It was a superb morning in early autumn when they were flying homeward. Beneath them lay the green and level meadows of New Jersey3, and the dusky violet blue of the ocean shading to a translucent4 olive where long ridges5 of foam6 crumbled7 upon pale beaches. They turned inland, flying leisurely8 to admire the beauty of the scene. The mounting sun spread a golden shimmer9 over woods and corn-stubble. White roads ran like ribbons across the landscape. Quimbleton glided10 gently downward, intending to skim low over the treetops so that his bride might enjoy the rich loveliness of the view.
Suddenly the great plane dipped sharply, tilted11, and very nearly fell into a side-slip. Quimbleton was just able to pull her up again and climbed steeply to a safer altitude. He looked at his dashboard dials and indicators12 with a puzzled face. "Very queer," he said to Theodolinda through the speaking tube, "the air here has very little carrying power. It seems extraordinarily13 thin. You might think we were flying in a partial vacuum."
From the behavior of the plane it was evident that some curious atmospheric14 condition was prevailing15. There seemed to be a large hole or pocket in the air, and in spite of his best efforts the pilot was unable to get on even wing. Finally, fearing to lapse16 into a tail spin, he planed down to make a landing. Beneath them was a beautiful green lawn surrounded by groves17 of trees. In the middle of this lawn they struck gently, taxied across the smooth turf, and came to a stop beneath a splendid oak. Quimbleton assisted his wife to get out, and they sat down for a few minutes' rest under the tree.
"What a heavenly spot!" cried Theodolinda, "I wonder where we are?"
"Somewhere in New Jersey," said her husband. "I don't understand what was the matter with the air. It didn't act according to Hoyle."
They gazed about them in some surprise at the opulent beauty of the scene. It seemed to be a kind of park, laid out in lawns, gardens and shrubbery, with groves of old trees here and there. A little artificial lake twinkled in a hollow.
They happened to be gazing upward when a small round ball of tawny19 color fell from the tree. It was a robin20. Folded solidly for sleep, he fell unresisting by the flutter of a wing, turning over and over gently until he struck the turf with the tiniest of soft thuds. He bounced slightly, rolled a little distance, and settled motionless in the grass.
Quimbleton, amazed, stooped over the fallen bird, supposing it to be dead. Without lifting it from the ground he withdrew its head from under its wing. The bright eye unlidded and gazed at him sleepily. Then the bird closed its eye with a certain weary resignation, put its head back under its wing, and relaxed comfortably in the grass.
Quimbleton was no very acute student of nature, but this seemed very odd to him. And then, examining the lower limbs of the tree, he uttered an exclamation21. He swung himself up into the oak and shook one of the branches. Five other birds plopped comfortably into the grass and rested as easily as the first. He examined them one by one. They were all sound asleep.
"Most amazing!" he said. "My dear, we will have to take up nature study. I am really ashamed of my ignorance. I always thought that owls22 were the only birds that slept by day."
Theodolinda was looking at the five small bodies. She raised one of them gently, and sniffed23 gingerly.
"Virgil," she said solemnly, "this is not mere24 slumber25. These birds are drunk!"
Quimbleton was about to speak when a grasshopper26 went by like an airplane, zooming27 in a twenty-foot leap. A bee sagged28 along heavily in an irregular zig-zag, and a caterpillar29, more agile30 and purposeful than any caterpillar they had ever seen, staggered swiftly across a carpet of moss31.
The same thought struck them simultaneously32, and at that moment Theodolinda noticed a small white signboard affixed33 to a tree-trunk in the grove18. They ran to it, and saw in neat lettering:
TO THE PERPETUAL SOUSE, ONE MILE
"Bless me!" cried Quimbleton. "What a stroke of luck! You know old Bleak34 wrote us when we were in Rio that he had been installed in his temple, but he didn't say where it was. Let's toddle35 up and have a look at him. That's why the bus acted so queerly. No wonder: we were probably flying in alcohol vapor36."
They walked through the grove and emerged upon a lawn that sloped gently upward. At the brow stood a beautiful little temple of Greek architecture. As they approached they read, carved into the marble architrave:
AEDES TEMULENTI PERPETUI
E PLURIBUS UNUM
The little porch, under the marble columns, was cool and shady. A signboard said: Visiting Hours, Noon to Midnight. Quimbleton looked at his watch. "It's not noon yet," he said, "but as we're old friends I dare say he'll be willing to see us."
Pushing through a slatted swinging door of beautifully carved bronze, they found themselves in a charmingly furnished reference library. There were lounges and deep leather chairs, and ash trays for smokers37. Quimbleton, who was something of a bookworm, ran his eye along the shelves. "A very neat idea," he said. "They have collected a little library of all the standard works on drink. This should be of great value to future historians and researchers."
