaps a weakness of it, to be morbidly23 sensitive to the opinion of others. It seemed essential to the simple content which had hitherto been his portion through life, that he should stand well in the eyes of his fellows. He had been buoyed24 up during his imprisonment25 by the consciousness of his innocence, and by the certainty, which rarely deserted26 him, that the trial would result in his acquittal. It had so resulted, yet now that he was a free man again, a sheaf of poisoned arrows were being aimed at him in the dark from which he was powerless to protect himself. He put forth27 his hands to grasp his enemy, and encountered empty space. After that first day he took nearly all his walks among the fields and country lanes, and rarely went into the town till after dusk. His sister was not long in perceiving that something was the matter, and had little difficulty in worming out of him the cause of his unwonted depression of spirits; for John was one of those men to whom it is a relief to unburthen themselves to someone, and who find it next to impossible to live without the sympathy of those with whom their affections are bound up. What had affected28 him with a sort of bitter sadness filled Miss Brancker with a fine flame of indignation, which aroused whatever combative29 instinct there was within her--but to no purpose, for of all futile30 occupations, that of fighting against shadows is perhaps the most unsatisfactory.
"We must just try and live it down," said John, with a patient sigh.
"Yes, and you eating your heart out meanwhile!" answered Miss Brancker, with an indignant flutter of her cap-strings.
"I really think that Hermia ought to be told," said John to his sister a few days later. "My intention all along has been not to tell her till her twenty-first birthday, but that will not be here for several months, and in view of all that has happened of late, and, more especially, of the dark cloud which during the past few days has settled on my life----"
"Of which I am quite sure Hermy knows nothing," interposed Miss Brancker.
"But of which she is sure to hear sooner or later--in consideration of all these things, I have decided31 that I should not be justified32 in keeping the secret from her any longer."
"She will be greatly shocked."
"At first, I do not doubt; but at her age she will soon recover. After all, the story I have to tell is like a tale in two volumes, of which one volume is all I can offer her. Where the other is, and whether she will ever find it, is more than either you or I can say."
John fixed33 on the following evening for his revelation, as the three were seated alone in the little parlor3 after tea. There was a keen frost outside, but the lamplighted interior had all that cosy34 cheerfulness which we associate in our thoughts with mid-winter weather. John sat on one side of the fireplace, more engaged with his own musings than with the newspaper in his hand, which he used occasionally by way of a fire-screen. A little way apart sat Hermia, between whom and Miss Brancker was a small oval work-table. The spinster was busy with her crewels, while the girl was engaged in mending some delicate old lace belonging to her aunt. Now and again Aunt Charlotte would glance up from her work to Hermia's sunny face, who, all unconscious of the scrutiny35 and wrapped up in some pleasant daydream36, would let her needle come to a pause every few minutes as if to count her heart-beats, a slow, faint smile curving her lips the while, and the luminous37 depths of her dark-blue eyes becoming more luminous still. Then, with an almost imperceptible start, she would seem to call to mind where she was and the work on which she was engaged, and for a little while her needle would move in and out of the lace with the unerring precision of a machine.
"What can have come to her?" queried38 Miss Brancker of herself. "She is not the same girl she was even so short a time ago as last week. Of course, loving John as she does, it lifted a great load off her mind--though neither she nor I had ever the least doubt as to the result of the trial--when he was acquitted39; but is there not something more than that which so often causes her cheeks to flush and then pale again as they never used to do, and has set the seal of some secret happiness on her face?" Then she added, as sagely40 as if she knew all about such matters: "And what but one thing should there be in all the world to cause a young maiden41 to fall into daydreams42 and forget where she is, and, although her eyes are wide open, to see nothing of what is going on around her! 'She walks in meads of Asphodel, and sunlight dwells in all her ways,'" quoted the spinster, who was still as fond of poetry as any girl of eighteen. And with that she gave a little sigh, and went on with her work.
It was from one of these daydreams that John's voice, addressing her after a rather long silence, brought back Hermia with a start.
"My dear," he said, speaking slowly and softly, "do you ever go back in memory to that far-off time before you came to us, or try to piece together whatever fragments you may still retain of the earliest recollections of your childhood?"
The dazzling light in Hermia's eyes, as she turned them on him the moment he spoke43 to her, died out of them as her mind took in the purport44 of his question.
"When I was much younger than I am now," she replied, "I often used to try to piece together what, even then, seemed like the broken fragments of a number of dreams all jumbled45 up together, but I never could make anything of them. Nowadays, my mind seldom travels back so far. Why, indeed, should it? I suppose everything has been told me which it is good for me to know, and assuming that to be so, why should I trouble further?"
"Nothing has been told you yet," said John, gently.
A startled look came into her eyes. "Then something remains46 to be told," she said with a little break in her voice--"something about the parents of whom I remember nothing--nothing!"
"My dear, neither my sister nor I have any more knowledge of your parents than you yourself have."
Her cheek paled suddenly, "Oh!--Can that be true? And yet you are my uncle and aunt! How, then?" She stared helplessly from one to the other.
