Man and woman can love with the same degree of force, but they will never love in the same manner, since to the altar of their passion they carry two greatly different natures beside their different genetic1 missions. As long as there shall live on our planet a man and a woman, they will eternally exchange and counterchange this innocent reproach: "Ah, you do not love me as I love you!" And the lament2 will be forever true, because woman will never love like man, and man will never be capable of loving like woman. In a complete essay on the comparative psychology3 of the two sexes we could delineate the distinctive4 characteristics of virile5 love and feminine love, and I may try it some day; be it sufficient for me here to sketch6 in a general way the two figures of passion, one in essence, but rendered so variform by the two different natures called Adam and Eve.
Listen to two spontaneous cries, uttered by two nations very distant and well-nigh uncivilized, and you will find the first lines of a physiology8 of the sexual characters of love. The Munda-Kols of Chota Nagpur have some popular songs which express the psychical9 difference between man and woman. The women sing:
"Singbonga from the beginning has made us smaller than you, therefore we obey you. Even if it were not so and from the beginning we had overburdened you with work, still we would not be your equals. To you God has given with two hands, to us with one; and for this we do not plough the ground."
And the men sing to the women:
"As God has given us with two hands, so has He made us bigger than you. Have we made ourselves big? He[Pg 159] Himself has divided us into big and small. If you do not obey now the word of man, you certainly disobey the word of God. He himself has made us bigger than you."
And flying to a very distant land, we find a Kabyle song, in which a chorus of young women alternates with a chorus of sturdy youths.
The women: "Let him who wants to be loved by a woman march with his weapons; let him put the butt-end of the gun to his cheek and cry: 'Come to me, O maidens10!'"
The men: "You do well to love us. God sends us war and we will die, and keep at least the memory of the happiness that you have given us."
Rising from the Munda-Kols and the Kabyles to the higher and more civilized7 races, we always find, however, an echo of this wild cry of nature, in which man proclaims his strength or imposes it, and woman acquiesces11 in or invokes12 it. Hence the very unequal part of joys and sorrows, of rights and duties, which man allows his companion in the world of love; hence an ever increasing usurpation13 of joys and rights by the strong as we descend14 to the lower strata15 of humanity; hence civilized nations continually struggling to divide good and evil in a more equitable16 proportion between the two sexes, which still so unfairly share light and darkness, joys and sorrows.
Where muscular strength is the criterion of hierarchies17, where it constitutes the first of human forces, the difference between man and woman in the rights and joys of love is immense, and woman becomes little more than a domestic animal which is bought, sold or killed according to the necessity of the moment. Setting civilization aside, polygamy exists where morality is uncertain and lust18 is ardent19; and woman, guarded as a treasure of voluptuousness20, falls morally lower than in a wandering tribe of nude21 but monogamous savages22, where woman is the companion of the labors23 and joys of man. For this, perhaps, Solomon used to cry[Pg 160] out in his harem: "And who will find me a strong woman?" Among us, also, woman does not play in love the part assigned to her by nature; and here also she can without scruple24 class herself among the oppressed who await their "jacquerie" or their constitution; here also she is a legitimate25 pretender who, by right or might, will have some day to conquer her place in the sun.
But I will speak of rights in another chapter; here we must remain within the confines of physiology, which still is, or should be, the legitimate mother of every human legislation. If anthropology26 should put in our hands all the moral and intellectual elements which separate man from woman, then science could most safely establish in its laws and customs the right place for each sex, without any danger of usurpation, abuse or imposition from any quarter.
