"It is to be a purely1 feminine apartment," she had said to Richard and Arbuthnot. "And I have a sentiment about it. When it is complete you shall go and stand outside the door and look in, but nothing would induce me to allow you to cross the threshold."
When this moment had arrived, and they had been admitted to the private view from the corridor, they had evidently been somewhat impressed.
"It is very pretty," Mr. Arbuthnot had remarked, with amiable2 tolerance3; "but I don't approve of it. Its object is plainly to pamper4 and foster those tendencies of the feminine temperament5 which are most prominent and least desirable. Nothing could be more apparent than its intention to pander6 to a taste for luxury and self-indulgence, combined in the most shameless manner with vanity and lightness of mind. It will be becoming to the frivolous7 creatures, and will exalt8 and inflate9 them to that extent that they will spend the greater portion of their time in it, utterly10 ignoring the superior opportunities for cultivating and improving their minds they might enjoy downstairs on occasions when Richard remains11 at home, and my own multifarious duties permit me to drop in. It strikes me as offering a premium12 to feminine depravity and crime."
"That expresses it exactly," agreed Richard.
Arbuthnot turned him round.
[Pg 253]
"Will you," he said, "kindly13 give your attention to the length and position of that mirror, and the peculiar14 advantages to be derived15 from the fact that the light falls upon it from that particular point, and that its effects are softened16 by the lace draperies and suggestions of pink and blue? The pink and blue idea is merely of a piece with all the rest, and is prompted by the artfulness of the serpent. If it had been all pink the blondes would have suffered, and if it had been all blue the brunettes would have felt that they were not at their best; this ineffably18 wily combination, however, truckles to either, and intimates that each combines the attractions of both. Take me away, Richard; it is not for the ingenuous19 and serious mind to view such spectacles as these. Take me away,—first, however, making a mental inventory20 of the entirely21 debasing sofas and chairs and the flagrant and openly sentimental22 nature of the pictures, all depicting23 or insinuating24 the drivelling imbecility and slavery of man,—'The Huguenot Lovers,' you observe, 'The Black Brunswicker,' and others of like nature."
Mrs. Sylvestre had thought the room very pretty indeed when she had first taken possession of it, and its prettiness and comfort impressed her anew when, the excitement of the New Year's day at last at an end, she retired25 to it for the night.
When she found herself within the closed doors she did not go to bed at once. Too many impressions had been crowded into the last ten hours to have left her in an entirely reposeful26 condition of mind and body, and, though of too calm a temperament for actual excitement, she was still not inclined to sleep.
So, having partly undressed and thrown on a loose wrap, she turned down the light and went to the fire. It was an open wood-fire, and burned cheerily behind a brass27 fender; a large rug of white fur was spread upon the hearth28 before it; a low, broad sofa, luxurious29 with cushions, was drawn30 up at one side of it, and upon the[Pg 254] rug, at the other, stood a deep easy-chair. It was this chair she took, and, having taken it, she glanced up at an oval mirror which was among the ornaments31 on the opposite wall. In it she saw reflected that portion of the room which seemed to have arranged itself about her own graceful32 figure,—the faint pinks and blues33, the flowered drapery, the puffed34 and padded furniture, and the hundred and one entirely feminine devices of ornamentation; and she was faintly aware that an expression less thoughtful than the one she wore would have been more in keeping with her surroundings.
"I look too serious to harmonize," she said. "If Bertha were here she would detect the incongruity35 and deplore36 it."
But she was in a thoughtful mood, which was not an uncommon37 experience with her, and the faint smile the words gave rise to died away as she turned to the fire again. What she thought of as she sat and looked into it, it would have been difficult to tell; but there was evidence that she was mentally well occupied in the fact that she sat entirely still and gazed at its flickering38 flame for nearly half an hour. She would not have moved then, perhaps, if she had not been roused from her reverie by a sound at the door,—a low knock, and a voice speaking to her.
"Agnes!" it said. "Agnes!"
She knew it at once as Bertha's, and rose to reply to the summons almost as if she had expected or even waited for it. When she unlocked the door, and opened it, Bertha was standing39 on the threshold. She had partly undressed, too. She had laid aside the red dress, and put on a long white negligée, bordered with white fur; there was no color about her, and it made her look cold. Perhaps she was cold, for Agnes thought she seemed to shiver a little.
"May I come in?" she asked. "I know it is very inconsiderate, but I had a sort of conviction that you would not be asleep."
[Pg 255]
"I was not thinking of going to sleep yet," said Agnes. "I am glad you have come."
Bertha entered, and, the door being closed, crossed the room to the fire. She did not take a chair, but sat down upon the hearth-rug.
"This is very feminine," she said, "and we ought to be in bed; but the day would not be complete without it."
Then she turned toward Agnes.
"You must have a great deal to think of to-night," she said.
Agnes Sylvestre looked at the fire.
"Yes," she answered, "I have a great deal to think of."
"Are they things you like to think of?"
"Some of them—not all."
"It must be a curious experience," said Bertha, "to find yourself here again after so many years—with all your life changed for you."
Mrs. Sylvestre did not reply.
"You have not been here," Bertha continued, "since you went away on your wedding journey. You were nineteen or twenty then,—only a girl."
"I was young," said Mrs. Sylvestre, "but I was rather mature for my years. I did not feel as if I was exactly a girl."
Then she added, in a lower voice:
"I had experienced something which had ripened40 me."
"You mean," said Bertha, "that you knew what love was."
She had not intended to say the words, and their abrupt41 directness grated upon her as she spoke42; but she could not have avoided uttering them.
Mrs. Sylvestre paused a moment.
"The experience I passed through," she said, "did not belong to my age. It was not a girl's feelings. I think it came too soon."
[Pg 256]
"You had two alternatives to choose from," said Bertha,—"that it should come too soon or too late."
Mrs. Sylvestre paused again.
"You do not think," she said, "that it ever comes to any one at the right time?"
Bertha had been sitting with her hands folded about her knee. She unclasped and clasped them with a sharply vehement43 movement.