Through another swinging door they found the central shrine38.
It was circular in shape, illuminated39 through a clear skylight. Under the rotunda40 was a low, broad marble counter, surmounted41 by a gleaming mirror and a noble array of bottles, flasks42, decanters, goblets43 and glasses of every size. The pale yellow of white wines, the ruby44 of claret, the tawny brown of port, the green and violet and rose of various liqueurs, sparkled in their appointed vessels45. In front of this altar stood a three-foot mahogany bar, with its scrolled46 rim47 and diminutive48 brass49 rail, all complete. A red velvet50 cord hung from brass posts separated it from the open floor.
A series of mural paintings, in the vivid coloring and superb technique of Maxfield Parrish, adorned51 the walls of the room. They portrayed52 the history of Alcohol from the dawn of time down to the summer of 1919. A space for one more painting was left blank, and Mr. and Mrs. Quimbleton concluded that the artist was still at work upon the final panel.
An attendant in white was polishing glasses behind the tiny bar. He was an elderly man with a pink clean-shaven face and the initials P. S. were embroidered53 on the collar of his starched54 jacket. There was an air of evident pride in his bearing as he listened to their exclamations55 of admiration56.
"Your first visit, sir?" he said.
"Yes," said Quimbleton. "I must confess I had no idea it would be as fine as this. What time does Mr. Bleak get in?"
"He usually opens up with a nip of Scotch57 about eleven-thirty," said the bartender. "Just so as to get up a little circulation before opening time. He's got a hard afternoon before him to-day," he added.
"How do you mean?" said Quimbleton.
"One of the excursion trains coming. The railroad runs cheap excursions here three days a week, and the crowds is enormous. When there's a bunch like that there's always a lot wants Mr. Bleak to take some special drink they used to be partial to, just to recall old times. Of course, being what you might call a servant of the public, he doesn't like not to oblige. But I doubt whether he's got the constitution to stand it long. The other day the Mint Julep Veterans of Kentucky held a memorial day here, and Mr. Bleak had to sink fifteen juleps to satisfy them. I tell him not to push himself too far, but he's still pretty new at the job. He likes to go over the top every day."
"Your face is very familiar," said Theodolinda. "Where have we seen you before?"
"I wondered if you'd recognize me," said the bartender. "I've shaved off my mustache. I'm Jerry Purplevein. When I was turned down in that election I thought this would be the next best thing. As a matter of fact, it's better. I don't really care for the stuff; I just like to see it around. Miss Absinthe felt the same way. She's head stewardess58 up to the Hostess House."
"It seems to me I used to see you somewhere in New York," said Quimbleton.
"I was head bar at the Hotel Pennsylvania," said Jerry. "We had the finest bar in the world, had only been running a couple of months when prohibition59 come in. They turned it into a soda60 fountain. Ah, that was a tragedy! But this is a grand job. Government service, you see: sure pay, tony surroundings, and what you might call steady custom. Mr. Bleak is as nice a gentleman to mix 'em for as I ever see."
"But what is this for?" asked Theodolinda, pointing to a beautiful marble cash register. "Surely Mr. Bleak doesn't have to BUY his drinks?"
"No, ma'am," said Jerry, "but he likes to have 'em rung up same as customary. He says it makes it seem more natural. Here he is now!"
Jerry flew to attention behind the three-foot bar, and they turned to see their friend enter through the bronze swinging doors.
"Well, well!" cried Bleak. "This is a delightful61 surprise!"
He was dressed in a lounging suit of fine texture62, and while he seemed a little thinner and paler, and his eyes a little weary, he was in excellent spirits.
"Come," he said, "you're just in time for a bite of lunch. Jerry, what's on the counter to-day?"
Jerry bustled63 proudly over to the free-lunch counter, whipped off the steam-covers, and disclosed a fragrant64 joint65 of corned beef nestling among cabbages and boiled potatoes. With the delight of the true artist he seized a long narrow carving66 knife, gave it a few passes along a steel, and sliced off generous portions of the beef onto plates bearing the P. S. monogram67. This they supplemented with other selections from the liberally supplied free-lunch counter. Soft, crumbling68 orange cheese, pickles69, smoked sardines70, chopped liver, olives, pretzels—all the now-forgotten appetizers71 were laid out on broad silver platters.
"I wish I could offer you a drink," said Bleak, "but as you know, it would be unconstitutional. With your permission, I shall have to have something. My office hours begin shortly, and some one might come in."
He took up his station at the little bar behind the velvet cord, and slid his left foot onto the miniature rail. Jerry, with the air of an artist about to resume work on his favorite masterpiece, stood expectant.
"A little Scotch, Jerry," said Bleak.
