But Herminia, for her part, never discovered she was talked about. To the pure all things are pure; and Herminia was dowered with that perfect purity. And though Bower Lane lay but some few hundred yards off from the Carlyle Place Girl's School, the social gulf9 between them yet yawned so wide that good old Miss Smith-Waters from Cambridge, the head-mistress of the school, never caught a single echo of the washerwomen's gossip. Herminia's life through those six months was one unclouded honeymoon10. On Sundays, she and Alan would go out of town together, and stroll across the breezy summit of Leith Hill, or among the brown heather and garrulous11 pine-woods that perfume the radiating spurs of Hind12 Head with their aromatic13 resins14. Her love for Alan was profound and absorbing; while as for Alan, the more he gazed into the calm depths of that crystal soul, the more deeply did he admire it. Gradually she was raising him to her own level. It is impossible to mix with a lofty nature and not acquire in time some tincture of its nobler and more generous sentiments. Herminia was weaning Alan by degrees from the world; she was teaching him to see that moral purity and moral earnestness are worth more, after all, than to dwell with purple hangings in all the tents of iniquity15. She was making him understand and sympathize with the motives16 which led her stoutly17 on to her final martyrdom, which made her submit without a murmur19 of discontent to her great renunciation.
As yet, however, there was no hint or forecast of actual martyrdom. On the contrary, her life flowed in all the halo of a honeymoon. It was a honeymoon, too, undisturbed by the petty jars and discomforts20 of domestic life; she saw Alan too seldom for either ever to lose the keen sense of fresh delight in the other's presence. When she met him, she thrilled to the delicate fingertips. Herminia had planned it so of set purpose. In her reasoned philosophy of life, she had early decided21 that 'tis the wear and tear of too close daily intercourse22 which turns unawares the lover into the husband; and she had determined23 that in her own converse with the man she loved that cause of disillusion24 should never intrude25 itself. They conserved26 their romance through all their plighted27 and united life. Herminia had afterwards no recollections of Alan to look back upon save ideally happy ones.
So six months wore away. On the memory of those six months Herminia was to subsist28 for half a lifetime. At the end of that time, Alan began to fear that if she did not soon withdraw from the Carlyle Place School, Miss Smith-Waters might begin to ask inconvenient29 questions. Herminia, ever true to her principles, was for stopping on till the bitter end, and compelling Miss Smith-Waters to dismiss her from her situation. But Alan, more worldly wise, foresaw that such a course must inevitably30 result in needless annoyance31 and humiliation32 for Herminia; and Herminia was now beginning to be so far influenced by Alan's personality that she yielded the point with reluctance33 to his masculine judgment34. It must be always so. The man must needs retain for many years to come the personal hegemony he has usurped35 over the woman; and the woman who once accepts him as lover or as husband must give way in the end, even in matters of principle, to his virile36 self-assertion. She would be less a woman, and he less a man, were any other result possible. Deep down in the very roots of the idea of sex we come on that prime antithesis,—the male, active and aggressive; the female, sedentary, passive, and receptive.
And even on the broader question, experience shows one it is always so in the world we live in. No man or woman can go through life in consistent obedience37 to any high principle,—not even the willing and deliberate martyrs38. We must bow to circumstances. Herminia had made up her mind beforehand for the crown of martyrdom, the one possible guerdon this planet can bestow39 upon really noble and disinterested40 action. And she never shrank from any necessary pang41, incidental to the prophet's and martyr18's existence. Yet even so, in a society almost wholly composed of mean and petty souls, incapable42 of comprehending or appreciating any exalted43 moral standpoint, it is practically impossible to live from day to day in accordance with a higher or purer standard. The martyr who should try so to walk without deviation44 of any sort, turning neither to the right nor to the left in the smallest particular, must accomplish his martyrdom prematurely45 on the pettiest side-issues, and would never live at all to assert at the stake the great truth which is the lodestar and goal of his existence.
