“The fire's laid in the fireplace with fat pine knots that will blaze up at the touch of a match. My books are there, along the wall. The bedding's in the cedar1 chest, and the lamps are filled. There's tinned stuff in the pantry. And the mountains are there, girl, to make you clean and whole again....”
She stepped up to the little log-pillared porch and turned the key in the lock. She opened the door wide, and walked in. And then she shut her eyes for a moment. Because, if it shouldn't be true——
But there was a fire laid with fat pine knots. She walked straight over to it, and took her box of matches from her bag, struck one, and held it to the wood. They blazed like a torch. Books! Along the four walls, books. Fat, comfortable, used-looking books. Hundreds of them. A lamp on the table, and beside it a pipe, blackened from much use. Fanny picked it up, smiling. She held it a moment in her hand, as though she expected to find it still warm.
“It's like one of the fairy tales,” she thought, “the kind that repeats and repeats. The kind that says, `and she went into the next room, and it was as the good fairy had said.'”
There's tinned stuff in the pantry. She went into the tiny kitchen and opened the pantry door cautiously, being wary2 of mice. But it met her eye in spotless array. Orderly rows of tins. Orderly rows of bottles. Coffee. Condensed milk. Beans. Spaghetti. Flour. Peaches. Pears.
Off the bedroom there was an absurdly adequate little bathroom, with a zinc3 tub and an elaborate water-heating arrangement.
Fanny threw back her head and laughed as she hadn't laughed in months. “Wild life in the Rockies,” she said aloud. She went back to the book-lined living room. The fire was crackling gloriously. It was a many-windowed room, and each window framed an enchanting4 glimpse of mountain, flaming with aspens up to timber-line, and snow-capped at the top. Fanny decided5 to wait until the fire had died down to a coal-bed. Then she banked it carefully, put on a heavy sweater and a cap, and made for the outdoors. She struck out briskly, tenderfoot that she was. In five minutes she was panting. Her heart was hammering suffocatingly6. Her lungs ached. She stopped, trembling. Then she remembered. The altitude, of course. Heyl had boasted that his cabin stood at an altitude of over nine thousand feet. Well, she would have to get used to it. But she was soon striding forward as briskly as before. She was a natural mountain dweller7. The air, the altitude, speeded up her heart, her lungs, sent the blood dancing through her veins8. Figuratively, she was on tip-toe.
They had warned her, at the Inn, to take it slowly for the first few days. They had asked no questions. Fanny learned to heed9 their advice. She learned many more things in the next few days. She learned how to entice10 the chipmunks11 that crossed her path, streak12 o' sunshine, streak o' shadow. She learned to broil13 bacon over a fire, with a forked stick. She learned to ride trail ponies14, and to bask15 in a sun-warmed spot on a wind-swept hill, and to tell time by the sun, and to give thanks for the beauty of the world about her, and to leave the wild flowers unpicked, to put out her campfire with scrupulous16 care, and to destroy all rubbish (your true woodsman and mountaineer is as painstakingly17 neat as a French housewife).
She was out of doors all day. At night she read for a while before the fire, but by nine her eyelids18 were heavy. She walked down to the Inn sometimes, but not often. One memorable19 night she went, with half a dozen others from the Inn, to the tiny one-room cabin of Oscar, the handy man about the Inn, and there she listened to one of Oscar's far-famed phonograph concerts. Oscar's phonograph had cost twenty-five dollars in Denver. It stood in one corner of his cabin, and its base was a tree stump20 just five hundred years old, as you could tell for yourself by counting its rings. His cabin walls were gorgeous with pictures of Maxine Elliott in her palmy days, and blonde and sophisticated little girls on vinegar calendars, posing bare-legged and self-conscious in blue calico and sunbonnets. You sat in the warm yellow glow of Oscar's lamp and were regaled with everything from the Swedish National Anthem21 to Mischa Elman's tenderest crooning. And Oscar sat rapt, his weather-beaten face a rich deep mahogany, his eyes bluer than any eyes could ever be except in contrast with that ruddy countenance22, his teeth so white that you found yourself watching for his smile that was so gently sweet and childlike. Oh, when Oscar put on his black pants and issued invitations for a musical evening one was sure to find his cabin packed. Eight did it, with squeezing.