"It is a false thing from beginning to end," she said. "I do not believe in it."
"Ah," said Mrs. Sylvestre, softly, "I believe it. I wish I did not."
"What is there to be gained by it?" said Bertha; "a feeling that is not to be reasoned about or controlled; a miserable44, feverish45 emotion you cannot understand, and can only resent and struggle against blindly. When you let it conquer you, how can you respect yourself or the object of it? What do women love men for? Who knows? It is like madness! All you can say is, 'I love him. He is life or death to me.' It is so unreasoning—so unreasoning."
She stopped suddenly, as if all at once she became conscious that her companion was looking at herself instead of at the fire.
"You love a man generally," said Mrs. Sylvestre, in her tenderly modulated46 voice,—"at least I have thought so,—because he is the one human creature who is capable of causing you the greatest amount of suffering. I don't know of any other reason, and I have thought of it a great deal."
"It is a good reason," said Bertha,—"a good reason."
Then she laughed.
"This is just a little tragic47, isn't it?" she said. "What a delightfully48 emotional condition we must be in to have reached tragedy in less than five minutes, and entirely without intention! I did not come to be tragic; I came to be analytical49. I want you to tell me carefully how we strike you."
[Pg 257]
"We?" said Mrs. Sylvestre.
Bertha touched herself on the breast.
"We," she said,—"I, Richard, Laurence Arbuthnot, Colonel Tredennis, Senator Planefield, the two hundred men callers,—Washington, in short. How does Washington strike you, now that you have come to it again?"
"Won't you give me two weeks to reflect upon it?" said Agnes.
"No. I want impressions, not reflections. Is it all very much changed?"
"I am very much changed," was the reply.
"And we?" said Bertha. "Suppose—suppose you begin with Laurence Arbuthnot."
"I do not think I could. He is not one of the persons I have remembered."
"Agnes," said Bertha, "only wait with patience for one of those occasions when you feel it necessary to efface50 him, and then tell him that, in exactly that tone of voice, and he will in that instant secretly atone51 for the crimes of a lifetime. He won't wince52, and he will probably reply in the most brilliant and impersonal53 manner; but, figuratively speaking, you will have reduced him to powder and cast him to the breeze."
"We shall not be sufficiently54 intimate to render such a thing possible," said Mrs. Sylvestre. "One must be intimate with a man to be angry enough with him to wish to avenge55 one's self."
Bertha smiled.
"You don't like him," she said. "Poor Larry!"
"On the contrary," was her friend's reply. "But it would not occur to me to 'begin with him,' as you suggested just now."
"With whom, then," said Bertha, "would you begin."
Her guest gave a moment to reflection, during which Bertha regarded her intently.
"If I were going to begin at all," she said, rather slowly, "I think it would be with Colonel Tredennis."
[Pg 258]
There was a moment of silence, and then Bertha spoke, in a somewhat cold and rigid56 voice,
"What do you like about him?" she asked.
"I think I like everything."
"If you were any one else," said Bertha, "I should say that you simply like his size. I think that is generally it. Women invariably fall victims to men who are big and a little lumbering57. They like to persuade themselves that they are overawed and subjected. I never understood it myself. Big men never pleased me very much—they are so apt to tread on you."
"I like his eyes," said Agnes, apparently58 reflecting aloud; "they are very kind. And I like his voice"—
"It is rather too deep," remarked Bertha, "and sometimes I am a little afraid it will degenerate59 into a growl60, though I have never heard it do so yet."
Mrs. Sylvestre went on:
"When he bends his head a little and looks down at you as you talk," she said, "he is very nice. He is really thinking of you and regarding you seriously. I do not think he is given to trifling61."
"No," returned Bertha; "I do not think he is given to anything special but being massive. That is what you are thinking,—that he is massive."
"There is no denying," said her friend, "that that is one of the things I like."
"Ah!" said Bertha, "you find the rest of us very flippant and trivial. That is how we strike you!"
A fatigued62 little sigh escaped her lips.
"After all," she said, "it is true. And we have obliged ourselves to be trivial for so long that we are incapable63 of seriousness. Sometimes—generally toward Lent, after I have been out a great deal—I wonder if the other would not be interesting for a change; but, at the same time, I know I could not be serious if I tried."
"Your seriousness will be deeper," said Mrs. Sylvestre, "when you accomplish it without trying."
[Pg 259]
She was serious herself as she spoke, but her seriousness was extremely gentle. She looked at Bertha even tenderly, and her clear eyes were very expressive64.
"We are both changed since we met here last," she said, with simple directness, "and it is only natural that what we have lived through should have affected65 us differently. We are of very different temperaments66. You were always more vivid and intense than I, and suffering—if you had suffered"—
Her soft voice faltered67 a little, and she paused. Bertha turned and looked her unflinchingly in the face.
"I—have not suffered," she said.
Agnes spoke as simply as before.
"I have," she said.
Bertha turned sharply away.
"I was afraid so," was her response.
"If we are to be as near to each other as I hope," Agnes continued, "it would be useless for me to try to conceal68 from you the one thing which has made me what I am. The effort to hide it would always stand between us and our confidence in each other. It is much simpler to let you know the truth."
She put her hands up to her face an instant, and Bertha broke the silence with a curiously69 incisive70 question.
"Was he very cruel to you?"
Agnes withdrew her hands, and if her shadow of a smile had not been so infinitely71 sad, it would have been bitter.
"He could not help it," she said; "and when I was calm enough to reason I knew he was not to blame for my imagination. It was all over in a few months, and he would have been quite content to bear what followed philosophically72. When the worst came to the worst, he told me that he had known it could not last, because such things never did; but that he had also known that, even after the inevitable73 termination, I should always please him and display good taste. He had lived[Pg 260] through so much, and I had known so little. I only spoke openly to him once,—one awful day, and after that I scarcely know what happened to me for months. I asked him to let me go away alone, and I went to the sea-side. Since then the sound of the sea has been a terror to me, and yet there are times when I long to hear it. I used to tell myself that, on one of those days when I sat on the sand and looked at the sea, I died, and that I have never really lived since. Something happened to me—I don't know what. It was one brilliant morning, when the sun beat on the blue water and the white sand, and everything was a dazzling glare. I sat on the beach for hours without moving, and when I got up and walked away I remember hearing myself saying, 'I have left you behind,—I have left you behind,—I shall never see you again.' I was ill for several days afterward74, and when I recovered I seemed to have become a new creature. When my husband came I was able to meet him so calmly that I think it was even a kind of shock to him."
