The feverish3 brightness in her eyes grew dimmer and her movements less vigorous. The dreaded reaction had come and the taut4 strings5 of weakened nerves could bear the strain no longer.
With a cry of despair she threw herself into his arms:
"Oh, Dan, dear, it's no use! I've tried—I've tried so hard—but I can't do it—I just don't want to live any more!"
He put his hands over the trembling, thin lips:
"Hush6, dearest, you mustn't say that—it's just a minute's reaction. You're blue this morning, that's all. It's the weather—a dreary7 foggy day. The sun will be shining again to-morrow. It's shining now behind the mists if we only remember it. The trees are bare, but their buds are swelling8 and these days of cold and fog and rain must come to make them burst in glory. Come, let me put your shawl around you and I'll show you how the flowers have pushed up in the sheltered places the past week."
He drew the hands, limp and cold, from his neck, picked up her shawl, tenderly placed it about her shoulders,[Pg 146] lifted her in his strong arms, and carried her to the old rose garden behind the house.
Don sniffed9 his leg, and looked up into his face with surprise at the unexpected frolic. He leaped into the air, barked softly and ran in front to show the way.
"You see, old Don knows the sun is shining behind the clouds, dear!"
She made no answer. The blonde head drooped10 limply against his breast. He found a seat on the south side of the greenhouse on an old rustic11 bench his father had built of cedar12 when he was a boy.
"There," he said cheerfully, as he smoothed her dress and drew her close by his side. "You can feel the warmth of the sun here reflected from the glass. The violets are already blooming along the walks. The jonquils are all gone, and the rose bushes have begun to bud. You mustn't talk about giving up. We haven't lived yet."
"But I'm tired, Dan, tired——"
"It's just for a moment, remember, my love. You'll feel differently to-morrow. The world is always beautiful if we only have eyes to see and ears to hear. Watch that smoke curling straight up from the chimney! That means the clouds are already lifting and the sun will burst through them this afternoon. You mustn't brood, dearest. You must forget the misery13 that has darkened our world for a moment and remember that it's only the dawn of a new life for us both. We are just boy and girl yet. There's nothing impossible. I'm going to prove to you that my love is the deathless thing in me—the thing that links me to God."
"You really love me so?" she asked softly.[Pg 147]
"Give me a chance to prove it. That's all I ask. Men sometimes wait until they're past forty before they begin to sow their wild oats. I am only twenty-five now. This tragic14 sin and shame has redeemed15 life. It's yours forever—you must believe me when I say this, dearest——"
"I try," she broke in wearily. "I try, Dan, but it's hard to believe anything now—oh, so hard——"
"But can't you understand, my love, how I have been headstrong and selfish before the shock of my fall brought me to my senses? And that the terror of losing you has taught me how deep and eternal the roots of our love have struck and this knowledge led me into the consciousness of a larger and more wonderful life—can't—can't you understand this, dearest?"
His voice sank to the lowest reverent17 whisper as he ceased to speak. She stroked his hand with a pathetic little gesture of tenderness.
"Yes, I believe you," she said with a far-away look in her eyes. "I know that I can trust you now implicitly18, and what I can't understand is that—feeling this so clearly—still I have no interest in life. Something has snapped inside of me. Life doesn't seem worth the struggle any longer——"
"But it is, dear! Life is always good, always beautiful, and always worth the struggle. We've but to lift our eyes and see. Sin is only our stumbling in the dark as we grope toward the light. I'm going to be a humbler and better man. I am no longer proud and vain. I've a larger and sweeter vision. I feel my kinship to the weak and the erring19. Alone in the night my soul has entered into the fellowship of the great Brotherhood20 through the gates of suffering. You must know this,[Pg 148] Jean—you know that it's true as I thus lay my heart's last secret bare to you to-day.
"Yes, Dan," she sighed wearily, "but I'm just tired. I don't seem to recognize anything I used to know. I look at the baby and he don't seem to be mine. I look at you and feel that you're a stranger. I look at my room, the lawn, the street, the garden—no matter where, and I'm dazed. I feel that I've lost my way. I don't know how to live any more."
For an hour he held her hand and pleaded with all the eloquence21 of his love that she would let him teach her again, and all she could do was to come back forever in the narrow circle her mind had beaten. She was tired and life no longer seemed worth while!
