An understanding without flirtation11 was springing up between him and Miss Tancred. In this God-forsaken place they were comrades in boredom12 and isolation13. She had said nothing, but in some impalpable yet intimate way he knew that she, too, was bored, that the Colonel bored her. The knowledge lay between them unnamed, untouched by either of them; they passed it by, she in her shame and he in his delicacy14, with eyes averted15 from it and from each other. It was as if the horror had crept out through some invisible, intangible doorway16 of confession17; unseen, unapproached, it remained their secret and the source of their mutual18 pity. Meanwhile she no longer avoided him; on the contrary, she showed an unmistakable liking19 for his society. She would come while he was sketching20 and sit beside him for five minutes, fifteen minutes, half an hour, remaining silent, or merely exchanging a few frank words with him before she went her way. In these matters she was gifted with an unerring tact21; without a hint on Durant's part she seemed to know to a nicety how far her presence was agreeable or otherwise.
This time he had gone up the hill after dinner, and had found her sitting in the accustomed place. They had been alone that evening, for the Colonel was dining intimately with Mrs. Fazakerly. That lady, with a refined friendliness22 that did her credit, had refrained from including Miss Tancred and Durant in the invitation, thereby23 insuring them one evening's immunity24 from whist. Durant could make no better use of his [Pg 257] freedom than by spending it alone out of doors; it seemed that Miss Tancred had done the same with hers.
She was sitting there on the edge of the mound25, clasping her knees and gazing into the distance. He apologized for his intrusion, and she waked from her abstraction with a dreamy air, making a visible effort to take him in and realize him. But, though she said simply that she was glad he had come, the effect of his coming was to plunge26 her into deeper abstraction. They sat for some time without speaking. Miss Tancred had a prodigious27 faculty28 for silence, and Durant let her have her way, being indeed indifferent to Miss Tancred's way.
At last she spoke29.
"It's odd how some people take Nature," said she; "for instance, Mrs. Fazakerly says she loves it because it's so soothing30. She might just as well say she liked listening to an orchestra because it sends her to sleep. She can't love it for its own sake."
"You'll think me horribly rude, but I doubt if any woman can. That is the one thing a woman is incapable31 of—a pure passion for Nature, a really disinterested32 love of life. It's an essentially33 masculine sentiment."
"I don't at all agree with you."
"Don't you? To begin with, it argues more vitality34 than most women have got. They take to it as a substitute for other things; and to be content with it would mean that they had exhausted35, outlived the other things."
"What other things?"
She was studying every line of his young, repugnant face, and Durant was a little embarrassed by her steady gaze. [Pg 258]
"Other interests, other feelings—whatever it is that women do care for most."
"I don't know anything about women."
Her remark might have borne various interpretations36, either that she knew nothing about herself, that she despised her own sex too much to include herself in it, or that she had tacitly adopted Durant's attitude, which seemed to leave her altogether outside of the discussion. He talked to her unconsciously, without any desire to please, as if he assumed that she expected as little from him as he from her. She never reminded him that she was a woman. It would have been absurd if she had insisted on it, and whatever she was Miss Tancred was not absurd.
She went on calmly, "So I can't say what they care for most; can you?"
"You know my opinion. I wanted yours."
"Mine isn't worth much. But I should say that in these things no two women were alike. You talk as if they were all made of the same stuff."
"So they are inside—in their souls, I mean."
"There's more unlikeness in their souls, I imagine, than there ever is in their bodies; and you wouldn't say an ugly woman was quite the same as a pretty one, would you?"
"Yes; in the obvious sense that they are both women. I admit that there may be an ugliness that cancels sex, to say nothing of a beauty that transcends37 it; but in either case the woman is unique."
"And if the woman, why not her soul?"
"Because—because—because there is a certain psychical38 quality that is eternal and unchangeable; because the soul is the seat of the cosmic difference we call sex. In man or woman that is the one unalterable fact—the last reality." [Pg 259]
He spoke coldly, brutally39 almost, as if he, like herself, was blind to the pathos40 of her ignored and rejected womanhood.
She seemed to be thinking that last point over.
"Yes," she said, "I'm glad you came. I believe you can help me."
"I shall be delighted if I can."
"What do you think of Mrs. Fazakerly?"
Durant was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the question.
"What should I think?"
"I—I hardly know."
She knitted her black brows till they almost touched, and propped41 her chin with her hand, as if she were oppressed with the weight of her own thoughts. It struck him that her provincial42 mind entertained an unreasonable43 suspicion of the consummate little widow, a woman's jealousy44 of the superior creature compact of sex; and a sense of justice made him inclined to defend Mrs. Fazakerly. Besides, he liked Mrs. Fazakerly; she, at any rate, was not a bore.
"She's a very amusing woman, and I should say she was an uncommonly45 good sort, too."
To his surprise her face brightened. "Should you? Should you say that she had a good heart?"
"Really, Miss Tancred, I can't see into Mrs. Fazakerly's heart, but I wouldn't mind betting——"
"That she's good? And affectionate? And straight?"
"Straight as a die."
"And honest?"
"Oh, Lord, yes." He wondered whatever primitive46 meaning she attached to the word.
"Well, if you think that——"
"Mind you, my opinion may be utterly47 worthless." [Pg 260]
"No, no. It's just the very sort of opinion I want."
"Why should it be?"