This, then, was the atmosphere in which Fanny Brandeis found herself. As far from Haynes-Cooper as anything could be. At the end of the first week she found herself able to think clearly and unemotionally about Theodore, and about Fenger. She had even evolved a certain rather crude philosophy out of the ruins that had tumbled about her ears. It was so crude, so unformed in her mind that it can hardly be set down. To justify23 one's own existence. That was all that life held or meant. But that included all the lives that touched on yours. It had nothing to do with success, as she had counted success heretofore. It was service, really. It was living as—well, as Molly Brandeis had lived, helpfully, self-effacingly, magnificently. Fanny gave up trying to form the thing that was growing in her mind. Perhaps, after all, it was too soon to expect a complete understanding of that which had worked this change in her from that afternoon in Fenger's library.
After the first few days she found less and less difficulty in climbing. Her astonished heart and lungs ceased to object so strenuously25 to the unaccustomed work. The Cabin Rock trail, for example, whose summit found her panting and exhausted26 at first, now seemed a mere27 stroll. She grew more daring and ambitious. One day she climbed the Long's Peak trail to timberline, and had tea at Timberline Cabin with Albert Edward Cobbins. Albert Edward Cobbins, Englishman, erstwhile sailor, adventurer and gentleman, was the keeper of Timberline Cabin, and the loneliest man in the Rockies. It was his duty to house overnight climbers bound for the Peak, sunrise parties and sunset parties, all too few now in the chill October season-end. Fanny was his first visitor in three days. He was pathetically glad to see her.
“I'll have tea for you,” he said, “in a jiffy. And I baked a pan of French rolls ten minutes ago. I had a feeling.”
A magnificent specimen29 of a man, over six feet tall slim, broad-shouldered, long-headed, and scrubbed-looking as only an Englishman can be, there was something almost pathetic in the sight of him bustling30 about the rickety little kitchen stove.
“To-morrow,” said Fanny, over her tea, “I'm going to get an early start, reach here by noon, and go on to Boulder31 Field and maybe Keyhole.”
“Better not, Miss. Not in October, when there's likely to be a snowstorm up there in a minute's notice.”
“You'd come and find me, wouldn't you? They always do, in the books.”
“Books are all very well, Miss. But I'm not a mountain man. The truth is I don't know my way fifty feet from this cabin. I got the job because I'm used to loneliness, and don't mind it, and because I can cook, d'you see, having shipped as cook for years. But I'm a seafaring man, Miss. I wouldn't advise it, Miss. Another cup of tea?”
But Long's Peak, king of the range, had fascinated her from the first. She knew that the climb to the summit would be impossible for her now, but she had an overwhelming desire to see the terrifying bulk of it from a point midway of the range. It beckoned32 her and intrigued33 her, as the difficult always did.
By noon of the following day she had left Albert Edward's cabin (he stood looking after her in the doorway34 until she disappeared around the bend) and was jauntily35 following the trail that led to Boulder Field, that sea of jagged rock a mile across. Soon she had left the tortured, wind-twisted timberline trees far behind. How pitiful Cabin Rock and Twin Sisters looked compared to this. She climbed easily and steadily36, stopping for brief rests. Early in the week she had ridden down to the village, where she had bought climbing breeches and stout37 leggings. She laughed at Albert Edward and his fears. By one o'clock she had reached Boulder Field. She found the rocks glazed38 with ice. Just over Keyhole, that freakish vent28 in a wall of rock, the blue of the sky had changed to the gray of snow-clouds. Tenderfoot though she was, she knew that the climb over Boulder Field would be perilous39, if not impossible. She went on, from rock to rock, for half an hour, then decided to turn back. A clap of thunder, that roared and crashed, and cracked up and down the canyons40 and over the peaks, hastened her decision. She looked about her. Peak on peak. Purple and black and yellow masses, fantastic in their hugeness. Chasms41. Canyons. Pyramids and minarets42. And so near. So grim. So ghastly desolate43. And yet so threatening. And then Fanny Brandeis was seized with mountain terror. It is a disease recognized by mountain men everywhere, and it is panic, pure and simple. It is fear brought on by the immensity and the silence of the mountains. A great horror of the vastness and ruggedness44 came upon her. It was colossal45, it was crushing, it was nauseating46.
She began to run. A mistake, that, when one is following a mountain trail, at best an elusive47 thing. In five minutes she had lost the trail. She stopped, and scolded herself sternly, and looked about her. She saw the faint trail line again, or thought she saw it, and made toward it, and found it to be no trail at all. She knew that she must be not more than an hour's walk from Timberline Cabin, and Albert Edward, and his biscuits and tea. Why be frightened? It was absurd. But she was frightened, horribly, harrowingly. The great, grim rock masses seemed to be shaking with silent laughter. She began to run again. She was very cold, and a piercing wind had sprung up. She kept on walking, doggedly48, reasoning with herself quite calmly, and proud of her calmness. Which proves how terrified she really was. Then the snow came, not slowly, not gradually, but a blanket of it, as it does come in the mountains, shutting off everything. And suddenly Fanny's terror vanished. She felt quite free from weariness. She was alive and tingling49 to her fingertips. The psychology50 of fear is a fascinating thing. Fanny had reached the second stage. She was quite taken out of herself. She forgot her stone-bruised feet. She was no longer conscious of cold. She ran now, fleetly, lightly, the ground seeming to spur her on. She had given up the trail completely now. She told herself that if she ran on, down, down, down, she must come to the valley sometime. Unless she was turned about, and headed in the direction of one of those hideous51 chasms. She stopped a moment, peering through the snow curtain, but she could see nothing. She ran on lightly, laughing a little. Then her feet met a projection52, she stumbled, and fell flat over a slab53 of wood that jutted54 out of the ground. She lay there a moment, dazed. Then she sat up, and bent55 down to look at this thing that had tripped her. Probably a tree trunk. Then she must be near timberline. She bent closer. It was a rough wooden slab. Closer still. There were words carved on it. She lay flat and managed to make them out painfully.
“Here lies Sarah Cannon56. Lay to rest, and died alone, April 26, 1893.”
Fanny had heard the story of Sarah Cannon, a stern spinster who had achieved the climb to the Peak, and who had met with mishap57 on the down trail. Her guide had left her to go for help. When the relief party returned, hours later, they had found her dead.
Fanny sprang up, filled with a furious energy. She felt strangely light and clear-headed. She ran on, stopped, ran again. Now she was making little short runs here and there. It was snowing furiously, vindictively58. It seemed to her that she had been running for hours. It probably was minutes. Suddenly she sank down, got to her feet again, stumbled on perhaps a dozen paces, and sank down again. It was as though her knees had turned liquid. She lay there, with her eyes shut.
“I'm just resting,” she told herself. “In a minute I'll go on. In a minute. After I've rested.”
“Hallo-o-o-o!” from somewhere on the other side of the snow blanket. “Hallo-o-o-o!” Fanny sat up, helloing shrilly59, hysterically60. She got to her feet, staggeringly. And Clarence Heyl walked toward her.
“You ought to be spanked61 for this,” he said.
Fanny began to cry weakly. She felt no curiosity as to his being there. She wasn't at all sure that he actually was there, for that matter. At that thought she dug a frantic62 hand into his arm. He seemed to understand, for he said, “It's all right. I'm real enough. Can you walk?”
“Yes.” But she tried it and found she could not. She decided she was too tired to care. “I stumbled over a thing—a horrible thing—a gravestone. And I must have hurt my leg. I didn't know——”
She leaned against him, a dead weight. “Tell you what,” said Heyl, cheerfully. “You wait here. I'll go on down to Timberline Cabin for help, and come back.”
“You couldn't manage it—alone? If I tried? If I tried to walk?”
“Oh, impossible.” His tone was brisk. “Now you sit right down here.” She sank down obediently. She felt a little sorry for herself, and glad, too, and queer, and not at all cold. She looked up at him dumbly. He was smiling. “All right?”
She nodded. He turned abruptly63. The snow hid him from sight at once.
“Here lies Sarah Cannon. Lay to rest and died alone, April 26, 1893.”
She sank down, and pillowed her head on her arms. She knew that this was the end. She was very drowsy64, and not at all sad. Happy, if anything.
“You didn't really think I'd leave you, did you, Fan?”
She opened her eyes. Heyl was there. He reached down, and lifted her lightly to her feet. “Timberline Cabin's not a hundred yards away. I just did it to try you.”
She had spirit enough left to say, “Beast.”
Then he swung her up, and carried her down the trail. He carried her, not in his arms, as they do it in books and in the movies. He could not have gone a hundred feet that way. He carried her over his shoulder, like a sack of meal, by one arm and one leg, I regret to say. Any boy scout65 knows that trick, and will tell you what I mean. It is the most effectual carrying method known, though unromantic.
And so they came to Timberline Cabin, and Albert Edward Cobbins was in the doorway. Heyl put her down gently on the bench that ran alongside the table. The hospitable66 table that bore two smoking cups of tea. Fanny's lips were cracked, and the skin was peeled from her nose, and her hair was straggling and her eyes red-rimmed. She drank the tea in great gulps67. And then she went into the tiny bunkroom, and tumbled into one of the shelf-bunks, and slept.
When she awoke she sat up in terror, and bumped her head against the bunk68 above, and called, “Clancy!”
“Yep!” from the next room. He came to the door. The acrid69 smell of their pipes was incense70 in her nostrils71. “Rested?”
“What time is it?”
“Seven o'clock. Dinner time. Ham and eggs.”
She got up stiffly, and bathed her roughened face, and produced a powder pad (they carry them in the face of danger, death, and dissolution) and dusted it over her scaly72 nose. She did her hair—her vigorous, abundant hair that shone in the lamplight, pulled down her blouse, surveyed her torn shoes ruefully, donned the khaki skirt that Albert Edward had magically produced from somewhere to take the place of her breeches. She dusted her shoes with a bit of rag, regarded herself steadily in the wavering mirror, and went in.
The two men were talking quietly. Albert Edward was moving deftly73 from stove to table. They both looked up as she came in, and she looked at Heyl. Their eyes held.
Albert Edward was as sporting a gentleman as the late dear king whose name he bore. He went out to tend Heyl's horse, he said. It was little he knew of horses, and he rather feared them, as does a sailing man. But he went, nevertheless.
Heyl still looked at Fanny, and Fanny at him.
“It's absurd,” said Fanny. “It's the kind of thing that doesn't happen.”
“It's simple enough, really,” he answered. “I saw Ella Monahan in Chicago, and she told me all she knew, and something of what she had guessed. I waited a few days and came back. I had to.” He smiled. “A pretty job you've made of trying to be selfish.”
At that she smiled, too, pitifully enough, for her lower lip trembled. She caught it between her teeth in a last sharp effort at self-control. “Don't!” she quavered. And then, in a panic, her two hands came up in a vain effort to hide the tears. She sank down on the rough bench by the table, and the proud head came down on her arms so that there was a little clatter74 and tinkle75 among the supper things spread on the table. Then quiet.
