She walked slowly and without definite aim; yet she had never felt so keenly the quickness and joy of being alive. Her idle fancy invested with a true if formless symbolism her escape from that amazing labyrinth7 of shadows to the clear, sweet sunlight of the clamorous8, busy street: as if she had eluded9 and cast off convention and formality, the constraint10 of a settled future and the strain of aspirations11 to be other than as Nature had fashioned her; and was free again of the enchanting12 ease of being simply herself.
She had within five minutes said good-bye to her betrothed13; her lips were yet warm with their parting kiss, her eyes still moist—and so, the more bewitching—with the facile tears through which she had watched his train draw out of the station.
He was not to be back within a month; more probably his return would not occur within five or six weeks....
She was contrarily possessed14 by two opposed humours: one approximately saturated15 with an exquisite16 melancholy17 and a sense of heroic emotions adequately experienced; and the other, of freedom untrammelled by restrictions18 of any sort.
Overruling her faint-hearted protests, Matthias had left her the sum of six weeks' wages (or allowance) in advance, by way of provision against emergencies and delays. Joan had this magnificent sum of one hundred and fifty dollars intact in her pocket-book: more money than she had ever—at least, seriously—dreamed of possessing at one time. Temporarily it represented to her imagination, level-headed as she ordinarily was in consideration of money matters, wealth almost incalculable. It thrilled her tremendously to contemplate19 this tangible20 proof of her lover's unquestioning trust and generosity—and at the same time it irked her with gnawing21 doubts of her worthiness22. For continually the knowledge skulked23 in the dark backwards24 of her consciousness that only lack of opportunity restrained her from active disloyalty to his prejudices.
Though she had disguised it from him, and even in some measure from herself, she knew that love had not quenched25 but had quickened her ambition for the stage. To be desired by one man only stimulated26 her longing27 to be desired inaccessibly—beyond the impregnable barrier of footlights—by all men.
She wondered how far her strength and constancy would serve her to resist, were opportunity to come her way during the absence of Matthias, when distance should have sapped the strength of his influence and loneliness had lent an accent to her need for occupation and companionship.
Furtively28 she closed her left hand, until she could feel the diamond in his ring, turned in toward the palm beneath her glove: as if it were a talisman29....
Turning north on Broadway, she breasted the full current of the late afternoon promenade30. Where the subway kiosks encroach upon the sidewalk, in front of what had been Shanley's restaurant, there was a distinct congestion31 of footfarers: Joan was obliged to move more slowly, crowded from behind, close on the heels of those in front, elbowed by pedestrians32 bound the opposite way.
Abruptly33 she caught sight of Wilbrow, approaching. Almost at the same instant he saw her. Momentarily his eyes clouded with an effort of memory; then he placed her, his lantern cheeks widened with an ironic34 grin, and he lifted his hat with elaborate ceremony. Joan flushed slightly, smiled brightly in response, and tossed her head with a spirited suggestion of good-humoured tolerance35. In another moment, wondering why she had done this, she realized that it had been due simply to a subconscious36 valuation of the man's interest, in the event she should ever again decide to try her luck on the stage....
Crossing at Forty-third Street, she turned again north on the sidewalk in front of a building given over almost entirely37 to the offices of theatrical38 businesses: a sidewalk darkened the year round with groups of actors sociably39 "resting."
One of these groups, as Joan drew near, broke up on the urgent suggestion of a special policeman detailed40 for the purpose; and a member of it, swinging with a laugh to "move on," stopped short to escape collision with the girl. Then he laughed again in the friendliest fashion, and offered his hand. She looked up into the face of Charlie Quard.
"Well!" he cried heartily41, "I always was a lucky guy! I've been thinking about you all day—wondering what'd become of you."
Joan smiled and shook hands. "I guess it wasn't worrying you much," she retorted. "If you'd wanted to, you knew where to find me."
Quard needed no more encouragement. Promptly42 ranging alongside and falling into step: "That's just it," he argued; "I knew where to start looking for you, all right, but I was kinda afraid you might be in when I called, and didn't know whether you'd snap my head off or not."
"That's likely," the girl countered amiably43. There was a distinctly agreeable sensation to be derived44 from this association with one upon whom she could impose her private estimate of herself. "What made you want to see me all of a sudden?"
