I wasn't, of course. I was still the same Peter Granthan, psychodynamicist, who had started out with Dayan's fleet six weeks earlier. The thoughts I was having weren't brilliant, but they were mine, all mine....
But how could I be sure of that?
Maybe there was something in Kayle's suspicion. If the Gool were as skillful as we thought, they would have left no overt3 indications of their tampering—not at a conscious level.
But this was where psychodynamics training came in. I had been reacting like any scared casualty, aching to get home and lick his wounds. But I wasn't just any casualty. I had been trained in the subtleties4 of the mind—and I had been prepared for just such an attack.
Now was the time to make use of that training. It had given me one resource. I could unlock the memories of my subconscious5—and see again what had happened.
I lay back, cleared my mind of extraneous6 thoughts, and concentrated on the trigger word that would key an auto-hypnotic sequence....
Sense impressions faded. I was alone in the nebulous emptiness of a first-level trance. I keyed a second word, slipped below the misty7 surface into a dreamworld of vague phantasmagoric figures milling in their limbo8 of sub-conceptualization. I penetrated9 deeper, broke through into the vividly10 hallucinatory third level, where images of mirror-bright immediacy clamored for attention. And deeper....
The immense orderly confusion of the basic memory level lay before me. Abstracted from it, aloof11 and observant, the monitoring personality-fraction scanned the pattern, searching the polydimensional continuum for evidence of an alien intrusion.
And found it.
As the eye instantaneously detects a flicker12 of motion amid an infinity13 of static detail, so my inner eye perceived the subtle traces of the probing Gool mind, like a whispered touch deftly14 rearranging my buried motivations.
I focused selectively, tuned15 to the recorded gestalt.
"It is a contact, Effulgent16 One!"
"Softly, now! Nurture17 the spark well. It but trembles at the threshold...."
"It is elusive18, Master! It wriggles19 like a gorm-worm in the eating trough!"
A part of my mind watched as the memory unreeled. I listened to the voices—yet not voices, merely the shape of concepts, indescribably intricate. I saw how the decoy pseudo-personality which I had concretized for the purpose in a hundred training sessions had fought against the intruding20 stimuli—then yielded under the relentless21 thrust of the alien probe. I watched as the Gool operator took over the motor centers, caused me to crawl through the choking smoke of the devastated22 control compartment23 toward the escape hatch. Fire leaped up, blocking the way. I went on, felt ghostly flames whipping at me—and then the hatch was open and I pulled myself through, forcing the broken leg. My blackened hand fumbled24 at the locking wheel. Then the blast as the lifeboat leaped clear of the disintegrating25 dreadnought—and the world-ending impact as I fell.
At a level far below the conscious, the embattled pseudo-personality lashed26 out again—fighting the invader27.
"Almost it eluded28 me then, Effulgent Lord. Link with this lowly one!"
"Impossible! Do you forget all my teachings? Cling, though you expend29 the last filament30 of your life-force!"
Free from all distraction31, at a level where comprehension and retention32 are instantaneous and total, my monitoring basic personality fraction followed the skillful Gool mind as it engraved33 its commands deep in my subconscious. Then the touch withdrew, erasing34 the scars of its passage, to leave me unaware35 of its tampering—at a conscious level.
Watching the Gool mind, I learned.
The insinuating36 probe—a concept regarding which psychodynamicists had theorized—was no more than a pattern in emptiness....
But a pattern which I could duplicate, now that I had seen what had been done to me.
Hesitantly, I felt for the immaterial fabric37 of the continuum, warping38 and manipulating it, copying the Gool probe. Like planes of paper-thin crystal, the polyfinite aspects of reality shifted into focus, aligning39 themselves.
Abruptly40, a channel lay open. As easily as I would stretch out my hand to pluck a moth41 from a night-flower, I reached across the unimaginable void—and sensed a pit blacker than the bottom floor of hell, and a glistening42 dark shape.
There was a soundless shriek43. "Effulgence44! It reached out—touched me!"
Using the technique I had grasped from the Gool itself, I struck, stifling45 the outcry, invaded the fetid blackness and grappled the obscene gelatinous immensity of the Gool spy as it spasmed in a frenzy46 of xenophobia—a ton of liver writhing47 at the bottom of a dark well.