John drew his chair closer to Hermy's, and taking one of her hands in both his, pressed it tenderly. "Ah," he said, with an infinite pathos47 in his voice, "therein lies the secret--the secret which has been kept from you for so many years, but which must be told you at last." Here he pressed her hand a little harder. "My darling child--for so I may surely call you--it seems a cruel thing to be compelled to say, but we are not your uncle and aunt--I and my sister. In point of fact, we are no relatives at all."
Hermia's eyes were not bent48 on John, but on the fire, but just then they saw no more of what they seemed to be gazing at, than if they had been struck with blindness. Twice her lips shaped themselves as if to speak, but no sound came from them. A large tear gathered in the corner of each eye, lingered there for a moment, and then fell. John himself was unable to continue for a little while.
"And now," he went on, "having told you so much, I must, of course, tell you the rest, for my sister agrees with me that the time has come when you should be made aware of as much of your history as it is in our power to impart to you. After all, there is not much to tell, as you will be able presently to judge for yourself." He paused for a few moments as if to gather his thoughts, and then resumed.
"Seventeen years ago, at which time we were living in the suburbs of London, my sister drew my attention to an advertisement in one of the daily papers, which specified49 that the advertiser was desirous of entering into communication with some thoroughly50 respectable and trustworthy people, who were willing to adopt a little girl about three years of age, and bring her up as if she were a child of their own. My sister and I having made tip our minds years before that we should never marry, had long been desirous of brightening our lives by the adoption51 of a child, who should grow up with us, and be in everything as though she were really our own, and here seemed the opportunity we were seeking, ready to our hand. Accordingly, I at once answered the advertisement, and a couple of days later was called upon by a Mr. Hodgson, who, from the first time of seeing him, I set down in my mind as a lawyer. The result was that a few days later, you, my dear Hermia, were handed over to our care, and have lived with us ever since.
"Once every year Mr. Hodgson visits us at the Cottage, when he always dines with us, and you will doubtless remember having seen him here on several occasions. The object of his annual visit is to see you, probably in order that he may be able to report to those who employ him that you are alive and well. We were told, when you first came to us, that your name was Hermia Rivers, but beyond that we were told nothing. No hint whatever with regard to your parentage or family history has ever escaped Mr. Hodgson's lips, and it was understood between us all along that I was to ask no questions, and none has ever been asked. Two inferences, however, may be drawn52 which would seem to make it pretty clear that your relatives, whatever else they may be, must be people of some means. The first inference is, that were they not such, they would hardly be in a position to engage the services of a man of the stamp of Mr. Hodgson. The second is, that although we were quite willing to take and adopt you without any payment whatever--and, indeed, to have made our doing so a question of gain would have been altogether counter to our feelings in the matter--Mr. Hodgson insisted that the sum of sixty-five pounds a year should be paid for you till you should come of age; after which, he said, in all probability some fresh arrangement might become desirable. Accordingly, the sixty-five pounds has been paid punctually ever since, but not one farthing of it has been touched by us. Year by year it has been allowed to accumulate in your own name in Umpleby's Bank at Dulminster, where at the present moment, there stands to your credit a sum of over twelve hundred pounds."
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1
guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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ascending
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| adj.上升的，向上的 | |
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judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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languishing
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| a. 衰弱下去的 | |
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vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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wager
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| n.赌注；vt.押注，打赌 | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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wagered
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| v.在（某物）上赌钱，打赌( wager的过去式和过去分词 )；保证，担保 | |
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aggrieved
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| adj.愤愤不平的，受委屈的；悲痛的；（在合法权利方面）受侵害的v.令委屈，令苦恼，侵害( aggrieve的过去式)；令委屈，令苦恼，侵害( aggrieve的过去式和过去分词) | |
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intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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elation
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| n.兴高采烈，洋洋得意 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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miscarriage
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| n.失败，未达到预期的结果；流产 | |
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averring
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| v.断言( aver的现在分词 )；证实；证明…属实；作为事实提出 | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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writhe
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| vt.挣扎，痛苦地扭曲；vi.扭曲，翻腾，受苦；n.翻腾，苦恼 | |
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morbidly
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| adv.病态地 | |
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buoyed
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| v.使浮起( buoy的过去式和过去分词 )；支持；为…设浮标；振奋…的精神 | |
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imprisonment
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| n.关押，监禁，坐牢 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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combative
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| adj.好战的；好斗的 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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cosy
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| adj.温暖而舒适的，安逸的 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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daydream
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| v.做白日梦，幻想 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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queried
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| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
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acquitted
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| 宣判…无罪( acquit的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（自己）作出某种表现 | |
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sagely
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| adv. 贤能地，贤明地 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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daydreams
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| n.白日梦( daydream的名词复数 )v.想入非非，空想( daydream的第三人称单数 ) | |
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43
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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purport
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| n.意义，要旨，大要；v.意味著，做为...要旨，要领是... | |
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jumbled
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| adj.混乱的；杂乱的 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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specified
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| adj.特定的 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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51
adoption
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| n.采用，采纳，通过；收养 | |
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52
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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