He kissed the drooping22 eyelids23 at last and laughed a willful, daring laugh as he gathered her in his arms and walked slowly back into the house.
"You've got to live, my own! I'll show you how! I'll breathe my fierce desire into your soul and call you back even from the dead!"
Yet in spite of all she drooped and weakened daily, and at the end of a fortnight began to complain of a feeling of uneasiness in her throat.
The old doctor said nothing when she made this announcement. He drew his beetling24 eyebrows25 low and walked out on the lawn.
Pale and haggard, Norton followed him.
"Well, doctor?" he asked queerly.
"There's only one thing to do. Get her away from here at once, to the most beautiful spot you can find, high altitude with pure, stimulating26 air. The change may help her. That's all I can say"—he paused, laid his hand on the husband's arm and went on earnestly—"and[Pg 149] if you haven't discussed that affair with her, you'd better try it. Tear the old wound open, go to the bottom of it, find the thing that's festering there and root it out if you can—the thing that's caused this break."
The end of another week found them in Asheville, North Carolina.
The wonderful views of purple hills and turquoise27 sky stretching away into the infinite thrilled the heart of the little invalid28.
It was her first trip to the mountains. She never tired the first two days of sitting in the big sun-parlor beside the open fire logs and gazing over the valleys and watching the fleet clouds with their marvelous coloring. The air was too chill in these early days of spring for her to feel comfortable outside. But a great longing29 began to possess her to climb the mountains and feel their beauty at closer range.
She sat by his side in her room and held his hand while they watched the glory of the first cloud-flecked mountain sunset. The river lay a crooked30 silver ribbon in the deepening shadows of the valley, while the sky stretched its dazzling scarlet31 canopy32 high in heaven above it. The scarlet slowly turned to gold, and then to deepening purple and with each change revealed new beauty to the enraptured33 eye.
She caught her breath and cried at last:
"Oh, it is a beautiful world, Dan, dear—and I wish I could live!"
He laughed for joy:
"Then you shall, dearest! You shall, of course you shall!"
"I want you to take me over every one of those wonderful purple hills!"[Pg 150]
"Yes, dear, I will!"
"I dream as I sit and look at them that God lives somewhere in one of those deep shadows behind a dazzling cloud, and that if we only drive along those ragged34 cliffs among them we'd come face to face with Him some day——"
He looked at her keenly. There was again that unnatural35 brightness in her eyes which he didn't like and yet he took courage. The day was a glorious one in the calendar. Hope had dawned in her heart.
"The first warm day we'll go, dear," he cried with the enthusiasm of a boy, "and take mammy and the kid with us, too, if you say so——"
"No, I want just you, Dan. The long ride might tire the baby, and I might wish to stay up there all night. I shall never grow tired of those hills."
"It's sweet to hear you talk like that," he cried with a smile.
He selected a gentle horse for their use and five days later, when the sun rose with unusual warmth, they took their first mountain drive.
Along the banks of crystal brooks36 that dashed their sparkling waters over the rocks, up and up winding37, narrow roads until the town became a mottled white spot in the valley below, and higher still until the shining clouds they had seen from the valley rolled silently into their faces, melting into the gray mists of fog!
In the midst of one of these clouds, the little wife leaned close and whispered:
"We're in heaven now, Dan—we're passing through the opal gates! I shouldn't be a bit surprised to see Him at any moment up here——"
A lump suddenly rose in his throat. Her voice[Pg 151] sounded unreal. He bent38 close and saw the strange bright light again in her eyes. And the awful thought slowly shaped itself that the light he saw was the shining image of the angel of Death reflected there.
He tried to laugh off his morbid39 fancy now that she had begun to find the world so beautiful, but the idea haunted him with increasing terror. He couldn't shake off the impression.
An hour later he asked abruptly40:
"You have felt no return of the pain in your throat, dear?"
"Just a little last night, but not to-day—I've been happy to-day."
He made up his mind to telegraph to New York at once for the specialist to examine her throat.
The fine weather continued unbroken. Every day for a week she sat by his side and drifted over sunlit valleys, lingered beside beautiful waters and climbed a new peak to bathe in sun-kissed clouds. On the top of one of these peaks they found a farmhouse41 where lodgers42 were allowed for the night. They stayed to see the sunrise next morning. Mammy would not worry, they had told her they might spend the night on these mountain trips.