Nature has given woman the greatest part of love, and if this difference could be expressed with figures, I would say that we were allotted27 one fifth, or one fourth at most, of love's territory. Only a woman could write Mme. de Sta?l's sublime28 words: "Undoubtedly29, in the mysteries of nature, to love and still to love is what we have retained of our celestial30 inheritance." Neither civilization in any of its most varied31 phases, nor customs in their numberless forms, nor impositions of tyrants32, nor power of genius could alter this immutable33 law. In the rank and fetid hut of the Eskimo, or in the palace of the prince, woman gives all of herself to man, first as daughter, then as lover, as wife, as mother. She is the great placenta of human beings, the bosom34 from which we draw blood, voluptuousness, love, every delight of our soul, every heat that warms us. Woe35 to us, if we should poison the source of human life with a pseudo-education; woe to us, if we should deny Eve the most sacred of rights! For woman, love is the first, the uppermost necessity, and all her organism and her psychology are softened36 and moulded by the influence of love. Van Helmont said too rudely, "Tota mulier in utero," but thinkers of all epochs applauded the aphorism37 of the Dutch physician. Woman physically38 desires for long time; she[Pg 161] possesses for long time and can enjoy her conquest every day, every hour, and turn it into a warm and scented39 atmosphere in which she lives as in a nest; woman nurses in her bosom an angel who always ardently40 desires and who does not quench41 in her the affection for her companion; she moulds the man, nourishes and caresses42 him, and as the years pass she sees herself, her flesh, her loves transformed into a group of little angels who dance around her, who are bits of her heart, petals43 of a rose fallen from the flower of her beauty, all calling her "mother," which has the meaning of "placenta of life." From the ardent embrace of the man whom she loves she flits to the endearments44 of her little children; voluptuousness does not fatigue45, nor ardor46 wither47, nor passion weary her; she is all, from her hair to her feet, imbued48 with love, the fluid that flows in her through every vein49 and moistens every fiber50; so that when she is deprived of it she is like the tree shattered by the hurricane and which sees every leaf wither, every flower fall. The love of man is a lightning that flashes, thunders and vanishes; the love of woman is a ray of sun which, slow and warm, penetrates51 her heart and fecundates her; and she absorbs it, languidly and voluptuously52, and every little root of her sentiments, her joys, her thoughts imbibes53 and feasts upon it; so that, even after the sun has disappeared, its fruitful rays remain, hidden in the earth which it has warmed.
Many have contradicted my opinion, which I expressed several years ago in my "Physiology of Pleasure," that woman has received from nature a larger cup to drink at the inexhaustible spring of the voluptuousness of love; and inasmuch as joy cannot be measured or weighed yet, the problem must wait for its solution a long time still. Nobody, however, can deny that, lasciviousness54 and sensibility being equal in both sexes, Eve can thirst much longer than man, and, without experiencing fatigue, realize the happy dream of a voluptuousness which, changing its form, is eternally renewed. But while for many men voluptuousness is all that is in love, for a woman, be she the most libertine55 among the sensual women, it is only a sweet episode. And if you do[Pg 162] not believe such a bold assertion, send heralds56 through the whole civilized world and assemble all those, men and women, who can love and invite them to a singular love tournament; ask them whether they would accept an eternal and most faithful love without voluptuousness in exchange for voluptuousness without love. For every hundred women who will vote for love, ten, perhaps five, men will decide for the sublime refusal of the embrace.
O you, all of you who have studied the heart of woman in the most abject57 places and believe that you are making your companion happy because you give her luxuriousness58 and gold and dresses, remember that woman wants to love above all, to be warmed by the spirit of man, to lean all upon the faithful arm of man, to feel that she is needed by a companion of whom she wants to be proud; she wants to be the first for someone. You may behold59 a woman unhappy amid the splendors60 of luxury, caressed61 by the sweet affection of a husband, satisfied in all her desires; and you may see another happy in poverty, amid the storms of life, oppressed by the brutal62 whims63 of a lover. "Mysteries of the heart," you say. "A very natural thing," I say. The first woman does not love her husband; the second loves her lover. This is another essential difference between man's and woman's loves: man wants to be loved; woman wants, above all, to love. The sentiment which burns in her is more active, more expansive than in man. Little she demands of her companion, because she is too rich and her affection is too strong to need the support of self-esteem to fight the battles of life. Certain it is that perfect love is the sum of these two most beautiful things, "I love—I am loved"; but often woman is satisfied when able to exclaim, "I love," while man needs only to expand his chest and say, "I am loved."
