Taylor raised himself and stared wonderingly at the visitor. His pale cheeks flushed and an unaccustomed embarrassment1 seized upon him. “Sit down,” he continued. “I—I’d given up looking for you.”
Dick tossed his cap on the table, and drew a chair to a position near the couch. His face, too, was pale, but there was no sign of embarrassment visible; only a strong determination was indicated by the little creases3 in his forehead and the sudden squaring of his jaw4. He launched into the subject of his visit abruptly5.
“I came over because I’m sick of this business, Taylor. Look here, I acted like a brute6 and a contemptible7 cad the other night; I knew it then; I don’t know what got into me. I’ve tried to stick it out, but it’s no good.”
Taylor was gazing at him with a puzzled frown.
“I ask your pardon, Taylor, for taking advantage of you—of your position that night, and I want you to say that you forgive me. The promise you made—rather, the promise I forced from you—doesn’t hold. I’m going to[225] resign the captaincy to-morrow, and it’s yours as soon as you want it, as far as I’m concerned.” He paused and looked intently at Taylor. The latter gave a little embarrassed laugh, and dropped his eyes to the book beside him.
“I think you’re talking a good deal of nonsense, Hope,” he answered finally. “But if you want me to say that I forgive you, why, that’s all right. I can’t see that there’s anything to forgive. You simply turned the tables on me when you had the chance; you’d been a silly ass2 if you hadn’t. And, anyhow, I don’t see that there is anything to forgive when a chap saves your life. It may sound rather funny for me to be thanking you and all that, after we’ve been rowing as we have, and maybe you don’t want my thanks, but, of course, I’m—I’m awfully8 grateful. It was a jolly brave thing to do, though I don’t pretend to know why you did it. I thought until a minute ago that—that you’d seen your chance of turning the tables and took advantage of it, but——”
“You mean you thought I started to get you out simply so that I could bully9 you into releasing me from my promise?” asked Dick, with a tremble in his voice.
Taylor glanced up hurriedly, dropped his gaze again, and went on quickly.
“Well, that was natural, wasn’t it? But I see now that it wasn’t so. Anyway, I’m awfully much obliged to you. I told Waters to ask you to come and see me half a dozen[226] times; I wanted to say this before; but I guess you didn’t care to see me.”
“I was pretty busy,” muttered Dick.
“Oh, I don’t blame you. I dare say I wouldn’t have come if I’d been in your place. After what I’ve been up to, you know. But that—well, that’s over with now.”
“Yes,” answered Dick, “that’s done with. We won’t say any more about it; just forget it; goodness knows, I don’t want to remember it. It made me act like a regular beast; I’ve been hating myself ever since; I’ve been ashamed to look any one in the face! After all, it’s only the success of the boat I want, Taylor, and I believe you’ll work for that. If I thought you wouldn’t——” He paused and looked at the other with an ugly glint in his eyes. “But I think you will. When can you take hold?”
“You’re making a mistake, Hope,” answered Taylor, with the suggestion of his old mocking smile visible. “I’ve had lots of time for thinking things over lately. Lying here like this a chap has to think a good deal. Well, I said it was all over with. What I meant was my captaincy scheme. I’m beaten; I’ll acknowledge it; not beaten altogether by you, though, Hope. Luck or Fate or something had a hand in it. You and I don’t look at things in just the same way; I know you wouldn’t have done what I’ve done to get a dozen captaincies; I dare say there’s something in the way you’re brought up. I sort of brought myself up, you know. I rather imagine having a mother and father[227] and living with, them makes a difference; I never had either—that is, since I can remember. But you don’t care about all that, I guess. I wanted the captaincy, and I set out to get it, using whatever means I could find. It wasn’t square; I’ll acknowledge that. I never tried to make myself believe that it was. I’d managed to get what I was after, it seemed, when luck, or—well, whatever you like to call it—cut in. Then I had that fall. I suspected then that it was all up. I dare say I’m a little superstitious10. When the fire came and you turned up in the nick of time I knew that luck was against me. I expected you to make that bargain, Hope; you see, it was just what I’d have done in your place. When I got to the window I thought for a minute that you’d lose your chance; I was calling you a fool; and all the time I was scared blue. I don’t believe I’m more of a coward than the next chap, but that five minutes or five years before you came was awful!” He stopped and a shudder11 passed over him. “Well, you seized your chance. You say now that that promise doesn’t hold, but it does hold. Oh, yes, it holds good and fast for all time, Hope.”
