It was eleven o'clock when I went to meet Rose this morning; but the day was so dark and the fog so dense1 that the street-lamps were still lit.
It was gloomy and depressing. Wrapped in a long cloak and huddled3 in a corner of the cab, I shivered with cold and nervousness. I reread her telegram, dispatched from a railway-station before daybreak; and the pathos4 of those few words went to my heart:
"Am starting. Ran away yesterday.
"Your Baby."
Yesterday? Then she had spent the night at an inn? Why?
Alas5, in such circumstances, do not we women usually behave like that, blindly and illogically? We prepare everything, we look out the trains and choose the most favourable6 time for flight; we announce the
minute of our arrival to those expecting us; everything is ready, everything is decided7.... Then the appointed day arrives. The hour strikes, the hour passes and we do not stir. We have been kept by some meaningless trifle which is magnified in our excitement and acquires an importance which it never had before: a word, a look from those whom we are going to desert. We forgive them when we are on the point of leaving them for ever. We invest them with a little of our own gentleness and kindness. Even as the colour of things blurs8 and fades when our eyes are dim with tears, so the hardest people do not appear so to the anxious heart of a woman. And pity gains the upper hand, time slips by and we put off to the morrow and, on the morrow, we put off again....
Then, one day, we depart all at once, for no definite reason, depart empty-handed, with an impassive face and without looking round. We perform the most energetic action almost without knowing it, for even our will shirks the too-heavy task. It dreads9 the preparations, it would like to be able to tell us feebly that nothing is done, that nothing is decided, that we can still go back to the past; and this is enough to hurry our steps towards the future. We
go, we walk on and on, we walk till we are tired. Then does it not seem as if each minute shifted the problem of our destiny a little more? And in a few hours would it not need more courage to return than to continue our road?
But it is nearly always so, by little unforeseen acts, by fear as much as by weakness, that we perform the inaugural10 act of our enfranchisement11. We flee bewildered, like poor beasts that have broken loose; and the first movements of our liberty echo in our hearts with a melancholy12 sound of dangling13 chains.
2
My dear Rose!... As I go through the damp, dark station, I am already picturing her fright....
The train arrives, full of passengers, who hurry towards the exit in surging black masses. How shall I recognise her in this crowd, in the fog? I do not know what she will look like. A lady? A servant? A servant, I expect, because she will have had nothing ready. I hope so; and I look out eagerly for a black knitted hood14 on a head of golden hair. I am afraid lest she should not see me in her excitement and nervousness. The flood of passengers
separates on either side of the ticket-collector; and I keep close to him, standing15 desperately16 on tip-toe....
The crowd has passed and I have not caught sight of her. There are still a few people coming from the far end of the train; it is so dark that I can hardly see.... There is a tall figure all over feathers in the distance, but it cannot be ... And yet ... yes, yes, it is she! Gracious goodness, what a sight!... I feel that it would be better to laugh, but I can't; and I am furious with myself for keeping a grave face. It is Rose! Rose dressed like a Sainte-Colombe lady!
She comes along, calmly, smiling and self-possessed; and I am now able to distinguish the painful hues17 of that appalling18 garb19: the little red-velvet hat, studded with glass stones of every imaginable colour and trimmed with green feathers of the most aggressive shade and style; the serge skirt, too short in front; the black jacket, quite simple, it is true, but so badly cut that it murders the figure of the lovely girl! She has a large basket, carefully corded, on her arm. I really suffer tortures while she kisses me effusively20 and says, gaily21:
"You are looking very well, dearest; but you're
upset: what's the matter?" And, before I have time to answer, she adds in a triumphant22 tone, "I have a great surprise for you. Look in the basket, look!"
I need not trouble: at that moment there comes from the basket a pandemonium23 of terrified quacks24 and flapping wings.
"Yes," Rose continues, laughing merrily, "I stole the old woman's best two ducks and that's why I'm here.... But first I must tell you, I have been looking after them for a month, fattening25 them for your benefit; I would not go before they were just right. And what do you think? All of a sudden, she said, at dinner, that she was going to market to-day to sell them! It gave me an awful turn. As soon as I could leave the kitchen, I flew to the poultry-yard and I took the train to —— and slept there. Luckily, I had already sent my trunk to an hotel."
I looked at Rose in stupefaction:
"Your trunk?"
She went on, with her eyes full of cunning:
"Oh, your baby was rather clever!... As the old woman never paid me during the whole of the four years, I worked out what a farm-servant gets a year and I decided that I was justified26 in opening
an account in her name with one of our customers who keeps a big drapery-store. And so I now have a trunk and a complete outfit27, as well as these pretty things which I have on. It was only fair, wasn't it?"
