Mrs. Manhattan, who was returning with spoils from the Rue10 de la Paix, asked him one afternoon, as he happened to descend11 the cabin-stair in her company, where he had passed the winter.
"Yes, indeed," Tristrem answered, and went his way unconcernedly.
Mrs. Manhattan complained of this conduct to Nicholas, her husband, alleging12 that the young man was fatuous13 in his impertinence.
"My dear," returned that wise habitué of the Athen?um, "when a man gives away seven million, it is because he has forgotten how to be conventional."
It was on a Sunday that the ship reached New York, and it was late in the afternoon before the passengers were able to disembark. Tristrem had his luggage passed, and expressed to his grandfather's house, and then, despite the aggressive solicitations of a crew of bandits, started up-town on foot. In the breast-pocket of his coat he carried a purchase which he had made in Naples, a fantastic article which he had bought, not because he wanted it, but because the peddler who pestered14 him with wares15 and offers happened to be the best-looking and most unrebuffably good-natured scoundrel that he had ever encountered. And now, at intervals16, as he walked along, he put his hand to the pocket to assure himself that it was still in place. Presently he reached Broadway. That thoroughfare, which on earlier Sundays was wont17 to be one of the sedatest18 avenues of the city, was starred with globes of azure19 light, and its quiet was broken by the passing of orange-colored cars. On the corner he stopped and looked at his watch. It was after seven. Then, instead of continuing his way up-town, he turned down in the direction of the Battery. His head was slightly bent20, and as he walked he had the appearance of one perplexed21. It was a delightful22 evening. The sky was as blue as the eyes of a girl beloved. The air was warm, and had the street been less noisy, less garish23, and a trifle cleaner it might have been an agreeable promenade24. But to Tristrem the noise, the dirt, the glare, the sky itself were part and parcel of the non-existent. He neither saw nor heeded25, and, though the air was warm, now and then he shivered.
It seemed to him impossible that he should do this thing. And yet, since that night at Riva, his mind had been as a stage in which it was in uninterrupted rehearsal26. If it were unsuccessful, then come what sorrow could. But even though its success were assured, might not the success be worse than failure, and viler27 to him than the most ignoble28 defeat? Meditatively29 he looked at his hand; it was slight as a girl's.
"I cannot," he said, and even as he said it he knew that he would. Had he not said it ten thousand times of times before? It was not what he willed, it was what he must. He was in the lap of a necessity from which, struggle as he might, he could not set himself free. He might make what resolutions he chose, but the force which acted on him and in him snuffed them out like candles. And yet, what had he done to fate that it should impel30 him to this? Why had he been used as he had? What wrong had he committed? For the past twelvemonth his life had been a continuous torture. Truly, he could have said, "no one save myself, in all the world, has learned the acuity5 of pain. I alone am its depository."
"And yet," he mused31, "perhaps it is right. Long ago, when I was comparing my nothingness to her beauty, did I not know that to win her I must show myself worthy32 of the prize? She will think that I am when I tell her. Yes, she must think so when it is done. But will it be done? O God, I cannot."
For the instant he felt as though he must turn to the passers and claim their protection from himself. He had stopped again, and was standing33 under a great pole that supported an electric light. In the globe was a dim, round ball of red, and suddenly it flared34 up into a flame of the palest lemon, edged with blue. "It is my courage," he said, "I have done with hesitation35 now." He hailed and boarded a passing car. "Hesitation, indeed!" he repeated. "As if I had not known all through that when the time came there would be none!" He put his hand again to his breast-pocket; it was there.
He had taken the seat nearest to the door, absently, as he would have taken any other, and the conductor found it necessary to touch him on the shoulder before he could extract the fare. He had no American money, he discovered, and would have left the car had not the conductor finally agreed to take his chances with a small piece of foreign gold, though not, however, until he had bit it tentatively with his teeth. It was evident that he viewed Tristrem with suspicion.
At Twentieth Street Tristrem swung himself from the moving vehicle, and turned into Gramercy Park. He declined to think; the rehearsals36 were over, he did not even try to recall the r?le. He had had a set speech, but it was gone from him as the indecision had gone before. Now he was to act.
He hurried up the stoop of Weldon's house and rang the bell, and as there seemed to him some unnecessary delay, he rang again, not violently, but with the assurance of a creditor37 who has come to be paid. But when at last the door was opened, he learned that Weldon was not at home.
As he went down the steps again there came to him a great gust38 and rush of joy. He would go now, he had been fully39 prepared, he had tried his best. If Weldon had been visible, he would not have hesitated. But he had not been; that one chance had been left them both, and now, with a certitude that had never visited his former indecisions, he felt it was written that that deed should never be done. He gasped40 as one gasps41 who has been nearly stifled42. The obsession was gone. He was free.
In the street he raised his arms to testify to his liberty reconquered. Yet, even as they fell again, he knew that he was tricking himself. A tremor beset43 him, and to steady himself he clutched at an area-rail. Whether he stood there one minute or one hour he could not afterward44 recall. He remembered only that while he loitered Weldon had rounded the corner, and that as he saw him approach, jauntily45, in evening dress, a light coat on his arm, his strength returned.
"Royal," he exclaimed, for the man was passing him without recognition. "Royal," he repeated, and Weldon stopped. "I have come to have a word with you."
The voice in which he spoke46 was so unlike his own, so rasping and defiant47, that Weldon, with the dread48 which every respectable householder has of a scene at his own front door, motioned him up the steps. "Come in," he said, mellifluously49, "I am glad to see you."
