He was really in love with her. That much he acknowledged frankly5. More profoundly in love than he had ever conceived it possible he could find himself with any one. Hitherto, he had "considered" this girl or that, mostly on his mother's or sister's recommendation; and after observing her critically for a day or two, as he might have observed a horse or any other intended purchase, he had come to the conclusion "she wouldn't do," and had ceased to entertain her. But with Herminia, he was in love. The potent7 god had come upon him. That imperious inner monitor which cries aloud to a man, "You must have this girl, because you can't do without her; you must strive to make her happy, because her happiness is more to you now ten thousand fold than your own," that imperious inner monitor had spoken out at last in no uncertain tone to Alan Merrick. He knew for the first time what it is to be in love; in love with a true and beautiful woman, not with his own future convenience and comfort. The keen fresh sense it quickened within him raised him for the moment some levels above himself. For Herminia's sake, he felt, he could do or dare anything.
Nay8, more; as Herminia herself had said to him, it was her better, her inner self he was in love with, not the mere9 statuesque face, the full and faultless figure. He saw how pure, how pellucid10, how noble the woman was; treading her own ideal world of high seraphic harmonies. He was in love with her stainless11 soul; he could not have loved her so well, could not have admired her so profoundly, had she been other than she was, had she shared the common prejudices and preconceptions of women. It was just because she was Herminia that he felt so irresistibly12 attracted towards her. She drew him like a magnet. What he loved and admired was not so much the fair, frank face itself, as the lofty Cornelia-like spirit behind it.
And yet,—he hesitated.
Could he accept the sacrifice this white soul wished to make for him? Could he aid and abet13 her in raising up for herself so much undeserved obloquy14? Could he help her to become Anathema15 maranatha among her sister women? Even if she felt brave enough to try the experiment herself for humanity's sake, was it not his duty as a man to protect her from her own sublime17 and generous impulses? Is it not for that in part that nature makes us virile18? We must shield the weaker vessel19. He was flattered not a little that this leader among women should have picked him out for herself among the ranks of men as her predestined companion in her chosen task of emancipating20 her sex. And he was thoroughly21 sympathetic (as every good man must needs be) with her aims and her method. Yet, still he hesitated. Never before could he have conceived such a problem of the soul, such a moral dilemma22 possible. It rent heart and brain at once asunder23. Instinctively24 he felt to himself he would be doing wrong should he try in any way to check these splendid and unselfish impulses which led Herminia to offer herself willingly up as a living sacrifice on behalf of her enslaved sisters everywhere. Yet the innate25 feeling of the man, that 'tis his place to protect and guard the woman, even from her own higher and purer self, intervened to distract him. He couldn't bear to feel he might be instrumental in bringing upon his pure Herminia the tortures that must be in store for her; he couldn't bear to think his name might be coupled with hers in shameful26 ways, too base for any man to contemplate27.
And then, intermixed with these higher motives28, came others that he hardly liked to confess to himself where Herminia was concerned, but which nevertheless would obtrude29 themselves, will he, nill he, upon him. What would other people say about such an innocent union as Herminia contemplated30? Not indeed, "What effect would it have upon his position and prospects31?" Alan Merrick's place as a barrister was fairly well assured, and the Bar is luckily one of the few professions in lie-loving England where a man need not grovel32 at the mercy of the moral judgment33 of the meanest and grossest among his fellow-creatures, as is the case with the Church, with medicine, with the politician, and with the schoolmaster. But Alan could not help thinking all the same how people would misinterpret and misunderstand his relations with the woman he loved, if he modelled them strictly34 upon Herminia's wishes. It was hateful, it was horrible to have to con6 the thing over, where that faultless soul was concerned, in the vile35 and vulgar terms other people would apply to it; but for Herminia's sake, con it over so he must; and though he shrank from the effort with a deadly shrinking, he nevertheless faced it. Men at the clubs would say he had seduced36 Herminia. Men at the clubs would lay the whole blame of the episode upon him; and he couldn't bear to be so blamed for the sake of a woman, to save whom from the faintest shadow of disgrace or shame he would willingly have died a thousand times over. For since Herminia had confessed her love to him yesterday, he had begun to feel how much she was to him. His admiration37 and appreciation38 of her had risen inexpressibly. And was he now to be condemned39 for having dragged down to the dust that angel whose white wings he felt himself unworthy to touch with the hem16 of his garment?