I turned away my head without a word. It was certainly quite fair; but I felt my cheeks flushing scarlet28.
Rose gave a yawn which ended in a groan29:
"I'm starving. Suppose we had some lunch; we could come back for the trunk afterwards."
I eagerly agreed and hurried her to the exit. From the top of the stairs, I saw that the fog had lifted at last; the gas-lamps had been put out and the street lay before us in a melancholy, wan30 light. The pavements were covered with mud and the houses showed yellow and smoke-grimed. Then I looked at Rose and my torture suddenly became more than I could bear. I placed her in front of me and feverishly31 unbuttoned the clumsy jacket, which was too tight at the neck, too narrow across the shoulders and gave her no waist at all. It fell away on either side; her bust32 showed full and uncompressed in a light-coloured blouse; and I breathed more freely.
"Now, take off your hat."
She slowly obeyed; and the gloomy station and the wretched, grimy day were suddenly illuminated33. Oh, those lovely fair curls, which had been crushed and pushed away under the hideous34 hat with its too narrow brim, what bliss35 it was to see them again full of life and laughter! There they were in their graceful36, natural clusters, some drooping37 over her forehead, some brushing her cheeks, others kissing her neck and ears! How pretty she was! I recognised my Rose at last in her soft, golden, shimmering38, impalpable, incredible tresses. I passed my fingers lightly over that silk for love's loom2, while my eyes feasted on its delicate colour. No, indeed, nothing was lost. Rose was beautiful, more beautiful than ever; and the glad words came crowding to my lips. I forgave her and was angry with myself for my coldness.
Poor child, she did not know! She had thought, no doubt, that, to go to Paris, she must absolutely have a hat; and how was she to choose one in a village-shop? And I told her over and over again how fond I was of her.
Rose, a little uncomfortable, with crimson39 cheeks and downcast eyes, stood awkwardly turning the unfortunate
object in her hands. I looked round: a few people, intent on their business, were hurrying this way and that; there was no one on the staircase. Then, bursting with laughter, I dashed the hat to the floor and, with the tip of my shoe, precipitated40 it into space....
"Come over to the other side," I said to Rose. "Quick!... Suppose they brought it back!"
Good-natured as always and pleased at my amusement, she laughed because I laughed; and, while we ran to the other exit, the masterpiece of Sainte-Colombe millinery rolled and rolled and hopped41 from stair to stair.
3
The bustle42 of the restaurant and the noise of the street outside affected43 me tremendously. I was nervous and excited, with a wild desire to laugh at everything and nothing. I asked Rose all sorts of questions; and, whenever any one passed:
"Look!" I said. "Do look!... You're not looking!... There, that's a pretty dress, a regular Parisienne!... And, over there, by the door: don't you see that queer woman?"
The girl looked and then turned to me and, before I could prevent her, bent44 down and kissed my hand. I wanted to say:
"You mustn't do that, Rose!"
But it was the first charming impulse she had shown: how could I scold her? Oh, what a miserable45 thing our education is; and how often should I not find myself in some ridiculous dilemma46!
Besides, I wished this first day of hers to be all happiness and expectation! And, while we gaily discussed plans for the future, I tried to guess what she must be feeling, I scrutinised her movements, I interpreted her words. But it appeared too soon yet; and it was I, alas, I who had the best part of her happiness! My eyes fell on her chapped and swollen47 hands. She noticed it and murmured, sadly:
"It's the beetroots. You understand, it's the hard season now."
"But the beetroot-days are past, my Roseline! The bad seasons are over, over for good, over for good and all!"
And I laid stress on every syllable48; and, though I was whispering in her ear, I heard the words "for good and all" bursting from my lips like a triumphant shout.
She smiled and went on eating, doing her best to eat nicely, with her elbows close to her sides and her hands by her plate. Heaven above, did she understand what I said?
4
There are some people who seem detached from themselves. They do something; and the whole flood of their life does not surge into the action! They draw near to the object of their love; and their whole soul does not fill their eyes! Their soul is not on their lips, to breathe love; it is not at their finger-tips, to seize upon happiness; it is not there to watch life, to attract all that passes, eagerly, greedily and rapturously! Then where is it and what is it doing outside this dear, delightful49 earth?...
And yet woman, the creature who learns through love the admirable gift of life, knows better than man how to throw the whole of herself into fleeting50 moments. She lives nearer to the edge of her actions. Her mind, which rarely attaches itself to abstract things, seems to float around her in search of every sensation. Woman passes and has seen everything;
she remembers and she quivers as though the caressing52 touch were still upon her. Her light and charming soul drinks eternity53 straight out of the present; and through a man's kisses she has known the art of absolute oblivion.
