He puzzled her a good deal. And she had a very pretty way of closing her eyes when she was puzzled. In another woman it would have meant that he was boring her; Ph?be did it to shut out the intolerable light of knowledge.
"Ah!—don't," he cried.
"Don't shut my eyes? I always shut my eyes when I'm trying to think," said Ph?be. [Pg 74]
He said nothing. That was not what he had meant when he had said "Don't."
"Am I boring you?" he said presently. His tone jarred a little on Ph?be; he had such a nice voice generally.
"No," said she. "Why?"
"Because you keep on doing that."
"Doing what?"
"That."
"Oh!—this?"
She put up her hand and untwisted the little tendril of brown hair that hung deliciously over her left ear.
"I always do that when I'm thinking."
He very nearly said, "Then, for God's sake, don't think."
But Ph?be was always thinking now. He had given her cause to think.
He began to hate the little brown curl that hung over her left ear, though it was anguish2 to him to hate anything that was Ph?be's. He looked out with nervous anxiety for the movement of her little white hand. He said to himself, "If she does it again, I can't come near her any more."
Yet he kept on coming; and was happy with her until Ph?be (poor, predestined little Ph?be) did it again. Gibson shuddered3 with the horror of the thing. He kept on saying to himself, "She's sweet, she's good, she's adorable. It isn't her fault. But I can't—I can't sit in the room with it."
And the next minute Ph?be would be so adorable that he would repent4 miserably5 of his brutality6.
Then, one hot, still evening, he was alone with her in the little sitting-room7. Outside, on the grass plot, her father sat in his bath-chair while Effie read aloud [Pg 75] to him (out of her turn). Her voice made a cover for Gibson's voice and Ph?be's.
Ph?be was dressed (for the heat) in a white gown with wide, open sleeves. Her low collar showed the pure, soft swell8 of her neck to the shoulder-line.
She was sitting upright and demure9 in a straight-backed chair, with her hands folded quietly in her lap.
"That isn't a very comfortable chair you've got," he said.
He knew that she was tired with pushing the bath-chair about all day.
"It's the one I always sit in," said Ph?be.
"Well, you're not going to sit in it now," he said.
He drew the armchair out of its sacred corner and made her sit in that. He put a cushion at her head and a footstool at her feet.
"You make my heart ache," he said.
"Do I?"
He could not tell whether the little shaking breath she drew were a laugh or a sigh.
She lay back, letting her tired body slacken into rest.
The movement loosened the little combs that kept the coil of her brown hair in place. Ph?be abhorred10 dishevelment. She put up her hands to her head. Her wide sleeve fell back, showing the full length of her white arms.
He saw another woman stretching her arms to the man who leaned above her. He saw the movement of her hands—hands of the same texture11 and whiteness as her body, instinct with its impulses. A long procession of abominations passed through the white arch of her arms—the arch she raised in triumph and defiance12, immortalizing her sin.
He was very tender with Ph?be that night, for his heart was wrung13 with compunction. [Pg 76]
"She's adorable," he said to himself; "but I can't live with that."
Gibson left by the early train next day. He went without saying good-bye and without leaving an explanation or an address.
Ph?be held her head high, and said, day after day, "There's sure to be a letter."
Three weeks passed and no letter came. Ph?be saw that it was all over.
One day she was found (Effie found her) on her bed, crying. She was so weak she let Effie take her in her arms.
"If I only knew what I had done," she said. "Oh, Effie! what could have made him go away?"
"I can't tell, my lamb. You mustn't think about him any more."
"I can't help thinking. You see, it's not as if he hadn't been so nice."
"He couldn't have been nice to treat you that way."
"He didn't," said Ph?be fiercely. "He didn't treat me any way. I sometimes think I must have made it all up out of my own head. Did I?"
"No, no. I'm sure you didn't."
"It would have been awful of me. But I'd rather be awful than have to think that he was. What is my worst fault, Effie?"
"Your worst fault, in his eyes, is that you have none."
Ph?be sat up on the edge of the bed. She was thinking hard. And as she thought her hand went up, caressing14 unconsciously the little brown curl.
"If I only knew," said she, "what I had done!"
Gibson never saw Ph?be Richardson again. But a year later, as he turned suddenly on to the esplanade of a strange watering-place, he encountered the bath-chair, drawn15 by Effie and another lady. He made way, lifting his cap mechanically to its occupant.
The General looked at him. The courteous16 old hand checked itself in the salute17. The affable smile died grimly.
Effie turned away her head. The other lady (it must have been "Mary") raised her eyes in somber18 curiosity.
Ph be was not with them. Gibson supposed that she was away somewhere, recovering, in her turn.
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1
confidingly
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adv.信任地 | |
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2
anguish
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n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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3
shuddered
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v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动 | |
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4
repent
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v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔 | |
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5
miserably
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adv.痛苦地;悲惨地;糟糕地;极度地 | |
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6
brutality
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n.野蛮的行为,残忍,野蛮 | |
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7
sitting-room
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n.(BrE)客厅,起居室 | |
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8
swell
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vi.膨胀,肿胀;增长,增强 | |
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9
demure
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adj.严肃的;端庄的 | |
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10
abhorred
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v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰 | |
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11
texture
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n.(织物)质地;(材料)构造;结构;肌理 | |
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12
defiance
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n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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13
wrung
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绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 ); 握紧(尤指别人的手); 把(湿衣服)拧干; 绞掉(水) | |
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14
caressing
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爱抚的,表现爱情的,亲切的 | |
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15
drawn
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v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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16
courteous
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adj.彬彬有礼的,客气的 | |
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17
salute
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vi.行礼,致意,问候,放礼炮;vt.向…致意,迎接,赞扬;n.招呼,敬礼,礼炮 | |
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18
somber
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adj.昏暗的,阴天的,阴森的,忧郁的 | |
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