He had made up his mind to do a cruel thing and told himself over and over again that cruel things are often best. The cruelty of surgery is the highest form of pity, pity expressed in terms of the highest intelligence.
He was sure the boy had not made love to the girl. Helen was no doubt equally innocent in her attitude toward him.
It would only be necessary to tell her a part of the bitter truth and her desire to leave would be a resistless one.
And yet, the longer he delayed and the longer he faced such an act, the more pitiless it seemed and the harder its execution became. At heart a deep tenderness was the big trait of his character.
Above all, he dreaded2 the first interview with Helen. The idea of the responsibility of fatherhood had always been a solemn one. His love for Tom was of the very[Pg 308] beat of his heart. The day he first looked into his face was the most wonderful in all the calendar of life.
He had simply refused to let this girl come into his heart. He had closed the door with a firm will. He had only seen her once when a little tot of two and he was laboring3 under such deep excitement and such abject4 fear lest a suspicion of the truth, or any part of the truth, reach the sisters to whom he was intrusting the child, that her personality had made no impression on him.
He vaguely5 hoped that she might not be attractive. The idea of a girl of his own had always appealed to him with peculiar6 tenderness, and, unlike most fathers, he had desired that his first-born should be a girl. If Helen were commonplace and unattractive his task would be comparatively easy. It was a mental impossibility for him as yet to accept the fact that she was his—he had seen so little of her, her birth was so unwelcome, her coming into his life fraught7 with such tragic8 consequences.
The vague hope that she might prove weak and uninteresting had not been strengthened by the momentary9 sight of her face. The flash of joy that lighted her sensitive features, though it came across the lawn, had reached him with a very distinct impression of charm. He dreaded the effect at close range.
However, there was no other way. He had to see her and he had to make her stay impossible. It would be a staggering blow for a girl to be told in the dawn of young womanhood that her birth was shadowed by disgrace. It would be a doubly cruel one to tell her that her blood was mixed with a race of black slaves.[Pg 309]
And yet a life built on a lie was set on shifting sand. It would not endure. It was best to build it squarely on the truth, and the sooner the true foundation was laid the better. There could be no place in our civilization for a woman of culture and refinement10 with negro blood in her veins11. More and more the life of such people must become impossible. That she should remain in the South was unthinkable. That the conditions in the North were at bottom no better he knew from the experience of his stay in New York.
He would tell her the simple, hideous12 truth, depend on her terror to keep the secret, and send her abroad. It was the only thing to do.
He rose with a start at the sound of Tom's voice calling her from the stairway.
The answer came in low tones so charged with the quality of emotion that belongs to a sincere nature that his heart sank at the thought of his task.
She had only said the most commonplace thing—"All right, I'll be down in a moment." Yet the tones of her voice were so vibrant13 with feeling that its force reached him instantly, and he knew that his interview was going to be one of the most painful hours of his life.
And still he was not prepared for the shock her appearance in the shadows of the tall doorway14 gave. He had formed no conception of the gracious and appealing personality. In spite of the anguish15 her presence had brought, in spite of preconceived ideas of the inheritance of the vicious nature of her mother, in spite of his ingrained repugnance16 to the negroid type, in spite of his horror of the ghost of his young manhood suddenly risen from the dead to call him to judgment,[Pg 310] in spite of his determination to be cruel as the surgeon to the last—in spite of all, his heart suddenly went out to her in a wave of sympathy and tenderness!
She was evidently so pitifully embarrassed and the suffering in her large, expressive18 eyes so keen and genuine, his first impulse was to rush to her side with words of comfort and assurance.
The simple white dress, with tiny pink ribbons drawn19 through its edges, which she wore accentuated20 the impression of timidity and suffering.
He was surprised to find not the slightest trace of negroid blood apparent, though he knew that a mixture of the sixteenth degree often left no trace until its sudden reversion to a black child.
Her hair was the deep brown of his own in young manhood, the eyes large and tender in their rich blue depths—the eyes of innocence21, intelligence, sincerity22. The lips were full and fluted23, and the chin marked with an exquisite24 dimple that gave a childlike wistfulness to a face that without it might have suggested too much strength.