The farmer called them in time—just as the first birds were waking in the trees by their window.
It was a climb of only two hundred yards to reach the top of a great boulder43 that gave an entrancing view in four directions. To the west lay the still sleeping town of Asheville half hidden among its hills and trees. Eastward44 towered the giant peaks of the Blue Ridge45, over whose ragged crests46 the sun was climbing.
The young husband took the light form in his strong[Pg 152] arms and carried her to the summit. He placed his coat on the rocky ledge16, seated her on it, and slipped his arm around the slim waist. There in silence they watched the changing glory of the sky and saw the shadows wake and flee from the valleys at the kiss of the sun.
He felt the moment had come that he might say some things he had waited with patience to speak:
"You are sure, dear, that you have utterly47 forgiven the great wrong I did you?"
"Yes, Dan," she answered simply, "why do you ask?"
"I just want to be sure, my Jean," he said tenderly, "that there's not a single dark corner of your heart in which the old shadows lurk48. I want to drive them all out with my love just as we see the sun now lighting49 with glory every nook and corner of the world. You are sure?"
The thin lips quivered uncertainly and her blue eyes wavered as he searched their depths.
"There's one thing, Dan, that I'll never quite face, I think"—she paused and turned away.
"What, dear?"
"How any man who had ever bent over a baby's cradle with the tenderness and love I've seen in your face for Tom, could forget the mother who gave the life at his command!"
"I didn't forget, dearest," he said sadly. "I fought as a wounded man, alone and unarmed, fights a beast in the jungle. With her sweet spiritual ideal of love a sheltered, innocent woman can't remember that man is still an animal, with tooth and claw and unbridled passions, that when put to the test his religion and his civilization often are only a thin veneer50, that if he becomes[Pg 153] a civilized51 human being in his relations to women it is not by inheritance, for he is yet in the zo?logical period of development—but that it is by the divine achievement of character through struggle. Try, dearest, if you can, to imagine such a struggle. This primeval man, in the shadows with desires inflamed52 by hunger, meets this free primeval woman who is unafraid, who laughs at the laws of Society because she has nothing to lose. Both are for the moment animals pure and simple. The universal in him finds its counterpart in the universal in her. And whether she be fair or dark, her face, her form, her body, her desires are his—and, above all, she is near—and in that moment with a nearness that overwhelms by its enfolding animal magnetism53 all powers of the mind to think or reflect. Two such beings are atoms tossed by a storm of forces beyond their control. A man of refinement54 wakes from such a crash of elemental powers dazed and humiliated55. Your lips can speak no word as vile56, no curse as bitter as I have hurled57 against myself——"
The voice broke and he was silent. A little hand pressed his, and her words were the merest tender whisper as she leaned close:
"I've forgiven you, my love, and I'm going to let you teach me again to live. I'll be a very docile58 little scholar in your school. But you know I can't forget in a moment the greatest single hour that is given a woman to know—the hour she feels the breath of her first born on her breast. It's the memory of that hour that hurts. I won't try to deceive you. I'll get over it in the years to come if God sends them——"
"He will send them—he will send them!" the man broke in with desperate emotion.[Pg 154]
Both were silent for several minutes and a smile began to play about the blue eyes when she spoke59 at last:
"You remember how angry you were that morning when you found a doctor and a nurse in charge of your home? And the great fear that gripped your heart at the first mad cry of pain I gave? I laughed at myself the next moment. And then how I found your hand and wouldn't let you go. The doctor stormed and ordered you out, and I just held on and shook my head, and you stayed. And when the doctor turned his back I whispered in your ear:
"''You won't leave me, Dan, darling, for a single moment—promise me—swear it!'