I clamped down control. The Gool mind folded in on itself, gibbering. Not pausing to rest, I followed up, probed along my channel of contact, tracing patterns, scanning the flaccid Gool mind....
I saw a world of yellow seas lapping at endless shores of mud. There was a fuming48 pit, where liquid sulphur bubbled up from some inner source, filling an immense natural basin. The Gool clustered at its rim49, feeding, each monstrous50 shape heaving against its neighbors for a more favorable position.
I probed farther, saw the great cables of living nervous tissue that linked each eating organ with the brain-mass far underground. I traced the passages through which tendrils ran out to immense caverns51 where smaller creatures labored52 over strange devices. These, my host's memory told me, were the young of the Gool. Here they built the fleets that would transport the spawn53 to the new worlds the Prime Overlord had discovered, worlds where food was free for the taking. Not sulphur alone, but potassium, calcium54, iron and all the metals—riches beyond belief in endless profusion55. No longer would the Gool tribe cluster—those who remained of a once-great race—at a single feeding trough. They would spread out across a galaxy—and beyond.
But not if I could help it.
The Gool had evolved a plan—but they'd had a stroke of bad luck.
In the past, they had managed to control a man here and there, among the fleets, far from home, but only at a superficial level. Enough, perhaps, to wreck56 a ship, but not the complete control needed to send a man back to Earth under Gool compulsion, to carry out complex sabotage57.
Then they had found me, alone, a sole survivor58, free from the clutter59 of the other mind-fields. It had been their misfortune to pick a psychodynamicist. Instead of gaining a patient slave, they had opened the fortress60 door to an unseen spy. Now that I was there, I would see what I could steal.
A timeless time passed. I wandered among patterns of white light and white sound, plumbed61 the deepest recesses62 of hidden Gool thoughts, fared along strange ways examining the shapes and colors of the concepts of an alien mind.
I paused at last, scanning a multi-ordinal structure of pattern within pattern; the diagrammed circuits of a strange machine.
I followed through its logic-sequence; and, like a bomb-burst, its meaning exploded in my mind.
From the vile63 nest deep under the dark surface of the Gool world in its lonely trans-Plutonian orbit, I had plucked the ultimate secret of their kind.
Matter across space.
"You've got to listen to me, Kayle," I shouted. "I know you think I'm a Gool robot. But what I have is too big to let you blow it up without a fight. Matter transmission! You know what that can mean to us. The concept is too complex to try to describe in words. You'll have to take my word for it. I can build it, though, using standard components64, plus an infinite-area antenna65 and a moebius-wound coil—and a few other things...."
I harangued66 Kayle for a while, and then sweated out his answer. I was getting close now. If he couldn't see the beauty of my proposal, my screens would start to register the radiation of warheads any time now.
Kayle came back—and his answer boiled down to "no."
I tried to reason with him. I reminded him how I had readied myself for the trip with sessions on the encephaloscope, setting up the cross-networks of conditioned defensive67 responses, the shunt circuits to the decoy pseudo-personality, leaving my volitional68 ego69 free. I talked about subliminal70 hypnotics and the resilience quotient of the ego-complex.
I might have saved my breath.
"I don't understand that psychodynamics jargon71, Granthan," he snapped. "It smacks72 of mysticism. But I understand what the Gool have done to you well enough. I'm sorry."
I leaned back and chewed the inside of my lip and thought unkind thoughts about Colonel Ausar Kayle. Then I settled down to solve the problem at hand.
I keyed the chart file, flashed pages from the standard index on the reference screen, checking radar73 coverages, beacon74 ranges, monitor stations, controller fields. It looked as though a radar-negative boat the size of mine might possibly get through the defensive net with a daring pilot, and as a condemned75 spy, I could afford to be daring.
And I had a few ideas.