I am afraid that Rose is not much of a woman. Ah, were I in her place, I should be wild with excitement, out of my mind with joy, as though I were hearing my own name spoken for the first time!
5
After lunch, our shopping was a difficult matter. Rose, with her uncommon55 figure, could hardly find anything ready-made to suit her. I had to hunt about and to contrive56 with thought, for I would not wait a single day. I was careful to select the quietest and most usual things for her, so as to conceal57 her rusticity58 as far as possible. The neat dark-velvet toque could have its position altered on her head without much harm. The black veil would tone down the vividness of a complexion59 too long exposed to the open air; and its fine plain net would set off the admirable regularity60 of her features. Lastly, the deep leather belt to her tailor-made frock
and the well-starched collar and cuffs61 would more or less hide the effort which it cost her to hold herself upright.
6
Two hours later, I introduced Rose to her new home. We climbed a dark, interminable staircase. I held a flickering62 candle in my hand; and, all out of breath, I explained to her the advantages of this boarding-house, a quiet place where her privacy would not be invaded and where she could make useful acquaintances if she wished....
At last, we reached the fifth floor. The daylight had faded. A sea of roofs was beneath us; and, through the panes63 above our heads, a great red sky cast lurid64 gleams over our faces and hands. The girl gave a start of pleasure as she entered her room. It was peaceful and white; but the flaming fire and sky at that moment turned it quite rosy65, smiling and aglow66. From the rather high window we could see nothing but space. I had placed a writing-table underneath67 it, with some books and a few flowers in a dainty crystal bowl. On the walls, several photographs of Italian masterpieces disguised the ugliness
of the typical boarding-house paper. The chimney-mantel was bare and the furniture very simple.
We were both happy, both talking at once, Rose exclaiming:
"It's really too lovely, too beautiful!"
And I was saying:
"I should have liked to have a room for you arranged after my own taste, but I had to keep within bounds. So I brought a few little things, as you see, and bundled the ugly pictures, the tin clock and the plush flowers into the cupboards. But come and see the best part of it."
I threw open the window; and, leaning out, we beheld68 a great expanse beyond the enormous gutter69 that edged the roof. Unfortunately, the last glow of the sunset was swiftly dying away in the mist rising from the Seine. Opposite us, on the other bank, the Louvre became a heavy, shapeless mass; on the right, Notre-Dame was nothing but a shadowy spectre; here and there, in a chance, lingering gleam, we could just distinguish a steeple, a turret70, a house standing out above the rest.
"We came in too late, Rose; we can see nothing; but how wonderful it all is! The sound of the quays71 and bridges hardly reaches us, the city might be
veiled; at this height, its activity is like a dream and I seem to be living over again those quiet moments which we used to spend side by side at Sainte-Colombe. Are you happy?"
Smiling and with her eyes still fixed72 on the sky, she says:
"Yes."
"Perfectly73?"
"Yes."
"You are not afraid of the future?"
"Not for my sake, but I am for yours."
I question her with my eyes; and she adds:
"I am afraid that I shall never be what you want."
I put my hand on her shoulder and said:
"You will be what you are to be; and that is the main thing. It seems to me at this moment that the greatest ideas are nothing, that the fairest dreams are childish compared with the simple reality of a human being's first taste of happiness. You were hidden; and I bring you to the light. You were a prisoner; and I set you free. I see nothing to fetter74 you; and that is all I ask. The life of a beautiful woman should be like a star whose every beam is the source of a possible joy.... I am glad, for this is the day of your first deliverance."
Rose murmured:
"What will the second be, then?"
I hesitated for a moment. Then I replied:
"It is difficult to say, dear; you will come to know gradually. I might answer, that of your mental or moral life; but I do not wish to lay down any rule. You are about to start on life's journey; I do not wish to trace your road with words. How much more precious your smallest actions are to me!"
I closed the window and went and sat in a chair by the fire-place. Rose, standing with uplifted arms in front of the glass, took off her hat and veil, then undid75 her mantle76 and her scarf and put everything carefully away in the wardrobe. My eyes followed her quiet movements and my heart rested on each of them. I spoke54 her name and she came and sat at my feet, against my knees, with her soft, fair head waiting for my caress51.
It was now night; the fire lit our faces, but the room was dark wherever the flames did not cast their gleams. A chrysanthemum77 on a longer stalk than the others bent its petals78 into the light. Opposite the fire-place, within the shade of the bed-curtains, stood a white figure from the Venice Accademia, an allegory representing Truth. We could not see the
mirror which she holds nor the details that surround her. The pedestal that raises her above mankind was also invisible; only the nude79 body of the woman invited and retained the light.