"And you answered:
"'Yes, I swear it, honey—but you must be very brave—braver than I am, you know'——
"And you begged me to take an anesthetic60 and I wouldn't, like a little fool. I wanted to know all and feel all if it killed me. And the anguish61 of your face became so terrible, dear—I was sorrier for you than for myself. And when I saw your lips murmuring in an agony of prayer, I somehow didn't mind it then——"
She paused, looked far out over the hills and continued:
"What a funny cry he gave—that first one—not a real baby cry—just a funny little grunt62 like a good-natured pig! And how awfully63 disappointed you were at the shapeless bundle of red flesh that hardly looked human! But I could see the lines of your dear face in his, I knew that he would be even handsomer than his big, brave father and pressed him close and laughed for joy——"
She stopped and sighed:[Pg 155]
"You see, Dan, what I couldn't understand is how any man who has felt the pain and the glory of this, with his hand clasped in the hand of the woman he loves, their two souls mirrored in that first pair of mysterious little eyes God sent from eternity—how he could forget the tie that binds64——"
He made no effort to interrupt her until the last bitter thought that had been rankling65 in her heart was out. He was looking thoughtfully over the valley. An eagle poised66 above the field in the foreground, darted67 to the stubble with lightning swiftness and rose with a fluttering brown quail68 in his talons69. His shrill70 cry of triumph rang pitilessly in the stillness of the heights.
The little figure gave an unconscious shiver and she added in low tones:
"I'm never going to speak of this nameless thing again, Dan, but you asked me this morning and I've told you what was in my heart. I just couldn't understand how you could forget——"
"Only a beast could, dearest," he answered with a curl of the lip. "I'm something more than that now, taught by the bitterness of experience. You're just a sweet, innocent girl who has never looked the world as it is in the face. Reared as you were, you can't understand that there's a difference as deep as the gulf71 between heaven and hell, in the divine love that binds my soul and body and life to you and the sudden passing of a storm of passion. Won't you try to remember this?"
"Yes, dear, I will——"
She looked into his eyes with a smile of tenderness:
"A curious change is coming over you, Dan. I can begin to see it. There used to be a line of cruelty[Pg 156] sometimes about your mouth and a flash of it in your eyes. They're gone. There's something strong and tender, wise and sweet, in their place. If I were an artist I could paint it but I can't just tell you what it is. I used to think the cruel thing I saw in you was the memory of the war. Your eyes saw so much of blood and death and pain and cruelty——"
"Perhaps it was," he said slowly. "War does make men cruel—unconsciously cruel. We lose all sense of the value of human life——"
"No, it wasn't that," she protested, "it was the other thing—the—the—Beast you've been talking about. It's not there any more, Dan—and I'm going to be happy now. I know it, dear——"
He bent and kissed the slender fingers.
"If this old throat of mine just won't bother me again," she added.
He looked at her and turned pale:
"It's bothering you this morning?"
She lifted the delicately shaped head and touched her neck:
"Not much pain, but a sense of fullness. I feel as if I'm going to choke sometimes."
He rose abruptly, a great fear in his heart:
"We'll go back to town at once. The doctor should arrive at three from New York."
"Let's not hurry," she cried smiling. "I'm happy now. You're my old sweetheart again and I'm on a new honeymoon——"
He gazed at the white slender throat. She was looking unusually well. He wondered if this were a trick of the enemy to throw him off his guard. He wondered what was happening in those tiny cells behind[Pg 157] the smooth round lines of the beautiful neck. It made him sick and faint to think of the possibility of another attack—just when the fight was over—just when she had begun to smile and find life sweet again! His soul rose in fierce rebellion. It was too horrible for belief. He simply wouldn't believe it!
"All right!" he exclaimed with decision. "We'll stay here till two o'clock, anyhow. We can drive back in three hours. The train will be late—it always is."
Through the long hours of a wonderful spring morning they basked72 in the sun side by side on a bed of leaves he piled in a sheltered spot on the mountain side. They were boy and girl again. The shadows had lifted and the world was radiant with new glory. They talked of the future and the life of perfect mutual73 faith and love that should be theirs.
And each moment closer came the soft footfall of an unseen angel.