So Herminia gave way. Sadly against her will she gave way. One morning in early March, she absented herself from her place in the class-room without even taking leave of her beloved schoolgirls, whom she had tried so hard unobtrusively to train up towards a rational understanding of the universe around them, and sat down to write a final letter of farewell to poor straight-laced kind-hearted Miss Smith-Waters. She sat down to it with a sigh; for Miss Smith-Waters, though her outlook upon the cosmos46 was through one narrow chink, was a good soul up to her lights, and had been really fond and proud of Herminia. She had rather shown her off, indeed, as a social trump47 card to the hesitating parent,—"This is our second mistress, Miss Barton; you know her father, perhaps; such an excellent man, the Dean of Dunwich." And now, Herminia sat down with a heavy heart, thinking to herself what a stab of pain the avowal48 she had to make would send throbbing49 through that gentle old breast, and how absolutely incapable dear Miss Smith-Waters could be of ever appreciating the conscientious50 reasons which had led her, Iphigenia-like, to her self-imposed sacrifice.
But, for all that, she wrote her letter through, delicately, sweetly, with feminine tact51 and feminine reticence52. She told Miss Smith-Waters frankly53 enough all it was necessary Miss Smith-Waters should know; but she said it with such daintiness that even that conventionalized and hide-bound old maid couldn't help feeling and recognizing the purity and nobility of her misguided action. Poor child, Miss Smith-Waters thought; she was mistaken, of course, sadly and grievously mistaken; but, then, 'twas her heart that misled her, no doubt; and Miss Smith-Waters, having dim recollections of a far-away time when she herself too possessed54 some rudimentary fragment of such a central vascular55 organ, fairly cried over the poor girl's letter with sympathetic shame, and remorse56, and vexation. Miss Smith-Waters could hardly be expected to understand that if Herminia had thought her conduct in the faintest degree wrong, or indeed anything but the highest and best for humanity, she could never conceivably have allowed even that loving heart of hers to hurry her into it. For Herminia's devotion to principle was not less but far greater than Miss Smith-Waters's own; only, as it happened, the principles themselves were diametrically opposite.
Herminia wrote her note with not a few tears for poor Miss Smith-Waters's disappointment. That is the worst of living a life morally ahead of your contemporaries; what you do with profoundest conviction of its eternal rightness cannot fail to arouse hostile and painful feelings even in the souls of the most right-minded of your friends who still live in bondage57 to the conventional lies and the conventional injustices58. It is the good, indeed, who are most against you. Still, Herminia steeled her heart to tell the simple truth,—how, for the right's sake and humanity's she had made up her mind to eschew59 the accursed thing, and to strike one bold blow for the freedom and unfettered individuality of women. She knew in what obloquy60 her action would involve her, she said; but she knew too, that to do right for right's sake was a duty imposed by nature upon every one of us; and that the clearer we could see ahead, and the farther in front we could look, the more profoundly did that duty shine forth61 for us. For her own part, she had never shrunk from doing what she knew to be right for mankind in the end, though she felt sure it must lead her to personal misery62. Yet unless one woman were prepared to lead the way, no freedom was possible. She had found a man with whom she could spend her life in sympathy and united usefulness; and with him she had elected to spend it in the way pointed63 out to us by nature. Acting64 on his advice, though somewhat against her own judgment, she meant to leave England for the present, only returning again when she could return with the dear life they had both been instrumental in bringing into the world, and to which henceforth her main attention must be directed. She signed it, "Your ever-grateful and devoted65 HERMINIA."
