Immense black clouds scudded1 past in the darkness; a furious wind stripped the groaning2 branches of their leaves; and, when the moon suddenly pierced the night, gaunt figures appeared of almost bare trees twisted and shaken by the wind. Behind the orchards4, a few cottage-windows showed a glimmer5 of light; and the watch-dogs howled as I passed, to the accompaniment of their dragging chains.
I walked quickly, full of misgivings6 and yet undaunted. I asked myself at intervals7 what was taking me to the farm, to probable suffering. Was it Rose's silence: I had heard nothing of her for a week? Was it the hope of saying good-bye to her, of letting her know at least that I was to go away the next day? Or was it not rather the curiosity that makes us wish to see, without being seen ourselves, the man or woman who interests us?
We always influence in some way or other the looks or the words that are addressed to us. The
eye that rests on us becomes unconsciously filled with our own rest; and the longing8 that awakens9 at the sight of us is often born of the unspoken call of our soul or our blood. From the first moment when our hands meet, an exchange takes place, and we are no longer entirely10 ourselves, we exist in relation to the persons and the things around us. Two honest lives cannot join in falsehood; but either of them, if united to a vulgar nature, is perhaps capable of deterioration11.
While thus arguing, I seek to reassure12 myself. True, Rose could never be at the farm, among those coarse people, what she is with me. Still, what will she be like?
I remember something she said to me at the beginning of our acquaintance:
"For the sake of peace with those about me, by degrees I made myself the same as they were. After a time, I never said what I really thought and soon I ceased to notice the difference between the two. As I thought that it was impossible for me ever to go away, it seemed to me a wise policy to adapt myself to the life I had to live. It was a lie at first; later it became second nature...."
But now? Now that all that existence is no more
than a temporary unpleasantness, what is her attitude?
2
It was striking eight when I came up to the farm. As a rule, everybody is in bed by then. But to-day was the feast of the patron-saint of the village; and there must have been dancing and drinking till nightfall. At that moment, the darkness was so thick that I could hardly see anything in front of me. I found the gate locked. Clinging to the trees and pulling myself through the thorns and brambles, I climbed across the bank and dropped into the orchard3. I at once called softly to the dog, so that he should recognise a friend's voice, and, as soon as I was certain of his silence, I walked quietly to the house, where there was a light in two of the windows at the back of the farm-yard. Not daring to take the path that led to the door, I made my way as best I could through the long grass. I was shivering in my dress; and my feet were frozen. Whenever the moon peeped through two clouds, I quickly flung myself against a tree and waited without moving for the darkness to return. Cows were lying here and
there on the grass: at each lull13 in the storm, I heard the heavy breathing of the sleeping animals; and their peacefulness soothed14 my troubled mind.
Some thirty yards from the house, I stopped, uncertain what to do. It can be approached only by going a little higher, for it is built on a mound15 in the centre of the yard. The whole length of the one-storeyed, thatched buildings was without a tree or any dark corner where I could shelter.
I was still hesitating, when suddenly a shadow passed across one of the windows. I seemed to recognise Rose, and my rising curiosity made me cover in a moment the distance that separated me from her. Once there, against the window-pane, I thought of nothing else.
No, it was not fear but sorrow that oppressed me from the first glance within: Rose was laughing at the top of her voice, her mouth opened in a paroxysm of mirth. She was laughing a silly, brutish laugh, lying back in her chair, with her knees wide apart and her hands on her hips16. A lamp stood near her on the long table around which the men were eating and drinking; under its torn shade the light flared17 unevenly18, lighting19 up some things with ruthless clearness and leaving others in complete darkness. Of
the men, I could see nothing distinctly except their heavy jaws20 and coarse hands and the lighter21 patches of their white shirts and blue smocks. I could make out very little of the large, low-ceilinged room. A rickety chair here; an old dresser there, with a few battered22 dishes on it. At regular intervals, a brass23 pendulum24 sends forth25 gleams as it catches the light; and the smouldering fire in the tall chimney-place flickers26 for a moment and illumines the strings27 of beans and onions drying round the hearth28. On the floor, in the middle of the room, two little cowherds are quarrelling for the possession of a goose, no doubt won as a prize in the village. The poor thing, lying half-dead, with its wings and legs tied up, utters piteous sounds, which are the signal for a burst of laughter and coarse jokes.