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1
converging
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| adj.收敛[缩]的，会聚的，趋同的v.（线条、运动的物体等）会于一点( converge的现在分词 )；（趋于）相似或相同；人或车辆汇集；聚集 | |
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2
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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3
overt
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| adj.公开的，明显的，公然的 | |
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subtleties
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| 细微( subtlety的名词复数 )； 精细； 巧妙； 细微的差别等 | |
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5
subconscious
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| n./adj.潜意识(的)，下意识(的) | |
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extraneous
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| adj.体外的；外来的；外部的 | |
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misty
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| adj.雾蒙蒙的，有雾的 | |
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limbo
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| n.地狱的边缘；监狱 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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flicker
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| vi./n.闪烁，摇曳，闪现 | |
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infinity
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| n.无限，无穷，大量 | |
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deftly
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| adv.灵巧地，熟练地，敏捷地 | |
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15
tuned
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| adj.调谐的，已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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16
effulgent
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| adj.光辉的；灿烂的 | |
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nurture
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| n.养育，照顾，教育；滋养，营养品；vt.养育，给与营养物，教养，扶持 | |
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elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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19
wriggles
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| n.蠕动，扭动( wriggle的名词复数 )v.扭动，蠕动，蜿蜒行进( wriggle的第三人称单数 )；（使身体某一部位）扭动；耍滑不做，逃避（应做的事等） | |
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20
intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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21
relentless
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| adj.残酷的，不留情的，无怜悯心的 | |
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22
devastated
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| v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的 | |
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23
compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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24
fumbled
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| （笨拙地）摸索或处理（某事物）( fumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 乱摸，笨拙地弄； 使落下 | |
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25
disintegrating
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| v.（使）破裂[分裂，粉碎]，（使）崩溃( disintegrate的现在分词 ) | |
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26
lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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27
invader
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| n.侵略者，侵犯者，入侵者 | |
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28
eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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29
expend
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| vt.花费，消费，消耗 | |
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filament
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| n.细丝；长丝；灯丝 | |
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31
distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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32
retention
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| n.保留，保持，保持力，记忆力 | |
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33
engraved
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| v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中） | |
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34
erasing
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| v.擦掉( erase的现在分词 )；抹去；清除 | |
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35
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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36
insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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37
fabric
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| n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织 | |
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38
warping
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| n.翘面，扭曲，变形v.弄弯，变歪( warp的现在分词 )；使（行为等）不合情理，使乖戾， | |
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39
aligning
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| n. (直线)对准 动词align的现在分词形式 | |
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40
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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41
moth
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| n.蛾，蛀虫 | |
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42
glistening
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| adj.闪耀的，反光的v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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43
shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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44
effulgence
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| n.光辉 | |
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45
stifling
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| a.令人窒息的 | |
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46
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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47
writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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48
fuming
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| 愤怒( fume的现在分词 )； 大怒； 发怒； 冒烟 | |
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49
rim
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| n.(圆物的)边，轮缘；边界 | |
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50
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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51
caverns
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| 大山洞，大洞穴( cavern的名词复数 ) | |
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52
labored
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| adj.吃力的，谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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53
spawn
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| n.卵，产物，后代，结果；vt.产卵，种菌丝于，产生，造成；vi.产卵，大量生产 | |
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54
calcium
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| n.钙(化学符号Ca) | |
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55
profusion
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| n.挥霍；丰富 | |
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56
wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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57
sabotage
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| n.怠工，破坏活动，破坏；v.从事破坏活动，妨害，破坏 | |
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58
survivor
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| n.生存者，残存者，幸存者 | |
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59
clutter
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| n.零乱，杂乱；vt.弄乱，把…弄得杂乱 | |
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60
fortress
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| n.堡垒，防御工事 | |
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61
plumbed
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| v.经历( plumb的过去式和过去分词 )；探究；用铅垂线校正；用铅锤测量 | |
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62
recesses
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| n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭 | |
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63
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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64
components
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| （机器、设备等的）构成要素，零件，成分； 成分( component的名词复数 )； [物理化学]组分； [数学]分量； （混合物的）组成部分 | |
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65
antenna
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| n.触角，触须；天线 | |
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66
harangued
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| v.高谈阔论( harangue的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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67
defensive
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| adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的 | |
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68
volitional
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| adj.意志的，凭意志的，有意志的 | |
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69
ego
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| n.自我，自己，自尊 | |
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70
subliminal
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| adj.下意识的，潜意识的；太弱或太快以至于难以觉察的 | |
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71
jargon
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| n.术语，行话 | |
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72
smacks
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| 掌掴（声）( smack的名词复数 )； 海洛因； （打的）一拳； 打巴掌 | |
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73
radar
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| n.雷达，无线电探测器 | |
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74
beacon
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| n.烽火，（警告用的）闪火灯，灯塔 | |
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75
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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