The fiat5 had gone forth6 from the altar of Restham Church on the occasion of my marriage with Fay: "Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder7." Frank had done his best to put asunder two Divinely united persons, and had succeeded. Therefore I felt it was but meet that he should be punished as he deserved. To be allowed to sin with impunity8 is the most terrible curse that can fall on the head of any man: and I had no intention of becoming the instrument whereby this curse should be directed to the head of Frank Wildacre.
Isabel sent him down to Restham in her car, and it was on a gloomy autumn day that he arrived. I met him at the door, and at the first moment was struck afresh by his marvellous likeness9 to Fay: it seemed almost as if my dead darling had come back to me, and for a second I was well-nigh unmanned. But after Jeavons had helped him in and laid him down on the large Chesterfield by the hall fire, I saw that he was not as much like Fay as I had at first thought. Both the Wildacres had always been slight and slender, but it was the slightness and slenderness of perfect health: now Frank's thinness amounted to positive emaciation10, and his face was pinched and peaked. Moreover, he had lost that appearance of essential and eternal youth which had been so marked a characteristic of him and of Fay, and without which he hardly seemed a Wildacre at all.
But in one thing he was unchanged, and that was in his perfect ease of manner and absolute unself-consciousness. Although I could see that it required all his self-control to enable him to respond naturally to my greeting, as indeed it required all my self-control to give it, nevertheless he succeeded: and I could not help admiring the pluck and courage of the boy when I remembered how much lay between his departure from the Manor and his return to it.
As I recalled what bright and beautiful beings Wildacre and his children had been at one time, and realised that this broken wreck11 of a boy was all that was left of the once brilliant trio, a wave of misery12 at the pity of it all swept over my soul. I thought of Wildacre as he used to be in the old boyish days, and then of Frank and Fay when they first came to the Rectory after their father's death: and I felt that I was face to face with the hopeless tragedy of what might have been but was not, because the folly13 and sin of man frustrated14 the Wisdom and Righteousness of God, as for some hidden reason it has been permitted to do ever since the forbidden tree was planted in the midst of the garden.
And that is how the last of the Wildacres came to Restham.
For some days I saw but little of Frank. Ponty took him into her tender keeping and set about nursing him back to health, only allowing him to come downstairs and lie on the Chesterfield couch by the hall fire for a few hours every day. It was astonishing to me to find Ponty so good to Frank. She had always resented his presence at Restham even before he had worked any mischief15 there: yet now she took him into her charge, and nursed him as devotedly16 as if she had been his mother.
I remarked upon this change of front one day. "I am surprised you are so kind to Mr. Wildacre, Ponty, considering how angry you were when first I asked him to come and live at the Manor. I was afraid you wouldn't like his coming back in this way."
"Well, you see, Master Reggie, when I was that set against his coming to the Manor, he was strong and well, and so could stand up to me, as you might say: but now he is too weak and ill to hurt a fly. There's lots of folks as you can't stand at any price when they are able to stick up for themselves: but when they are knocked down you'd do anything you could to help them to get up again."
"Women are made like that—thank God!" I said.
"I remember there was a girl at Poppenhall who'd had a fine upstanding young man after her for years and years, and she couldn't so much as look at him, though all the other girls envied her for having such a handsome beau: but he lost an arm and got his face scarred in an accident down a coal-pit, and then she married him at once, and spent the rest of her life in looking after him and trying to take the place of his lost arm."
"A woman all over!" I remarked.
"And all the same, Master Reggie, I'm not such a woman as you seem to think—though I dare say I'm as weak as most of them if I'm taken the right way: but it was one thing to have Mr. Wildacre here when I felt it in my bones that he'd come between you and her dear young ladyship, and quite another to have him here when there is nobody to come between. It wasn't that I objected to Mr. Wildacre himself—far from it—any more than I objected to Miss Annabel, whom I'd had from a month old: but what I did say—and always shall say—is that it's best for married people to fight things out for themselves, without having any relations on either side to back them up. And I shall stick to this till my dying day, even if I was to hang for it!"
I had no intention of hanging my old nurse when she talked in this strain, but I had every objection to listening to her. So I closed the conversation by going out of the nursery.
Annabel came over to see Frank a few days after his arrival at Restham: but Ponty, who was paramount18 in the sick room, forbade her entrance. I had already perceived that my sister's despotic sway at the Manor was gradually being undermined, in secret and insidious19 ways, by the redoubtable20 Ponty, whenever a suitable opportunity presented itself.