Her neck was slightly curved and set on full, strong shoulders with an unconscious grace. The bust25 was slight and girlish, the arms and figure rounded and beautiful in their graceful26 fullness.
Her walk, when she took the first few steps into the room and paused, he saw was the incarnation of rhythmic27 strength and perfect health.
But her voice was the climax28 of her appeal—low, vibrant, quivering with feeling and full of a subtle quality that convinced the hearer from the first moment of the truth and purity of its owner.
She smiled with evident embarrassment29 at his silence.[Pg 311] He was stunned30 for the moment and simply couldn't speak.
"So, I see you at last, Major Norton!" she said as the color slowly stole over her face.
He recovered himself, walked quickly to meet her and extended his hand:
"I must apologize for not seeing you earlier this morning," he said gravely. "I was up all night travelling through the country and slept very late."
As her hand rested in his the girl forgot her restraint and wounded pride at the cold and doubtful reception he had given earlier. Her heart suddenly beat with a desire to win this grave, strong man's love and respect.
With a look of girlish tenderness she hastened to say:
"I want to thank you with the deepest gratitude31, major, for your kindness in inviting32 me here this summer——"
"Don't mention it, child," he interrupted frowning.
"Oh, if you only knew," she went on hurriedly, "how I love the South, how my soul glows under its skies, how I love its people, their old-fashioned ways, their kindness, their hospitality, their high ideals——"
He lifted his hand and the gesture stopped her in the midst of a sentence. He was evidently struggling with an embarrassment that was painful and had determined33 to end it.
"The time has come, Helen," he began firmly—"you're of age—that I should tell you the important facts about your birth."
"Yes—yes——" the girl answered in an excited[Pg 312] whisper as she sank into a chair and gazed at him fascinated with the terror of his possible revelation.
"I wish I could tell you all," he said, pausing painfully.
"You know—all?"
"Yes, I know."
"My father—my mother—they are living?"
In spite of his effort at self-control Norton was pale and his voice strained. His answers to her pointed34 questions were given with his face turned from her searching gaze.
"Your mother is living," was the slow reply.
"And my father?"
His eyes were set in a fixed35 stare waiting for this question, as a prisoner in the dock for the sentence of a judge. His lips gave no answer for the moment and the girl went on eagerly:
"Through all the years that I've been alone, the one desperate yearning36 of my heart has been to know my father"—the lines of the full lips quivered—"I've always felt somehow that a mother who could give up her babe was hardly worth knowing. And so I've brooded over the idea of a father. I've hoped and dreamed and prayed that he might be living—that I might see and know him, win his love, and in its warmth and joy, its shelter and strength—never be lonely or afraid again——"
Her voice sank to a sob37, and Norton, struggling to master his feelings, said:
"You have been lonely and afraid?"
"Utterly38 lonely! When other girls at school shouted for joy at the approach of vacation, the thought of home and loved ones, it brought to me only tears[Pg 313] and heartache. Many a night I've laid awake for hours and sobbed39 because a girl had asked me about my father and mother. Lonely!—oh, dear Lord! And always I've dried my eyes with the thought that some day I might know my father and sob out on his breast all I've felt and suffered"—she paused, and looked at Norton through a mist of tears—"my father is not dead?"
The stillness was painful. The man could hear the tick of the little French clock on the mantel. How tired his soul was of lies! He couldn't lie to her in answer to this question. And so without lifting his head he said very softly:
"He is also alive."
"Thank God!" the girl breathed reverently40. "Oh, if I could only touch his hand and look into his face! I don't care who he is, how poor and humble41 his home, if it's a log cabin on a mountain side, or a poor white man's hovel in town, I'll love him and cling to him and make him love me!"
The man winced42. There was one depth her mind had not fathomed43!
How could he push this timid, lonely, haunted creature over such a precipice44! He glanced at her furtively45 and saw that she was dreaming as in a trance.