And yet, once more, when he respected her so much for the sacrifice she was willing to make for humanity, would it be right for him to stand in her way, to deter40 her from realizing her own highest nature? She was Herminia just because she lived in that world of high hopes, just because she had the courage and the nobility to dare this great thing. Would it be right of him to bring her down from that pedestal whereon she stood so austere41, and urge upon her that she should debase herself to be as any other woman,—even as Ethel Waterton? For the Watertons had brought him there to propose to Ethel.
For hours he tossed and turned and revolved42 these problems. Rain beat on the leaded panes43 of the Waterton dormers. Day dawned, but no light came with it to his troubled spirit. The more he thought of this dilemma, the more profoundly he shrank from the idea of allowing himself to be made into the instrument for what the world would call, after its kind, Herminia's shame and degradation44. For even if the world could be made to admit that Herminia had done what she did from chaste45 and noble motives,—which considering what we all know of the world, was improbable,—yet at any rate it could never allow that he himself had acted from any but the vilest46 and most unworthy reasons. Base souls would see in the sacrifice he made to Herminia's ideals, only the common story of a trustful woman cruelly betrayed by the man who pretended to love her, and would proceed to treat him with the coldness and contempt with which such a man deserves to be treated.
As the morning wore on, this view of the matter obtruded47 itself more and more forcibly every moment on Alan. Over and over again he said to himself, let come what come might, he must never aid and abet that innocent soul in rushing blindfold48 over a cliff to her own destruction. It is so easy at twenty-two to ruin yourself for life; so difficult at thirty to climb slowly back again. No, no, holy as Herminia's impulses were, he must save her from herself; he must save her from her own purity; he must refuse to be led astray by her romantic aspirations. He must keep her to the beaten path trod by all petty souls, and preserve her from the painful crown of martyrdom she herself designed as her eternal diadem49.
Full of these manful resolutions, he rose up early in the morning. He would be his Herminia's guardian50 angel. He would use her love for him,—for he knew she loved him,—as a lever to egg her aside from these slippery moral precipices51.
He mistook the solid rock of ethical52 resolution he was trying to disturb with so frail53 an engine. The fulcrum54 itself would yield far sooner to the pressure than the weight of Herminia's uncompromising rectitude. Passionate55 as she was,—and with that opulent form she could hardly be otherwise,—principle was still deeper and more imperious with her than passion.
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1
pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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insipid
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| adj.无味的，枯燥乏味的，单调的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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con
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| n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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pellucid
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| adj.透明的，简单的 | |
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stainless
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| adj.无瑕疵的，不锈的 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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abet
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| v.教唆，鼓励帮助 | |
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obloquy
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| n.斥责，大骂 | |
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anathema
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| n.诅咒；被诅咒的人(物)，十分讨厌的人(物) | |
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hem
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| n.贴边，镶边；vt.缝贴边；(in)包围，限制 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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emancipating
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| v.解放某人（尤指摆脱政治、法律或社会的束缚）( emancipate的现在分词 ) | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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asunder
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| adj.分离的，化为碎片 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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innate
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| adj.天生的，固有的，天赋的 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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contemplate
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| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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obtrude
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| v.闯入；侵入；打扰 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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grovel
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| vi.卑躬屈膝，奴颜婢膝 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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seduced
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| 诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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40
deter
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| vt.阻止，使不敢，吓住 | |
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austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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43
panes
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| 窗玻璃( pane的名词复数 ) | |
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44
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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45
chaste
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| adj.贞洁的；有道德的；善良的；简朴的 | |
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46
vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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47
obtruded
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| v.强行向前，强行，强迫( obtrude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
blindfold
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| vt.蒙住…的眼睛；adj.盲目的；adv.盲目地；n.蒙眼的绷带[布等]； 障眼物，蒙蔽人的事物 | |
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49
diadem
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| n.王冠，冕 | |
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50
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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51
precipices
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| n.悬崖，峭壁( precipice的名词复数 ) | |
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52
ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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53
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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54
fulcrum
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| n.杠杆支点 | |
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55
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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