"You will go and see him, won't you, Mamma, or at least inquire about him?" said Lillian, eager to assure the wanderer of a welcome, for those few words of his had satisfied her entirely3.
"No, dear, it is for him to seek us, and till he does, I shall make no sign. He knows where we are, and if he chooses he can renew the acquaintance so strangely broken off. Be patient, and above all things remember, Lillian, that you are no longer a child," replied my lady, rather disturbed by her daughter's enthusiastic praises of Paul.
"I wish I was, for then I might act as I feel, and not be afraid of shocking the proprieties4." And Lillian went to bed to dream of her hero.
For three days she stayed at home, expecting Paul, but he did not come, and she went out for her usual ride in the Park, hoping to meet him. An elderly groom5 now rode behind her, and she surveyed him with extreme disgust, as she remembered the handsome lad who had once filled that place. Nowhere did Paul appear, but in the Ladies' Mile she passed an elegant brougham in which sat a very lovely girl and a mild old lady.
"That is Talbot's fiancee," said Maud Churchill, who had joined her. "Isn't she beautiful?"
"Not at all—yes, very," was Lillian's somewhat peculiar6 reply, for jealousy8 and truth had a conflict just then. "He's so perfectly9 absorbed and devoted10 that I am sure that story is true, so adieu to our hopes," laughed Maud.
"Did you have any? Good-bye, I must go." And Lillian rode home at a pace which caused the stout11 groom great distress12.
"Mamma, I've seen Paul's betrothed13!" she cried, running into her mother's boudoir.
"And I have seen Paul himself," replied my lady, with a warning look, for there he stood, with half-extended hand, as if waiting to be acknowledged.
Lillian forgot her embarrassment14 in her pleasure, and made him an elaborate curtsy, saying, with a half-merry, half-reproachful glance, "Mr. Talbot is welcome in whatever guise15 he appears."
"I choose to appear as Paul, then, and offer you a seat, Miss Lillian," he said, assuming as much of his boyish manner as he could.
Lillian took it and tried to feel at ease, but the difference between the lad she remembered and the man she now saw was too great to be forgotten.
"Now tell us your adventures, and why you vanished away so mysteriously four years ago," she said, with a touch of the childish imperiousness in her voice, though her frank eyes fell before his.
"I was about to do so when you appeared with news concerning my cousin," he began.
"Your cousin!" exclaimed Lillian.
"Yes, Helen's mother and my own were sisters. Both married Englishmen, both died young, leaving us to care for each other. We were like a brother and sister, and always together till I left her to serve Colonel Daventry. The death of the old priest to whom I entrusted16 her recalled me to Genoa, for I was then her only guardian17. I meant to have taken leave of you, my lady, properly, but the consequences of that foolish trick of mine frightened me away in the most unmannerly fashion."
"Ah, it was you, then, in the state chamber18; I always thought so," and Lady Trevlyn drew a long breath of relief.
"Yes, I heard it whispered among the servants that the room was haunted, and I felt a wish to prove the truth of the story and my own courage. Hester locked me in, for fear of my sleepwalking; but I lowered myself by a rope and then climbed in at the closet window of the state chamber. When you came, my lady, I thought it was Hester, and slipped into the bed, meaning to give her a fright in return for her turning the key on me. But when your cry showed me what I had done, I was filled with remorse20, and escaped as quickly and quietly as possible. I should have asked pardon before; I do now, most humbly21, my lady, for it was sacrilege to play pranks22 there."
During the first part of his story Paul's manner had been frank and composed, but in telling the latter part, his demeanor24 underwent a curious change. He fixed25 his eyes on the ground and spoke26 as if repeating a lesson, while his color varied27, and a half-proud, half-submissive expression replaced the former candid28 one. Lillian observed this, and it disturbed her, but my lady took it for shame at his boyish freak and received his confession29 kindly30, granting a free pardon and expressing sincere pleasure at his amended31 fortunes. As he listened, Lillian saw him clench32 his hand hard and knit his brows, assuming the grim look she had often seen, as if trying to steel himself against some importunate33 emotion or rebellious34 thought.