"But suppose," he said quietly, "you should hate this man when you had met?"
"It's unthinkable," was the quick response. "My father is my father. I'd love him if he were a murderer!"
Again her mind had failed to sound the black depths into which he was about to hurl46 her. She might love a murderer, but there was one thing beyond all question, this beautiful, sensitive, cultured girl could not[Pg 314] love the man who had thrust her into the hell of a negroid life in America! She might conceive of the love of a father who could take human life, but her mind could not conceive the possibility of facing the truth with which he must now crush the soul out of her body. Why had he lied and deceived her at all? The instinctive47 desire to shield his own blood from a life of ignominy—yes. But was it worth the risk? No—he knew it when it was too late. The steel jaws48 with their cold teeth were tearing the flesh now at every turn and there was no way of escape.
When he failed to respond, she rose, pressed close and pleaded eagerly:
"Tell me his name! Oh, it's wonderful that you have seen him, heard his voice and held his hand! He may not be far away—tell me——"
Norton shook his head:
"The one thing, child, I can never do."
"You are a father—a father who loves his own—I've seen and know that. A nameless waif starving for a word of love begs it—just one word of deep, real love—think of it! My heart has never known it in all the years I've lived!"
Norton lifted his hand brusquely:
"You ask the impossible. The conditions under which I am acting49 as your guardian50 seal my lips."
The girl looked at him steadily51:
"Then, you are my real guardian?"
"Yes."
"And why have you not told me before?"
The question was asked with a firm emphasis that startled him into a sense of renewed danger.
"Why?" she repeated.[Pg 315]
"To avoid questions I couldn't answer."
"You will answer them now?"
"With reservations."
The girl drew herself up with a movement of quiet determination and spoke52 in even tones:
"My parents are Southern?"
"Yes——"
"My father and mother were—were"—her voice failed, her head dropped and in an effort at self-control she walked to the table, took a book in her hand and tried to turn its leaves. The hideous question over which she had long brooded was too horrible to put into words. The answer he might give was too big with tragic possibilities. She tried to speak again and couldn't. He looked at her with a great pity in his heart and when at last she spoke her voice was scarcely a whisper:
"My father and mother were married?"
He knew it was coming and that he must answer, and yet hesitated. His reply was low, but it rang through her soul like the stroke of a great bell tolling53 for the dead:
"No!"
The book she held slipped from the trembling fingers and fell to the floor. Norton walked to the window that he might not see the agony in her sensitive face.
She stood very still and the tears began slowly to steal down her cheeks.
"God pity me!" she sobbed, lifting her face and looking pathetically at Norton. "Why did you let them send me to school? Why teach me to think and feel and know this?"[Pg 316]
The low, sweet tones of her wonderful voice found the inmost heart of the man. The misery54 and loneliness of the orphan55 years of which she had spoken were nothing to the anguish with which her being now shook.
He crossed the room quickly and extended his hand in a movement of instinctive sympathy and tenderness:
"Come, come, child—you're young and life is all before you."
"Yes, a life of shame and humiliation56!"
"The world is wide to-day! A hundred careers are open to you. Marriage is impossible—yes——"
"And if I only wish for marriage?" the girl cried with passionate57 intensity58. "If my ideal is simple and old-fashioned—if all I ask of God is the love of one man—a home—a baby——"
A shadow of pain clouded Norton's face and he lifted a hand in tender warning:
"Put marriage out of your mind once and for all time! It can only bring to you and your loved ones hopeless misery."
Helen turned with a start:
"Even if the man I love should know all?"
"Yes," was the firm answer.
She gazed steadily into his eyes and asked with sharp rising emphasis:
"Why?"
The question brought him squarely to the last blow he must give if he accomplish the thing he had begun. He must tell her that her mother is a negress. He looked at the quivering figure, the white, sensitive, young face with the deep, serious eyes, and his lips refused[Pg 317] to move. He tried to speak and his throat was dry. It was too cruel. There must be an easier way. He couldn't strike the sweet uplifted head.
