What should he do—summon assistance and have the room broken open? He dreaded1 calling for aid, to bring up the curious to gaze upon his anguish2, and perhaps upon—
He seemed to check his thoughts there by a tremendous effort, and turning round, he gazed in both directions along the well-lit thickly-carpeted corridor.
There was no one in sight, neither could he hear a sound.
Then he tried to look through the keyhole of the door, but something arrested his vision. He knocked and called again and again, but there was not even the sound of breathing to be detected on the other side; and at last, roused to frenzy3. Sir Philip turned the handle, and then dashed his shoulder with all his might against the panelling.
He was not strong, but the sudden sharp shock made the little bolt by which the door was secured give way, when, rushing in, Sir Philip hastily closed the door behind him, anxious even now to hide from the public eye any blur4 that might have fallen upon the Vinings’ name.
There was a small globe lamp burning upon the table, but the room seemed empty, and the bed was impressed; but on hurrying round to the foot, there on a couch lay Charley, his coat and vest thrown off, his collar and neckband unfastened, and his pale handsome face turned towards the light. His lips were just parted, and his leaden-hued eyelids5 barely closed; but upon Sir Philip throwing himself on his knees by the figure of his son, he could just detect a faint breathing, and upon hastily drawing his watch and holding it near his lips, the bright gold back was slightly dimmed.
“O, that it should have come to this!” groaned6 Sir Philip; and raising his clenched7 hand, for a moment it was as though he were about to call down Heaven’s bitterest curse upon the head of the gentle girl to whom he attributed all this pain and suffering. But as he did so, his hand fell again to his side, and the recollection of the fair, soft, pleading face he had last looked upon, with its gentle eyes and pale cheeks, and then the scene of her fainting when he tottered8 back to kiss her glossy9 hair—all came back most vividly10, and he groaned aloud.
And then he seemed to awaken11 to the necessity for instant action, and running to the bell, he tore at it furiously.
But there was pride still busy in the old man’s brain, in spite of the shock: the world must not know what was wrong; and hastily looking round, he saw upon the dressing-table, lying in company with the young man’s watch, with the thick gold chain carelessly thrown around it, a small graduated bottle—Time and Eternity12, so it seemed, side by side.
Sir Philip was not surprised. He seemed to know intuitively what was coming. He had suspected it when downstairs, but in a more horrible manner; and as soon as he had thrust the bottle into his pocket, he shudderingly13 closed and locked the dressing-case upon the table, where, glittering and bright, lay amongst velvet14 several unused keen-bladed means of avoiding the pains and suffering of this world.
The next minute there was a knock at the bedroom-door, and the chamber-maid appeared.
“Quick!” exclaimed Sir Philip—“the nearest doctor directly. My son is dangerously ill!”
The woman hurried out, but returned directly.
“I have sent, sir. But can I do anything? Has he taken too much?”
“Too much! Too much what?” cried Sir Philip angrily, resenting the remark. “What do you mean, woman?”
“He has been taking it now for above a fortnight, sir,” said the maid. “Poor gentleman! he’s in trouble, I think, and takes it to quiet himself.”
“What?” cried Sir Philip, but this time with less anger in his tones.
“Morphy, I think it’s called, sir—a sort of spirits of laudanum; and I suppose it’s awful strong. Surely, poor gentleman, he ain’t over-done it!”
“Are you sure that he has been in the habit of taking it?” said Sir Philip.
“O, yes, sir. I’ve often seen the bottle on the dressing-table. ‘Morphy: to be used with great care,’ it said on the label. I don’t fancy he’s so bad as you think, sir.”
Sir Philip, still trembling with anxiety, knelt by his son’s couch, to be somewhat reassured15 by a deep sigh which the young man now drew; and five minutes after, the doctor came in, black, smooth, and silent—a very owl16 amongst men—bowed to Sir Philip, and then looked at his patient.
“How long has he been like this?”
“I found him so a quarter—half an hour since,” said Sir Philip. “He had left me an hour before that.”
“Humph!” said the doctor. “Any reason for thinking he would commit suicide?”
“H’m—no!” said Sir Philip, hesitating; “but he has, I fear, been suffering a great deal of mental pain.”
“Any bottle or packet about?” said the doctor—“bottle, I should say. No strong odour existent; but it seems like a narcotic17 poison at work.”
“I found this,” said Sir Philip, producing the little flask18 he had taken from the table.
“To be sure—exactly—graduated too! My dear sir, I don’t think there is any cause for alarm. He has evidently taken a strong dose; but, you see, here are ample instructions, and the bottle is nearly empty.”
“But he may have taken all that,” said Sir Philip anxiously.
