The days were bad dreams to Johnny. He found himself continually repeating in his mind that gran’dad was dead, gran’dad was dead; as though he were p. 56forcing himself to learn a lesson that persistently14 slipped his memory. Well enough he knew it, and it puzzled him that he should find it so hard to believe, and, mostly, so easy a grief. As he woke in the morning the thought struck down his spirits, and then, with an instant revulsion, he doubted it was but the aftertaste of a dream. But there lay the empty half of the bed they were wont15 to share, and the lesson began again. He went about the house. Here was a sheet of gran’dad’s list of trades, pinned to the wall, there the unfinished case of moths16 for which the customer was waiting. These, and the shelves, and the breeding-boxes—all were as parts of the old man, impossible to consider apart from his active, white-headed figure. In some odd, hopeless way they seemed to suggest that it was all right, and that gran’dad was simply in the garden, or upstairs, or in the backhouse, and presently would come in as usual and put them all to their daily uses. And it was only by dint17 of stern concentration of thought that Johnny forced on himself the assurance that the old man would come among his cases no more, nor ever again discuss with him the list of London trades. Then the full conviction struck him sorely, like a blow behind the neck: the heavy stroke of bereavement18 and the sick fear of the world for his mother and sister, together. But there—he was merely torturing himself. He took refuge in a curious callousness19, that he could call back very easily p. 57when he would. So the days went, but with each new day the intermissions of full realisation grew longer: till plain grief persisted in a leaden ache, rarely broken by a spell of apathy20.
His mother and his sister went about household duties silently, not often apart. They were comforted in companionship, it seemed, but solitude21 brought tears and heartbreak. Nan May’s London upbringing caused her some thought of what her acquaintances there would have called a “proper” funeral. But here the machinery22 of such funerals must be brought from a distance, thus becoming doubly expensive; and this being the case, cottagers made very little emulation23 at such times, and a walking funeral—perhaps at best a cab from the rank at Loughton station—satisfied most. Moreover, the old man himself had many a time preached strong disapproval24 of money wasted on funerals; had, indeed, prophesied25 that if any costliness26 were wasted on him, he would rise from his coffin27 and kick a mute. So now that the time had come, a Theydon carpenter made the coffin, and a cab from Loughton was the whole show. The old man’s relations were not, and of Nan May’s most still alive were forgotten; for in the forest cottage the little family had been secluded28 from such connections, as by sundering29 seas. At first they had seemed too near for correspondence, and then they had been found too far for visiting. Uncle Isaac came to the funeral, p. 58however; and though in the beginning he seemed prepared for solemn declamation30, something in the sober grief at the cottage made him unwontedly quiet.
It was a short coffin, accommodated under the cabman’s seat with no great protrusion31 at the ends; what there was being covered decently with a black cloth. And the cab held the mourners easily: Johnny and Bessy in their Sunday clothes, their mother in hers (they had always been black since she was first a widow) and Uncle Isaac in a creasy suit of lustrous32 black, oddly bunched and wrinkled at the seams: the conventional Sunday suit of his generation of artisans, folded carefully and long preserved, and designed to be available alike for church and for such funerals as might come to pass.
A brisk wind stirred the trees, and flung showers of fallen leaves after the shabby old four-wheeler as it climbed the lanes that led up to the little churchyard; where the sexton and his odd man waited with planks33 and ropes by the new-dug grave. It was a bright afternoon, but a fresh chill in the wind hinted the coming of winter. A belated Red Admiral seemed to chase the cab, fluttering this way or that, now by one window, now by the other, and again away over the hedge-top. Nothing was said. Now and again Johnny took his eyes from the open window to look at his companions. His mother, opposite, sat, pale and worn, with her hands p. 59in her lap, and gazed blankly over his head at the front window of the cab. She was commonly a woman of healthy skin and colour, but now the skin seemed coarser, and there was no colour but the pink about her red eyelids34. Uncle Isaac, next her, sat forward, and rubbed his chin over and round the knob of his walking stick, a bamboo topped with a “Turk’s head” of tarred cord. As for Bessy, sitting at the far end of his own seat, Johnny saw nothing of her face for her handkerchief and the crutch-handle. But she was very quiet, and he scarcely thought she was crying. For himself, he was sad enough, in a heavy way, but in no danger of tears; and he turned again, and looked out of the window.
At last the cab stopped at the lych gate. Here Bob Smallpiece unexpectedly appeared, to lend a hand with the coffin. So that with the sexton, and the carpenter who was the undertaker, Uncle Isaac, and the keeper, the cabman’s help was not wanted. The cabman lingered a moment, to shift cloths and aprons35, and to throw a glance or two after the little company as it followed the clergyman, and then he hastened to climb to his seat and drive after a young couple that he spied walking in the main road; for they were strangers, and looked a likely fare back to the station.