"Then you ain't sore on me?"
"What for?" she evaded45 transparently46.
"Oh, you know what for, all right. I'm sore enough on myself not to want to talk about it."
"Well," said Joan indifferently, "I guess it's none of my business if you're such a rummy you can't hold onto a job. Only, of course, I don't have to stand for that sort of foolishness more than once."
"You said something then, all right," Quard approved humbly47. "I can't blame you for feeling that way about it. But le' me tell you an honest fact: I ain't touched a drop of anything stronger'n buttermilk since that night—so help me Klaw and Erlanger!"
"Why?"
"Well, I guess I must've took a tumble to myself. Anyhow, when I got over the katzenjammer thing, I thought it all out and made up my mind it was up to me to behave for the balance of my sentence."
"Is that so?" Joan asked, pausing definitely on the corner at Forty-fifth Street.
"I know I can," Quard asserted convincingly. "Believe me, Joan, I hate the stuff! I'd as lief stake myself to a slug of sulphuric. No, on the level: I'm booked for the water-tank route for the rest of my natural."
"I'm awful glad," observed the girl maliciously48. "It's so nice for your mother. Well ... g'dafternoon!"
"Hold on!" Quard protested. "I'll walk down to the house with you."
"No, you won't," she returned promptly.
"Why not?"
"I don't want you to."
"Oh, you don't!" he murmured blankly, pulling down the corners of his wide, expressive49 mouth.
"So sorry," she parroted. "G'dafternoon."
She was several steps away before the man recovered from this rebuff. Then, with a face of set intent, he gave chase.
"I say—Miss Thursday!"
Joan accepted with a secret smile this sudden change from the off-hand manner of his first addresses. "Miss Thursday, eh?" she said to herself; but halted none the less.
"Well?"—with self-evident surprise.
"Look here—lis'n!" insisted Quard: "I got to have a talk with you."
"What about?"
"Oh, this is no good place. When can I see you?"
"Is it quite necessary, Mister Quard?"
He wagged an earnest head at her: "That's right. What are you doing tonight?"
"Oh, I got an engagement with some friends of mine," she said with spontaneous mendacity.
"Well, then, when?"
"Oh, I don't know; you might as well take your chances—call round sometime—in two or three days."
"And I got to be satisfied with that?"
"Why not?"
Quard shook his head helplessly: "I'd like to know what's come over you...."
"Why, what's the matter?" The temptation to lead him on was irresistible50.
"You've changed a lot since I seen you last. What you been doing to yourself?"
She bridled51.... "Maybe it's you that is changed. Maybe you're seeing things different, now you're sober."
Quard hesitated an instant, his features drawn52 with anger. Then abruptly: "Plenty!" he ejaculated, and as if afraid to trust himself further, turned and marched back to Broadway.
Smiling quietly, Joan made her way home. On the whole, the encounter had not been unenjoyable. She had not only held her own, she had condescended53 with striking success.
Later, she repented54 a little of her harshness; she had been hardly kind, if Quard were sincere in his protestations of reform; and a little tolerance might have earned her an evening less lonely.
It was spent, after a dinner which proved unexpectedly desolate55, lacking the companionship to which of late she had grown accustomed, in the back-parlour (to which Matthias had left her the key) and in discontented efforts to fix her interest on a novel. Before ten o'clock she gave it up, and climbed to her room, to lie awake for hours in mute rebellion against her friendless estate. She might, it was true, have kept a promise made to her lover just before his departure, to look up and renew relations with her family. But the more she contemplated56 this step, the less it attracted her inclination57. There'd be another row with the Old Man, most likely and ... anyway, there was plenty of time. Besides, they'd want money, if they found out she had any; and while a hundred and fifty was a lot, there was no telling when she'd get more.
Eventually she fell asleep while reviewing her meeting with Quard and turning over her hazy58 impression that it wouldn't hurt her to be less stand-offish with him, next time.
In the morning she settled herself at her typewriter in a fine spirit of determination to keep her mind occupied with the work in hand—and incidentally to rid her conscience of it—until the feeling of loneliness wore off or at least till its reality became a trifle less unpalatable through familiarity. But not two pages had been typed before the call of the sunlit September day proved seductive beyond her will to resist; a much-advertised "Promenade des Toilettes" at a department store claimed the rest of the morning; and after lunch she "took in" a moving-picture show.