Do not ask woman why she loves. She can love such ugly, poor, deformed64 creatures as to astonish and horrify65 us. If that creature can only be hers, she will know how to adorn66 him with the flowers of imagination, illumine him with the brilliant light which comes from her heart. When woman loves she almost never doubts of being loved. Has C?sar[Pg 163] ever doubted of winning a battle? Has Napoleon ever doubted of being immortal67? So it is with woman's love; she will creep like a reptile68 at the feet of her companion, or roar like a lion which wants what it wants; she will be a pet rabbit caressed in the bosom of a child, or an eagle that carries aloft the prey69 in its claws; but her love will be reciprocated70. The ardent faith of the neophyte71, the proud faith of infallibility, the immeasurable arrogance72 of the fortunate conqueror73, are virtues74 that are more frequently found in woman's loves, more rarely in man's.
In order to love, woman needs only find talent, strength and even crime in the man she wants to have for herself; she can love the ugliest, most wicked, most deformed of men. She elevates every man she touches; she believes she can heat even the ice. Man loves the beautiful above all and pardons everything else; man often lowers even the highest loves. Woman carries even luxuriousness aloft into the big regions of sentiment; man lowers even affection into the mire75 of lasciviousness. Pardon my cynical76 phrase, but do not reject it, because it is too true: man in his loves is more of a brute77 than of an angel; woman is more of an angel than of a human being.
An essay on the comparative psychology of love cannot be written unless based upon a complete physiology of the two sexes. Every thought, every word, every gesture of man or woman in love receives the imprint78 of the sex; and when the characters are inverted79 a most disgusting spectacle takes place and we behold a caricature, a monster, or even a crime. At times, however, women of manly80 inclinations81 love manly, and men of docile82 disposition83 manifest in their loves sublime tenderness, softness and sentiments which should be found in woman only. We are again in the domain84 of pathology, but the psychical forms may, from the unusual combination of figures and strange coloring, derive85 an esthetic86 element which astonishes us and invites us to meditation87.
However variform the sexual elements of love may be, our modern civilization is stained by a most heinous88 sin because we allow woman, who is the true and great priestess of love,[Pg 164] but a small tribute and a trivial part. We have for ourselves ambition, glory, science, the morbid89 thirst for gain; we have granted to man all the energies of sentiment, all the conquests of genius, all the victories of passion; to woman we have refused every nourishment90 of heart and thought, representing to her that she must only love. After having robbed her of nearly every field of human activity, we have left the garden of love to her as her only possession, her only solace91. And when this poor prisoner, with all the ardent curiosity of her nature, wished to pick the flowers and the scented herbs of her garden, when she proceeded to cultivate the garden in her own way, we interfered92 there, too, setting up the posters of our restrictive regulations and erecting94 the fences of our laws: "That flower-bed is reserved; that flower must not be picked. No thoroughfare." The selection of the plants to cultivate must also be made by us,—by us, who possess the orchard95 and the field, the meadow and the forest, the ice-fields of the Alps and the water of the ocean. Thus we have a woman slave who murmurs96 and conspires97 against us; thus we have made sterile98 and barren the garden where a proud and noble lady would have splendidly received us, where we could rest from our glorious labors; thus, instead of being welcomed by a lady of our station, in gilded99 halls, brilliantly decorated with gems100, we have a woman prisoner or slave who reclines her head on our knees and weeps. We have measured the bread and wine of her life as the jailer does with the thief; and, tyrants in love as well, we have kept the lion's share both in voluptuousness and in the free choice of the sovereign affection. But every injustice101 must be paid for, just as the equilibrium102 is re?stablished every time it has been disturbed; and the continual deceptions103, only too well justified104, of our slaves, seraglio conspiracies105 and palace plots, are every day evidence that we erect93 upon a false foundation the edifice106 of family, and loudly proclaim that it will soon be necessary to give woman what belongs to her, the free choice of loves, the equality of rights in the affections as well as in the family.