“My dear sir,” said the doctor, “if he had taken one-eighth part, he would not be lying as you now see him. Depend upon it, that after a few hours he will wake calm and composed, when, if you are, as I suppose from the likeness,”—here the doctor bowed,—“his father, a little quiet advice would not be out of place. It is a bad sign for a fine young man like this to be resorting to such subtle agencies to procure19 rest. Depend upon it, his brain is in a sad state. I should advise change.”
“But do you not think that you had better wait?” said Sir Philip anxiously.
“I would do so with pleasure,” said the doctor; “but really, my dear sir, there is not the slightest necessity, and, besides, I am within easy call.”
The doctor departed softly, as he had arrived; and taking his seat by the couch, Sir Philip watched hour after hour, forgetful of his own fatigue20, till towards morning, when Charley turned, sighed deeply, and then sat up to gaze anxiously in his father’s face.
“You here, dad?” he said lightly.
“My dear boy—at last!” cried Sir Philip. “You have alarmed me terribly! Why do you take that?” And he pointed21 to the bottle.
“To keep myself sane22, father,” said Charley sadly—“because I have lain here night after night waiting for the sleep that would not come. I’ve smoked; I’ve drunk heavily; I’ve walked and ridden till so tired I could hardly stand; and then I’ve lain here through the long dreary23 nights, till I felt that I should lose my head altogether.”
The old gentleman rose and began to pace the room.
“But there,” cried Charley cheerfully, “I’ve kept you up too. So now go to your room, and I’ll turn over a new leaf, dad. Look here!”
As he spoke24, he took up the little bottle from where it had been placed by the doctor, and threw it sharply into the grate, where it was smashed to atoms.
“There, I’ll be a coward no longer, sir! I’m going to begin a clean page of the book to-morrow. No more blots25 and random26 writing, but all ruled fair and straight. There, good-night, or, rather, good-morning! Breakfast at ten, mind!”
Sir Philip left the room, and Charley plunged27 his face into a basin of cold water before sitting down quietly to think; and as he thought, he turned over and over again his intentions for the future.
It did seem now certain that Max Bray28 had supplanted29 him—there could be hardly a doubt of it, but still there was that shade; and till he was certain he would still hold to his faith. He told himself that he was wanting in no way, that he had done all that man could do; but still he must have the final certainty before he would hide for ever in his breast the sharply-cut wound, and trust to time to do something towards alleviating30 his suffering.
Then he thought of Max Bray, and his brow lowered as he recalled his words, till those floated before his mind respecting Laura, and his treatment of her.
It was absurd, certainly, but the whole family must have supposed that he had intended to ask her hand. But he had never said word of love to her. What, though, of the lady? There was no doubt that Laura did love him, poor girl! perhaps very earnestly; and if so, he was sorry for her; for it was not his wish to give her pain.
Then once more he thought of Ella. Would she have accepted him, he would have set the world at defiance31; but no—under the guise32 of a modest retirement33, she had rejected him to accept Max Bray.
But was it so? No, no, no! He would not believe it. He would hold to his faith in her till the last came, and then he knew that he should be a changed man.
Once more he asked himself whether he had done all that man could do; and his heart honestly replied that he had—everything.
“Then my policy now is, to wait and see,” said Charley aloud, and with a bitterness in his tones that told how what he had seen rankled34 in his breast. Then, throwing himself on his bed, he said once more aloud, “It can’t be long now before I have some proof, and after that—”
He did not finish his sentence—he could not; for “after that” seemed to him to be such a weary blank, that he almost wondered whether he would be able to live through it all. And there he lay, sleepless35 now, awaiting the convincing proof; a proof that was to come sooner even than he anticipated.
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1
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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2
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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3
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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4
blur
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| n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚 | |
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5
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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6
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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7
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8
tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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9
glossy
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| adj.平滑的；有光泽的 | |
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vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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11
awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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12
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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13
shudderingly
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14
velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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15
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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16
owl
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| n.猫头鹰，枭 | |
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17
narcotic
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| n.麻醉药，镇静剂；adj.麻醉的，催眠的 | |
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18
flask
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| n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱 | |
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19
procure
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| vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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23
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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24
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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25
blots
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| 污渍( blot的名词复数 )； 墨水渍； 错事； 污点 | |
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26
random
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| adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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27
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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28
bray
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| n.驴叫声, 喇叭声；v.驴叫 | |
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29
supplanted
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| 把…排挤掉，取代( supplant的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30
alleviating
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| 减轻，缓解，缓和( alleviate的现在分词 ) | |
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31
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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32
guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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33
retirement
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| n.退休，退职 | |
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34
rankled
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| v.（使）痛苦不已，（使）怨恨不已( rankle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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