"And that was the end?" said Bertha.
"Yes, that was the end—for me."
"And for him?"
"Once or twice afterward it interested him to try experiments with me, and when they failed he was not pleased."
"Were you never afraid," said Bertha, "that they would not fail?"
"No. There is nothing so final as the ending of such a feeling. There is nothing to come after it, because it has taken everything with it,—passion, bitterness, sorrow,—even regret. I never wished that it might return after the day I spoke of. I have thought if, by stretching forth75 my hand, I could have brought it all back just as it was at first, I should not have wished to do it. It had been too much."
"It is a false thing," said Bertha,—"a false thing, and there must always be some such end to it."
[Pg 261]
Agnes Sylvestre was silent again, and because of her silence Bertha repeated her words with feverish eagerness.
"It must always end so," she said.
"You know that—you must know it."
"I am only one person," was the characteristic answer. "And I do not know. I do not want to know. I only want quiet now. I have learned enough."
"Agnes," said Bertha, "that is very pathetic."
"Yes," Agnes answered. "I know it is pathetic, when I allow myself to think of it." And for the first time her voice broke a little, and was all the sweeter for the break in it. But it was over in a moment, and she spoke as she had spoken before.
"But I did not mean to be pathetic," she said. "I only wanted to tell you the entire truth, so that there should be nothing between us, and nothing to avoid. There can be nothing now. You know of me all that is past, and you can guess what is to come."
"No, I cannot do that," said Bertha.
Agnes smiled.
"It is very easy," she responded. "I shall have a pretty house, and I shall amuse myself by buying new or old things for it, and by moving the furniture. I shall give so much thought to it that after a while it will be quite celebrated76, in a small way, and Miss Jessup will refer to it as 'unique.' Mrs. Merriam will be with me, and I shall have my reception day, and perhaps my 'evening,' and I shall see as many of the charming people who come to Washington as is possible. You will be very good to me, and come to see me often, and—so I hope will Mr. Arbuthnot, and Colonel Tredennis"—
"Agnes," interposed Bertha, with an oddly hard manner, "if they do, one or both of them will fall in love with you."
"If it is either," responded Mrs. Sylvestre, serenely77, "I hope it will be Mr. Arbuthnot, as he would have less difficulty in recovering."
[Pg 262]
"You think," said Bertha, "that nothing could ever touch you again,—nothing?"
"Think!" was the response; "my safety lies in the fact that I do not think of it at all. If I were twenty I might do so, and everything would be different. Life is very short. It is not long enough to run risks in. I shall not trifle with what is left to me."
"Oh," cried Bertha, "how calm you are—how calm you are!"
"Yes," she answered, "I am calm now."
But she put her hands up to her face again for an instant, and her eyelashes were wet when she withdrew them.
"It was a horribly dangerous thing," she said, brokenly. "There were so many temptations; the temptation to find excitement in avenging78 myself on others was strongest of all. I suppose it is the natural savage79 impulse. There were times when I longed to be cruel. And then I began to think—and there seemed so much suffering in life—and everything seemed so pitiful. And I could not bear the thought of it." And she ended with the sob80 of a child.
"It is very womanish to cry," she whispered, "and I did not mean to do it, but—you look at me so." And she laid her cheek against the cushioned back of her chair, and, for a little while, was more pathetic in her silence than she could have been in any words she might have uttered. It was true that Bertha had looked at her. There were no tears in her own eyes. Her feeling was one of obstinate81 resistance to all emotion in herself; but she did not resent her friend's; on the contrary, she felt a strange enjoyment82 of it.
"Don't stop crying because I am here," she said. "I like to see you do it."
Mrs. Sylvestre recovered herself at once. She sat up, smiling a little. There were no disfiguring traces of her emotion on her fair face.
"Thank you," she answered; "but I do not like it[Pg 263] myself so much, and I have not done it before for a long time."
It was, perhaps, because Mr. Arbuthnot presented himself as an entirely safe topic, with no tendency whatever to develop the sensibilities, that she chose him as the subject of her next remarks.
"I do not see much change in your friend," she observed.
"If you mean Laurence," Bertha replied, "I dare say not. He does not allow things to happen to him. He knows better."
"And he has done nothing whatever during the last seven years?"
"He has been to a great many parties," said Bertha, "and he has read a book or so, and sung several songs."
"I hope he has sung them well," was her friend's comment.
"It always depends upon his mood," Bertha returned; "but there have been times when he has sung them very well indeed."
"It can scarcely have been a great tax to have done it occasionally," said Mrs. Sylvestre; "but I should always be rather inclined to think it was the result of chance, and not effort. Still"—with a sudden conscientious83 scruple84 brought about by her recollection of the fact that these marks of disapproval85 had not expressed themselves in her manner earlier in the day—"still he is very agreeable, one cannot deny that."
"It is always safe not to attempt to deny it, even if you feel inclined," was Bertha's comment, "because, if you do, he will inevitably86 prove to you that you were in the wrong before he has done with you."
"He did one thing I rather liked," her companion proceeded. "He was very nice—in that peculiar, impartial87 way of his—to a boy"—
"The boy who came with the Bartletts?" Bertha interposed. "I saw him, and was positively88 unhappy[Pg 264] about him, because I could not attend to him. Did he take him in hand?" she asked, brightening visibly. "I knew he would, if he noticed him particularly. It was just like him to do it."