In the manner reminiscent of an elder day Jerry wiped away imaginary moisture from the mahogany with a deft72 circular movement of a white cloth. Turning to the gleaming pyramid of glassware, he set out the decanter of whiskey, a small empty glass, and a twin glass two-thirds full of water. His motions were elaborately careless and automatic, but he was plainly bursting with joy to be undergoing such expert and affectionate scrutiny73.
Bleak poured out three fingers of whiskey, and held up the baby tumbler.
"Here's to the happy couple!" he cried, and drank it in one swift, practiced gesture. He then swallowed about a tablespoonful of the water. Jerry removed the utensils74, again wiped the immaculate bar, and rang the cashless cash-register. The Perpetual Souse smiled happily.
"That's how it's done," he said. "Do you remember?"
"We're just back from South America," said Quimbleton.
"Some of the boys from the old Balloon office were in here the other day," said Bleak. "I'm afraid it was rather too much for them—in an emotional way, I mean. I tossed off a few for their benefit, and one of them—the cartoonist he used to be, perhaps you remember him—fainted with excitement."
"Well, how do you like the job?" said Quimbleton.
Bleak did not answer this directly. Making an apology to Jerry and promising75 to be back in a few minutes, he escorted his visitors round the temple and gave them some of the picture postcards of himself that were sold to souvenir hunters at five cents each. He showed them the cafeteria for the convenience of visitors, the Hostess House (where they found Mrs. Bleak comfortably installed), the ice-making machinery76, the private brewery77, and the motor-truck used to transport supplies. In a corner of the garden they found the children playing.
"It's a good thing the children enjoy playing with empty bottles," said Bleak. "It's getting to be quite a problem to know what to do with them. I'm using some of them to make a path across the lawn, bury them bottom up, you know.
"But you ask how I like it? I would never admit it before Jerry, because the good fellow expects more of me than I am able to fulfill78, but as a matter of fact this is hardly a one-man job. There ought to be at least seven of us, each to go on duty one day a week. No—you see, being a kind of government museum, I don't even get Sundays off because lots of people can only get here that day. Next after Mount Vernon and Independence Hall, I get more visitors than any other national shrine. And almost all of them expect me to have a go at their favorite drink while they're watching me. Being what you might call the most public spirited man in the country, I have to oblige them as much as possible. But I doubt whether I shall be a candidate for reelection.
"I think the government has rather overestimated79 my capacity," he continued. "They import a shipload of stuff from abroad every month, and send an auditor80 here to check over my empties. I've been hard put to it to get away with all the stuff. I've had to fall back on your old plan of using wine to irrigate81 the garden. It's had rather a dissipating effect on the birds and insects, though. Really, you ought to spend an evening here some time. The birds sing all night long: they have to sleep it off in the morning. A robin with a hang-over is one of the funniest things in the world."
"We saw one!" cried Theodolinda. "He was more than hanging over—he had fallen right off!"
"There's a butterfly here," said Bleak—"Rather a friend of mine, who can give a bumble bee the knock-out after he gets his drop of rum. I've seen him chase a wasp82 all over the lot."
From the temple came the sound of chimes striking twelve, and down in the valley they heard the whistle of a train.
"There's the excursion train leaving Souse Junction," said Bleak. "I must get back to the bar!"
They returned to the shrine, and Bleak entered his little enclosure.
"Jerry," he said, "the crowd will soon be here. I must get busy. What do you recommend?"
"Better stick to the Scotch," said Jerry, and put the decanter on the mahogany. Bleak drank two slugs hastily, and turned to his friends with an almost wistful air.
"Come again and stay longer," he said. "I see so many strangers, I get homesick for a friendly face." He called Quimbleton aside. "Does Mrs. Quimbleton keep up her trances?" he whispered.
"Not recently," said Virgil. "You see, in South America there was no necessity—but when we get settled—"
"You are a lucky fellow," whispered Bleak. "All the enjoyment83 without any of the formalities!" And he added aloud, grasping their hands, "Next time, come in the evening. A man in my line of work is hardly at his best before nightfall."
As they walked back to the plane, Mr. and Mrs. Quimbleton saw the excursionists, a thousand or so, hastening through the park on foot and in huge sight-seeing cars where men with megaphones were roaring comments. One group of pedestrians84 bore a large banner lettered EGG NOG MEMORIAL ASSOCIATION OF CAMDEN, N. J.
"Poor Mr. Bleak!" said Theodolinda. "On top of all that Scotch!"
When they took the air again they circled over the temple at a safe height. They could see the crowd gathered densely85 round the little white columns. Virgil shut off the motor for a moment, and even at that distance they could hear the sound of cheers.