Poor Miss Smith-Waters laid down that astonishing, that incredible letter in a perfect whirl of amazement66 and stupefaction. She didn't know what to make of it. It seemed to run counter to all her preconceived ideas of moral action. That a young girl should venture to think for herself at all about right and wrong was passing strange; that she should arrive at original notions upon those abstruse67 subjects, which were not the notions of constituted authority and of the universal slave-drivers and obscurantists generally,—notions full of luminousness68 upon the real relations and duties of our race,—was to poor, cramped69 Miss Smith-Waters well-nigh inconceivable. That a young girl should prefer freedom to slavery; should deem it more moral to retain her divinely-conferred individuality in spite of the world than to yield it up to a man for life in return for the price of her board and lodging70; should refuse to sell her own body for a comfortable home and the shelter of a name,—these things seemed to Miss Smith-Waters, with her smaller-catechism standards of right and wrong, scarcely short of sheer madness. Yet Herminia had so endeared herself to the old lady's soul that on receipt of her letter Miss Smith-Waters went upstairs to her own room with a neuralgic headache, and never again in her life referred to her late second mistress in any other terms than as "my poor dear sweet misguided Herminia."
But when it became known next morning in Bower Lane that the queenly-looking school-mistress who used to go round among "our girls" with tickets for concerts and lectures and that, had disappeared suddenly with the nice-looking young man who used to come a-courting her on Sundays and evenings, the amazement and surprise of respectable Bower Lane was simply unbounded. "Who would have thought," the red-faced matrons of the cottages remarked, over their quart of bitter, "the pore thing had it in her! But there, it's these demure71 ones as is always the slyest!" For Bower Lane could only judge that austere72 soul by its own vulgar standard (as did also Belgravia). Most low minds, indeed, imagine absolute hypocrisy73 must be involved in any striving after goodness and abstract right-doing on the part of any who happen to disbelieve in their own blood-thirsty deities74, or their own vile75 woman-degrading and prostituting morality. In the topsy-turvy philosophy of Bower Lane and of Belgravia, what is usual is right; while any conscious striving to be better and nobler than the mass around one is regarded at once as either insane or criminal.
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1
converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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bower
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| n.凉亭，树荫下凉快之处；闺房；v.荫蔽 | |
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4
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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purblind
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| adj.半盲的；愚笨的 | |
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8
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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garrulous
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| adj.唠叨的，多话的 | |
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hind
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| adj.后面的，后部的 | |
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aromatic
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| adj.芳香的，有香味的 | |
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resins
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| n.树脂，松香( resin的名词复数 )；合成树脂v.树脂，松香( resin的第三人称单数 )；合成树脂 | |
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iniquity
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| n.邪恶；不公正 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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19
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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20
discomforts
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| n.不舒适( discomfort的名词复数 )；不愉快，苦恼 | |
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21
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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disillusion
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| vt.使不再抱幻想，使理想破灭 | |
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intrude
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| vi.闯入；侵入；打扰，侵扰 | |
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conserved
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| v.保护，保藏，保存( conserve的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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plighted
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| vt.保证，约定（plight的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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subsist
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| vi.生存，存在，供养 | |
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inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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31
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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32
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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35
usurped
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| 篡夺，霸占( usurp的过去式和过去分词 )； 盗用； 篡夺，篡权 | |
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virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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38
martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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39
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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40
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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42
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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43
exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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44
deviation
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| n.背离，偏离；偏差，偏向；离题 | |
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prematurely
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| adv.过早地，贸然地 | |
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46
cosmos
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| n.宇宙；秩序，和谐 | |
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47
trump
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| n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭 | |
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48
avowal
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| n.公开宣称，坦白承认 | |
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49
throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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50
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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51
tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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52
reticence
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| n.沉默，含蓄 | |
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53
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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54
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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55
vascular
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| adj.血管的，脉管的 | |
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56
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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57
bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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58
injustices
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| 不公平( injustice的名词复数 )； 非正义； 待…不公正； 冤枉 | |
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59
eschew
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| v.避开，戒绝 | |
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60
obloquy
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| n.斥责，大骂 | |
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61
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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abstruse
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| adj.深奥的，难解的 | |
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luminousness
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| 透光率 | |
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cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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70
lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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demure
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| adj.严肃的；端庄的 | |
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72
austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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deities
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| n.神，女神( deity的名词复数 )；神祗；神灵；神明 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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