"I'm not going to let Miss Annabel see Mr. Wildacre till he is stronger," my old nurse said: "she's no good in a sick room isn't Miss Annabel, being far too managing and interfering21 for invalids22. And after all that poor young gentleman has gone through, it would be heathen cruelty to upset him still worse. Miss Annabel on the top of the Germans would be too much for anybody!"
"But Miss Annabel, as you call her, used to be so fond of Mr. Wildacre," I pleaded.
"Not after he crossed her will and ran off with her ladyship. You could put on the top of a threepenny-bit all Miss Annabel's love for them as don't do exactly as she tells them, and have room to spare. If she is as fond of Mr. Wildacre as she used to be, she can go on with it as soon as he is strong again, and able to stand her domineering ways; though there won't be much fondness to go on with, if I know Miss Annabel. But as long as he's ill, and in my charge, I can't have him bothered with nobody—not even with Deans and Chapters and all other dignities of the Church, including Miss Annabel. And so I tell you straight, Master Reggie."
And Ponty had her way, having found a secret supporter in my humble23 self.
As Frank under Ponty's care grew stronger, I saw more of him, and we gradually got into the way of talking naturally about my lost darling. He could not bear even yet to say much about his awful experiences during that terrible time at Louvain; but he repeated the story of how Fay had given her life to save another's after risking it for some time in order to tend the sick and wounded. And that made me love her all the more dearly, and mourn her all the more deeply.
"I don't want to bother you, Reggie," he said one day, when relations had grown less strained between us; "but I just want you to know how dreadfully sorry I am that I behaved as I did. Lady Chayford told me that you couldn't forgive me, and I feel I haven't the right to ask you to forgive me. But I just want to tell you that I am sorry, and that I would give my life to undo24 what I did."
He was lying in his usual place on the couch, and I was sitting in an easy-chair on the other side of the great fire-place. For a few seconds I smoked in silence: then I said: "I hope you understand it isn't that I won't forgive you, Frank, but that I can't. I've tried, and I find it impossible."
Frank nodded his head in the way that reminded me so keenly of Fay. "I know: Lady Chayford told me. And she also told me how not forgiving me had made you lose your wonderful gift of healing. It is dreadful to think that I had power to spoil your life as much as that!"
I smiled sadly at the childishness which made the loss of my healing powers seem greater than the loss of Fay. And then my smile faded as I realised that it is only when we speak as little children that we speak truth; for the loss of my healing powers stood sacramentally for more than even the loss of my wife. It was the outward and visible sign of my separation from God.
"I know it's no good saying I'm sorry now, but I must say it," Frank continued; "and I shall go on feeling it as long as I live. I don't really see how you could forgive me: I know I couldn't if I were in your place. In fact, I shouldn't even want to."
"I do want to," I said slowly; "but I can't."
"But although I own I did my best towards the end to induce Fay to come away with me," continued Frank, in that throaty and rather husky voice which was so like Fay's that sometimes it thrilled my heart-strings to breaking-point, "I can't help saying that she oughtn't to have listened to me. After all, she was bound to you by vows25, and I wasn't."
I lifted up my hand in protest. "Hush26, hush!" I said sternly: "I cannot allow you or anybody else to dare to say a word against my wife."
"You are very loyal to her," he replied, after a short pause, in which I did him the justice to believe that he felt ashamed of himself.
"I loved her," I said. Then I corrected myself: "I mean I love her."
But it was not easy to suppress a Wildacre even when he did feel ashamed of himself. "Then you have forgiven her," said Frank: "Lady Chayford told me you hadn't."
There was a few minutes' silence whilst I tried to be honest with Frank and with myself. Then I said slowly: "I don't believe I really did forgive her altogether till I heard of her death, though I loved her all the time more than I loved life itself. But after she died I gradually realised that there was nothing to forgive. I had been weighed in her balance, and had been found wanting, and she had no further use for me: therefore she threw me on one side as worthless. I was hers to do what she liked with, and she had a perfect right to retain or to reject me as she thought fit. But, mind you, I didn't see this at first. I am no better than my neighbours, and for a long time I was as harsh and bitter and vindictive27 as any poor beggar of the so-called 'criminal classes' could have been in the circumstances. It is only since Fay's death that I have realised that she was justified28 in the course she took."
"But she wasn't——" Frank began; but I stopped him.
"No, no! Say what you like about yourself, my boy, but not a word against Fay. And don't think that because I completely exonerate29 her I also exonerate you. For I don't. Whatever lay between her and me, was sacred to her and me, and no one had any right to intermeddle in it. Neither had you nor anybody else a right to try to put asunder those whom God had joined together: and that—unless I do you a grave injustice—is what you did."