"I saw him first," Mrs. Sylvestre explained; "but I am afraid I should not have been equal to the occasion if Mr. Arbuthnot had not assisted me. It certainly surprised me that he should do it. He knew the Bartletts, and had met the boy's sister, and in the most wonderful, yet the most uneffusive and natural, way he utilized89 his material until the boy felt himself quite at home, and not out of place at all. One of the nicest things was the way in which he talked about Whippleville,—the boy came from Whippleville. He seemed to give it a kind of interest and importance, and even picturesqueness90. He did not pretend to have been there; but he knew something of the country, which is pretty, and he was very clever in saying neither too much nor too little. Of course that was nice."
"Colonel Tredennis could not have done it," said Bertha.
Agnes paused. She felt there was something of truth in the statement, but she was reluctant to admit it.
"Why not?" she inquired.
"By reason of the very thing which is his attraction for you,—because he is too massive to be adroit91."
Agnes was silent.
"Was it not Colonel Tredennis who went to Virginia when your little girl was ill?" she asked, in a few moments.
"Yes," was Bertha's response. "He came because Richard was away and papa was ill."
"It was Janey who told me of it," said Agnes, quietly. "And she made a very pretty story of it, in her childish way. She said that he carried her up and down the room when she was tired, and that when her head ached he helped her not to cry. He must be very gentle. I like to think of it. It is very picturesque;[Pg 265] the idea of that great soldierly fellow nursing a frail92 little creature, and making her pain easier to bear. Do you know, I find myself imagining that I know how he looked."
Bertha sat perfectly93 still. She, too, knew how he had looked. But there was no reason, she told herself, for the sudden horrible revulsion of feeling which rushed upon her with the remembrance. A little while before, when Agnes had told her story, there had been a reason why she should be threatened by her emotions; but now it was different,—now that there was, so to speak, no pathos94 in the air; now that they were merely talking of commonplace, unemotional things. But she remembered so well; if she could have forced herself to forget for one instant she might have overcome the passion of unreasoning anguish95 which seized her; but it was no use, and as she made the effort Agnes sat and watched her, a strange questioning dawning slowly in her eyes.
"He looked—very large"—
She stopped short, and her hands clutched each other hard and close. A wild thought of getting up and leaving the room came to her, and then she knew it was too late.
A light flickered96 up from the wood-fire and fell upon her face as she slowly turned it to Agnes.
For an instant Agnes simply looked at her, then she uttered a terror-stricken exclamation97.
"Bertha!" she cried.
"Well," said Bertha; "well!" But at her next breath she began to tremble, and left her place on the hearth and stood up, trembling still. "I am tired out," she said. "I must go away. I ought not to have come here."
But Agnes rose and went to her, laying her hand on her arm. She had grown pale herself, and there was a thrill of almost passionate98 feeling in her words when she spoke.
[Pg 266]
"No," she said. "You were right to come. This is the place for you."
She drew her down upon the sofa and held both her hands.
"Do you think I would let you go now," she said, "until you had told me everything? Do you think I did not know there was something you were struggling with? When I told you of my own unhappiness, it was because I hoped it would help you to speak. If you had not known that I had suffered you could not have told me. You must tell me now. What barrier could there be between us,—two women who have—who have been hurt, and who should know how to be true to each other?"
Bertha slipped from her grasp and fell upon her knees by the sofa, covering her face.
"Agnes," she panted, "I never thought of this—I don't know how it has come about. I never meant to speak. Almost the worst of it all is that my power over myself is gone, and that it has even come to this,—that I am speaking when I meant to be silent. Don't look at me! I don't know what it all means! All my life has been so different—it is so unlike me—that I say to myself it cannot be true. Perhaps it is not. I have never believed in such things. I don't think I believe now; I don't know what it means, I say, or whether it will last, and if it is not only a sort of illness that I shall get better of. I am trying with all my strength to believe that, and to get better; but while it lasts"—
"Go on," said Agnes, in a hushed voice.
Bertha threw out her hands and wrung99 them, the pretty baubles100 she had not removed when she undressed jingling101 on her wrists.
"It is worse for me than for any one else," she cried. "Worse, worse! It is not fair. I was not prepared for it. I was so sure it was not true; I can't understand it. But, whether it is true or not, while it lasts, Agnes,[Pg 267] while it lasts"—And she hid her face again and the bangles and serpents of silver and gold jingled102 more merrily than ever.
"You think," said Agnes, "that you will get over it?"
"Get over it!" she cried. "How often do you suppose I have said to myself that I must get over it? How many thousand times? I must get over it. Is it a thing to trifle with and be sentimental over? It is a degradation103. I don't spare myself. No one could say to me more than I say to myself. I cannot spare it, and I must get over it; but I don't—I don't—I don't. And sometimes the horrible thought comes to me that it is a thing you can't get over, and it drives me mad, but—but"—
"But what?" said Agnes.
Her hands dropped away from her face.
"If I tell you this," she said, breathlessly, "you will despise me. I think I am going to tell it to you that you may despise me. The torture of it will be a sort of penance104. When the thought comes to me that I may get over it, that it will go out of my life in time, and be lost forever, then I know that, compared to that, all the rest is nothing—nothing; and that I could bear it for an eternity105, the anguish and the shame and the bitterness, if only it might not be taken away."
"Oh!" cried Agnes, "I can believe it! I can believe it!"
"You can believe it?" said Bertha, fiercely. "You? Yes. But I—I cannot!"
For some minutes after this Agnes did not speak. She sat still and looked down at Bertha's cowering106 figure. There came back to her, with terrible distinctness, times when she herself must have looked so,—only she had always been alone,—and there mingled107 with the deep feeling of the moment a far-away pity for her own helpless youth and despair.
"Will you tell me," she said, at last, "how it began?"
[Pg 268]
She was struck, when Bertha lifted her face from its cushions, by the change which had come upon her. All traces of intense and passionate feeling were gone; it was as if her weeping had swept them away, and left only a weariness, which made her look pathetically young and helpless. As she watched her Agnes wondered if she had ever looked up at Tredennis with such eyes.
