The little financier had sent him an invitation, and worst of all had called to ask that he act as his best man. He refused so curtly1 that Bivens was deeply wounded. He hastened to soothe2 his feelings with a plausible3 explanation.
"The fact is, Bivens, I've always hated church funerals and weddings—of the two I prefer funerals——"
"Nonsense!"
"I assure you I'm not joking. Those long hideous4 veils and white shroud-like dresses to me always symbolize5 Death. The pallor of the bride's face perhaps adds to my delusion—but it's painfully real. I never go to a church wedding. The apparition6 haunts me for days."
Bivens smiled wanly7.
"But what will you do when your time comes, old man? You can't run away then."
"That's just what I will do—run away and take my girl with me. We'll elope and be married in street clothes. It's more human."
While he spoke8, Stuart's eyes suddenly sparkled with the thought that his words, spoken in jest, might be a prophecy of what could really happen. It had happened again and again. The miracle might happen to him.
"But I say, Jim, that's all rot. I want you to stand by me. I've always taken as much of your friendship as you would give and been grateful for it. I don't make new friends easily. I want you, and you've just got to do it."
Stuart shook his head and firmly set his jaws9. A grim temptation flashed through his imagination. If he should accept, it might be the one thing which would prevent Nan's betrayal of her love at the altar. Might he not by the power of his personality, the hypnotic force of his yearning10 passion and will, stop the ceremony? In the moment of deathlike silence which should follow the minister's words asking if there were any cause known why these two should not be made one, might not a single movement of his body at that moment, a groan11 of pain, a sob12, a cry of agony in a supreme13 act of his will, cause the white figure to reel and fall at his feet? It was possible.
But it would be too cheap. It would be a worthless victory, a victory of the flesh without the spirit—and he refused to take the body without the soul.
With a frown he turned to Bivens:
"It's no use talking, Cal, I've made up my mind. I won't do it."
"Well, if you won't, you won't," the little man said with a sigh. "At least you'll come to the church. For God's sake let me get a glimpse of one friendly face. I'll be scared to death. You know I'm not used to this."
Stuart smiled:
"All right, I'll be there."
"And a seat, Jim, where I can see you. I want a friend near the door when I start, or I'll never make it—I'll drop on the way. You won't fail?"
"No. You can depend on me."
As Bivens closed the door the young lawyer threw himself back in his chair with a bitter laugh.
"What a farce14 our lives become sometimes. If we could all see behind the scenes would there be a single illusion left—I wonder?"
His memory rested with bitterness on the fact that he had feared to lift the curtain on Nan's character at one point in their final struggle over this marriage. He had fought with desperation to win and hold her heart, but he had fought fairly. There had always been a way—he might have won by the sacrifice of character. He had not offered to yield his ideal, accept her views, and change his life purpose. The act would have been dishonourable only to his own sense of right. He would have done exactly what Bivens asked. He had never questioned this decision to the day of her wedding. But when the fateful morning came he was stunned15 by the feeling of incredible despair which crept into his heart. The day was chill and damp. Dull, grayish, half-black clouds rolled over the city from the sea—clouds that hung low and wet over the cold pavements without breaking into rain.
He knew that Nan was as superstitious16 as the old black mammy of the South who had nursed her. Aunt Sallie had come to New York for the wedding of her "baby," and Stuart could hear her now crooning over the sayings of wedding days:
"Marry in May you'll rue17 the day; marry in Lent you'll live to repent——"
"Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday best of all; Thursday for crosses, Friday for losses, and Saturday no luck at all." It was Monday, and Nan must have known it when she fixed18 the day—but there was another important saying he recalled now:
"Happy is the bride the sun shines on——"
Perhaps these lowering clouds and the coming storm might cause her to hesitate and postpone19 the marriage. All morning he sat brooding by his window, watching the swaying branches of the trees in the Square—and though he knew at best that he was a fool—confidently expecting the miracle of a message. As the hour of noon approached, despair slowly settled over his heart.
How could he reconcile himself to the horrible reality? This woman and the dreams of her had become part of his very being. The memory of his hopes began to strangle him—the wonderful life they were to live together, whose pictured scenes stretched out now before him—of home, of love, of motherhood and fatherhood hallowed by adoration20, the pain, the glory, the passion, the tenderness, the sanctity, the mystery of it all—and this the end. A marriage sordid21, cold, vulgar to such a man—this little tobacco-stained, bead-eyed weasel.
And she had talked to him about her career. As if she didn't know that the career of any woman was immeasurably grander than that of any man—if she fulfil her destiny that links her to God in the creation of a child—a being whose simple word may mould a million wills and change the fate of centuries—and yet she had deliberately22 strangled her soul and chosen this little pig, who rooted in the dirt for gold, to be the father of her children.
He rose, breathing hard and brushed a tear from his eye—a tear that had come unbidden in spite of his iron will.
He wished he had not made the foolish promise to Bivens. He knew now that he had never really believed he would have to keep it. And yet the day had come and the hour had struck, and no miracle had been wrought23.
He walked with leaden steps through Tenth Street to Broadway, stopped and gazed for a moment on the graceful24 spire25 of the church before whose altar Nan would soon stand and perjure26 herself for money. How could she! He had long felt that in every true man's religion was a supreme belief in himself—in a woman's, faith in some one else. He knew that she believed in him, not in the man to whom she was surrendering herself. And yet she wished to consummate27 this act of blasphemy—in the House of God before His high altar.