Frank pondered on my words for a short time and then he said: "To a certain extent, perhaps, I did come between you and Fay, and, as I have told you, I repent30 of what I did in dust and ashes. But I never meant to come between you. On that score my conscience is clear. What I did do was to persuade her to come away with me: but I never did that until something or somebody had already come between you and her, and I saw she was fretting31 her life out because of it."
I was startled. "Something had already come between us! What in Heaven's name do you mean?"
"It is rather difficult to explain, Reggie," replied Frank, carefully weighing his words in his endeavour to be lucid32: "yet I think I must try to do so even if I make a hash of it, because at present you are absolutely in the dark about the whole affair. As far as I can make out, you think that Fay went away because she didn't love you enough."
"That certainly was my impression," I said, trying in vain to keep the pain out of my voice.
"Well, then, you are off on a wrong scent33 altogether. Fay went away because she loved you too much."
"Loved me too much! I don't understand." I was dazed by Frank's incomprehensible burst of confidence.
He did his best to make matters clearer. No Wildacre was ever at a loss for words. "You see, it was in this way: Fay absolutely adored you—simply worshipped the ground you walked on. I'm not justifying34 her for feeling like this," he added, with the first touch of his old whimsicalness that he had shown since his return; "I don't deny that it was very foolish of her to set up any man as a god and worship him like that: but that is what she did; and it is right for you to know it, before you judge her for what she did besides."
"I shall never judge her," I interpolated; "God forbid!"
"Well, then, before you understand what she did, if you prefer the word. It really was Fay's absorbing and unreasoning adoration35 of you that upset the apple-cart and did all the mischief. If she'd been more sensible and discriminating36, all this trouble would never have happened: but she was young and foolish, and madly in love at that. And she was so wild with jealousy37, because she thought you loved your sister more than you loved her, that she hardly knew what she was doing."
"I thought she found me old and dull and tiresome," I murmured.
"I know you did, and that really was too idiotic38 for anything! Why, she was simply crazy for love of you from the first time she saw you till the day she ran away; but you footled the whole thing! I'm sorry to say it, Reggie, but you really did."
Amazement39 had rendered me humble. I realised that if any one had known Fay thoroughly40, Frank had; and it was as an expert that he spoke41. "Please explain," I said meekly42.
Nothing loth, he continued: "Well, if you want the truth, you shall have it. And of course you must bear in mind that, if Fay hadn't been so ridiculously in love, silly little things wouldn't have hurt her as they did, and she wouldn't have gone off her head with jealousy of Miss Kingsnorth. I know men like to feel that their wives are very much in love with them: but the wives who aren't so much in love are really the best for everyday wear. They are more tolerant and much less exacting43."
Frank was a wiser man than he had been when he left Restham. I noted44 that. And for the first time a tiny doubt crept into my mind as to whether even then he had been the most unwise man there.
"In the first place," he went on, "Fay was most frightfully upset at your asking Miss Kingsnorth to stay on living with you after you were married. That started the feeling."
"I thought that as Fay was still such a child it would be a comfort to her to have a kind and loving woman to turn to and lean upon," I explained.
"Kind and loving fiddlesticks!" retorted Frank, by no means respectfully; but I was so glad to see him once more a little like his old self that I rejoiced in rather than resented his impertinence. In spite of my underlying45 enmity against him, I could not hide it from myself that Frank had attracted and fascinated me since his return as he had never attracted and fascinated me before: and this in spite of the fact that his good looks were faded, and his brilliance46 was quenched47. "When girls are first married they don't want kind and loving women to lean upon: they want to lean upon the husbands whose business it is to be leant upon. And they hate anybody who comes between them and their husbands."
"But remember, Frank, I asked you to live with us as well as Annabel. It isn't as if I had asked my sister, and left my wife's brother out." I appeared to be exculpating48 myself to Frank; but in reality I was exculpating myself to myself.
"But that only made the matter worse. Fay didn't want me any more than she wanted Miss Kingsnorth to come poking49 my nose in between you and her. She wanted you to herself."
"I'm afraid that she and Annabel did not get on together as well as I had hoped," I said.
Frank shrugged50 his thin shoulders. "They'd have got on all right together in their proper places. Fay was quite fond of Miss Kingsnorth as a sister-in-law: but when she found Miss Kingsnorth put in place of her husband, why of course she kicked. Anybody would."