He hesitated, stammered59 and said:
"I—I'm sorry—I can't answer that question fully17 and frankly60. It may be best, but——"
"Yes, yes—it's best!" she urged.
"It may be best," he repeated, "but I simply can't do it"—he paused, turned away and suddenly wheeled confronting her:
"I'll tell you all that you need to know to-day—you were born under the shadow of a hopeless disgrace——"
The girl lifted her hand as if to ward1 a blow while she slowly repeated:
"A hopeless—disgrace——"
"Beneath a shadow so deep, no lover's vow61 can ever lift it from your life. I should have told you this before, perhaps—well, somehow I couldn't"—he paused and his voice trembled—"I wanted you to grow in strength and character first——"
The girl clenched62 her hands and sprang in front of him:
"That my agony might be beyond endurance? Now you must tell me the whole truth!"
Again the appealing uplifted face had invited the blow, and again his heart failed. It was impossible to crush her. It was too horrible. He spoke with firm decision:
"Not another word!"
He turned and walked rapidly to the door. The girl clung desperately63 to his arm:
"I beg of you! I implore64 you!"[Pg 318]
He paused in the doorway, and gently took her hands:
"Forgive me, child, if I seem cruel. In reality I am merciful. I must leave it just there!"
He passed quickly out.
The girl caught the heavy curtains for support, turned with an effort, staggered back into the room, fell prostrate65 on the lounge with a cry of despair, and burst into uncontrollable sobs66.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
ward
|
|
| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
dreaded
|
|
| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
laboring
|
|
| n.劳动，操劳v.努力争取(for)( labor的现在分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
abject
|
|
| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
vaguely
|
|
| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
peculiar
|
|
| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
fraught
|
|
| adj.充满…的，伴有(危险等)的；忧虑的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
tragic
|
|
| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
momentary
|
|
| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
refinement
|
|
| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
veins
|
|
| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
hideous
|
|
| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
vibrant
|
|
| adj.震颤的，响亮的，充满活力的，精力充沛的，(色彩)鲜明的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
doorway
|
|
| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
anguish
|
|
| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
repugnance
|
|
| n.嫌恶 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
fully
|
|
| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
expressive
|
|
| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
drawn
|
|
| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
accentuated
|
|
| v.重读( accentuate的过去式和过去分词 )；使突出；使恶化；加重音符号于 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
innocence
|
|
| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
sincerity
|
|
| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
fluted
|
|
| a.有凹槽的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
exquisite
|
|
| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
bust
|
|
| vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
graceful
|
|
| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
rhythmic
|
|
| adj.有节奏的，有韵律的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
climax
|
|
| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
embarrassment
|
|
| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
stunned
|
|
| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
gratitude
|
|
| adj.感激，感谢 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
inviting
|
|
| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
determined
|
|
| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
pointed
|
|
| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
fixed
|
|
| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
yearning
|
|
| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
sob
|
|
| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
utterly
|
|
| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
sobbed
|
|
| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
reverently
|
|
| adv.虔诚地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
humble
|
|
| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
winced
|
|
| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
fathomed
|
|
| 理解…的真意( fathom的过去式和过去分词 )； 彻底了解； 弄清真相 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
precipice
|
|
| n.悬崖，危急的处境 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
furtively
|
|
| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
hurl
|
|
| vt.猛投，力掷，声叫骂 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
instinctive
|
|
| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
jaws
|
|
| n.口部；嘴 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
acting
|
|
| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
guardian
|
|
| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
steadily
|
|
| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
tolling
|
|
| [财]来料加工 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
misery
|
|
| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
orphan
|
|
| n.孤儿；adj.无父母的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
humiliation
|
|
| n.羞辱 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
passionate
|
|
| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
intensity
|
|
| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
stammered
|
|
| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
frankly
|
|
| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
vow
|
|
| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
clenched
|
|
| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
desperately
|
|
| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
implore
|
|
| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
prostrate
|
|
| v.拜倒，平卧，衰竭；adj.拜倒的，平卧的，衰竭的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
66
sobs
|
|
| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |