In this catastrophe2 her lordly lover was of course the most sedulous3 of attendants. In truth he was so, though when we last met him and his bride together he had made himself very disagreeable. Rachel had then answered him in such language as to make her think it impossible that he should not quarrel with her; but still here he was, constant at her chamber4 door. Whether his constancy was due to his position about the theatre or to his ardour as a lover, she did not know; but in either case it troubled her somewhat, and interfered5 with her renewed dreams about Frank. Then came the following letter from Frank's sister:
Dear Rachel,
I am not very much surprised, though I was a little, that you should have accepted Lord Castlewell; but I had not quite known the ins and outs of it, not having been there to see. Frank says that the separation had certainly come from him, because he could not bring himself to burden your prosperity with the heavy load of his misfortunes. Poor fellow! They are very heavy. They would have made you both miserable6 for awhile, unless you could have agreed to postpone7 your marriage. Why should it not have been postponed8?
But Lord Castlewell came in the way, and I supposed him naturally to be as beautiful and gracious as he is gorgeous and rich. But though you say nothing about him there does creep out from your letter some kind of idea that he is not quite so beautiful in your eyes as was poor Frank. Remember that poor Frank has to wear two blue shirts a week and no more, in order to save the washing! How many does Lord Castlewell wear? How many will he wear when he is a marquis?
But at any rate it does seem to be the case that you and the earl are not as happy together as your best friends could wish. We had understood that the earl was ready to expire for love at the sound of every note. Has he slackened in his admiration9 so as to postpone his expiring to the close of every song? Or why is it that Frank should be allowed again to come up and trouble your dreams?
You are so fond of joking that it is almost impossible for a poor steady-going, boycotted10 young woman to follow you to the end. Of course I understand that what you say about Mr. Moss11 is altogether a joke. But then what you say about Frank is, I am sure, not a joke. If you love him the best, as I am sure you do—so very much the best as to disregard the marble halls—I advise you, in the gentlest manner possible, to tell the marble halls that they are not wanted. It cannot be right to marry one man when you say that you love another as you do Frank. Of course he will wait if you like to wait. All I can say is, that no man loves a girl better than he loves you.
We are very much down in the world at the present. We have literally12 no money. Papa's relatives have given their money to him to invest, and he has laid it out on the property here. Nobody was thought to have done so well as he till lately; but now they cannot get their interest, and, of course, they are impatient. Commissioners13 have sat in the neighbourhood, and have reduced the rents all round. But they can't reduce what doesn't exist. There are tenants14 who I suppose will pay. Pat Carroll could certainly have done so. But then papa's share in the property will be reduced almost to nothing. He will not get above five shillings out of every twenty shillings of rent, such as it was supposed to be when he bought it. I don't understand all this, and I am sure I cannot make you do so.
I have nothing to tell about my young man, as you call him, except that he cannot be mine. I fancy that girls are not fond of writing about their young men when they don't belong to them. Frank, at any rate, is yours, if you will take him; and you can write about him with an open heart. I cannot do so. Think of poor Florian and his horrid15 death. Is this a time for marriage,—if it were otherwise possible,—which it is not?
God bless you, dear Rachel. Let me hear from you again soon. I have said nothing to Frank as yet. I attempted it this morning, but was stopped. You can imagine that he, poor fellow, is not very happy.—Yours very affectionately,
Edith Jones.
Rachel read the letter on her sick bed, and as soon as it was read Lord Castlewell came to her. There was always a nurse there, but Lord Castlewell was supposed to be able to see the patient, and on one occasion had been accompanied by his sister. It was all done in the most proper form imaginable, much to Rachel's disgust. Incapable16 as she was in her present state of carrying on any argument, she was desirous of explaining to Lord Castlewell that he was not to hold himself as bound to marry her. "If you think that father is an ass17, you had better say so outright18, and let there be an end of it." She wished to speak to him after this fashion. But she could not say it in the presence of the nurse and of Lady Augusta. But Lord Castlewell's conduct to herself made her more anxious than ever to say something of the kind. He was very civil, even tender, in his inquiries19, but he was awfully20 frigid21. She could tell from his manner that that last speech of hers was rankling22 in his bosom23 as the frigid words fell from his lips. He was waiting for some recovery,—a partial recovery would be better than a whole one,—and then he would speak his mind. She wanted to speak her mind first, but she could hardly do so with her throat in its present condition.
She had no other friend than her father, no other friend to take her part with her lovers. And she had, too, fallen into such a state that she could not say much to him. According to the orders of the physician, she was not to interest herself at all about anything.
"I wonder whether the man was ever engaged to two or three lovers at once," she said to herself, alluding24 to the doctor. "He knows at any rate of Lord Castlewell, and does he think that I am not to trouble myself about him?"
She had a tablet under her pillow, which she took out and wrote on it certain instructions. "Dear father, C. and I quarrelled before I was ill at all, and now he comes here just as though nothing had happened. He said you made an ass of yourself in the House of Commons. I won't have it, and mean to tell him so; but I can't talk. Won't you tell him from me that I shall expect him to beg my pardon, and that I shall never hear anything of the kind again. It must come to this. Your own R." This was handed to Mr. O'Mahony by Rachel that very day before he went down to the House of Commons.
"But, my dear!" he said. Rachel only shook her head. "I can hardly say all this about myself. I don't care twopence whether he thinks me an ass or not."
"But I do," said Rachel on the tablet.
"He is an earl, and has wonderful privileges, as well as a great deal of money."
"Marble halls and impudence25," said Rachel on the tablet. Then Mr. O'Mahony, feeling that he ought to leave her in peace, made her a promise, and went his way. At Covent Garden that evening he met the noble lord, having searched for him in vain at Westminster. He was much more likely to find Lord Castlewell among the singers of the day, than with the peers; but of these things Mr. O'Mahony hardly understood all the particulars.
"Well, O'Mahony, how is your charming daughter?"
"My daughter is not inclined to be charming at all. I do hope she may be getting better, but at present she is bothering her head about you."
"It is natural that she should think of me a little sometimes," said the flattered lord.
"She has written me a message which she says that I am to deliver. Now mind, I don't care about it the least in the world." Here the lord looked very grave. "She says that you called me an ass. Well, I am to you, and you're an ass to me. I am sure you won't take it as any insult, neither do I. She wants you to promise that you won't call me an ass any more. Of course it would follow that I shouldn't be able to call you one. We should both be hampered26, and the truth would suffer. But as she is ill, perhaps it would be better that you should say that you didn't mean it."
But this was not at all Lord Castlewell's view of the matter. Though he had been very glib27 with his tongue in calling O'Mahony an ass, he did not at all like the compliment as paid back to him by his father-in-law. And there was something which he did not quite understand in the assertion that the truth would suffer. All the world was certain that Mr. O'Mahony was an ass. He had been turned out of the House of Commons only yesterday for saying that the Speaker was quite wrong, and sticking to it. There was not the slightest doubt in the world about it. But his lordship knew his gamut28, which was all that he pretended to know, and never interfered with matters of which he was ignorant. He was treated with the greatest respect at Covent Garden, and nobody ever suspected him of being an ass. And then he had it in his mind to speak very seriously to Rachel as soon as she might be well enough to hear him. "You have spoken to me in a manner, my dear, which I am sure you did not intend." He had all the words ready prepared on a bit of paper in his pocket-book. And he was by no means sure but that the little quarrel might even yet become permanent. He had discussed it frequently with Lady Augusta, and Lady Augusta rather wished that it might become permanent. And Lord Castlewell was not quite sure that he did not wish it also. The young lady had a way of speaking about her own people which was not to be borne. And now she had been guilty of the gross indecency of sending a message to him by her own father,—the very man whom he called an ass. And the man in return only laughed and called him an ass.
But Lord Castlewell knew the proprieties29 of life. Here was this—girl whom he had proposed to marry, a sad invalid30 at the moment. The doctor had, in fact, given him but a sad account of the case. "She has strained her voice continually till it threatens to leave her," said the doctor; "I do not say that it will be so, but it may. Her best chance will be to abandon all professional exertions31 till next year." Then the doctor told him that he had not as yet taken upon himself to hint anything of all this to Miss O'Mahony.
Lord Castlewell was puzzled in the extreme. If the lady lost her voice and so became penniless and without a profession; and if he in such case were to throw her over, and leave her unmarried, what would the world say of him? Would it be possible then to make the world understand that he had deserted32 her, not on account of her illness, but because she had not liked to hear her father called an ass. And had not Rachel already begun the battle in a manner intended to show that she meant to be the victor? Could it be possible that she herself was desirous of backing out. There was no knowing the extent of the impudence to which these Americans would not go! No doubt she had, by the use of intemperate33 language on the occasion when she would not be driven out in the carriage, given him ample cause for a breach34. To tell the truth, he had thought then that a breach would be expedient35. But she had fallen ill, and it was incumbent36 on him to be tender and gentle. Then, from her very sick bed, she had sent him this impudent37 message.