But again her evening was forlorn. Theatres allured59, but she hardly liked to go alone. In desperation she cast back mentally to the friends of the old days, and after rejecting her erstwhile confidant and co-labourer at the stocking counter, Gussie Innes (who lived too near home, and would tell her father, who would pass it along to the Old Man) Joan settled upon one or two girls, resident in distant Harlem, to be hunted up, treated to a musical comedy, and regaled with a narrative60 of the rise and adventures of Joan Thursday until their lives were poisoned with corrosive61 envy.
But the first mail of Wednesday furnished distractions62 so potent63 that this project was postponed64 indefinitely and passed out of Joan's mind, never to be revived. It brought her two letters: manufacturing an event of magnitude in the life of a young woman who had yet to write her first letter and who had thus far received only a few scrappy and incoherent notes from boyish admirers.
There was one from Matthias, posted in Chicago the preceding morning. Her first love letter, it was scanned hurriedly, even impatiently, and put aside in favour of a fat manila envelope whose contents consisted of a type-written manuscript and a note in scrawling65 long-hand:
"Friend Joan—
"I hope you are not still mad with me and sorry I got hot under the collar Monday only I thought you might of been a little easy on me because, I am strictly66 on the Water Wagon67 and this time mean it—
"What I wanted to talk to you about was a Sketch68 I got hold of a while ago you know you picked the other one only that was punk stuff compared with this I think—Please read this and tell me what you think about it if you like it, I think I will try it out soon, if it's any good it's a cinch to cop out Orpheum time for a Classy Act like this—
"Your true friend—
"Chas. H. Quard.
"P.S. of course I mean I want you to act the Womans part if you like the Sketch, what do you think!"
It was afternoon before she realized the flight of time.
She turned back to Quard's note, a trifle disappointed that he hadn't suggested an hour when he would call for her answer.
Adjusting her hat before the mirror, preparatory to going out to lunch, she realized without a qualm that there was no longer any question of her intention as between Quard's offer and the wishes of Matthias. Whatever the consequences she meant to play that part—but on terms and conditions to be dictated69 by herself.
But in the act of drawing on her gloves, she checked, and for a long time stood fascinated by the beauty and lustre70 of the diamond on her left hand. A stone of no impressive proportions, but one of the purest and most excellent water, of an exceptional brilliance71, it meant a great deal to one whose ingrained passion for such adornments had, prior to her love affair, perforce been satisfied with the cheap, trashy, and perishable72 stuff designated in those days by the term "French novelty jewellery." Subconsciously73 she was sensitive to a feeling of kinship with the beautiful, unimpressionable, enigmatic stone: as though their natures were somehow complementary. Actively74 she knew that she would forfeit75 much rather than part with that perfect and entrancing jewel. With nothing else in nature, animate76 or inert77, would it have been possible for her to spend long hours of silent, worshipful, sympathetic communion.
If she were to persist in the pursuit of her romantic ambition, it might bring about a pass of cleavage between herself and her lover; it was more than likely, indeed; she knew the prejudices of Matthias to be as strong as his love, and this last no stronger than his sense of honour. Tacitly if not explicitly78, she had given him to understand that she would respect his objections to a stage career. He would not forgive unfaith—least of all, such clandestine79 and stealthy disloyalty as she then contemplated.
The breaking of their engagement would involve the return of the diamond.
Intolerable thought!
And yet....
Staring wide-eyed into her mirror, she saw herself irresolute80 at crossroads: on the one hand Matthias, marriage, the diamond, a secure and honourable81 future; on the other, Quard, "The Lie," disloyalty, the loss of the diamond, uncertainty—a vista82 of grim, appalling83 hazards....
And yet—she had four weeks, probably six, perhaps eight, in which to weigh the possibilities of this tremendous and seductive adventure. "The Lie" might fail....
