India! In the first place, it was out of the world, and the ridicule14 attending his fiasco would not, in India, be so overwhelming; but at the same{310} time, the world is a very small place, and news would travel faster than by telegraph to everybody who was anybody. In India the pay was double, which was a very great matter; but then, on the other hand, would not the expenses be greater too? Not, of course, in proportion to Cookesley Lodge and the hunters, which, alas15! it was no use thinking any more about, but in proportion to the tiny ménage which a young soldier with two hundred a-year, besides his pay, might venture on at home. And here, once more, Frank drew himself up, with a sensation of misery16. Two hundred a-year and his pay barely sufficed for himself. To marry upon it would be simple madness, neither more nor less. And to wait seven years—— No! India was the only chance. It was the most usual thing in the world for a young fellow going out there to marry before he went;—therefore it must be practicable. There would be no society nor expensive habits,—as he supposed, in his ignorance,—and there was the chance of appointments, which was always worth taking into account. Frank contemplated17 the question all round, but it was a very dreary18 horizon which encircled him on every side. Poverty, the renunciation of most things which had made life agreeable—a struggle with care and the burdens of serious life,—instead of Cookesley and the hunters and terriers, and the country gentleman’s existence, for which he had evidently been created!{311} There was so much good in the young man however, that though he could not but contrast the two existences which thus seemed to be set before him, he could not and did not contrast the two through whose hands their different threads must run. He made no comparison there. Nelly had been swept out of his sky the moment Alice appeared.
One thing was quite clear to him at this crisis of excitement and emotion, while the image of Alice still danced before his eyes with all her soft looks and words;—Cookesley and its delights,—meaning Nelly and her fortune,—were impossible,—quite impossible; altogether out of the question. He had been capable in the abstract of doing a duty to himself and the world, and securing,—in default of Laurie, for whom he always acknowledged the position would have been so much more suitable,—all those advantages which seemed to be held out to him in Nelly Rich’s hand. He liked her very well, and no doubt would have grown fond of her in time. That he could have done. His own interests, and the unanimous voice of his friends, and the appeal of the world in general, had all but decided the question. But Frank, notwithstanding the prudent19 and practical character of his understanding, was true and honest at bottom. And as soon as he discovered beyond question that he was in love with one woman, it became impossible for him to marry another, whatever the advantages might be which{312} she brought with her. He was not capable of that. It was indispensable to him to be true, if not to Alice, who knew nothing about his sentiments, at least to Nelly. She had a right to it. He could have married her yesterday, but he could not deceive her to-day. What could he do? The clouds closed in upon him, swallowed him up, the more he thought it over. Do! Nothing but trudge20 forth to India, leaving his hopes of every description behind him,—a saddened and a solitary21 man. Neither one thing nor another, neither love nor wealth were practicable.
‘I must never see her again,’ Frank said to himself, as he got out of the train; ‘I must never see her again!’ Perhaps it was because of the very practicality and matter-of-fact character of his mind that he felt it dangerous to permit himself such an indulgence. He could not go and gaze and moon about her, as other men might, without anything coming of it. The only safeguard would be to keep away altogether. But it was not a cheerful thought; and, consequently, when he emerged from the station with his hat down over his brows, a certain air of tragedy and misery was about the poor fellow. And if the reader of this sober history should at any time encounter on the railway between London and Royalborough an unfortunate and melancholy22 Guardsman, well thrown back into the shadow of the lamp, gnawing23 his moustache as he chews the{313} cud of fancy, let him remember the miserable24 perplexities of poor Frank Renton, and pity the man. The impulse of the mature spectator’s mind is so invariably to vituperate the military butterfly, that it is the duty of the benevolent25 moralist to turn the tide of sympathy towards that beautiful, frivolous26, yet sometimes suffering creature, when he has the opportunity. After all, Guardsmen are men.