Clarence Heyl stared. He stared, helplessly, as does a man who has never, in all his life, been called upon to comfort a woman in tears. Then instinct came to his rescue. He made her side of the table in two strides (your favorite film star couldn't have done it better), put his two hands on her shoulders and neatly76 shifted the bowed head from the cold, hard surface of the table top to the warm, rough, tobacco-scented comfort of his coat. It rested there quite naturally. Just as naturally Fanny's arm crept up, and about his neck. So they remained for a moment, until he bent so that his lips touched her hair. Her head came up at that, sharply, so that it bumped his chin. They both laughed, looking into each other's eyes, but at what they saw there they stopped laughing and were serious.
“Dear,” said Heyl. “Dearest.” The lids drooped77 over Fanny's eyes. “Look at me,” said Heyl. So she tried to lift them again, bravely, and could not. At that he bent his head and kissed Fanny Brandeis in the way a woman wants to be kissed for the first time by the man she loves. It hurt her lips, that kiss, and her teeth, and the back of her neck, and it left her breathless, and set things whirling. When she opened her eyes (they shut them at such times) he kissed her again, very tenderly, this time, and lightly, and reassuringly78. She returned that kiss, and, strangely enough, it was the one that stayed in her memory long, long after the other had faded.
“Oh, Clancy, I've made such a mess of it all. Such a miserable79 mess. The little girl in the red tam was worth ten of me. I don't see how you can—care for me.”
“You're the most wonderful woman in the world,” said Heyl, “and the most beautiful and splendid.”
He must have meant it, for he was looking down at her as he said it, and we know that the skin had been peeled off her nose by the mountain winds and sun, that her lips were cracked and her cheeks rough, and that she was red-eyed and worn-looking. And she must have believed him, for she brought his cheek down to hers with such a sigh of content, though she said, “But are we at all suited to each other?”
“Probably not,” Heyl answered, briskly. “That's why we're going to be so terrifically happy. Some day I'll be passing the Singer building, and I'll glance up at it and think how pitiful it would look next to Long's Peak. And then I'll be off, probably, to these mountains.”
“Or some day,” Fanny returned, “we'll be up here, and I'll remember, suddenly, how Fifth Avenue looks on a bright afternoon between four and five. And I'll be off, probably, to the Grand Central station.”
And then began one of those beautiful and foolish conversations which all lovers have whose love has been a sure and steady growth. Thus: “When did you first begin to care,” etc. And, “That day we spent at the dunes80, and you said so and so, did you mean this and that?”
Albert Edward Cobbins announced his approach by terrific stampings and scufflings, ostensibly for the purpose of ridding his boots of snow. He entered looking casual, and very nipped.
“You're here for the night,” he said. “A regular blizzard81. The greatest piece of luck I've had in a month.” He busied himself with the ham and eggs and the teapot. “Hungry?”
“Not a bit,” said Fanny and Heyl, together.
“H'm,” said Albert Edward, and broke six eggs into the frying pan just the same.
After supper they aided Albert Edward in the process of washing up. When everything was tidy he lighted his most malignant82 pipe and told them seafaring yarns83 not necessarily true. Then he knocked the ashes out of his pipe and fell asleep there by the fire, effacing24 himself as effectually as one of three people can in a single room. They talked; low-toned murmurings that they seemed to find exquisitely84 meaningful or witty85, by turn. Fanny, rubbing a forefinger86 (his) along her weather-roughened nose, would say, “At least you've seen me at my worst.”
Or he, mock serious: “I think I ought to tell you that I'm the kind of man who throws wet towels into the laundry hamper87.”
But there was no mirth in Fanny's voice when she said, “Dear, do you think Lasker will give me that job? You know he said, `When you want a job, come back.' Do you think he meant it?”
“Lasker always means it.”
“But,” fearfully, and shyly, too, “you don't think I may have lost my drawing hand and my seeing eye, do you? As punishment?”
“I do not. I think you've just found them, for keeps. There wasn't a woman cartoonist in the country—or man, either, for that matter—could touch you two years ago. In two more I'll be just Fanny Brandeis' husband, that's all.”
