As ill-luck would have it Saturday was a wet day, and Durant, instead of riding the mare1, was wandering aimlessly about the house. He had finished all the books in his bedroom and was badly in want of more. He knocked up against Frida Tancred in a dark passage, apologized, and confided2 in her. As usual she was sorry for him.
"I'm afraid we haven't many books; but you'll find some of mine in here." She opened a door as she spoke3, and passed on.
Durant found himself in a room which he had not yet investigated. It was somewhat bare as to furniture; it struck strange to his senses as if he had stumbled [Pg 271] into another world; in some occult way it preserved a tradition of travel and adventure. The bookcase he came to inspect was flanked by a small cabinet of coins and curios—Italian, Grecian, Egyptian, and Japanese; the walls were hung with bad landscapes interspersed4 with maps.
One of these, an uncolored map of Europe, attracted his attention. It was drawn5 by hand in Indian ink, a red line and accompanying arrow heads followed the coast and strung together such inland places as were marked upon the blank. The line started from Southampton and reached the Mediterranean6 by the Bay of Biscay; it shot inland to the great cities of Italy, returning always to the sea. It skirted Greece, wound in and out of the Ionian islands, touched at Constantinople, ringed the Bosporus and the Black Sea, wheeled to Moscow and St. Petersburg, and then swept wildly up the north of Russia to Archangel and the Arctic Ocean; thence it followed the Scandinavian coast-line, darted7 to Iceland, and dipped southward again to Britain by way of the Hebrides. Off Queenstown the arrowheads pointed8 west, winged for the Atlantic. He found the same red line again on a blank map of Asia heading for India by China and Japan. An adventurous9, erratic10 line, whose stages were now the capitals of the world, and now some unknown halting-place in the immeasurable waste. And what on earth did it mean? Was it the record of an actual journey, or some yet untraveled visionary route?
But it was not these things alone that gave the room its fantastic and alien air. What dominated the place was the portrait of a woman, a woman who had Frida's queer accented eyebrows11 and Frida's eyes, with some more fiery12 and penetrating13 quality of her own, something more inimitably fine and foreign. The portrait [Pg 272] (which struck Durant as decidedly clever) was signed by some unknown Russian artist, and he recognized it as that of Frida's mother, the lady of the landscapes. He wondered if it was the demon14 of ennui15 that had driven poor Mrs. Tancred to the practice of her terrible art, if she had had a spite against Coton Manor16, which she vented17 by covering its walls with bad pictures.
He turned to the bookcase. Frida's library offered him an amazing choice of polyglot18 fiction. It contained nearly all Balzac and the elder Dumas, Tolstoi and Turgenieff, Bj?rnsen and Ibsen, besides a great deal of miscellaneous literature, chiefly Russian and Norwegian. Here and there he came across some odd volumes of modern Greek. A whole shelf was devoted19 to books of travel; grammars and dictionaries made up the rest. Miss Tancred's taste in books was a little outlandish, but it was singularly virile20 and robust21. He had been prepared to suspect her of a morbid22 pedantry23, having known more than one lady in her desperate case who found consolation24 in the dead languages. But Miss Tancred betrayed no ghoulish appetites; if she had a weakness for tongues, she had also the good taste to prefer them living.
Durant was so much absorbed in these observations that he did not hear her come into the room.
"Have you found anything you can read?" she asked.
"I've found a great deal that I can't read. You do go in strong for languages."
"That's nothing; my mother was a Russian, and Russians know every language better than their own. I don't know more than seven besides mine. And I can only read and write them. They will never be any use to me." [Pg 273]
"How can you tell what may be of use to you? Even Mrs. Fazakerly, or I?" Durant was anxious to give a playful turn to that remarkable25 discussion they once had; he thus hoped to set the tone for all future conversations with Miss Tancred. "I admit that you can't live on languages, they are not exactly safety-valves for the emotions; nobody can swear in more than three of them at a time. I think music's better. Instead of playing whist you ought to play Chopin."
"It's better to play whist well than Chopin badly."
"Better to rule in Hades than fool in the other place, you think? Miss Tancred, you are as proud as Lucifer."
"I don't see that any good is got by murdering the masters."
"It saves some women from worse crimes, I believe. Why didn't you take to sketching26, then? That only kills time."
Miss Tancred was splendid in her scorn. "Kill time with painting bad pictures? I'd rather time killed me."
Ah, that was what he liked about her. She had not revenged herself on Nature by making hideous27 caricatures of Nature's face; she did not draw in milk-and-water colors, and she did not strum. She had none of the exasperating28 talents, the ludicrous ambitions of the amateur; she was altogether innocent of intellectual vanity.
"That reminds me," said she, "that I've seen nothing of those wonderful sketches29 you said you'd show me."
He had clean forgotten the things. Well, he could hardly do better than exhibit them; it would keep her quiet, and save him from perilous30 personalities31.