"Annabel wasn't put in place of her husband," I argued.
"Yes, she was; and of course the thing didn't work. You seemed to have an idea that Fay's love was transferable, like a ticket for a concert, and that if you didn't use it your sister could. But it's no good trying to transfer other people's affections any more than it's any use trying to change other people's religions. You can take the old one away, but you can't give them a new one in its place."
"But I never attempted to do such a ridiculous thing," I argued.
But Frank was firm. "Yes, you did. Or, at any rate, Fay thought you did, which comes to the same thing as far as she was concerned, and that was what made her so mad. For instance, when she particularly asked you to give her a Prayer Book with her name written in it by you, so that religion and you might all get mixed up together in her mind, and you be part of religion and religion part of you, what did you do? You got Miss Kingsnorth to give her the Prayer Book, so that Miss Kingsnorth should become part of her religion instead of you! Now it really was absurd to expect Miss Kingsnorth—I beg her pardon, I mean Mrs. Blathwayte—to become part of anybody's religion, except of old Blathwayte's—I mean the Dean's. I suppose she's part of his religion now, right enough. But she wasn't the kind of person to be ever part of Fay's religion, and I should have thought you could have seen that for yourself."
"Did Fay tell you that about the Prayer Book?" I asked, with a stab of anguish51. It was incomprehensible to me how my darling could have discussed, even with her brother, things which lay entirely52 between her and me. I could never have talked to Annabel about matters which concerned Fay and myself alone! I should have regarded them as too sacred. But that is where men and women are so different from each other, and where women are so much less reserved than men. I believe that good wives tell more about their husbands than bad husbands ever tell about their wives.
But good Heavens, how it hurt!
"Yes," replied Frank, quite unconscious of my pain, "she told me everything. And it was only after she had told me everything, and I saw how miserable53 you were making her by setting Miss Kingsnorth above and before her that I began to urge her to run away and begin life over again. Of course I see now it was wicked of me to do so, although I was so furious with you for thinking more of your sister than of your wife; and besides being wicked, it was useless. Fay loved you so much that being away from you didn't seem to mend matters at all, but only to make them worse. But I thought that when once she'd got away from you and your treatment of her, she'd begin to forget you, and be happy again as she was before she and you had ever met. But unfortunately I was wrong."
I groaned54. I couldn't help it.
"Then another time," Frank went on, the Wildacres never having been denied freedom of utterance55, "she was almost mad with joy because you came all the way from Restham to Liverpool Street to meet her on her way home from Bythesea. It looked as if you really were as much in love with her as she was with you. And then you went and spoilt it all by saying that you had come to please your sister. Now, I ask you, what wife could stand that? I'm sure you wouldn't have liked to feel that Fay married you in order to please me: and in the same way she didn't like to feel that you had married her to please Mrs. Blathwayte."
"But it was absurd of her to feel like that! She must have known that I worshipped the very ground she walked on, and that the only fly in my ointment56 was that I felt I was too old and dull to make her happy."
Frank still had me on the hip17. "Then that was equally absurd of you! Fay wasn't the only absurd one apparently57. You see all the time that you were inventing trouble by thinking that you were too old and dull for her, she was inventing trouble by thinking that she was too young and silly for you, and that you were comparing her with your sister, and finding her inferior. And you know how mad a woman gets when she thinks her husband likes anybody else more than he likes her. There's nothing she wouldn't do to punish him and hurt herself at the same time! And that is how Fay got. She was so wild at finding you thought more of Miss Kingsnorth than you did of her, that she didn't care what happened. She thought you despised her, and that simply finished her off altogether. And when she was unhappy she tried to drown her unhappiness in theatricals58 and fallals of that kind, which didn't really do her the slightest good: but when husbands fail, women set up all sorts of ridiculous scarecrows in their place. It's the way they're made, I suppose. And when the theatricals turned out to be no good in helping59 her to forget, she took to travelling, and that was how we came to be in Belgium when the war broke out. But travelling didn't really help her either, though she had an idea that the old cities of Flanders might be rather soothing60. But as things panned out they were quite the reverse, and we'd far better have remained in Australia!"
"It is all incredible to me," I said.
But Frank had no mercy. "The long and the short of it is you were so busy worrying yourself about the relations between Fay and your sister, that you let the relations between Fay and yourself slide. And that was really the only thing that mattered. Then Fay got it into her head that you regretted having married her when you compared her with Miss Kingsnorth and saw how young and silly she was in comparison: and so she decided61 to leave you and your sister once more alone together, as she believed that that was what really could make you happy. And even now I can't help admitting that Miss Kingsnorth is far more your sort than Fay was."