"Yes, half my work is done, and I have a home, thanks to my generous benefactor35, and I hope to enjoy it well and wisely," he said in a grave tone, as if the fortune had not yet brought him his heart's desire.
"And when is the other half of the work to be accomplished36, Paul? That depends on your cousin, perhaps." And Lady Trevlyn regarded him with a gleam of womanly curiosity in her melancholy37 eyes.
"It does, but not in the way you fancy, my lady. Whatever Helen may be, she is not my fiancee yet, Miss Lillian." And the shadow lifted as he laughed, looking at the young lady, who was decidedly abashed38, in spite of a sense of relief caused by his words.
"I merely accepted the world's report," she said, affecting a nonchalant air.
"The world is a liar7, as you will find in time" was his abrupt39 reply.
"I hope to see this beautiful cousin, Paul. Will she receive us as old friends of yours?"
"Thanks, not yet, my lady. She is still too much a stranger here to enjoy new faces, even kind ones. I have promised perfect rest and freedom for a time, but you shall be the first whom she receives."
Again Lillian detected the secret disquiet40 which possessed41 him, and her curiosity was roused. It piqued42 her that this Helen felt no desire to meet her and chose to seclude43 herself, as if regardless of the interest and admiration44 she excited. "I will see her in spite of her refusal, for I only caught a glimpse in the Park. Something is wrong, and I'll discover it, for it evidently worries Paul, and perhaps I can help him."
As this purpose sprang up in the warm but willful heart of the girl, she regained45 her spirits and was her most charming self while the young man stayed. They talked of many things in a pleasant, confidential46 manner, though when Lillian recalled that hour, she was surprised to find how little Paul had really told them of his past life or future plans. It was agreed among them to say nothing of their former relations, except to old Bedford, who was discretion47 itself, but to appear to the world as new-made friends—thus avoiding unpleasant and unnecessary explanations which would only excite gossip. My lady asked him to dine, but he had business out of town and declined, taking his leave with a lingering look, which made Lillian steal away to study her face in the mirror and wonder if she looked her best, for in Paul's eyes she had read undisguised admiration.
Lady Trevlyn went to her room to rest, leaving the girl free to ride, drive, or amuse herself as she liked. As if fearing her courage would fail if she delayed, Lillian ordered the carriage, and, bidding Hester mount guard over her, she drove away to St. John's Wood.
"Now, Hester, don't lecture or be prim48 when I tell you that we are going on a frolic," she began, after getting the old woman into an amiable49 mood by every winning wile50 she could devise. "I think you'll like it, and if it's found out I'll take the blame. There is some mystery about Paul's cousin, and I'm going to find it out."
"Bless you, child, how?"
"She lives alone here, is seldom seen, and won't go anywhere or receive anyone. That's not natural in a pretty girl. Paul won't talk about her, and, though he's fond of her, he always looks grave and grim when I ask questions. That's provoking, and I won't hear it. Maud is engaged to Raleigh, you know; well, he confided51 to her that he and a friend had found out where Helen was, had gone to the next villa52, which is empty, and under pretense53 of looking at it got a peep at the girl in her garden. I'm going to do the same."
"And what am I to do?" asked Hester, secretly relishing54 the prank23, for she was dying with curiosity to behold55 Paul's cousin.
"You are to do the talking with the old woman, and give me a chance to look. Now say you will, and I'll behave myself like an angel in return."