"I think," she said, "that it was long before I knew. If I had not been so young and so thoughtless I think I should have known that I began to care for him before he went away the first time. But I was very young, and he was so quiet. There was one day, when he brought me some heliotrope108, when I wondered why I liked the quiet things he said; and after he went away I used to wonder, in a sort of fitful way, what he was doing. And the first time I found myself face to face with a trouble I thought of him, and wished for him, without knowing why. I even began a letter to him; but I was too timid to send it."
"Oh, if you had sent it!" Agnes exclaimed, involuntarily.
"Yes—if I had sent it! But I did not. Perhaps it would not have made much difference if I had, only when I told him of it"—
"You told him of it?" said Agnes.
"Yes—in Virginia. All the wrong I have done, all the indulgence I have allowed myself, is the wrong I did and the indulgence I allowed myself in Virginia. There were days in Virginia when I suppose I was bad enough"—
"Tell me that afterward," said Agnes. "I want to know how you reached it."
"I reached it," answered Bertha, "in this way: the thing that was my first trouble grew until it was too strong for me—or I was too weak for it. It was my own fault. Perhaps I ought to have known, but I did not. I don't think that I have let any one but myself[Pg 269] suffer for my mistake. I couldn't do that. When I found out what a mistake it was, I told myself that it was mine, and that I must abide109 by it. And in time I thought I had grown quite hard, and I amused myself, and said that nothing mattered; and I did not believe in emotion, and thought I enjoyed living on the surface. I disliked to hear stories of any strong feeling. I tried to avoid reading them, and I was always glad when I heard clever worldly speeches made. I liked Laurence first, because he said such clever, cold-blooded things. He was at his worst when I first knew him. He had lost all his money, and some one had been false to him, and he believed nothing."
"I did not know," said Agnes, "that he had a story." And then she added, a trifle hurriedly, "But it does not matter."
"It mattered to him," said Bertha. "And we all have a story—even poor Larry—and even I—even I!"
Then she went on again.
"There was one thing," she said, "that I told myself oftener than anything else, and that was that I was not unhappy. I was always saying that and giving myself reasons. When my dresses were becoming, and I went out a great deal, and people seemed to admire me, I used to say, 'How few women are as happy! How many things I have to make me happy!' and when a horrible moment of leisure came, and I could not bear it, I would say, 'How tired I must be to feel as I do; and what nonsense it is!' The one thing Richard has liked most in me has been that I have not given way to my moods, and have always reasoned about them. Ah! Agnes, if I had been happier I might have given way to them just a little sometimes, and have been less tired. If I were to die now I know what they would remember of me: that I laughed a great deal, and made the house gay."
She went on without tears.
[Pg 270]
"I think," she said, "that I never felt so sure of myself as I did last winter,—so sure that I had lived past things and was quite safe. It was a very gay season, and there were several people here who amused me and made things seem brilliant and enjoyable. When I was not going out the parlors110 were always crowded with clever men and women; and when I did go out I danced and talked and interested myself more than I had ever seemed to do before. I shall never forget the inauguration111 ball. Laurence and Richard were both with me, and I danced every dance, and had the most brilliant night. I don't think one expects to be actually brilliant at an inauguration ball, but that night I think we were, and when we were going away we turned to look back, and Laurence said, 'What a night it has been! We couldn't possibly have had such a night if we had tried. I wonder if we shall ever have such a night again'; and I said, 'Scores of them, I haven't a doubt'; but that was the last night of all."
"The last night of all?" repeated Agnes.
"There have been no more nights at all like it, and no more days. The next night but one the Winter Gardners gave a party, and I was there. Laurence brought me some roses and heliotrope, and I carried them; and I remember how the scent112 of the heliotrope reminded me of the night I sat and talked to Philip Tredennis by the fire. It came back all the more strongly because I had heard from papa of his return. I was not glad that he had come to Washington, and I did not care to see him. He seemed to belong to a time I wanted to forget. I did not know he was to be at the Gardners' until he came in, and I looked up and saw him at the door. You know how he looks when he comes into a room,—so tall, and strong, and different from all the rest. Does he look different from all the rest, Agnes—or is it only that I think so?"
"He is different," said Agnes. "Even I could see that."
[Pg 271]
"Oh!" said Bertha, despairingly, "I don't know what it is that makes it so; but sometimes I have thought that, perhaps, when first men were on earth they were like that,—strong and earnest, and simple and brave,—never trifling with themselves or others, and always ready to be tender with those who suffer or are weak. If you only knew the stories we have heard of his courage and determination and endurance! I do not think he ever remembers them himself; but how can the rest of us forget!
"The first thought I had when I saw him was that it was odd that the mere17 sight of him should startle me so. And then I watched him pass through the crowds, and tried to make a paltry113 satirical comment to myself upon his size and his grave face. And then, against my will, I began to wonder what he would do when he saw me, and if he would see what had happened to me since he had given me the flowers for my first party; and I wished he had stayed away—and I began to feel tired—and just then he turned and saw me."
She paused and sank into a wearied sitting posture114, resting her cheek against the sofa cushion.
"It seems so long ago—so long ago," she said; "and yet it is not one short year since."
She went on almost monotonously115.
"He saw the change in me,—I knew that,—though he did not know what it meant. I suppose he thought the bad side of me had developed instead of the good, because the bad had predominated in the first place."
"He never thought that," Agnes interposed. "Never!"
"Don't you think so?" said Bertha. "Well, it was not my fault if he didn't. I don't know whether it was natural or not that I should always make the worst of myself before him; but I always did. I did not want him to come to the house; but Richard brought him again and again, until he had been so often that there[Pg 272] must have been some serious reasons if he had stayed away. And then—and then"—
"What then?" said Agnes.
She made a gesture of passionate impatience116.