I called Rose's attention to her:
"Look, she is more interesting like that. In the doubt which the shadow casts around her, I see in her a more human and a truer truth."
After a moment's contemplation, Rose said, gravely:
"I will never hide one of my thoughts from you."
Her statement makes me smile; but why disappoint her? She did not yet know that those who are most sincere find it more difficult than the others to say what they think. Words, in their souls, are like climbing plants which, sown by chance in the middle of a roadway, waver and grope, send out tendrils here and there in despair and end by entangling80 themselves with one another. Whereas most people, just as we provide supports for flowers, bestow81 certainties and truths upon their words to which they cling, the sincere refuse to yield to any such illusions. They hesitate, stammer82 and contradict themselves without ceasing....
7
I drew her head down on my knees; and, softly, in little sentences interrupted by long pauses, we spoke of the new life that was opening before her. Soon she said nothing more. The fire went out, the room became dark and a clock outside struck six. I whispered:
"I am going, darling...."
She did not move and I saw that she was asleep. Then I gently released myself, put a pillow under her head and a wrap over her shoulders and was almost at the door, when suddenly I pictured her awakening83. It would not do for her to open her eyes in the dark, to feel lost and alone in an unknown house. I lit the lamp, drew the blinds and made up the fire.
Roseline was sleeping soundly. Her breathing was hardly perceptible. At times, a deep sigh sent a quiver through her placid84 beauty, even as a keener breath of air ripples85 the surface of a pool.
What would she do if she should soon awake?... I looked around. Everything was peaceful and smiling; the flowers looked fresh and radiant in the
light; the books on the table seemed to be waiting.... I searched among them for some page to charm her imagination and guide her first dreams along pleasant paths....
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收听单词发音
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1
dense
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| a.密集的，稠密的，浓密的；密度大的 | |
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loom
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| n.织布机，织机；v.隐现，(危险、忧虑等)迫近 | |
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huddled
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| 挤在一起（huddle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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8
blurs
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| n.模糊( blur的名词复数 )；模糊之物；（移动的）模糊形状；模糊的记忆v.（使）变模糊( blur的第三人称单数 )；（使）难以区分 | |
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dreads
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| n.恐惧，畏惧( dread的名词复数 )；令人恐惧的事物v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的第三人称单数 ) | |
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inaugural
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| adj.就职的；n.就职典礼 | |
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enfranchisement
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| 选举权 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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dangling
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| 悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
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hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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hues
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| 色彩( hue的名词复数 )； 色调； 信仰； 观点 | |
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appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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garb
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| n.服装，装束 | |
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effusively
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| adv.变溢地，热情洋溢地 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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pandemonium
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| n.喧嚣，大混乱 | |
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quacks
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| abbr.quacksalvers 庸医，骗子(16世纪习惯用水银或汞治疗梅毒的人)n.江湖医生( quack的名词复数 )；江湖郎中；（鸭子的）呱呱声v.（鸭子）发出嘎嘎声( quack的第三人称单数 ) | |
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fattening
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| adj.（食物）要使人发胖的v.喂肥( fatten的现在分词 )；养肥（牲畜）；使（钱）增多；使（公司）升值 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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outfit
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| n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装 | |
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scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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bust
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| vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部 | |
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illuminated
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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shimmering
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| v.闪闪发光，发微光( shimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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precipitated
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| v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀 | |
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hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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42
bustle
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| v.喧扰地忙乱，匆忙，奔忙；n.忙碌；喧闹 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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51
caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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56
contrive
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| vt.谋划，策划；设法做到；设计，想出 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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rusticity
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| n.乡村的特点、风格或气息 | |
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complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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61
cuffs
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| n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打，拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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panes
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| 窗玻璃( pane的名词复数 ) | |
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lurid
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| adj.可怕的；血红的；苍白的 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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aglow
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| adj.发亮的；发红的；adv.发亮地 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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69
gutter
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| n.沟，街沟，水槽，檐槽，贫民窟 | |
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turret
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| n.塔楼，角塔 | |
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quays
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| 码头( quay的名词复数 ) | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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fetter
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| n./vt.脚镣，束缚 | |
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Undid
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| v. 解开, 复原 | |
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mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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chrysanthemum
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| n.菊，菊花 | |
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petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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nude
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| adj.裸体的；n.裸体者，裸体艺术品 | |
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entangling
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| v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的现在分词 ) | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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stammer
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| n.结巴，口吃；v.结结巴巴地说 | |
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83
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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ripples
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| 逐渐扩散的感觉( ripple的名词复数 ) | |
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