At first he thought the exhibition was going to give her more pain than pleasure. He sat beside her, and she took the sketches from him gingerly, one by one, [Pg 274] and looked at them without a word. A visible nervousness possessed32 her; her pulses clamored, she seemed to struggle with her own unsteady breathing. Once, when in the transfer of a drawing her hand brushed against his, she drew it back again as if it had dashed against a flame. Durant had noticed once or twice before that she avoided his touch.
Suddenly she awoke out of the agony of her consciousness. One picture had held her longer than the rest.
"It's beautiful—beautiful," she murmured.
"I'm glad you like it," said Durant, pleased at her first sign of admiration33.
"Oh, I don't mean your picture—I mean the place."
"It's not a very good picture perhaps——"
"I don't know whether it's good or bad; it seems to me rather bad, though I can't say what's wrong with it. It looks unfinished."
"It is unfinished, but that's not what's wrong with it. These are better—better painting."
His hand brushed hers in vain this time. She remained absorbed. "I don't care two straws about the painting; they may be masterpieces for all I know; it's that—that stretch of sand licked by the sea, and the grass trodden down by the wind—the agony and beauty and desolation of it——" She laid it down unwillingly34, and took the others from his hand.
"Oh, what's this?"
"A wall in Suza."
"I've never seen anything like that. The light seems to be moving—soaking into it and streaming out again. It looks as if it would burn if you touched it."
The artist in him laughed for pure pleasure. "It's all very well, you know, but they must be infernally good if they make you feel like that." [Pg 275]
"They may be. Have you seen all these things, or have you done any of them out of your head?"
"Seen them, of course. I never paint 'out of my head'; I haven't enough imagination."
"Show me more places where you've been. Tell me about them. You might have done that before."
He obeyed, giving her his experience, his richest and his best; he drew for her scenes and things, not in their crude and temporary form, but as they lived for him and for his art, idealized, eternalized by the imagination that sees them as parts of the immortal35 whole; and yet vivid, individual, drenched36 with the peculiar37 color that made them equally and forever one with the soul of Maurice Durant. She hardly seemed to heed38, hardly seemed to listen or to follow. She looked as if hearing were already absorbed in sight.
Durant put a small oil painting into her hand. He had kept his finest to the last. "If you're fond of the sea that may please you."
Mid-ocean, the slope and trough of a luminous39 sea; in the foreground one smooth, high-bosomed, unbroken wave, the light flung off from its crest40 like foam41, to slide down its shoulder like oil on rounded glass. On the sky-line the white peak of a sail; the whole a heaving waste of wind and water, light and air. It was a consummate42 bit of painting, as nobody knew better than Maurice Durant.
She looked at it as though she would never be tired of looking. A sudden impulse seized him, a blind instinct to give pleasure at any cost, to make amends43 for pain.
"If you honestly like it, I wish you'd keep it."
"Keep it? Keep it? Do you really mean it?"
"It would give me pleasure if you would."
"But isn't—might it not be valuable?" [Pg 276]
It was valuable, as Durant reflected somewhat regretfully, but he answered well. "Valuable chiefly to me, I fancy. Which is all the more reason, if you like it——"
"Like it? I should lo——" She drew back her breath. "No; I think I'd better not. Thank you very much, all the same." She laid the canvas down with a gesture of renunciation.
"Now that's foolish. Why ever won't you?"
"I daren't. I daren't live with it. It would remind me of all the things I want to forget."
"What things?" He felt that the question was cruel, it was probing the very heart of pain. But his curiosity was too strong. The fountains of the deep were breaking up; he knew that he had only to give the word to witness an astounding44 transformation45 of the woman. He had given the word. Her face was changing; it had taken on the likeness46 of her foreign mother, intensified47 in its subtlety48 and fire.
"What things? The things I want to do and can't; the things I want to see—the things——" She stopped. "Do you know, I don't even like to have those sketches of my mother's hanging about; they haunt me so intolerably, they tempt49 me to that degree that sometimes I can hardly bear to look at them."
He glanced at the drawings. He could hardly bear to look at them either. Poor wraiths50 and skeletons of landscapes, he would have thought them too fleshless and bloodless to touch even the ghost of longing51.
She took up the picture she had just laid down. "But this—it's not painting, it's real; it's a piece torn out of the living world. It would bring it so horribly near me—don't you see?"
He thought he saw. He looked, and she lowered her [Pg 277] eyelids52. On to the slope of his wave there splashed a tear, salt to the salt.
She got up, turned away from him, and leaned against the window frame, staring out at the gravel53 walk, the lawn, the paddock, all the sedate54, intolerable scene. Her breast heaved; she was shaken by a tumult55 of vision and desire.
"If only I could get away—get away from this!"
It was not she that cried out, but some other self, unacknowledged and unappeased, smothered56 and crushed and hidden out of sight.
Durant was moved by the revelation, and a little frightened, too.
"And why not get away?" he asked gently.
"Because I can't do anything like other people, by bits and halves. If I once go, I shall never come back—never. There's no use thinking about it. I've thought about it till I could have gone mad." She faced him bravely. "Mr. Durant, if you ever want a thing as badly as I want that, let me tell you that it will be simpler and easier to give it up altogether, for always, than to keep on looking at it and touching57 it and letting it go."
"Do you apply that principle to everything?"
"Nearly everything."
"H'm. Uncompromising. Yet I doubt if you are wise."
"Wise? Isn't it wiser to stand a little hunger than to go back to starvation after luxury?"
"Oh, of course; at that rate you can bring your soul down to a straw a day. But in the end, you know, it dies."
"If it comes to that, mine was dead ages ago, and buried quite decently, too. I think we won't dig it up again; by this time it might not look pretty." [Pg 278]
At any other time she would have alienated58 his sympathy by that nasty speech; it was the sort of thing he hated women to say. But he forgave her because of her evident sincerity59.
She dried her eyes and left him to his own reflections.
So this was Frida Tancred? And he had thought of her as the Colonel's daughter, a poor creature, subdued60 to the tyranny of habit. Habit indeed! She had never known even that comparative calm. It was not habit that had bound her to that dreadful old man, who was the father of her body, but with whom her soul recognized no kinship. Her life must have been an agony of self-renunciation, an eternal effort not to be.
He doubted her wisdom; but he was not sure that he did not admire her courage. That uncompromising attitude was more dignified61 than the hesitations62 of weaker natures. When women set out with the bold intention of living resolutely63 in the Whole, the Good, and the Beautiful, they sometimes find themselves brought up sharply midway at the threshold of the Good; and there they stand vacillating all the time, or at the most content themselves now and then with a terrified rush for the Beautiful and the Whole. They are fascinated by all three and faithful to none. Frida Tancred scorned their fatuous64 procedure. Balked65 of the best, she would never console herself with half-measures and the second best; as for all lesser66 values, there was something in her which would always mark her from Mrs. Fazakerly and her kind. With Frida it was either the whole or nothing; either four bare walls or the open road where there is no returning.
She would go no way where the Colonel could not follow.
Durant, on his way to bed that night, saw something [Pg 279] that told him so much. Father and daughter stood with their backs to him at the end of the long corridor. The Colonel was putting out the lights. Frida had just nodded good night to him at her bedroom door, when she turned impetuously and flung her arms round the little gentleman. She pressed his head against her neck and held it there an instant, a passion of remorse67 and tenderness in the belated caress68. The Colonel was, as it were, taken off his feet; he was visibly embarrassed. Durant saw his eyes staring over her shoulder, in their profound stupidity helpless and uncomprehending.
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1
mare
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| n.母马，母驴 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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interspersed
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| adj.[医]散开的；点缀的v.intersperse的过去式和过去分词 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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Mediterranean
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| adj.地中海的；地中海沿岸的 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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adventurous
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| adj.爱冒险的；惊心动魄的，惊险的，刺激的 | |
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erratic
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| adj.古怪的，反复无常的，不稳定的 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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13
penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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ennui
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| n.怠倦，无聊 | |
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manor
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| n.庄园，领地 | |
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vented
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| 表达，发泄（感情，尤指愤怒）( vent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
polyglot
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| adj.通晓数种语言的；n.通晓多种语言的人 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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pedantry
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| n.迂腐，卖弄学问 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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sketching
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| n.草图 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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exasperating
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| adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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sketches
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| n.草图( sketch的名词复数 )；素描；速写；梗概 | |
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perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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personalities
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| n. 诽谤，（对某人容貌、性格等所进行的）人身攻击； 人身攻击；人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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32
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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36
drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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38
heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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40
crest
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| n.顶点；饰章；羽冠；vt.达到顶点；vi.形成浪尖 | |
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41
foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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42
consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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43
amends
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| n. 赔偿 | |
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44
astounding
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| adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊，使大吃一惊astound的现在分词) | |
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45
transformation
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| n.变化；改造；转变 | |
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46
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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47
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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49
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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50
wraiths
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| n.幽灵( wraith的名词复数 )；（传说中人在将死或死后不久的）显形阴魂 | |
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51
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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52
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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53
gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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54
sedate
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| adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的 | |
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55
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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56
smothered
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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57
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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58
alienated
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| adj.感到孤独的，不合群的v.使疏远( alienate的过去式和过去分词 )；使不友好；转让；让渡（财产等） | |
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59
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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60
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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61
dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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62
hesitations
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| n.犹豫( hesitation的名词复数 )；踌躇；犹豫（之事或行为）；口吃 | |
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63
resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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64
fatuous
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| adj.愚昧的；昏庸的 | |
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65
balked
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| v.畏缩不前，犹豫( balk的过去式和过去分词 )；（指马）不肯跑 | |
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66
lesser
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| adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地 | |
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67
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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