Hester yielded, after a few discreet56 scruples57, and when they reached Laburnum Lodge58 played her part so well that Lillian soon managed to stray away into one of the upper rooms which overlooked the neighboring garden. Helen was there, and with eager eyes the girl scrutinized59 her. She was very beautiful, in the classical style; as fair and finely molded as a statue, with magnificent dark hair and eyes, and possessed of that perfect grace which is as effective as beauty. She was alone, and when first seen was bending over a flower which she caressed60 and seemed to examine with great interest as she stood a long time motionless before it. Then she began to pace slowly around and around the little grass plot, her hands hanging loosely clasped before her, and her eyes fixed on vacancy61 as if absorbed in thought. But as the first effect of her beauty passed away, Lillian found something peculiar about her. It was not the somewhat foreign dress and ornaments62 she wore; it was in her face, her movements, and the tone of her voice, for as she walked she sang a low, monotonous63 song, as if unconsciously. Lillian watched her keenly, marking the aimless motions of the little hands, the apathy64 of the lovely face, and the mirthless accent of the voice; but most of all the vacant fixture65 of the great dark eyes. Around and around she went, with an elastic66 step and a mechanical regularity67 wearisome to witness.
What is the matter with her? thought Lillian anxiously, as this painful impression increased with every scrutiny68 of the unconscious girl. So abashed was she that Hester's call was unheard, and Hester was unseen as she came and stood beside her. Both looked a moment, and as they looked an old lady came from the house and led Helen in, still murmuring her monotonous song and moving her hands as if to catch and hold the sunshine.
"Poor dear, poor dear. No wonder Paul turns sad and won't talk of her, and that she don't see anyone," sighed Hester pitifully.
"What is it? I see, but don't understand," whispered Lillian.
"She's an innocent, deary, an idiot, though that's a hard word for a pretty creature like her."
"How terrible! Come away, Hester, and never breathe to anyone what we have seen." And with a shudder69 and sense of pain and pity lying heavy at her heart, she hurried away, feeling doubly guilty in the discovery of this affliction. The thought of it haunted her continually; the memory of the lonely girl gave her no peace; and a consciousness of deceit burdened her unspeakably, especially in Paul's presence. This lasted for a week, then Lillian resolved to confess, hoping that when he found she knew the truth he would let her share his cross and help to lighten it. Waiting her opportunity, she seized a moment when her mother was absent, and with her usual frankness spoke out impetuously.
"Paul, I've done wrong, and I can have no peace till I am pardoned. I have seen Helen."
"Where, when, and how?" he asked, looking disturbed and yet relieved.
She told him rapidly, and as she ended she looked up at him with her sweet face, so full of pity, shame, and grief it would have been impossible to deny her anything.
"Can you forgive me for discovering this affliction?"
"I think I could forgive you a far greater fault, Lillian," he answered, in a tone that said many things.
"But deceit is so mean, so dishonorable and contemptible70, how can you so easily pardon it in me?" she asked, quite overcome by this forgiveness, granted without any reproach.
"Then you would find it hard to pardon such a thing in another?" he said, with the expression that always puzzled her.
"Yes, it would be hard; but in those I loved, I could forgive much for love's sake."
With a sudden gesture he took her hand saying, impulsively71, "How little changed you are! Do you remember that last ride of ours nearly five years ago?"
"Yes, Paul," she answered, with averted72 eyes.
"And what we talked of?"
"A part of that childish gossip I remember well."
"Which part?"
"The pretty little romance you told me." And Lillian looked up now, longing73 to ask if Helen's childhood had been blighted74 like her youth.
Paul dropped her hand as if he, read her thoughts, and his own hand went involuntarily toward his breast, betraying that the locket still hung there.
"What did I say?" he asked, smiling at her sudden shyness.
"You vowed75 you'd win and wed19 your fair little lady-love if you lived."
"And so I will," he cried, with sudden fire in his eyes.
"What, marry her?"
"Aye, that I will."
"Oh Paul, will you tie yourself for life to a—" The word died on her lips, but a gesture of repugnance76 finished the speech.
"A what?" he demanded, excitedly.
"An innocent, one bereft77 of reason," stammered78 Lillian, entirely forgetting herself in her interest for him.
"Of whom do you speak?" asked Paul, looking utterly79 bewildered,
"Of poor Helen."
"Good heavens, who told you that base lie?" And his voice deepened with indignant pain.
"I saw her, you did not deny her affliction; Hester said so, and I believed it. Have I wronged her, Paul?"
"Yes, cruelly. She is blind, but no idiot, thank God."