点击收听单词发音
1 watchfulness | |
警惕,留心; 警觉(性) | |
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2 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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3 feverish | |
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的 | |
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4 taut | |
adj.拉紧的,绷紧的,紧张的 | |
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5 strings | |
n.弦 | |
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6 hush | |
int.嘘,别出声;n.沉默,静寂;v.使安静 | |
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7 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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8 swelling | |
n.肿胀 | |
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9 sniffed | |
v.以鼻吸气,嗅,闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 );抽鼻子(尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气);抱怨,不以为然地说 | |
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10 drooped | |
弯曲或下垂,发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11 rustic | |
adj.乡村的,有乡村特色的;n.乡下人,乡巴佬 | |
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12 cedar | |
n.雪松,香柏(木) | |
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13 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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14 tragic | |
adj.悲剧的,悲剧性的,悲惨的 | |
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15 redeemed | |
adj. 可赎回的,可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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16 ledge | |
n.壁架,架状突出物;岩架,岩礁 | |
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17 reverent | |
adj.恭敬的,虔诚的 | |
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18 implicitly | |
adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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19 erring | |
做错事的,错误的 | |
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20 brotherhood | |
n.兄弟般的关系,手中情谊 | |
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21 eloquence | |
n.雄辩;口才,修辞 | |
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22 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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23 eyelids | |
n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 );眼睛也不眨一下;不露声色;面不改色 | |
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24 beetling | |
adj.突出的,悬垂的v.快速移动( beetle的现在分词 ) | |
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25 eyebrows | |
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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26 stimulating | |
adj.有启发性的,能激发人思考的 | |
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27 turquoise | |
n.绿宝石;adj.蓝绿色的 | |
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28 invalid | |
n.病人,伤残人;adj.有病的,伤残的;无效的 | |
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29 longing | |
n.(for)渴望 | |
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30 crooked | |
adj.弯曲的;不诚实的,狡猾的,不正当的 | |
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31 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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32 canopy | |
n.天篷,遮篷 | |
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33 enraptured | |
v.使狂喜( enrapture的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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34 ragged | |
adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的 | |
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35 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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36 brooks | |
n.小溪( brook的名词复数 ) | |
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37 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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38 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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39 morbid | |
adj.病的;致病的;病态的;可怕的 | |
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40 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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41 farmhouse | |
n.农场住宅(尤指主要住房) | |
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42 lodgers | |
n.房客,租住者( lodger的名词复数 ) | |
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43 boulder | |
n.巨砾;卵石,圆石 | |
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44 eastward | |
adv.向东;adj.向东的;n.东方,东部 | |
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45 ridge | |
n.山脊;鼻梁;分水岭 | |
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46 crests | |
v.到达山顶(或浪峰)( crest的第三人称单数 );到达洪峰,达到顶点 | |
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47 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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48 lurk | |
n.潜伏,潜行;v.潜藏,潜伏,埋伏 | |
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49 lighting | |
n.照明,光线的明暗,舞台灯光 | |
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50 veneer | |
n.(墙上的)饰面,虚饰 | |
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51 civilized | |
a.有教养的,文雅的 | |
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52 inflamed | |
adj.发炎的,红肿的v.(使)变红,发怒,过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53 magnetism | |
n.磁性,吸引力,磁学 | |
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54 refinement | |
n.文雅;高尚;精美;精制;精炼 | |
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55 humiliated | |
感到羞愧的 | |
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56 vile | |
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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57 hurled | |
v.猛投,用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 );大声叫骂 | |
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58 docile | |
adj.驯服的,易控制的,容易教的 | |
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59 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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60 anesthetic | |
n.麻醉剂,麻药;adj.麻醉的,失去知觉的 | |
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61 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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62 grunt | |
v.嘟哝;作呼噜声;n.呼噜声,嘟哝 | |
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63 awfully | |
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地 | |
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64 binds | |
v.约束( bind的第三人称单数 );装订;捆绑;(用长布条)缠绕 | |
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65 rankling | |
v.(使)痛苦不已,(使)怨恨不已( rankle的现在分词 ) | |
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66 poised | |
a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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67 darted | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
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68 quail | |
n.鹌鹑;vi.畏惧,颤抖 | |
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69 talons | |
n.(尤指猛禽的)爪( talon的名词复数 );(如爪般的)手指;爪状物;锁簧尖状突出部 | |
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70 shrill | |
adj.尖声的;刺耳的;v尖叫 | |
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71 gulf | |
n.海湾;深渊,鸿沟;分歧,隔阂 | |
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72 basked | |
v.晒太阳,取暖( bask的过去式和过去分词 );对…感到乐趣;因他人的功绩而出名;仰仗…的余泽 | |
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73 mutual | |
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的 | |
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