They laughed together at that, so that Albert Edward Cobbins awoke with a start and tried to look as if he had not been asleep, and failing, smiled benignly88 and drowsily89 upon them.
The End
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cedar
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| n.雪松，香柏(木) | |
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wary
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| adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的 | |
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zinc
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| n.锌；vt.在...上镀锌 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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suffocatingly
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dweller
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| n.居住者，住客 | |
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veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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entice
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| v.诱骗，引诱，怂恿 | |
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chipmunks
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| n.金花鼠( chipmunk的名词复数 ) | |
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streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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broil
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| v.烤，烧，争吵，怒骂；n.烤，烧，争吵，怒骂 | |
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ponies
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| 矮种马，小型马( pony的名词复数 )； ￡25 25 英镑 | |
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bask
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| vt.取暖，晒太阳，沐浴于 | |
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scrupulous
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| adj.审慎的，小心翼翼的，完全的，纯粹的 | |
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painstakingly
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eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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memorable
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| adj.值得回忆的，难忘的，特别的，显著的 | |
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stump
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anthem
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| n.圣歌，赞美诗，颂歌 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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justify
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effacing
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strenuously
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exhausted
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mere
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vent
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specimen
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bustling
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boulder
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beckoned
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intrigued
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| adj.好奇的，被迷住了的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的过去式)；激起…的兴趣或好奇心；“intrigue”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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doorway
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jauntily
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steadily
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glazed
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| adj.光滑的，像玻璃的；上过釉的；呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式)；上釉于，上光；（目光）变得呆滞无神 | |
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perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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canyons
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chasms
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| 裂缝( chasm的名词复数 )； 裂口； 分歧； 差别 | |
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minarets
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| n.（清真寺旁由报告祈祷时刻的人使用的）光塔( minaret的名词复数 ) | |
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desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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ruggedness
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| 险峻，粗野； 耐久性； 坚固性 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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nauseating
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| adj.令人恶心的，使人厌恶的v.使恶心，作呕( nauseate的现在分词 ) | |
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elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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doggedly
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| adv.顽强地，固执地 | |
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tingling
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| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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psychology
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| n.心理，心理学，心理状态 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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projection
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| n.发射，计划，突出部分 | |
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slab
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| n.平板，厚的切片；v.切成厚板，以平板盖上 | |
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jutted
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| v.（使）突出( jut的过去式和过去分词 )；伸出；（从…）突出；高出 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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cannon
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| n.大炮，火炮；飞机上的机关炮 | |
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mishap
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| n.不幸的事，不幸；灾祸 | |
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vindictively
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| adv.恶毒地；报复地 | |
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shrilly
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| 尖声的； 光亮的，耀眼的 | |
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hysterically
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| ad. 歇斯底里地 | |
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spanked
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| v.用手掌打( spank的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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scout
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| n.童子军，侦察员；v.侦察，搜索 | |
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hospitable
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| adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的 | |
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gulps
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| n.一大口（尤指液体）( gulp的名词复数 )v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的第三人称单数 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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bunk
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| n.(车、船等倚壁而设的)铺位；废话 | |
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acrid
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| adj.辛辣的，尖刻的，刻薄的 | |
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incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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scaly
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| adj.鱼鳞状的；干燥粗糙的 | |
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deftly
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| adv.灵巧地，熟练地，敏捷地 | |
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clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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tinkle
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| vi.叮当作响；n.叮当声 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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reassuringly
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| ad.安心，可靠 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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dunes
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| 沙丘( dune的名词复数 ) | |
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blizzard
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| n.暴风雪 | |
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malignant
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| adj.恶性的，致命的；恶意的，恶毒的 | |
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yarns
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| n.纱( yarn的名词复数 )；纱线；奇闻漫谈；旅行轶事 | |
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exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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86
forefinger
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| n.食指 | |
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hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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88
benignly
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| adv.仁慈地，亲切地 | |
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drowsily
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| adv.睡地，懒洋洋地，昏昏欲睡地 | |
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