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1
genetic
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| adj.遗传的，遗传学的 | |
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lament
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| n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹 | |
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psychology
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| n.心理，心理学，心理状态 | |
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distinctive
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| adj.特别的，有特色的，与众不同的 | |
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virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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physiology
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| n.生理学，生理机能 | |
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psychical
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| adj.有关特异功能现象的；有关特异功能官能的；灵魂的；心灵的 | |
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maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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acquiesces
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的第三人称单数 ) | |
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invokes
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| v.援引( invoke的第三人称单数 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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usurpation
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| n.篡位；霸占 | |
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descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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strata
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| n.地层（复数）；社会阶层 | |
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equitable
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| adj.公平的；公正的 | |
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hierarchies
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| 等级制度( hierarchy的名词复数 )； 统治集团； 领导层； 层次体系 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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nude
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| adj.裸体的；n.裸体者，裸体艺术品 | |
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savages
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| 未开化的人，野蛮人( savage的名词复数 ) | |
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labors
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| v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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anthropology
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| n.人类学 | |
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allotted
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| 分配，拨给，摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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tyrants
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| 专制统治者( tyrant的名词复数 )； 暴君似的人； （古希腊的）僭主； 严酷的事物 | |
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immutable
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| adj.不可改变的，永恒的 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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aphorism
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| n.格言，警语 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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41
quench
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| vt.熄灭，扑灭；压制 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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endearments
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| n.表示爱慕的话语，亲热的表示( endearment的名词复数 ) | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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wither
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| vt.使凋谢，使衰退，(用眼神气势等)使畏缩；vi.枯萎，衰退，消亡 | |
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imbued
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| v.使（某人/某事）充满或激起（感情等）( imbue的过去式和过去分词 )；使充满；灌输；激发（强烈感情或品质等） | |
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49
vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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fiber
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| n.纤维，纤维质 | |
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51
penetrates
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| v.穿过( penetrate的第三人称单数 )；刺入；了解；渗透 | |
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voluptuously
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| adv.风骚地，体态丰满地 | |
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imbibes
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| v.吸收( imbibe的第三人称单数 )；喝；吸取；吸气 | |
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lasciviousness
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libertine
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| n.淫荡者；adj.放荡的，自由思想的 | |
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heralds
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| n.使者( herald的名词复数 )；预报者；预兆；传令官v.预示( herald的第三人称单数 )；宣布（好或重要） | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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luxuriousness
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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splendors
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| n.华丽( splendor的名词复数 )；壮丽；光辉；显赫 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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WHIMS
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| 虚妄，禅病 | |
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deformed
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| adj.畸形的；变形的；丑的，破相了的 | |
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horrify
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| vt.使恐怖，使恐惧，使惊骇 | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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reptile
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| n.爬行动物；两栖动物 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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reciprocated
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| v.报答，酬答( reciprocate的过去式和过去分词 )；（机器的部件）直线往复运动 | |
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neophyte
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| n.新信徒；开始者 | |
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arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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mire
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| n.泥沼，泥泞；v.使...陷于泥泞，使...陷入困境 | |
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cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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imprint
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| n.印痕，痕迹；深刻的印象；vt.压印，牢记 | |
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inverted
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| adj.反向的，倒转的v.使倒置，使反转( invert的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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81
inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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docile
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| adj.驯服的，易控制的，容易教的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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domain
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| n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围 | |
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derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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esthetic
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| adj.美学的，审美的；悦目的，雅致的 | |
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87
meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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heinous
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| adj.可憎的，十恶不赦的 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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nourishment
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| n.食物，营养品；营养情况 | |
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solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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erecting
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| v.使直立，竖起( erect的现在分词 )；建立 | |
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95
orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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conspires
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| 密谋( conspire的第三人称单数 )； 搞阴谋； （事件等）巧合； 共同导致 | |
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sterile
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| adj.不毛的，不孕的，无菌的，枯燥的，贫瘠的 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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gems
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| growth； economy； management； and customer satisfaction 增长 | |
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101
injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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102
equilibrium
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| n.平衡，均衡，相称，均势，平静 | |
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103
deceptions
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| 欺骗( deception的名词复数 )； 骗术，诡计 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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conspiracies
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| n.阴谋，密谋( conspiracy的名词复数 ) | |
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edifice
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| n.宏伟的建筑物(如宫殿，教室) | |
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