There was such earnestness in his voice, such reproach in his words, and such ardor80 in his eye, that Lillian's pride gave way, and with a broken entreaty81 for pardon, she covered up her face, weeping the bitterest tears she ever shed. For in that moment, and the sharp pang82 it brought her, she felt how much she loved Paul and how hard it was to lose him. The childish affection had blossomed into a woman's passion, and in a few short weeks had passed through many phases of jealousy, hope, despair, and self-delusion. The joy she felt on seeing him again, the pride she took in him, the disgust Helen caused her, the relief she had not dared to own even to herself, when she fancied fate had put an insurmountable barrier between Paul and his cousin, the despair at finding it only a fancy, and the anguish83 of hearing him declare his unshaken purpose to marry his first love—all these conflicting emotions had led to this hard moment, and now self-control deserted84 her in her need. In spite of her efforts the passionate85 tears would have their way, though Paul soothed86 her with assurances of entire forgiveness, promises of Helen's friendship, and every gentle device he could imagine. She commanded herself at last by a strong effort, murmuring eagerly as she shrank from the hand that put back her fallen hair, and the face so full of tender sympathy bending over her:
"I am so grieved and ashamed at what I have said and done. I shall never dare to see Helen. Forgive me, and forget this folly87. I'm sad and heavyhearted just now; it's the anniversary of Papa's death, and Mamma always suffers so much at such times that I get nervous."
"It is your birthday also. I remembered it, and ventured to bring a little token in return for the one you gave me long ago. This is a talisman88, and tomorrow I will tell you the legend concerning it. Wear it for my sake, and God bless you, dear."
The last words were whispered hurriedly; Lillian saw the glitter of an antique ring, felt the touch of bearded lips on her hand, and Paul was gone.
But as he left the house he set his teeth, exclaiming low to himself, "Yes, tomorrow there shall be an end of this! We must risk everything and abide89 the consequences now. I'll have no more torment90 for any of us."
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1
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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conjectures
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| 推测，猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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proprieties
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| n.礼仪，礼节；礼貌( propriety的名词复数 )；规矩；正当；合适 | |
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groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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entrusted
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| v.委托，托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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wed
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| v.娶，嫁，与…结婚 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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pranks
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| n.玩笑，恶作剧( prank的名词复数 ) | |
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prank
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| n.开玩笑，恶作剧；v.装饰；打扮；炫耀自己 | |
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demeanor
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| n.行为；风度 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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candid
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| adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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Amended
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| adj. 修正的 动词amend的过去式和过去分词 | |
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clench
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| vt.捏紧（拳头等），咬紧（牙齿等），紧紧握住 | |
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importunate
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| adj.强求的；纠缠不休的 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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benefactor
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| n. 恩人，行善的人，捐助人 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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melancholy
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abashed
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| adj.窘迫的，尴尬的v.使羞愧，使局促，使窘迫( abash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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disquiet
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| n.担心，焦虑 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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piqued
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| v.伤害…的自尊心( pique的过去式和过去分词 )；激起（好奇心） | |
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seclude
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| vi.使隔离，使孤立，使隐退 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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prim
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| adj.拘泥形式的，一本正经的；n.循规蹈矩，整洁；adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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wile
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| v.诡计，引诱；n.欺骗，欺诈 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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pretense
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| n.矫饰，做作，借口 | |
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relishing
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| v.欣赏( relish的现在分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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scrutinized
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vacancy
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| n.（旅馆的）空位，空房，（职务的）空缺 | |
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ornaments
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| n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 ) | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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fixture
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| n.固定设备；预定日期；比赛时间；定期存款 | |
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elastic
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| n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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68
scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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69
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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70
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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impulsively
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| adv.冲动地 | |
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72
averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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blighted
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| adj.枯萎的，摧毁的 | |
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vowed
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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bereft
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| adj.被剥夺的 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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80
ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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81
entreaty
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| n.恳求，哀求 | |
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82
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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83
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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86
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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talisman
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| n.避邪物，护身符 | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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