"I will," Tristrem answered, in a tone as arrogant50 as before.
"I am sorry," Weldon continued, "Nanny——"
"I did not come to see your wife; you know it."
Weldon had unlatched the door, and the two men passed into the sitting-room51. There Weldon, with his hat unremoved, dropped in a chair, and eyed his visitor with affected52 curiosity.
"I say, Trissy, you're drunk."
"I am come," Tristrem continued, and this time as he spoke his voice seemed to recover something of its former gentleness, "I am come to ask whether, in the purlieus of your heart, there is nothing to tell you how base you are."
Weldon stretched himself languidly, took off his hat, stood up, and lit a cigarette. "Have an Egyptian?" he asked.
"Do you remember," Tristrem went on, "the last time I saw you?"
Weldon tossed the match into an ash-receiver, and, with the cigarette between his teeth, sprawled53 himself out on a sofa. "Well, what of it?"
"When I saw you, you had just contracted a debt. And now you can liquidate54 that debt either by throwing yourself in the river or——"
"Charming, Triss, charming! You have made a bon mot. I will get that off. Liquidate a debt with water is really good. There's the advantage of foreign travel for you."
"Do you know what became of your victim? Do you know? She went abroad and hid herself. Shall I give you details?"
For the first time Weldon scowled55.
"Would you like the details?" Tristrem repeated.
Weldon mastered his scowl56. "No," he answered, negligently57. "I am not a midwife. Obstetrics do not interest me. On the contra——"
That word he never finished. Something exploded in his brain, he saw one fleeting58 flash, and he was dead. Even as he spoke, Tristrem had whipped an instrument from his pocket, and before Weldon was aware of his purpose, a knife, thin as a darning-needle and long as a pencil—a knife which it had taken the splendid wickedness of medi?val Rome to devise—had sunk into his heart, and was out again, leaving behind it a pin's puncture59 through the linen60, one infinitesimal bluish-gray spot on the skin, and death.
Tristrem looked at him. The shirt was not even rumpled61. If he had so much as quivered, the quiver had been imperceptible, and on the knife there was no trace of blood. It fell from his fingers; he stooped to pick it up, but his hand trembled so that, on recovering it, he could not insert the point into the narrow sheath that belonged to it, and, throwing the bit of embroidered62 leather in a corner, he put the weapon in his pocket.
"It was easier than I thought," he mused. "I suppose—h'm—I seem to be nervous. It's odd. I feared that afterward I should collapse63 like an omelette soufflée. And to think that it is done!"
He turned suspiciously, and looked at the body again. No, he could see it was really done. "And so, this is afterward," he continued. "And to think that it was here I first saw her. She came in that door there. I remember I thought of a garden of lilies."
From the dining-room beyond he caught the glimmer64 of a lamp. He crossed the intervening space, and on the sideboard he found some decanters. He selected one, and pouring a little of its contents into a tumbler he drank it off. Then he poured another portion, and when he had drunk that too, he went out, not through the sitting-room, but through the hall, and, picking up the hat which on entering he had thrown on the table, he left the house.
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1
wrecking
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| 破坏 | |
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obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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vacuity
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| n.(想象力等)贫乏，无聊，空白 | |
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acuity
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| n.敏锐，（疾病的）剧烈 | |
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crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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debauch
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| v.使堕落，放纵 | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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11
descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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alleging
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| 断言，宣称，辩解( allege的现在分词 ) | |
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fatuous
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| adj.愚昧的；昏庸的 | |
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pestered
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| 使烦恼，纠缠( pester的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wares
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| n. 货物, 商品 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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18
sedatest
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| adj.镇定的( sedate的最高级 )；泰然的；不慌不忙的（常用于名词前）；宁静的 | |
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azure
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| adj.天蓝色的，蔚蓝色的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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garish
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| adj.华丽而俗气的，华而不实的 | |
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promenade
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| n./v.散步 | |
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heeded
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的过去式和过去分词 )；变平，使（某物）变平( flatten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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rehearsal
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| n.排练，排演；练习 | |
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viler
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的比较级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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meditatively
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| adv.冥想地 | |
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impel
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| v.推动；激励，迫使 | |
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mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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32
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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34
Flared
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| adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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35
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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rehearsals
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| n.练习( rehearsal的名词复数 )；排练；复述；重复 | |
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creditor
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| n.债仅人，债主，贷方 | |
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gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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40
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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41
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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42
stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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jauntily
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| adv.心满意足地；洋洋得意地；高兴地；活泼地 | |
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46
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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48
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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49
mellifluously
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| adj.声音甜美的，悦耳的 | |
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50
arrogant
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的 | |
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51
sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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52
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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53
sprawled
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| v.伸开四肢坐[躺]( sprawl的过去式和过去分词)；蔓延；杂乱无序地拓展；四肢伸展坐着（或躺着） | |
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54
liquidate
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| v.偿付，清算，扫除；整理，破产 | |
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55
scowled
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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56
scowl
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| vi.(at)生气地皱眉，沉下脸，怒视；n.怒容 | |
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57
negligently
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58
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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59
puncture
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| n.刺孔，穿孔；v.刺穿，刺破 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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61
rumpled
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| v.弄皱，使凌乱( rumple的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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62
embroidered
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| adj．绣花的 | |
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63
collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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64
glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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