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1
honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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translucent
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| adj.半透明的；透明的 | |
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ridges
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| n.脊( ridge的名词复数 )；山脊；脊状突起；大气层的)高压脊 | |
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foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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crumbled
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| （把…）弄碎， （使）碎成细屑( crumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 衰落； 坍塌； 损坏 | |
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8
leisurely
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| adj.悠闲的；从容的，慢慢的 | |
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shimmer
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| v./n.发微光，发闪光；微光 | |
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10
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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11
tilted
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| v. 倾斜的 | |
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indicators
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| （仪器上显示温度、压力、耗油量等的）指针( indicator的名词复数 )； 指示物； （车辆上的）转弯指示灯； 指示信号 | |
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13
extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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atmospheric
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| adj.大气的，空气的；大气层的；大气所引起的 | |
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prevailing
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| adj.盛行的；占优势的；主要的 | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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17
groves
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| 树丛，小树林( grove的名词复数 ) | |
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grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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19
tawny
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| adj.茶色的，黄褐色的；n.黄褐色 | |
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robin
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| n.知更鸟，红襟鸟 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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owls
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| n.猫头鹰( owl的名词复数 ) | |
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sniffed
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| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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24
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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grasshopper
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| n.蚱蜢，蝗虫，蚂蚱 | |
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zooming
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| adj.快速上升的v.（飞机、汽车等）急速移动( zoom的过去分词 )；（价格、费用等）急升，猛涨 | |
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sagged
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| 下垂的 | |
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caterpillar
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| n.毛虫，蝴蝶的幼虫 | |
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agile
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| adj.敏捷的，灵活的 | |
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moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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affixed
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| adj.[医]附着的，附着的v.附加( affix的过去式和过去分词 )；粘贴；加以；盖（印章） | |
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bleak
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| adj.(天气)阴冷的；凄凉的；暗淡的 | |
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toddle
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| v.（如小孩）蹒跚学步 | |
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vapor
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| n.蒸汽，雾气 | |
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smokers
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| 吸烟者( smoker的名词复数 ) | |
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shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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illuminated
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| adj.被照明的；受启迪的 | |
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rotunda
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| n.圆形建筑物；圆厅 | |
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surmounted
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| 战胜( surmount的过去式和过去分词 )； 克服（困难）； 居于…之上； 在…顶上 | |
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flasks
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| n.瓶，长颈瓶， 烧瓶( flask的名词复数 ) | |
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goblets
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| n.高脚酒杯( goblet的名词复数 ) | |
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44
ruby
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| n.红宝石，红宝石色 | |
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vessels
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| n.血管( vessel的名词复数 )；船；容器；（具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的）人 | |
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46
scrolled
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| adj.具有涡卷装饰的v.（电脑屏幕上）从上到下移动（资料等），卷页( scroll的过去式和过去分词 )；（似卷轴般）卷起；（像展开卷轴般地）将文字显示于屏幕 | |
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47
rim
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| n.(圆物的)边，轮缘；边界 | |
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diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的，小的 | |
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49
brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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50
velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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51
adorned
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| [计]被修饰的 | |
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52
portrayed
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| v.画像( portray的过去式和过去分词 )；描述；描绘；描画 | |
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53
embroidered
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| adj．绣花的 | |
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54
starched
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| adj.浆硬的，硬挺的，拘泥刻板的v.把（衣服、床单等）浆一浆( starch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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55
exclamations
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| n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 )；感叹；感叹语；感叹词 | |
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56
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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57
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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58
stewardess
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| n.空中小姐，女乘务员 | |
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59
prohibition
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| n.禁止；禁令，禁律 | |
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60
soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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61
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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62
texture
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| n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理 | |
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63
bustled
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| 闹哄哄地忙乱，奔忙( bustle的过去式和过去分词 )； 催促 | |
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fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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carving
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| n.雕刻品，雕花 | |
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monogram
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| n.字母组合 | |
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crumbling
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| adj.摇摇欲坠的 | |
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pickles
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| n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 )；处于困境；遇到麻烦；菜酱 | |
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sardines
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| n. 沙丁鱼 | |
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71
appetizers
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| n.开胃品( appetizer的名词复数 )；促进食欲的活动；刺激欲望的东西；吊胃口的东西 | |
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deft
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| adj.灵巧的，熟练的（a deft hand 能手） | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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utensils
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| 器具，用具，器皿( utensil的名词复数 )； 器物 | |
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promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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brewery
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| n.啤酒厂 | |
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fulfill
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| vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意 | |
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overestimated
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| 对（数量）估计过高，对…作过高的评价( overestimate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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auditor
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| n.审计员，旁听着 | |
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81
irrigate
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| vt.灌溉，修水利，冲洗伤口，使潮湿 | |
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wasp
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| n.黄蜂，蚂蜂 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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84
pedestrians
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| n.步行者( pedestrian的名词复数 ) | |
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85
densely
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| ad.密集地；浓厚地 | |
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