"Oh, I don't know," she said, "I don't know! I began to be restless and unhappy. I did not care for going out, and I dared not stay at home. When I was alone I used to sit and think of that first winter, and compare myself with the Bertha who lived then as if she had been another creature,—some one I had been fond of, and who had died in some sad, unexpected way while she was very young. I used to be angry because I found myself so easily moved,—things touched me which had never touched me before; and one day, as I was singing a little German song of farewell,—that poor little, piteous 'Auf Wiedersehn' we all know,—suddenly my voice broke, and I gave a helpless sob, and the tears streamed down my cheeks. It filled me with terror. I have never been a crying woman, and I have rather disliked people who cried. When I cried I knew that some terrible change had come upon me, and I hated myself for it. I told myself I was ill, and I said I would go away; but Richard wished me to remain. And every day it was worse and worse. And when I was angry with myself I revenged myself on the person I should have spared. When I said things of myself which were false he had a way of looking at me as if he was simply waiting to hear what I would say next, and I never knew whether he believed me or not, and I resented that more than all the rest."
She broke off for an instant, and then began again hurriedly.
"Why should I make such a long story of it?" she said. "I could not tell it all, nor the half of it, if I talked until to-morrow. If I had been given to sentiments and emotions I could not have deceived myself so long as I did, that is all. I have known women who have had experiences and sentiments all their lives, one[Pg 273] after another. I used to know girls, when I was a girl, who were always passing through some sentimental adventure; but I was not like that, and I never understood them. But I think it is better to be so than to live unmoved so long that you feel you are quite safe, and then to waken up to face the feeling of a lifetime all at once. It is better to take it by instalments. If I had been more experienced I should have been safer. But I deceived myself, and called what I suffered by every name but the right one. I said it was resentment117 and wounded vanity and weakness; but it was not—it was not. There was one person who knew it was not, though he let me call it what I pleased"—
"He?" said Agnes.
"It was Laurence Arbuthnot who knew. He had been wretched himself once, and while he laughed at me and talked nonsense, he cared enough for me to watch me and understand."
"It would never have occurred to me," remarked Agnes, "to say he did not care for you. I think he cares for you very much."
"Yes, he cares for me," said Bertha, "and I can see now that he was kinder to me than I knew. He stood between me and many a miserable moment, and warded118 off things I could not have warded off myself. I think he hoped at first that I would get over it. It was he who helped me to make up my mind to go away. It seemed the best thing, but it would have been better if I had not gone."
"Better?" Agnes repeated.
"There was a Fate in it," she said. "Everything was against me. When I said good-by to—to the person I wished to escape from—though I did not admit to myself then that it was from him I wished to escape—when I said good-by, I thought it was almost the same thing as saying good-by forever. I had always told myself that I was too superficial to be troubled by anything long, and that I could always forget anything[Pg 274] I was determined119 to put behind me. I had done it before, and I fancied I could do it then, and that when I came back in the winter I should have got over my moods, and be stronger physically120, and not be emotional any more. I meant to take the children and give them every hour of my days, and live out-of-doors in a simple, natural way, until I was well. I always called it getting well. But when he came to say good-by—it was very hard. It was so hard that I was terrified again. He spent the evening with us, and the hours slipped away—slipped away, and every time the clock struck my heart beat so fast that, at last, instead of beating, it seemed only to tremble and make me weak. And at last he got up to go; and I could not believe that it was true, that he was really going, until he went out of the door. And then so much seemed to go with him, and we had only said a few commonplace words—and it was the last—last time. And it all rushed upon me, and my heart leaped in my side, and—and I went to him. There was no other way. And, O Agnes"—
"I know—I know!" said Agnes, brokenly. "But—try not to do that! It is the worst thing you can do—to cry so."
"He did not know why I came," Bertha said. "I don't know what he thought. I don't know what I said. He looked pale and startled at first, and then he took my hand in both his and spoke to me. I have seen him hold Janey's hand so—as if he could not be gentle enough. And he said it was always hard to say good-by, and would I remember—and his voice was quite unsteady—would I remember that if I should ever need any help he was ready to be called. I had treated him badly and coldly that very evening, but it was as if he forgot it. And I forgot, too, and for just one little moment we were near each other, and there was nothing in our hearts but sadness and kindness, as if we had been friends who had the right to be sad at[Pg 275] parting. And we said good-by again—and he went away.
"I fought very hard in those next two months, and I was very determined. I never allowed myself time to think in the daytime. I played with the children and read to them and walked with them, and when night came I used to be tired out; but I did not sleep. I laid awake trying to force my thoughts back, and when morning broke it seemed as if all my strength was spent. And I did not get well. And, when it all seemed at the worst, suddenly Janey was taken ill, and I thought she would die, and I was all alone, and I sent for papa"—
She broke off with the ghost of a bitter little laugh.
"I have heard a great deal said about fate," she went on. "Perhaps it was fate; I don't know. I don't care now—it doesn't matter. That very day papa was ill himself, and Philip Tredennis came to me—Philip Tredennis!"
"Oh!" cried Agnes, "it was very cruel!"
"Was it cruel?" said Bertha. "It was something. Perhaps it would do to call it cruel. I had been up with Janey for two or three nights. She had suffered a great deal for a little creature, and I was worn out with seeing her pain and not being able to help it. I was expecting the doctor from Washington, and when she fell asleep at last I went to the window to listen, so that I might go down and keep the dogs quiet if he came. It was one of those still, white moonlight nights—the most beautiful night. After a while I fancied I heard the far-away hoof-beat of a horse on the road, and I ran down. The dogs knew me, and seemed to understand I wished them to be quiet when I spoke to them. As the noise came nearer I went down to the gate. I was trembling with eagerness and anxiety, and I spoke before I reached it. I was sure it was Doctor Malcolm; but it was some one larger and taller, and the[Pg 276] figure came out into the moonlight, and I was looking up at Philip Tredennis!"
Agnes laid her hand on her arm.
"Wait a moment before you go on," she said. "Give yourself time."