"Because it's the opinion of a man of the world. Mrs. Fazakerly's a woman of the world, so I thought you'd understand her. I don't."
"I've known her exactly a week, and you?"
"Two years. But then I don't observe character, and you do. And yet I have an intuition."
"Then by all means trust your intuition."
"That's it—I daren't. The truth is, I'm afraid of myself—my motives49."
"Your motives are not yourself."
"Aren't they? If it wasn't for them I should be certain. I see she's a dear little woman, and I know that I like her."
"Then, for Heaven's sake, go on liking her; it's the best thing you can do."
"Isn't it rather horrid50 to like a person just because they may be of use to you?"
"Not in the least. You were pleased to say I might be of use to you, and I'm sure I hope you like me."
"Yes, I like you; but I think I like you for yourself. I'm afraid of liking Mrs. Fazakerly from the wrong motive48."
"You can't like her from the wrong motive. You can't have a motive at all, if it comes to that. You might have a motive for killing51 her, or for cultivating her acquaintance, but not for liking her. You either like a person or not, and there's an end of it."
"If your motives are not yourself, what are they?"
"Lord only knows. Forces, tendencies, that determine your actions, which are the very smallest part of you. What you call intuitions, your feelings—hate (I should say you were a good hater), and love——" (her eyes, which had been fixed52 on his, dropped suddenly), [Pg 261] "don't wait for motives. They're the only spontaneous things about you, the only realities you know." (And of these he had said just now that the last reality was sex. It was his point of view, a point from which it appeared that for him Miss Tancred had no existence.) "Of course there may be some transcendental sense in which they're not realities at all; but as far as we are concerned they're not only real, but positively53 self-existent."
As he thus discoursed54, Durant blinked critically at the sky, while his pencil described an airy curve on the infinite blue, symbolizing55 the grace, the fluency56, and the vastness of his thought.
"They, if you like, are you. It's very odd that you don't seem to trust them more."
She had turned from him till her face was a thin outline against the sky. She had a fine head, and carried it well, too; and at the moment the twilight57 dealt tenderly with her dress and face; it purified the tragic58 pallor of her forehead and all but defined that vague, haunting suggestion of a possible charm. Durant had it a moment ago—there—then. Ah! now he had lost it.
"I daren't trust my feelings. I can't. There are too many of them. They won't work the same way. They're all fighting against each other."
"Then let them fight it out, and let the strongest win."
"If I only knew which was the strongest."
"You'll know some day. In the long run, you see, the strongest is bound to win."
"Not necessarily. There might be a number of little ones that all together would be stronger still."
"Oh, kill off the little beggars one at a time—go for them, throttle59 them, wring60 their necks, jump on them; and if they wriggle61, stamp!"
"You can't jump on your own shadow. You can't stamp on them if they're you."
He groaned62. Miss Tancred was getting too subtle; it was like sitting in the desert and playing at metaphysics with the Sphinx. He had had about enough of it. He rose, stretching his long limbs, and the action suggested the hideous63 tension of his intellect.
"You must let yourself go, Miss Tancred—let yourself go!" And he laughed at his own vision of Miss Tancred; Miss Tancred insurgent64, Miss Tancred flamboyant65, Miss Tancred voluptuous66, volatile67, victorious68!
And then a thought struck him.
He turned and saw Miss Tancred still sitting motionless, nursing her knees; her pure inflexible69 profile glimmered70 against the dusk.
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1
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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amends
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| n. 赔偿 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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versatile
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| adj.通用的，万用的；多才多艺的，多方面的 | |
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conceals
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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flirted
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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flirtation
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| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
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boredom
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| n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊 | |
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isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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16
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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sketching
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| n.草图 | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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immunity
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| n.优惠；免除；豁免，豁免权 | |
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mound
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| n.土墩，堤，小山；v.筑堤，用土堆防卫 | |
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plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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prodigious
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| adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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29
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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30
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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32
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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interpretations
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| n.解释( interpretation的名词复数 )；表演；演绎；理解 | |
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37
transcends
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| 超出或超越（经验、信念、描写能力等）的范围( transcend的第三人称单数 )； 优于或胜过… | |
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38
psychical
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| adj.有关特异功能现象的；有关特异功能官能的；灵魂的；心灵的 | |
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brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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40
pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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41
propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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43
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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44
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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45
uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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46
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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47
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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48
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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49
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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50
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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51
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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52
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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53
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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54
discoursed
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| 演说（discourse的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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55
symbolizing
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| v.象征，作为…的象征( symbolize的现在分词 ) | |
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56
fluency
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| n.流畅，雄辩，善辩 | |
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57
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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59
throttle
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| n.节流阀，节气阀，喉咙；v.扼喉咙，使窒息，压 | |
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60
wring
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| n.扭绞；v.拧，绞出，扭 | |
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61
wriggle
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| v./n.蠕动，扭动；蜿蜒 | |
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62
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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63
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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insurgent
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| adj.叛乱的，起事的；n.叛乱分子 | |
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65
flamboyant
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| adj.火焰般的，华丽的，炫耀的 | |
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66
voluptuous
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| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
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67
volatile
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| adj.反复无常的，挥发性的，稍纵即逝的，脾气火爆的；n.挥发性物质 | |
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68
victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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69
inflexible
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| adj.不可改变的，不受影响的，不屈服的 | |
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70
glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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