Frank kept his resolution for a week. He gave himself a fair trial. To describe the cogitations which passed through his mind during that time, would only weary the reader without bringing him any nearer to the issue of the conflict; for, to be sure, it does not matter so very much what conclusion a young man may arrive at in such a contest, after even weeks of thought. Five minutes may destroy the entire fabric27 at any time;—a sudden meeting,—three words,—all unpremeditated on either side,—a chance look,—even a few notes of music played unawares by strange hands,—will suffice to undo28 the finest piece of reasoning ever put together. Nor is it at all unusual in Frank’s circumstances for a young man to make an absolute determination against marriage one day, and go and lay himself at the feet of the lady of his affections on the next. Many times, it must be allowed, Cookesley Lodge would burst like a sudden revelation upon the young man’s soul. He could hear the hunters rattling29 up the avenue, and the dogs yelping{314} a chorus of welcome; and then this charming home-scene would give place to a misty30 conception of an Indian bungalow,—whatever that might be,—and the fierce delights of a jungle-hunt. The question was not Alice or Nelly,—that would have horrified31 him;—but Cookesley with all possible comforts and indulgences, and India with none;—question enough to make a man ponder. Four or five days after his visit to London, though it seemed four or five years from the multiplicity of his thoughts, he rode over to Richmont, on an unacknowledged mission to prove to himself whether that image of Alice, which he had been trying hard to banish32, would disappear before the close realisation of all the good things on the other side. He had tried to forget her, or rather he had tried to shut her out from his thoughts; to divert his mind to anything else in the world rather than allow it to dwell upon her. And he was now going to test what success he had had. Nelly Rich was sketching33 under the trees, as we have before seen her, when he rode up to the door; and instead of going in to pay his respects to her mother, Frank,—with a strong sense of duty,—crossed the lawn to where the white figure, with sketching-block on her lap, and bright ribbons fluttering about her, sat in the shadow of the soft limes. A prettier picture could not have been desired. The dead white of the dress blazed out in the sunshine, lying in crisp folds upon the soft{315} grass. The silken lime-leaves made a flutter and chequer of light and shade upon the pretty drooping35 head. Nelly was older, more piquant36, more expressive37, indeed, to any unprejudiced eye more beautiful, than Alice Severn; not, as Frank said to himself hotly, that he ever had made such a profane38 comparison. But yet it was impossible thus to approach the one without thinking of the other. There was a technicality and a pretension39, he thought, about all this paraphernalia40 of the artist. When Alice went softly to her piano, you never could have told, until you heard her, that she was anything but a school-girl. And no one seemed to give her any particular glory for her music. She was a little girl to all of them. Whereas Nelly was the mistress of everything, more mistress in the house than was her mother, and getting credit for all sorts of talent and cleverness. In his heart Frank took up a position of defence for the absent, whom, indeed, no one dreamt of attacking. No doubt he would have to talk of the sketch34, and admire it as if it had been something very fine. At Fitzroy Square the mother had smiled and had just admitted that Alice played well;—and that she was as clever at her needle as at her music. How strange was the difference!
‘Is it you, Mr. Renton?’ said Nelly; and she put down her sketching-block hastily as he approached. ‘I could not make you out till you came quite close. Did you not find mamma?{316}’
‘I confess I did not ask,’ said Frank; and the consciousness that he was paying a compliment which he did not mean embarrassed him in his peculiar41 circumstances; ‘I saw you here——’ and then he stopped, the unfortunate youth giving double meaning to his words.
Nelly blushed. It was very natural she should after such an address; and her change of colour told upon Frank as the most terrible reproach. ‘I thought Mrs. Rich would be with you,’ he added, hurriedly; ‘it is so pleasant out-of-doors on such a day. You were sketching, I am sure, and I have stopped your work.’
‘Oh, it does not matter,’ said Nelly. ‘I want to draw the house, and I cannot get it just as I want it. I must have in the window of the music-room. You know I live there. I don’t care for all the rest of the house in comparison with that one room.’
‘Yes,’ said Frank, with a sudden relapse, ‘with such music as we had there the other day, the place was like paradise.’
‘You liked little Alice Severn’s playing,’ said Nelly. ‘Ah! yes, I remember. She plays very well. For myself I am not fanatical about music. I don’t understand it. I want to know what it says, and it says nothing. And these musical people are so exclusively musical, they never seem to have brains for anything else.{317}’
‘But that could not be the case with—Miss Severn, I should think,’ said Frank, taking a foolish pleasure in speaking of her, and making a little pause before her name like a worshipper. Nelly gave him a quick glance, and answered carelessly.
‘Oh, Alice! She is a good little thing enough; but I don’t think she has much brains,—few girls have,—or men either for that matter. I don’t expect anything of the kind from people who come to this house.’
‘You are not complimentary42 to your visitors,’ said Frank, feeling mortified43, and with a secret sense that something at least of this condemnation44 was intended for himself.
‘Well, Mr. Renton, few of our visitors are complimentary to us,’ said Nelly, with a flush on her face, which even Frank perceived was quite different from the soft blush which had greeted his first appearance. Probably her quick ear had caught some difference in his tone, though he was not himself aware of it. ‘We are rich, and you come to us when we ask you, and are very civil; but I know you laugh at us behind our backs, and make very free with our names, and do not show us the respect you would to the most miserable creature who was of good family. And then you think we are taken in by it, and don’t know——’
‘Miss Rich, you must allow me to say that{318} personally you are doing me a great injustice,’ said Frank, colouring high. ‘I cannot undertake to be responsible for everybody who comes here; but so far as myself and my friends are concerned——’
‘Oh, I beg your pardon!’ cried Nelly, turning her face towards him with sudden shame and penitence45 which made it beautiful. Her large brilliant eyes were full of tears, and the eloquent46 blood had rushed to her cheeks. She held out her hands to him in the fervour of her compunction. ‘Oh, forgive me!—do forgive me! I was cross. I did not know what I was saying. I did not mean you.’