“It doesn’t!” cried Dick. “I won’t have it!”
“But it does,” replied Taylor calmly. “And even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t make any difference about the captaincy. I may be built somewhat different from you, but I’ve got some principles. They may be queer ones, but I won’t fight a fellow that has saved my life. That settles[228] it. I’ll stick to that promise, just as you would have stuck to yours. I’ll go back to work on the crew just as soon as the doctor lets me, which will likely be next week, and I’ll do my level best.”
Taylor lay back on the cushions looking rather tired and pale, and Dick got up and wandered restlessly about the room for a minute. It was all so different from what he had looked forward to that he found himself incapable12 of deciding whether the course Taylor insisted upon was right or wrong. It was so easy that it somehow appeared as though it must be wrong. He was to keep the captaincy, Taylor was to return to the boat, the whole episode was to be closed; in short, he was to reap the benefit of his dishonest deed without suffering punishment. Although, he reflected the next moment, perhaps he had been suffering the punishment the last two weeks!
“But just the same,” he said aloud, “it doesn’t seem right.”
“That’s your New England conscience,” mocked Taylor. “You think that because a thing didn’t break your back in the doing it can’t be anything but an invention of the devil’s. I may have an easier morality than you, Hope; but, thank Heaven, I wasn’t born in New England!”
Dick stared at him.
“But, see here, Taylor, if I agree to this——”
“You can’t do anything else.”
“Do you mean that you will—will be satisfied?”
[229]
“Probably not; and yet, I don’t know; I’m rather sick of it; this being laid up like a blasted mummy takes the pluck out of a fellow. Maybe”—he smiled quizzically—“maybe it takes some of the meanness out, too. Anyhow, I’ll keep to the promise. And if that silly conscience of yours is still grumbling13, why, choke it off. You’ve done right enough; you’ve done more than I’d have done; though, of course, that doesn’t signify much. You slipped up for the minute, and now you are sorry. As far as I’m concerned, I forgive you, although, as I said before, I don’t see that I’ve anything to forgive.”
“I’ll never forgive myself,” said Dick, with conviction.
Taylor shrugged14 his shoulders and moved his head as though weary of the subject.
“You’ll have to settle that with yourself; I dare say you’ll be fighting it out for the next ten years.”
Dick took up his cap, hesitated an instant, and then strode to the couch.
“Mind shaking hands?” he asked.
Taylor grinned.
“What’s the use?” he asked. “It won’t make things any better or any worse.”
“I’d rather, if you don’t mind,” replied Dick gravely.
“Oh, all right.” Taylor put out his, and the two lads clasped hands silently.
“Good-night,” said Dick, turning away. “I hope you’ll get well soon and come and help us. We need you.”
“Good-night,” answered Taylor. “I dare say I’ll be out by the last of the week. You’re not a half bad sort, Hope; if it wasn’t for that bothersome conscience of yours I think we might get on together fairly well.”
Dick’s last glance across the room showed him a pallid15, tired-looking youth sitting on the edge of the couch, with dejection expressed in his attitude, but a mocking smile on his face.
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收听单词发音
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1
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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2
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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3
creases
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| （使…）起折痕，弄皱( crease的第三人称单数 )； （皮肤）皱起，使起皱纹 | |
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4
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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5
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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6
brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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7
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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8
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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9
bully
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| n.恃强欺弱者，小流氓；vt.威胁，欺侮 | |
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10
superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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11
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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12
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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13
grumbling
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| adj. 喃喃鸣不平的, 出怨言的 | |
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14
shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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15
pallid
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| adj.苍白的，呆板的 | |
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