Johnny found church much as it was on Sunday, except that to-day they sat near the front, and that he p. 60was conscious of a faint sense of family importance by reason of the special service, and the coffin so conspicuously36 displayed. A few neighbours—women mostly—were there, too; and when the coffin was carried out to the grave, they grouped themselves a little way off in the background, with Bob Smallpiece farther back still.
From the grave’s edge one looked down over the country-side, green and hilly, and marked out in meadows by rows of elms, with hedges at foot. The wind came up briskly and set the dead leaves going again and again, chasing them among the tombs and casting them into the new red grave. Bessy was quiet no longer, but sobbed37 aloud, and Nan May took no more care to dry her eyes. Johnny made an effort that brought him near to choking, and then another; and then he fixed38 his attention on the cows in a meadow below, counted them with brimming eyes, and named them (for he knew them well) as accurately39 as the distance would let him. He would scarce trust himself to take a last look, with the others, at the coffin below and its bright tin plate, but fell straightway to watching a man mending thatch40 on a barn, and wondering that he wore neither coat nor waistcoat in such a fresh wind. And so, except for a stray tear or two, which nobody saw overflow41 from the brimming eyes, he faced it out, and walked away with the others under the curious gaze of the neighbours, who lined up by the path. And Smallpiece went off in p. 61the opposite direction with the carpenter, who carried back the pall42 folded over his arm, like a cloak.
The four mourners walked back by the lanes, in silence. Uncle Isaac bore the restraint with difficulty, and glanced uneasily at Nan May’s face from time to time, as though he were watching an opportunity to expound43 his sentiments at length. But Johnny saw nothing of this, for affliction was upon him. Now that gran’dad was passed away indeed—was buried, and the clods were rising quickly over him—now that even the coffin was gone from the cottage, and would never be seen again—it seemed that he had never understood before, and he awoke to the full bitterness of things. More, his effort at restraint was spent, and in the revulsion he found he could hold in no longer. He peeped into the thickets44 by the lane-side as he went, questing for an excuse to drop behind. Seeing no other, he stooped and feigned45 to tie his bootlace; calling, in a voice that quavered absurdly in trying to seem indifferent, “Go on, mother, I’m comin’ presently!”
He dashed among the bushes, flung himself on the grass, and burst into a blind fury of tears, writhing46 as though under a shower of stinging blows. He had meant to cry quietly, but all was past control, and any might hear that chanced by. He scarce knew whether the fit had endured for seconds, minutes, or hours, when he was aware of his mother, sitting beside him and pressing p. 62his bursting head to her breast. Bessy was there too, and his mother’s arms were round both alike.
With that he grew quieter and quieter still. “We mustn’t break down, Johnny boy—there’s hard struggles before us,” his mother said, smoothing back his hair. “An’ you must be very good to me, Johnny, you’re the man now!”
He kissed her, and brushed the last of his tears away. “Yes, mother, I will,” he said. He rose, calmer, awake to new responsibilities, and felt a man indeed. Nothing remained of his outbreak but a chance-coming shudder47 in the breath, and, as he helped Bessy to her feet, he saw, five yards off, among the bushes, Uncle Isaac, under his very tall hat, gazing blankly at the group, and gently rubbing the Turk’s head on his stick among the loose grey whiskers that bordered his large face.
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1
gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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certified
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| a.经证明合格的；具有证明文件的 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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percussion
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| n.打击乐器；冲突，撞击；震动，音响 | |
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embedded
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| a.扎牢的 | |
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ledge
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| n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁 | |
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brink
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| n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘，边沿 | |
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clump
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| n.树丛，草丛；vi.用沉重的脚步行走 | |
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tangle
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| n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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moths
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| n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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17
dint
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| n.由于，靠；凹坑 | |
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bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡，丧失亲人，丧亲之痛 | |
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callousness
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apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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emulation
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| n.竞争；仿效 | |
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disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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prophesied
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| v.预告，预言( prophesy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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costliness
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| 昂贵的 | |
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coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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secluded
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| adj.与世隔绝的；隐退的；偏僻的v.使隔开，使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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29
sundering
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| v.隔开，分开( sunder的现在分词 ) | |
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declamation
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| n. 雄辩，高调 | |
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protrusion
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| n.伸出，突出 | |
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lustrous
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| adj.有光泽的；光辉的 | |
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33
planks
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| （厚）木板( plank的名词复数 )； 政纲条目，政策要点 | |
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34
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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aprons
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| 围裙( apron的名词复数 )； 停机坪，台口（舞台幕前的部份） | |
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36
conspicuously
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| ad.明显地，惹人注目地 | |
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37
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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40
thatch
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| vt.用茅草覆盖…的顶部；n.茅草(屋) | |
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41
overflow
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| v.(使)外溢，(使)溢出；溢出，流出，漫出 | |
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42
pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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43
expound
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| v.详述；解释；阐述 | |
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44
thickets
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| n.灌木丛( thicket的名词复数 )；丛状物 | |
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45
feigned
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| a.假装的，不真诚的 | |
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46
writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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47
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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