We were lying in the long grass, looking up at the sky through the branches of the apple-trees and watching the clouds drift past.
The light was fading slowly, the leaves became dim, the birds stopped singing.
"Rose, I do nothing but think of you. Who are you? What will become of you? I should like to anticipate everything, so as to save you every pain. Had you been happy and well-cared-for, I would have wished you trouble and grief. But, strengthened as you now are by many trials, you will be able to find in sorrows avoided and only seen in the distance all the good which we usually draw from them by draining them to the dregs."
"I am not afraid, I expect to be unhappy."
"I hope that you will not be unhappy. The change will be quite simple if it is wisely brought about; you will drop out of your present life like a ripe fruit dropping from its stalk."
"How shall I prepare myself?"
"So far, your chief merit has been patience. But now rouse yourself, look around you, judge, find out your good and bad qualities."
Rose interrupted me:
"My good qualities! Have I any?"
"Indeed you have: plenty of common sense, a great power of resistance, shrewdness. By means of these, you have been able to subdue1 the tyranny of others: can you not escape from that of your failings? Your life has adapted itself to an evil and stupid environment; it must now adapt itself to the environment of your own self."
2
From the neighbouring farms came the plaintive2, monotonous3 cry calling the cattle home. The drowsy4 sky became one universal grey, while the night dews covered the earth with a faint haze5.
"I am surprised that, when you were so unhappy, solitude6 did not appear to you in the light of a beautiful dream."
Rose's timid and astonished voice echoed my last words:
"A beautiful dream! Then do you like solitude?"
"Oh, Rose, I owe it the greatest, the only joys of my childhood! It was to gain solitude that, later, I set myself to win my independence, knowing that, if I did not meet with the love I wished, I should yet be happier alone than among others."
"But, still, you do not live alone!"
I remained silent for a moment, stirred by that question which filled my mind with the thought of my own happiness; and then I said in a whisper, as though speaking to myself:
"Rose, my present life is the most exquisite7 form of independence and solitude."
And I went on:
"Ah, Rose, to know how to be alone! That is the finest conquest that a woman can make! You cannot imagine my rapture8 when I first found myself in a home of my own, surrounded by all the things purchased by my work. When I came in at the end of the day, my heart used to throb9 with gladness. No pleasure has ever seemed to equal that blessed harmony which reigned10 and reigns11 in my soul or that assured peace which no one can take from me, because it depends only on my mood."
"Teach me that joy."
"It is only a brighter light of our own consciousness, a more detached and loftier contemplation of what affects us, a truer way of seeing and understanding...."
The girl murmured:
"Shall I ever have it?"
"Later, when you have gone away."
And, in response to her anxious sigh, I went on, confidently:
"And you will go away when you want to go as badly as I did, when your object is not so much to escape unhappiness as to secure happiness; for, when you become what I hope to see you, you will look at things so differently! You will pity those about you, you will not judge them. The irksome duties laid upon you will not be a burden to you. You will understand the beauty of the country for the first time; and the thought of leaving it will reveal its sweetness to you. But, on the other hand, fortunately, new reasons for going will appeal to your conscience: first, your just pride in what you are and what you may become; the sense of your independence; and the vision of a wider and nobler existence. And, in this way, you will go not to
escape annoyance13 or to please me, but as a duty towards yourself."
3
It was the silent hour when nature seems to be awaiting the darkness. Not a breath, not a sound, while the colours of the day vanish one by one before the life of the evening has yet begun to throb.
I turned to my companion. With a great labourer's knife in her hand, she was solemnly whittling14 a piece of wood. She answered my enquiring15 glance:
"It is to fasten to Blossom's horns; she's getting into bad ways...."
And, quickly, fearing lest she had hurt me, she added:
"I was listening, you know!"
4
Standing12 in the porch, we breathe the scent16 of the rose-trees laden17 with roses. It has been raining heavily. Tiny drops drip from leaf to leaf; the flowers, for a moment bowed down, raise their heads;
the birds resume their singing; and, in the sunbeams that now appear, slanting18 and a little treacherous19, the pebbles20 on the path glitter like precious stones.
We had taken shelter, during the storm, inside the house, where we sat eating sweets, laughing and talking without restraint. But now Rose is uneasy; she looks at me and says, abruptly21:
"Do you love me?"
"I cannot tell you yet."
She insists, coaxingly22:
"Do tell me!"
"Darling, I have become very chary23 of words like that, for I know what pain we can give if, after our lips have uttered them, they are not borne out by all our later acts. As we grow in understanding, I believe that it becomes more difficult for us to distinguish the exact value of the friendship which we bestow24."
"Why?"
"For the very reason that we grow at the same time less capable of hatred25, contempt and indifference26. If a fellow-creature is natural, he interests us by the sole fact of the life which he represents; and, if circumstances make us meet him often, it will be hard for us to be certain whether what we are actually
lavishing27 upon him is friendship or only interest."
She seemed to like listening to me; and I continued in the same strain:
"A moment, therefore, comes when our understanding is like a second heart, a heart that seems to anticipate and complete the other, by giving perfect security to its movements...."
A breath of wind passed and stripped the petals28 from a rose that hung in the doorway29. And our shoulders were covered with little scented30 wings.
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1
subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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2
plaintive
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| adj.可怜的，伤心的 | |
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3
monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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4
drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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6
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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7
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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8
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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9
throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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10
reigned
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| vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式） | |
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11
reigns
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| n.君主的统治( reign的名词复数 )；君主统治时期；任期；当政期 | |
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12
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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13
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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14
whittling
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| v.切，削（木头），使逐渐变小( whittle的现在分词 ) | |
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15
enquiring
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| a.爱打听的，显得好奇的 | |
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16
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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17
laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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18
slanting
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| 倾斜的，歪斜的 | |
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19
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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20
pebbles
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| [复数]鹅卵石； 沙砾； 卵石，小圆石( pebble的名词复数 ) | |
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21
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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22
coaxingly
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| adv. 以巧言诱哄，以甘言哄骗 | |
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23
chary
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| adj.谨慎的，细心的 | |
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24
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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25
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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26
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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27
lavishing
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的现在分词 ) | |
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28
petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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29
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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30
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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