"No," said Bertha, hurrying, "I will go on to the end. Agnes, I have never lied to myself since that minute—never once. Where would have been the use? I thought he was forty miles away, and there he stood, and the terror, and joy, and anguish of seeing him swept everything else away, and I broke down. I don't know what he felt and thought. There was one strange moment when he stood quite close to me and touched my shoulder with his strong, kind hand. He seemed overwhelmed by what I did, and his voice was only a whisper. There seemed no one in all the world but ourselves, and when I lifted my face from the gate I knew what all I had suffered meant. As he talked to me afterward I was saying over to myself, as if it was a lesson I was learning, 'You are mad with joy just because this man is near you. All your pain has gone away. Everything is as it was before, but you don't care—you don't care.' I said that because I wished to make it sound as wicked as I could. But it was of no use. I have even thought since then that if he had been a bad man, thinking of himself, I might have been saved that night by finding it out. But he was not thinking of himself—only of me. He came, not for his own sake, but for mine and Janey's. He came to help us and stand by us and care for us; to do any common, simple service for us, as well as any great one. We were not to think of him; he was to think of us. And he sent me away upstairs to sleep, and walked outside below the window all night. And I slept like a child. I should not have slept if it had been any one else, but it seemed as if he had brought strength and quietness with him, and I need not stay awake, because everything was so safe. That has been his power over[Pg 277] me from the first—that he rested me. Sometimes I have been so tired of the feverish, restless way we have of continually amusing ourselves, as if we dare not stop, and of reasoning and wondering and arguing to no end. We are all introspection and retrospection, and we call it being analytical and clever. If it is being clever, then we are too clever. One gets so tired of it; one wishes one could stop thinking and know less—or more. He was not like that, and he rested me. That was it. He made life seem more simple.
"Well, he rested me then, and, though I made one effort to send him away, I knew he would not go, and I did not try very hard. I did not want him to go. So when he refused to be sent away, an obstinate feeling came over me, and I said to myself that I would not do or say one unkind thing to him while he was there. I would be as gentle and natural with him as if—as if he had been some slight, paltry creature who was nothing, and less than nothing, to me. I should have been amiable enough to such a man if I had been indebted to him for such service."
"Ah!" sighed Agnes, "but it could not end there!"
"End!" said Bertha. "There is no end, there never will be! Do you think I do not see the bitter truth? One may call it what one likes, and make it as pathetic and as tragic and hopeless as words can paint it, but it is only the old, miserable, undignified story of a woman who is married, and who cares for a man who is not her husband. Nothing can be worse than that. It is a curious thing, isn't it, that somehow one always feels as if the woman must be bad?"
Agnes Sylvestre laid a hand on her again without speaking.
"I suppose I was bad in those days," Bertha continued. "I did not feel as if I was—though I dare say that only makes it worse. I deliberately121 let myself be happy. I let him be kind to me. I tried to amuse and please him. Janey got well, and the days were [Pg 278]beautiful. I did all he wished me to do, and he was as good to me as he was to Janey. When you spoke of his being so gentle it brought everything back to me in a rush,—his voice, and his look, and his touch. There are so many people who, when they touch you, seem to take something from you; he always seemed to give you something,—protection, and sympathy, and generous help. He had none of the gallant122 tricks of other men, and he was often a little shy and restrained, but the night he held my hand in both his, and the moment he touched my shoulder, when I broke down so at the gate, I could not forget if I tried."
"But, perhaps," said Agnes, sadly, "you had better try."
Bertha looked up at her.
"When I have tried for a whole year," she said, "I will tell you what success I have had."
"Oh!" Agnes cried, desperately123, "it will take more than a year."
"I have thought it might," said Bertha; "perhaps it may take even two."
The fire gave a fitful leap of flame, and she turned to look at it.
"The fire is going out," she said, "and I have almost finished. Do you care to hear the rest? You have been very patient to listen so long."
"Go on," Agnes said.
"Well, much as I indulged myself then I knew where I must stop, and I never really forgot that I was going to stop at a certain point. I said that I would be happy just so long as he was there, and that when we parted that would be the end of it. I even laid out my plans, and the night before he was to go away—in the evening, after the long, beautiful day was over—I said things to him which I meant should make him distrust me. The shallowest man on earth will hate you if you make him think you are shallow, and capable of trifling as he does himself. The less a man intends to [Pg 279]remember you the more he intends you shall remember him. It will be his religious belief that women should be true,—some one should be true, you know, and it is easier to let it be the woman. What I tried to suggest that night was that my treatment of him had only been a caprice,—that what he had seen of me in Washington had been the real side of my life, and that he would see it again and need not be surprised."
"O Bertha!" her friend cried. "O Bertha!"
And she threw both arms about her with an intensely feminine swiftness and expressiveness124.
"Yes," said Bertha, "it was not easy. I never tried anything quite so difficult before, and perhaps I did not do it well, for—he would not believe me."
There was quite a long pause, in which she leaned against Agnes, breathing quickly.
"I think that is really the end," she said at last. "It seems rather abrupt, but there is very little more. He is a great deal stronger than I am, and he is too true himself to believe lies at the first telling. One must tell them to him obstinately125 and often. I shall have to be persistent126 and consistent too."
"What do you mean?" exclaimed Agnes. "What are you thinking of doing?"
"There will be a great deal to be done," she answered,—"a great deal. There is only one thing which will make him throw me aside"—
"Throw you aside—you?"
"Yes. I have always been very proud,—it was the worst of my faults that I was so deadly proud,—but I want him to throw me aside—me! Surely one could not care for a man when he was tired and did not want one any more. That must end it. And there is something else. I don't know—I am not sure—I could not trust myself—but there have been times when I thought that he was beginning to care too—whether he knew it or not. I don't judge him by the other men I have known, but sometimes there was such a look in his eyes[Pg 280] that it made me tremble with fear and joy. And he shall not spoil his life for me. It would be a poor thing that he should give all he might give—to Bertha Amory. He had better give it to—to you, Agnes," she said, with a little tightening127 grasp.
"I do not want it," said Agnes, calmly. "I have done with such things, and he is not the man to change."
"He must," said Bertha, "in time—if I am very unflinching and clever. They always said I was clever, you know, and that I had wonderful control over myself. But I shall have to be very clever. The only thing which will make him throw me aside is the firm belief that I am worth nothing,—the belief that I am false, and shallow, and selfish, and as wicked as such a slight creature can be. Let me hide the little that is good in me, and show him always, day by day, what is bad. There is enough of that, and in the end he must get tired of me, and show me that he has done with me forever."