In that case, Matthias need never know.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
riotous
|
|
| adj.骚乱的；狂欢的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
meander
|
|
| n.河流的曲折，漫步，迂回旅行；v.缓慢而弯曲地流动，漫谈 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
hideous
|
|
| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
ramps
|
|
| resources allocation and multiproject scheduling 资源分配和多项目的行程安排 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
encumbered
|
|
| v.妨碍，阻碍，拖累( encumber的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
westward
|
|
| n.西方，西部；adj.西方的，向西的；adv.向西 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
labyrinth
|
|
| n.迷宫；难解的事物；迷路 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
clamorous
|
|
| adj.吵闹的，喧哗的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
eluded
|
|
| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
constraint
|
|
| n.(on)约束，限制；限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
aspirations
|
|
| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
enchanting
|
|
| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
betrothed
|
|
| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
possessed
|
|
| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
saturated
|
|
| a.饱和的，充满的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
exquisite
|
|
| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
melancholy
|
|
| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
restrictions
|
|
| 约束( restriction的名词复数 )； 管制； 制约因素； 带限制性的条件（或规则） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
contemplate
|
|
| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
tangible
|
|
| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
gnawing
|
|
| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
worthiness
|
|
| 价值，值得 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
skulked
|
|
| v.潜伏，偷偷摸摸地走动，鬼鬼祟祟地活动( skulk的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
backwards
|
|
| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
quenched
|
|
| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
stimulated
|
|
| a.刺激的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
longing
|
|
| n.（for）渴望 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
furtively
|
|
| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
talisman
|
|
| n.避邪物，护身符 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
promenade
|
|
| n./v.散步 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
congestion
|
|
| n.阻塞，消化不良 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
pedestrians
|
|
| n.步行者( pedestrian的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
abruptly
|
|
| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
ironic
|
|
| adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
tolerance
|
|
| n.宽容；容忍，忍受；耐药力；公差 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
subconscious
|
|
| n./adj.潜意识(的)，下意识(的) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
theatrical
|
|
| adj.剧场的，演戏的；做戏似的，做作的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
sociably
|
|
| adv.成群地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
detailed
|
|
| adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
heartily
|
|
| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
promptly
|
|
| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
amiably
|
|
| adv.和蔼可亲地，亲切地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
derived
|
|
| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
evaded
|
|
| 逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 )； 避开； 回避； 想不出 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
transparently
|
|
| 明亮地，显然地，易觉察地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
humbly
|
|
| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
maliciously
|
|
| adv.有敌意地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
expressive
|
|
| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
irresistible
|
|
| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
bridled
|
|
| 给…套龙头( bridle的过去式和过去分词 )； 控制； 昂首表示轻蔑（或怨忿等）； 动怒，生气 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
drawn
|
|
| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
condescended
|
|
| 屈尊，俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 )； 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
repented
|
|
| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
desolate
|
|
| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
contemplated
|
|
| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
inclination
|
|
| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
hazy
|
|
| adj.有薄雾的，朦胧的；不肯定的，模糊的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
allured
|
|
| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
narrative
|
|
| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
corrosive
|
|
| adj.腐蚀性的；有害的；恶毒的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
distractions
|
|
| n.使人分心的事[人]( distraction的名词复数 )；娱乐，消遣；心烦意乱；精神错乱 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
potent
|
|
| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
postponed
|
|
| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
scrawling
|
|
| 乱涂，潦草地写( scrawl的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
|
66
strictly
|
|
| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
67
wagon
|
|
| n.四轮马车，手推车，面包车；无盖运货列车 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
68
sketch
|
|
| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
69
dictated
|
|
| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
70
lustre
|
|
| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
71
brilliance
|
|
| n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
72
perishable
|
|
| adj.（尤指食物）易腐的，易坏的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
73
subconsciously
|
|
| ad.下意识地，潜意识地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
74
actively
|
|
| adv.积极地，勤奋地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
75
forfeit
|
|
| vt.丧失；n.罚金，罚款，没收物 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
76
animate
|
|
| v.赋于生命，鼓励；adj.有生命的，有生气的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
77
inert
|
|
| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
78
explicitly
|
|
| ad.明确地，显然地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
79
clandestine
|
|
| adj.秘密的，暗中从事的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
80
irresolute
|
|
| adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
81
honourable
|
|
| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
82
vista
|
|
| n.远景，深景，展望，回想 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
83
appalling
|
|
| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |