It was of his departed guest that he was thinking as he pondered, and of certain plans he had on hand for his ultimate welfare, and his thoughts so deeply occupied him that he did not hear the sound of the door-bell, which rang as he sat, nor notice any other sound until the door of the room opened and some one entered. He raised his head and looked around then, uttering a slight ejaculation of surprise.
"Why, Bertha!" he said. "My dear! This is unexpected."
He paused and gave her one of his gently curious looks. She had thrown her cloak off as she came near him, and something in her appearance attracted his attention.
"My dear," he said, slowly, "you look to-night as you did years ago. I am reminded of the time when Philip first came to us. I wonder why?"
There was a low seat near his side, and she came and took it.
"It is the dress," she said. "I was looking over some things I had laid aside, and found it. I put it on for old acquaintance' sake. I have never worn it since then. Perhaps I hoped it would make me feel like a girl again."
Her tone was very quiet, her whole manner was[Pg 436] quiet; the dress was simplicity1 itself. A little lace kerchief was knotted about her throat.
"That is a very feminine idea," remarked the professor, seeming to give it careful attention. "Peculiarly feminine, I should say. And—does it, my dear?"
"Not quite," she answered. "A little. When I first put it on and stood before the glass I forgot a good many things for a few moments, and then, suddenly, I heard the children's voices in the nursery, and Richard came in, and Bertha Herrick was gone. You know I was Bertha Herrick when I wore this—Bertha Herrick, thinking of her first party."
"Yes, my dear," he responded, "I—I remember."
There were a few moments of silence, in which he looked abstractedly thoughtful, but presently he bestirred himself.
"By the by," he said, "that reminds me. Didn't I understand that there was a great party somewhere to-night? Mr. Arbuthnot left me to go to it, I think. I thought there was a reason for my surprise at seeing you. That was it. Surely you should have been at the great party instead of here."
"Well," she replied, "I suppose I should, but for some curious accident or other—I don't know what the accident is or how it happened—I should have had an invitation—of course if it had chanced to reach me; but something has occurred to prevent it doing so, I suppose. Such things happen, you know. To all intents and purposes I have not been invited, so I could not go. And I am very glad. I would rather be here."
"I would rather have you here," he returned, "if such seclusion2 pleases you. But I can hardly imagine, my dear, how the party"—
She put her hand on his caressingly3.
"It cannot be an entire success," she said. "It won't, in my absence; but misfortunes befall even the magnificent and prosperous, and the party must console itself. I like to be here—I like very much to be here."
[Pg 437]
He glanced at her gray dress again.
"Bertha Herrick would have preferred the party," he remarked.
"Bertha Amory is wiser," she said. "We will be quiet together—and happy."
They were very quiet. The thought occurred to the professor several times during the evening. She kept her seat near him, and talked to him, speaking, he noticed, principally of her children and of the past; the time she had spent at home before her marriage seemed to be present in her mind.
"I wonder," she said once, thoughtfully, "what sort of girl I was? I can only remember that I was such a happy girl! Do you remember that I was a specially4 self-indulgent or frivolous5 one? But I am afraid you would not tell me, if you did."
"My dear," he said, in response, "you were a natural, simple, joyous6 creature, and a great pleasure to us."
She gave his hand a little pressure.
"I can remember that you were always good to me," she said. "I used to think you were a little curious about me, and wondered what I would do in the future. Now it is my turn to wonder if I am at all what you thought I would be?"
He did not reply at once, and then spoke7 slowly.
"There seemed so many possibilities," he said. "Yes; I thought it possible that you might be—what you are."
It was as he said this that there returned to his mind the thought which had occupied it before her entrance. He had been thinking then of something he wished to tell her, before she heard it from other quarters, and which he felt he could tell her at no more fitting time than when they were alone. It was something relating to Laurence Arbuthnot, and, curiously8 enough, she paved the way for it by mentioning him herself.
"Did you say Laurence was here to-night?" she asked.
[Pg 438]
"Yes," he replied, "he was so good as to dine with me."
"He would say that you were so good as to invite him," she said. "He is very fond of coming here."
"I should miss him very much," he returned, "if he should go away."
She looked up quickly, attracted by his manner.
"But there is no likelihood of his going away," she said.
"I think," he answered, "that there may be, and I wished to speak to you about it."
He refrained from looking at her; he even delicately withdrew his hand, so that if hers should lose its steadiness he might be unconscious of it.
"Go away!" she exclaimed,—"from Washington? Laurence! Why should you think so? I cannot imagine such a thing."
"He does not imagine it himself yet," he replied. "I am going to suggest it to him."
Her hand was still upon his knee, and he felt her start.
"You are!" she said; "why and how? Do you think he will go? I do not believe he will."
"I am not sure that he will," he answered, "but I hope so; and what I mean is that I think it may be possible to send him abroad."
She withdrew her hand from his knee.
"He won't go," she said; "I am sure of it."
He went on to explain himself, still not looking at her.
"He is wasting his abilities," he said; "he is wasting his youth; the position he is in is absurdly insignificant9; it occurred to me that if I used, with right effect, the little influence I possess, there might finally be obtained for him some position abroad, which would be at least something better, and might possibly open a way for him in the future. I spoke to the Secretary of State about it, and he was very kind, and appeared [Pg 439]interested. It seems very possible, even probable, that my hopes will be realized."
For a few seconds she sat still; then she said, abstractedly:
"It would be very strange to be obliged to live our lives without Laurence; they would not be the same lives at all. Still, I suppose it would be best for him; but it would be hard to live without Laurence. I don't like to think of it."
In spite of his intention not to do so, he found himself turning to look at her. There had been surprise in her voice, and now there was sadness, but there was no agitation10, no uncontrollable emotion.
"Can it be," he thought, "that she is getting over it? What does it mean?"
She turned and met his eyes.
"But, whether it is for the best or not," she said, "I don't believe he will go."
"My dear," he said, "you speak as if there was a reason."
"I think there is a reason," she answered, "and it is a strong one."
"What is it?" he asked.
"There is some one he is beginning to be fond of," she replied; "that is the reason."
He kept his eyes fixed11 upon her.
"Some one he is beginning to be fond of?" he repeated.
"I don't know how it will end," she said. "I am sometimes afraid it can only end sadly, but there is some one he would find it hard to leave, I am sure."
The professor gradually rose in his chair until he was sitting upright.
"I wish," he said, "that you would tell me who it is."
"I do not think he would mind your knowing," she answered. "It seems strange you have not seen. It is Agnes Sylvestre."
[Pg 440]
The professor sank back in his chair, and looked at the bed of coals in the grate.
"Agnes Sylvestre!" he exclaimed; "Agnes Sylvestre!"
"Yes," she said; "and in one sense it is very hard on him that it should be Agnes Sylvestre. After all these years, when he has steadily12 kept himself free from all love affairs, and been so sure that nothing could tempt13 him, it cannot be easy for him to know that he loves some one who has everything he has not—all the things he feels he never will have. He is very proud and very unrelenting in his statement of his own circumstances, and he won't try to glaze14 them over when he compares them with hers. He is too poor, she is too rich—even if she loved him."
"Even!" said the professor. "Is it your opinion that she does not?"
"I do not know," she answered. "It has seemed to me more probable that—that she liked Colonel Tredennis."
"I thought so," said the professor. "I must confess that I thought so; though, perhaps, that may have been because my feeling for him is so strong, and I have seen that he"—
"That he was fond of her?" Bertha put in as he paused to reflect.
"I thought so," he said again. "I thought I was sure of it. He sees her often; he thinks of her frequently, it is plain; he speaks of her to me; he sees every charm and grace in her. I have never heard him speak of any other woman so."
"It would be a very suitable marriage," said Bertha; "I have felt that from the first. There is no one more beautiful than Agnes—no one sweeter—no one more fit"—
She pushed her seat back from the hearth15 and rose from it.
"The fire is too warm," she said. "I have been sitting before it too long."
[Pg 441]
There was some ice-water upon a side table and she went to it and poured out a glass, and drank it slowly. Then she took a seat by the centre-table and spoke again, as she idly turned over the leaves of a magazine without looking at it.
"When first Agnes came here," she said, "I thought of it. I remember that when I presented Philip to her I watched to see if she impressed him as she does most people."
"She did," said the professor. "I remember his speaking of it afterward16, and saying what a charm hers was, and that her beauty must touch a man's best nature."
"That was very good," said Bertha, faintly smiling. "And it was very like him. And since then," she added, "you say he has spoken of her often in the same way and as he speaks of no one else?"
"Again and again," answered the professor. "The truth is, my dear, I am fond of speaking of her myself, and have occasionally led him in that direction. I have wished for him what you have wished."
"And we have both of us," she said, half sadly, "been unkind to poor Laurence."
She closed the magazine.
"Perhaps he will go, after all," she said. "He may see that it is best. He may be glad to go before the year is ended."
She left her book and her chair.
"I think I must go now," she said, "I am a little tired."
He thought that she looked so, and the shadow which for a moment had half lifted itself fell again.
"No," he thought, "she has not outlived it, and this is more bitter for her than the rest. It is only natural that it should be more bitter."
When he got up to bid her good-night she put a hand upon either of his shoulders and kissed him.
"I am glad I was not invited to the grand party,[Pg 442] dear," she said, "I have liked this better. It has been far better for me."
There were only a few yards of space between her father's house and her own, and in a few seconds she had ascended17 the steps and entered the door. As she did so she heard Richard in the parlor18, speaking rapidly and vehemently19, and, entering, found that he was talking to Colonel Tredennis. The colonel was standing20 at one end of the room, as if he had turned around with an abrupt21 movement; Richard was lying full length upon a sofa, looking uneasy and excited, his cushions tumbled about him. They ceased speaking the moment they saw her, and there was an odd pause, noticing which she came forward and spoke with an effort at appearing at ease.
"Do you know that this seems like contention22?" she said. "Are you quarrelling with Richard, Colonel Tredennis, or is he quarrelling with you? And why are you not at the reception?"
"We are quarrelling with each other violently," said Richard, with a half laugh. "You arrived barely in time to prevent our coming to blows. And why are you not at the reception?"
Bertha turned to Tredennis, who for a moment seemed to have been struck dumb by the sight of her. The memories the slender gray figure had brought to the professor rushed back upon him with a force that staggered him. It was as if the ghost of something dead had suddenly appeared before him and he was compelled to hold himself as if he did not see it. The little gray gown, the carelessly knotted kerchief,—it seemed so terrible to see them and to be forced to realize through them how changed she was. He had never seen her look so ill and fragile as she did when she turned to him and spoke in her quiet, unemotional voice.
"This is the result of political machination," she said. "He has forgotten that we were not invited. Being absorbed in affairs of state he no longer keeps an account of the doings of the giddy throng23."
[Pg 443]
Then he recovered himself.
"You were not invited," he said. "Isn't there some mistake about that? I thought"—
"Your impression naturally was that we were the foundation-stone of all social occasions," she responded; "but this time they have dispensed24 with us. We were not invited."
"Say that you did not receive your invitation," put in Richard, restlessly. "The other way of stating it is nonsense."
She paused an instant, as if his manner suggested a new thought to her.
"I wonder," she said, slowly, "if there could be a reason; but no, I think that is impossible. It must have been an accident. But you," she added to Tredennis, "have not told me why you are not with the rest of the world."
"I came away early," he answered. "I was there for an hour."
He was glad that she did not sit down; he wished that she would go away; it would be better if she would go away and leave them to themselves again.
"It was very gay, I suppose," she said. "And you saw Agnes?"
"I have just left her," he replied.
"You ought to have stayed," she said, turning away with a smile. "It would have been better than quarrelling with Richard."
And she went out of the room and left them together, as he had told himself it would be best she should.
He did not look at her as she ascended the staircase; he stood with his back to the open door, and did not speak until he heard her go into the room above them. Then he addressed Richard.
"Do you understand me now?" he said, sternly. "This is the beginning!"
"The beginning!" exclaimed Richard, with a half frantic25 gesture. "If this is the beginning—and things go wrong—imagine what the end will be!"
[Pg 444]
The room Bertha had entered was the nursery. In the room opening out of it Jack26 and Janey slept in their small beds. Upon the hearth-rug lay a broken toy. She bent27 to pick it up, and afterward stood a moment holding it in her hand without seeing it; she still held it as she sank into a chair which was near her.
"I will stay here a while," she said. "This is the best place for me."
For a few minutes she sat quite still; something like a stupor28 had settled upon her; she was thinking in a blind, disconnected way of Agnes Sylvestre. Everything would be right at last. Agnes would be happy. This was what she had wished—what she had intended from the first—when she had brought them together. It was she who had brought them together. And this was the plan she had had in her mind when she had done it; and she had known what it would cost her even then. And then there came back to her the memory of the moment when she had turned away from them to pour out Laurence's coffee with hands she could not hold still, and whose tremor29 he saw and understood. Poor Laurence! he must suffer too! Poor Laurence!
She looked down suddenly at the broken toy in her hand.
"I will stay here more," she said. "It is better here. There is nothing else! And if I were a good woman I should want nothing else. If I had only not spoken to Agnes,—that was the mistake; if she will only forget it! Some one should be happy—some one! It will be Agnes."
She got up and went into the children's room, and knelt down by Janey's bed, laying the toy on the coverlet. She put her arms around the child and spoke her name.
"Janey!" she said. "Janey!"
The child stirred, opened her eyes, and put an arm sleepily about her neck.
"I said my prayers," she murmured. "God bless mamma and papa—and everybody! God bless Uncle Philip!"
Bertha laid her face near her upon the pillow.
"Yes," she said, brokenly. "You belong to me and I belong to you. I will stay here, Janey—with you."
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收听单词发音
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1
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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2
seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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3
caressingly
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| 爱抚地，亲切地 | |
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4
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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5
frivolous
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| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
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6
joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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7
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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8
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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9
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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10
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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11
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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12
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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13
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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14
glaze
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| v.因疲倦、疲劳等指眼睛变得呆滞，毫无表情 | |
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15
hearth
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| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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16
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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17
ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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contention
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| n.争论，争辩，论战；论点，主张 | |
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throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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24
dispensed
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| v.分配( dispense的过去式和过去分词 )；施与；配（药） | |
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25
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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26
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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27
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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stupor
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| v.昏迷；不省人事 | |
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29
tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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