But suddenly all is silence. A door opens at the far end of the room and on the threshold stands the mistress, with a candle in her hand and some bottles under her arm. The fear inspired by the old madwoman is obvious at once. The two urchins29 take refuge under the table with their prey30, Rose's laughter ceases abruptly31 and, through the window-panes, I hear the steady ticking of the clock and the clatter32 of the spoons in the bowls.
The old woman has sat down in the full light. She is eating, with bent33 back, lowered head and jerky, nervous movements, while her wicked little sunken eyes peer from under her heavy, matted brows. She speaks some curt34 words in patois35, too fast for me to catch their sense; but her strident voice hurts my ears. The conversation becomes livelier by degrees and soon everybody is speaking at once....
I wait in vain for an absent look, a gesture of annoyance36, an expression of pain on Rose's part. No, she seems at her ease among these people, as she was at the great house, as she is and as she will be everywhere. She follows the remarks of one and all and shows the same attention which she vouchsafes37 to me when I speak to her. From time to time, she says a word or two; and I recognise the shrill38 voice and the vulgar gestures that used to hurt me so much during our early talks.
I remained there for a long time, always waiting, always hoping. Excited by liquor, the men began to quarrel; and I heard the old woman hurl39 a torrent40 of vile41 insults at them. Rose took the part of one of the men and interfered42, using language as coarse as theirs.
3
It was late when I went away. The clouds had dispersed43, the wind had dropped; the moonbeams were making pools of silver on the ground through the trees; and, when I reached the open fields, they appeared to me cold, immense, infinite under a molten sky.
The picture which I carry away with me seems to lose its colour before my eyes: it is harder and sadder, made up of harsh lights and darker shadows, like an etching. I see the rough hands on the white deal table, the bony faces brutally44 outlined by a crude light. I hear the cracked voice of the old madwoman, now raised in yells of abuse, now breaking into song ... and Rose ... my beautiful Rose....
But I have stolen this sight of a life which I was never meant to see. The dishonesty of my invisible presence makes a gulf45 between my actual vision and my perception; and it seems to me that, in this case, I must withhold46 my judgment47 even as we hold our breath before a flickering48 flame.
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1
scudded
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| v.（尤指船、舰或云彩）笔直、高速而平稳地移动( scud的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2
groaning
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| adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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3
orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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orchards
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| （通常指围起来的）果园( orchard的名词复数 ) | |
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5
glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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6
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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7
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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8
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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9
awakens
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的第三人称单数 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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10
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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11
deterioration
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| n.退化；恶化；变坏 | |
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12
reassure
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| v.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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13
lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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14
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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15
mound
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| n.土墩，堤，小山；v.筑堤，用土堆防卫 | |
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16
hips
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| abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的 | |
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17
Flared
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| adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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18
unevenly
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| adv.不均匀的 | |
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19
lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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20
jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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21
lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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22
battered
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| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
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23
brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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24
pendulum
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| n.摆，钟摆 | |
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25
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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26
flickers
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| 电影制片业； （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的名词复数 ) | |
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27
strings
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| n.弦 | |
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28
hearth
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| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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29
urchins
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| n.顽童( urchin的名词复数 )；淘气鬼；猬；海胆 | |
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30
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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31
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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32
clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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33
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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34
curt
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| adj.简短的，草率的 | |
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35
patois
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| n.方言；混合语 | |
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36
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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37
vouchsafes
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的第三人称单数 )；允诺 | |
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38
shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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39
hurl
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| vt.猛投，力掷，声叫骂 | |
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40
torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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41
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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42
interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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43
dispersed
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| adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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44
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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45
gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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46
withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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47
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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48
flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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