There was nothing that Frank could do but take the pretty, soft, appealing hands, and hold them in his own for a moment. He did not kiss them, as no doubt he would have done had he never paid that visit to the Square. ‘There is nothing for me to forgive,’ he said in softened tones. And then Nelly recovered herself, and took her hands away.
‘But you must forgive me,’ she said, ‘for being cross to you, who, I am sure, did not deserve it. Your mother called on Wednesday, and mamma was so pleased. You know we are new people,—very new people—and it is a great thing for us to have Mrs. Renton calling. But because we are such spick-and-span new people we have always{319} something happening to vex47 us. One hears bits of gossip about you officers,—how you laugh and discuss one, and take things in your head,’ said Nelly, breaking off suddenly, and looking full in Frank’s face. What did she mean? Whatever it was, it covered him with embarrassment48 and shame. This conversation at least was true. He had been taking things in his head, and he did not know how to meet her look, or give her any reply.
‘I don’t know to what you refer,’ he faltered49. ‘I am sure, Miss Rich——’ and then he broke off altogether, so great was his confusion under the steady light of her keen eyes. ‘There is no doubt,’ he went on, as soon as he recovered himself, ‘that everything possible and impossible is talked about. It is the fashion everywhere now-a-days. You know it as well as I. But had anything that was less than respectful ever been breathed in my presence——’
‘I was quite sure of that,’ said Nelly, leaning towards him with glowing eyes and expressive face. The eyes were full of soft gratitude50, and something that looked like a tender pride. ‘I know that,’ she repeated; ‘you have always been so different!’ The voice had fallen quite low, so that Frank had to lean forward to hear it. And there was encouragement in her look for anything he might have had to say, for anything{320} he might have been moved to do, in the excitement of the moment. And Frank’s heart was softened by compunction and the sense that he was not so blameless as he had claimed to be. The crisis of his fate had come.
THE END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
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1 acquiesced | |
v.默认,默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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3 compartment | |
n.卧车包房,隔间;分隔的空间 | |
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4 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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5 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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6 softened | |
(使)变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 ); 缓解打击; 缓和; 安慰 | |
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7 recollected | |
adj.冷静的;镇定的;被回忆起的;沉思默想的v.记起,想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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9 prospects | |
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
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10 lodge | |
v.临时住宿,寄宿,寄存,容纳;n.传达室,小旅馆 | |
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11 prudence | |
n.谨慎,精明,节俭 | |
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12 vow | |
n.誓(言),誓约;v.起誓,立誓 | |
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13 groaned | |
v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦 | |
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14 ridicule | |
v.讥讽,挖苦;n.嘲弄 | |
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15 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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16 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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17 contemplated | |
adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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18 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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19 prudent | |
adj.谨慎的,有远见的,精打细算的 | |
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20 trudge | |
v.步履艰难地走;n.跋涉,费力艰难的步行 | |
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21 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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22 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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23 gnawing | |
a.痛苦的,折磨人的 | |
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24 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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25 benevolent | |
adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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26 frivolous | |
adj.轻薄的;轻率的 | |
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27 fabric | |
n.织物,织品,布;构造,结构,组织 | |
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28 undo | |
vt.解开,松开;取消,撤销 | |
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29 rattling | |
adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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30 misty | |
adj.雾蒙蒙的,有雾的 | |
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31 horrified | |
a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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32 banish | |
vt.放逐,驱逐;消除,排除 | |
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33 sketching | |
n.草图 | |
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34 sketch | |
n.草图;梗概;素描;v.素描;概述 | |
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35 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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36 piquant | |
adj.辛辣的,开胃的,令人兴奋的 | |
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37 expressive | |
adj.表现的,表达…的,富于表情的 | |
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38 profane | |
adj.亵神的,亵渎的;vt.亵渎,玷污 | |
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39 pretension | |
n.要求;自命,自称;自负 | |
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40 paraphernalia | |
n.装备;随身用品 | |
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41 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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42 complimentary | |
adj.赠送的,免费的,赞美的,恭维的 | |
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43 mortified | |
v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 );伤害(人的感情);克制;抑制(肉体、情感等) | |
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44 condemnation | |
n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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45 penitence | |
n.忏悔,赎罪;悔过 | |
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46 eloquent | |
adj.雄辩的,口才流利的;明白显示出的 | |
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47 vex | |
vt.使烦恼,使苦恼 | |
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48 embarrassment | |
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫 | |
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49 faltered | |
(嗓音)颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 ); 支吾其词; 蹒跚; 摇晃 | |
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50 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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