She locked her door, and ordered her brain on duty. This was no time for throes—she had the rest of her life to mourn and rage in; now was the time to act in a fashion that should be worthy2 of her, of all she had tried to make of herself, of those three years in India, of the succeeding four when she had risen so high above the mere3 female. She must face with dignity, both in public and in private, whatever ordeal4 still awaited her; that she owed to herself; and the best of all good friends is pride. Nor should she condescend5 to fight or scheme for a love that had turned from her, even for a moment. If it had turned once, it would turn again. She had always despised men that could be “managed,” and could imagine no happiness with a man who must inspire her with recurring6 contempt.
If she loved Tay, it was her part to make him happy, not to force him into a marriage with herself when he loved another woman. Of course he would insist upon keeping his engagement with her, for he was honorable, and, no doubt, as miserable7 at this moment as herself. But it had never entered her plans to balk8 and torment9 the man to whom she had given her love, and she could force his freedom upon him, persuade him that her cause had conquered. As for Fanny, what right had she to assume that she would make him unhappy? Were not all girls brutes10? The most selfish and heartless of them often made the best of wives when they got the man they wanted. No doubt all that Fanny needed to become a good woman was a baby. The vision of Fanny, a placid11 domestic cow, fat at thirty, gave her comfort.
When a woman has made up her mind to be noble, she generally succeeds, for a time, at least; she admires herself in the r?le, and self-admiration giveth much consolation12. But the duration of this attitude varies in different people. Nobility as a fixed13 attitude of mind is possible only to the stupid; it can find no vested place in the subtle active intellect. Julia remained noble and sacrificing—even unpacking14 her Koran and reading it diligently—until precisely15 eight o’clock. At that hour she heard the rustle16 of skirts in the corridor, then Fanny’s excited voice as she knocked on her door
“Oh, Julia! Julia! Look at me! I’m dressed for the party at Bath House. Please let me in!”
Julia ground her teeth. Her eyes emitted steel sparks. Once more her strong fingers opened and shut.
“Run along, dear,” she managed to articulate. “I have such a headache I can’t see. I know you will be the belle17.”
“Oh, I know I shall!” Julia saw that triumphant18 face above her best gown. “Even Granny says I look beautiful and I can see it for myself. I’m wild with excitement—and so happy!”
This was the last straw, but it braced19 instead of breaking. Julia rose with the fixed smile of one who is walking to the scaffold, dignified20 to the last, and opened the door. There stood Fanny, looking more beautiful than any girl she had ever seen. Her hair was dressed high for the first time, and in it was a string of her grandmother’s pearls and a flaming hibiscus. The floating white gown was caught at her breast with another flower, and her neck and arms and the soft rise of her bust21 were as white as the cloud on Nevis. Her heavy eyes were glittering with excitement, and her cheeks and lips made the tropic flowers look old and wilted22.
“I have never seen a girl as beautiful as you are,” said Julia, deliberately23, “and you will certainly make all the pretty girls from St. Kitts turn green with envy. I don’t believe there is another West Indian girl with color. Of course you will be the belle, and of many more balls. What luck that a British cruiser is here.”
Fanny smiled, and a slight sarcastic24 inflection, not unlike her grandmother’s, sharpened her rich contralto voice. “Well, if you find me beautiful, Julia, I must be. And I owe it all to you. Thank you again for this lovely frock. Good night. I’ll tell you lots of things in the morning.” And she lifted her head with a movement that would have been fatuous25 if she had been a few years older, and almost smirked26 in her proud satisfaction with herself and her looks, as she sailed off for conquest.
Julia flung the Koran across the room, herself face downward on the sofa, and wondered how on earth she was to stand it. “If it only were over and they were married and gone,” she thought. “Or if only the Royal Mail were due to-morrow instead of eleven days hence, and I could go! Or if I could go out and kill somebody, or get drunk like a man! Passive endurance! That is all the hell that any religion need promise us.”
She lay for three hours without moving, then heard the clatter27 of a horse’s hoofs28. A moment later Denny knocked and handed her a cablegram. She opened it without interest. It was from Ishbel, and informed her that Nigel might take the next steamer for Nevis. Julia broke into hysterical29 laughter.
“Is my tragedy becoming a farce30?” she thought. “But not if I can help it!”
She answered the cablegram at once, that the messenger might take it.
“Tell Nigel am leaving immediately.”
Then she returned to her sofa, too indolent to go to bed, and this time exhaustion31 gave her sleep.
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收听单词发音
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1
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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condescend
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| v.俯就，屈尊；堕落，丢丑 | |
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recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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balk
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| n.大方木料；v.妨碍；不愿前进或从事某事 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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brutes
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| 兽( brute的名词复数 )； 畜生； 残酷无情的人； 兽性 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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13
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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14
unpacking
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| n.取出货物，拆包[箱]v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的现在分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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15
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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18
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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19
braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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bust
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| vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部 | |
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22
wilted
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| （使）凋谢，枯萎( wilt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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fatuous
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| adj.愚昧的；昏庸的 | |
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smirked
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| v.傻笑( smirk的过去分词 ) | |
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27
clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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28
hoofs
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| n.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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29
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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30
farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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31
exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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