"Why? Why? Why?"
His heart fairly shrieked28 its cry of despair. He moved mechanically toward the church and waked from his reverie to find himself jammed in a solid mass of humanity. Never before had he realized the utter vulgarity of a public wedding. Why should any one wish a crowd of curious fools to witness even the happiest wedding? Its meaning is surely frank enough without shouting it from the housetops. Should not its joys and mystery be something too shy and sweet and holy for a vulgar crowd of strangers to gaze on? And stripped of the sanctity of love, this ceremony becomes merely a calling of a mob to witness the sale of a woman's body. There could be no illusions about the fact and it was hideous.
He forced his way into the side door and stood waiting the arrival of the bride and groom29. When Bivens came, the sight of him roused the slumbering30 devil in Stuart. The excitement of his triumph had evidently steadied the little man's nerves. His yellow teeth were shining in a broad grin, and from his piercing eyes there flashed the conscious success of the adventurer. His fine clothes and well-groomed body gave him dignity. Never had his shrimp-like figure looked so slippery and plausible.
He extended his slender hand and touched Stuart's in passing. To save his life the lawyer could not repress a shudder31. In that moment he could have committed murder with joy. The agony of defeat was on him.
He knew he could beat this man in every fair fight with his bare hands or with equal weapons. And yet there he was carrying off with a grin before his very eyes the woman he loved. He felt in that moment his kinship with all the rebels and disinherited of the earth.
At last the bride came and the surpliced choir32 moved slowly and solemnly down the aisles33 through a sea of eager faces as the great organ pealed35 forth36 the first bars of the wedding march from "Lohengrin."
Nan was leaning on the arm of a stranger he had never seen before—an uncle from the West. She was pale—deathly pale and walked with a hesitating movement as though weak from illness. Suddenly his heart went out to her in a flood of pity and tenderness. He tried to make her feel this, but she passed without a glance. She had not seen him. The procession moved slowly back to the altar, and a solemn hush37 fell on the throng38.
Stuart listened to the ceremony with a vague impersonal39 interest, as if it were something going on in another world.
A single question was burning itself into his brain—the price of a woman!
"Have we all our price?" he asked, searching deep into his own soul. Something pathetic in the white face of the bride had touched the deepest sources of his being.
"Have I, too, my price, oh, boastful soul?" he cried. "Would I sell my honour for a million? No. For ten, fifty, a hundred millions? No—not in the market place, no—but would I sell by a compromise of principle in the secret conclave40 of my party—at a sale the world could never know—would I sell for the Presidency41 of the Republic? Or would I sell now to win this woman? Would I? Would I? If so, I should hold her blameless. Have all men and all women a price if we but name it? Answer! Answer!" And then from the depths of his being came the burning words:
"No. By God, I swear it. No!"
He looked up with a start, wondering vaguely42 if the crowd had heard this cry from something inside which he knew in that moment was bigger than the world without.
No, they were intent on the drama at the altar. The minister was saying:
"With this ring I thee wed——" he couldn't see, but he knew the ring was being placed on the third finger of the left hand—chosen by tradition because a vein43 of blood was supposed to run direct from that finger to the heart—what a solemn farce!
And now he was saying:
"What God hath joined together—let not man put asunder——"
"'God!' Surely he didn't say 'God,'" Stuart brooded. "Does God, the august, mysterious, awful creator of the universe, work like this? Did not the God of heaven and earth give this woman to him beneath the sunny skies of the South while their souls sang for joy?"
They were moving again down the aisle34, the organ throbbing44 the recessional from Mendelssohn. A wave of emotion swept the crowd inside and they became a mob of vulgar, chattering45, gossiping fools swarming46 over the church as if it were the grandstand of a racecourse, without hesitation47 tearing down and stealing its decorations for souvenirs.
When Stuart reached the door it was pouring rain. He was glad of it. The splash of the rain in his face was refreshing48 and the breath of the storm was good. He walked for an hour facing the wind, not knowing or caring where it might lead.
By a curious law of reaction, all resentment49 and anger were gone, and only a great pity for Nan began to fill his heart.
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1
curtly
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| adv.简短地 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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plausible
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| adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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symbolize
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| vt.作为...的象征，用符号代表 | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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wanly
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| adv.虚弱地；苍白地，无血色地 | |
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8
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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postpone
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| v.延期，推迟 | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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spire
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| n.(教堂)尖顶，尖塔，高点 | |
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perjure
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| v.作伪证；使发假誓 | |
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consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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shrieked
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| v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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32
choir
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| n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱 | |
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aisles
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| n. (席位间的)通道, 侧廊 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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35
pealed
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| v.（使）（钟等）鸣响，（雷等）发出隆隆声( peal的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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impersonal
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| adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的 | |
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40
conclave
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| n.秘密会议，红衣主教团 | |
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41
presidency
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| n.总统(校长，总经理)的职位(任期) | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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43
vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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45
chattering
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| n. （机器振动发出的）咔嗒声，(鸟等)鸣，啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的，啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式 | |
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46
swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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47
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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48
refreshing
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| adj.使精神振作的，使人清爽的，使人喜欢的 | |
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49
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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