I was silent for a time. The solid earth seemed slipping away beneath my feet. Then I said: "Do you mean to tell me, on your word of honour, that to the best of your belief neither you nor Annabel tried to come between my wife and me?"
Without hesitation62 the answer came: "Certainly I do. I am positive that I never did, and in my own mind I am equally certain that Mrs. Blathwayte never did either. But where I was to blame was that when I saw matters had gone wrong, I tried to set them right in my own way: and I think probably that is what Mrs. Blathwayte tried to do also. But there was some excuse for us. The happiness of her brother and my sister mattered more to us than anything else in the world. Of course I see now that you asked Miss Kingsnorth here on Fay's account, though it was a ridiculous thing to do: but I own now you did it from a right motive63. But Fay believed you did it because you thought you would find her too young and silly to be enough for you by herself, and so you wanted your sister and me to relieve the tedium64, and make things more cheerful for you. That was Fay's idea, and I agreed with her. And naturally I resented your putting your sister before mine. Any fellow would."
"I never meant to."
"But you did. And it is for what we do that we are punished—not for what we meant to do. It is a way of yours to mix up essentials with non-essentials, and I expect always will be: I suppose you are made like that, and can't help it. But if you'd only realised that the important thing was not how Fay and Miss Kingsnorth got on together, but how Fay and you got on together, all this misery would never have happened."
I felt I could bear no more: so I went out alone into the autumn dusk to commune with my own soul on the revelations which Frank had vouchsafed65 to me. And when we met again, we did not refer to it, but talked only on indifferent things. For the boy not only knew when to speak: with a wisdom beyond his years he knew also when to be silent.
For several days I continued to commune with my own soul on the matters which Frank had revealed to me. And as I did so the conviction gradually took hold of me that I had been right in my ruthless decision that as long as I lived I could never forgive the man who had come between my wife and me: who had left my house unto me desolate66, and had driven forth my darling to her death.
And then wherever I went I heard nothing but one awful message: the dying leaves whispered it, the dropping rain repeated it, and the autumn winds thundered it in my ears: the message which long ago struck terror and remorse67 to the heart of a great King struck terror and remorse also to mine. Wherever I went and whatever I did I kept hearing the appalling68 word of condemnation69: "Thou art the man."
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1
convalescence
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| n.病后康复期 | |
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manor
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| n.庄园，领地 | |
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pretences
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| n.假装( pretence的名词复数 )；作假；自命；自称 | |
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condoning
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| v.容忍，宽恕，原谅( condone的现在分词 ) | |
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fiat
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| n.命令，法令，批准；vt.批准，颁布 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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asunder
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| adj.分离的，化为碎片 | |
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impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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emaciation
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| n.消瘦，憔悴，衰弱 | |
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wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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frustrated
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| adj.挫败的，失意的，泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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devotedly
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| 专心地； 恩爱地； 忠实地； 一心一意地 | |
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hip
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| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
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paramount
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| a.最重要的，最高权力的 | |
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insidious
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| adj.阴险的，隐匿的，暗中为害的，（疾病）不知不觉之间加剧 | |
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redoubtable
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| adj.可敬的；可怕的 | |
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interfering
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| adj. 妨碍的 动词interfere的现在分词 | |
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invalids
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| 病人，残疾者( invalid的名词复数 ) | |
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humble
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undo
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| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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hush
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vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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exonerate
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| v.免除责任，确定无罪 | |
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repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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fretting
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| n. 微振磨损 adj. 烦躁的, 焦虑的 | |
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lucid
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| adj.明白易懂的，清晰的，头脑清楚的 | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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justifying
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| 证明…有理( justify的现在分词 )； 为…辩护； 对…作出解释； 为…辩解（或辩护） | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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discriminating
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| a.有辨别能力的 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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exacting
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| adj.苛求的，要求严格的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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brilliance
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| n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智 | |
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quenched
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| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
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exculpating
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| v.开脱，使无罪( exculpate的现在分词 ) | |
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poking
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| n. 刺，戳，袋 vt. 拨开，刺，戳 vi. 戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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ointment
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| n.药膏，油膏，软膏 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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theatricals
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| n.（业余性的）戏剧演出，舞台表演艺术；职业演员；戏剧的( theatrical的名词复数 )；剧场的；炫耀的；戏剧性的 | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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condemnation
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| n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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