"You cannot do it," said Agnes, breathlessly.
"I cannot do it for long, I know that; but I can do it for a while, and then I will make Richard let me go away—to Europe. I have asked him before, but he seemed so anxious to keep me—I cannot tell why—and I have never opposed or disobeyed him. I try to be a good wife in such things as that. I ought to be a good wife in something. Just now he has some reason for wishing me to remain here. He does not always tell me his reasons. But perhaps in the spring he will not object to my going, and one can always spend a year or so abroad; and when he joins us, as he will afterward, he will be sure to be fascinated, and in the end we might stay away for years, and if we ever come back all will be over, and—and I shall be forgotten."
She withdrew herself from her friend's arms, and rose to her feet.
"I shall be forgotten—forgotten!" she said. "Oh![Pg 281] how can I be! How can such pain pass away and end in nothing! Just while everything is at the worst, it is not easy to remember that one only counts for one, after all, and that a life is such a little thing. It seems so much to one's self. And yet what does it matter that Bertha Amory's life went all wrong, and was only a bubble that was tossed away and broken? There are such millions and millions of people that it means nothing, only to Bertha Amory, and it cannot mean anything to her very long. Only just while it lasts—and before one gets used to—to the torture of it"—
She turned away and crossed the room to the window, drawing aside the curtain.
"There is a little streak128 of light in the East," she said. "It is the day, and you have not slept at all."
Agnes went to her, and they stood and looked at it together,—a faint, thin line of gray tinged129 with palest yellow.
"To-morrow has come," said Bertha. "And we must begin the New Year properly. I must make up my visiting-book and arrange my lists. Don't—don't call any one, Agnes—it is only—faintness." And with the little protesting smile on her lips she sank to the floor.
Agnes knelt down at her side, and began to loosen her wrapper at the throat and chafe130 her hands.
"Yes, it is only faintness," she said, in a low voice; "but if it were something more you would be saved a great deal."
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1
purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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tolerance
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| n.宽容；容忍，忍受；耐药力；公差 | |
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pamper
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| v.纵容，过分关怀 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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pander
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| v.迎合；n.拉皮条者，勾引者；帮人做坏事的人 | |
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frivolous
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| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
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exalt
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| v.赞扬，歌颂，晋升，提升 | |
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inflate
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| vt.使膨胀，使骄傲，抬高（物价） | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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premium
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| n.加付款；赠品；adj.高级的；售价高的 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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mere
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ineffably
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| adv.难以言喻地，因神圣而不容称呼地 | |
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ingenuous
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| adj.纯朴的，单纯的；天真的；坦率的 | |
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inventory
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| n.详细目录，存货清单 | |
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entirely
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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depicting
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| 描绘，描画( depict的现在分词 )； 描述 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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retired
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reposeful
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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hearth
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luxurious
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drawn
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ornaments
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| n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 ) | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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blues
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| n.抑郁，沮丧；布鲁斯音乐 | |
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puffed
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incongruity
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| n.不协调，不一致 | |
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deplore
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| vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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42
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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43
vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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44
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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45
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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46
modulated
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| 已调整[制]的，被调的 | |
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47
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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48
delightfully
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| 大喜，欣然 | |
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49
analytical
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| adj.分析的；用分析法的 | |
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50
efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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51
atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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52
wince
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| n.畏缩，退避，（因痛苦，苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动；v.畏缩，退缩，退避 | |
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53
impersonal
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| adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的 | |
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54
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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55
avenge
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| v.为...复仇，为...报仇 | |
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56
rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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57
lumbering
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| n.采伐林木 | |
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58
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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59
degenerate
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| v.退步，堕落；adj.退步的，堕落的；n.堕落者 | |
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60
growl
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| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
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61
trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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62
fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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63
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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64
expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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65
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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66
temperaments
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| 性格( temperament的名词复数 )； （人或动物的）气质； 易冲动； （性情）暴躁 | |
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67
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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68
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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69
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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70
incisive
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| adj.敏锐的，机敏的，锋利的，切入的 | |
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71
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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72
philosophically
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| adv.哲学上；富有哲理性地；贤明地；冷静地 | |
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73
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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74
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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75
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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76
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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78
avenging
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| adj.报仇的，复仇的v.为…复仇，报…之仇( avenge的现在分词 )；为…报复 | |
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79
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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80
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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81
obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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82
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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83
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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84
scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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85
disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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86
inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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87
impartial
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| adj.(in,to)公正的，无偏见的 | |
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88
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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89
utilized
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| v.利用，使用( utilize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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90
picturesqueness
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91
adroit
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| adj.熟练的，灵巧的 | |
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92
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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93
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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94
pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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95
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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96
flickered
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| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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97
exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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98
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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99
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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100
baubles
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| n.小玩意( bauble的名词复数 )；华而不实的小件装饰品；无价值的东西；丑角的手杖 | |
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101
jingling
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| 叮当声 | |
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102
jingled
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| 喝醉的 | |
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103
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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104
penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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105
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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106
cowering
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| v.畏缩，抖缩( cower的现在分词 ) | |
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107
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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108
heliotrope
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| n.天芥菜；淡紫色 | |
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109
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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110
parlors
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| 客厅( parlor的名词复数 )； 起居室； （旅馆中的）休息室； （通常用来构成合成词）店 | |
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111
inauguration
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| n.开幕、就职典礼 | |
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112
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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113
paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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114
posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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115
monotonously
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| adv.单调地，无变化地 | |
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116
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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117
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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118
warded
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| 有锁孔的，有钥匙榫槽的 | |
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119
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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120
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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121
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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122
gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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123
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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124
expressiveness
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| n.富有表现力 | |
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125
obstinately
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| ad.固执地，顽固地 | |
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126
persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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127
tightening
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| 上紧，固定，紧密 | |
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128
streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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129
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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130
chafe
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| v.擦伤；冲洗；惹怒 | |
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