And it had been delivered so impudently38! "The truth would suffer!" He was sure that there was a meaning in the words intended to signify that he, Lord Castlewell, was and must be an ass at all times. Then he asked himself whether he was an ass because he did not quite understand O'Mahony's argument. Why did the truth suffer? As to his being an ass,—O'Mahony being an ass,—he was sure that there was no doubt about that. All the world said so. The House of Commons knew it,—and the newspapers. He had been turned out of the House for saying the Speaker was wrong, and not apologising for having uttered such words. And he, Lord Castlewell, had so expressed himself only to the woman who was about to be his wife. Then she had had the incredible folly39 to tell her father, and the father had told him that under certain circumstances the "truth must suffer." He did not quite understand it, but was sure that Mr. O'Mahony had meant to say that they were two fools together.
He was not at all ashamed of marrying a singing girl. It was the thing he would be sure to do. And he thought of some singing girls before his time, and of his time also, whom it would be an honour for such as him to marry. But he would degrade himself—so he felt—by the connection with an advanced Landleaguing Member of Parliament. He looked round the lot of them, and he assured himself that there was not one from whose loins an English nobleman could choose a wife without disgrace. It was most unfortunate,—so he told himself. The man had not become Member of Parliament till quite the other day. He had not even opened his mouth in Parliament till the engagement had been made. And now, among them all, this O'Mahony was the biggest ass. And yet Lord Castlewell found himself quite unable to hold his own with the Irish member when the Irish member was brought to attack him. He certainly would have made Rachel's conduct a fair excuse for breaking with her,—only that she was ill.
If he could have known the state of Rachel's mind there might have been an end to his troubles. She had now, at length, been made thoroughly40 wretched by hearing the truth from the doctor,—or what the doctor believed to be the truth. "Miss O'Mahony, I had better tell you, your voice has gone, at any rate for a year."
"For a year!" The hoarse41, angry, rusty42 whisper came forth1 from her, and in spite of its hoarseness43 and rustiness44 was audible enough.
"I fear so. For heaven's sake don't talk; use your tablet." Rachel drew the tablet from under her pillow and dashed it across the room. The doctor picked it up, and, with a kind smile and a little caressing45 motion of his hand, put it again back under the pillow. Rachel buried her head amidst the bedclothes and sobbed46 bitterly. "Try to make yourself happy in remembering how you have succeeded," said the doctor.
"It won't be back just the same," she wrote on her tablet.
"It is in God's hands," said the doctor. There came not another word from Rachel, either by her tablet or by any struggle at speech. The doctor, having made what attempts at comfort he could, went his way. Then her father, who had been in and out constantly, came to his daughter. He had not been present when she threw the tablet away, but he knew what the doctor had said to her.
"My pet," he said. But she made no attempt to answer him. A year! At her time of life a year is an eternity47. And then this doctor had only told her that her voice was in God's hands. She could talk to herself without any effort. "When they say that they always condemn48 you. When the doctor tells you that you are in God's hands he means the Devil's."
She had been so near the gods and goddesses, and now she was no more than any other poor woman. She might be less, as her face had begun to wither49 with her voice. She had all but succeeded; as for her face, as for the mere50 look of her, let it go. She told herself that she cared nothing for her appearance. What was Lord Castlewell to her,—what even was Frank's love? To stand on the boards of the theatre and become conscious of the intense silence of the crowd before her,—so intense because the tone of her voice was the one thing desired by all the world. And then to open her mouth and to let the music go forth and to see the ears all erect51, as she fancied she could, so that not a sound should be lost,—should not be harvested by the hungry hearers! That was to be a very god! As she told herself of all her regrets, there was not a passing sorrow given to Lord Castlewell. And what of the other man? "Oh, Frank, dear Frank, you will know it all now. There need be no more taking money." But she did take some comfort at last in that promise of God's hands. When she had come, as it were, to the bitterest moment of her grief, she told herself that, though it might be even at the end of a whole year, there was something to be hoped.
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1
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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2
catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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3
sedulous
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| adj.勤勉的，努力的 | |
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4
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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5
interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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6
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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7
postpone
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| v.延期，推迟 | |
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8
postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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9
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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10
boycotted
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| 抵制，拒绝参加( boycott的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11
moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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12
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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13
commissioners
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| n.专员( commissioner的名词复数 )；长官；委员；政府部门的长官 | |
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14
tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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15
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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16
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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17
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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outright
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| adv.坦率地；彻底地；立即；adj.无疑的；彻底的 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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rankling
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| v.（使）痛苦不已，（使）怨恨不已( rankle的现在分词 ) | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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24
alluding
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| 提及，暗指( allude的现在分词 ) | |
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impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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hampered
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| 妨碍，束缚，限制( hamper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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glib
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| adj.圆滑的，油嘴滑舌的 | |
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gamut
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| n.全音阶，(一领域的)全部知识 | |
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proprieties
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| n.礼仪，礼节；礼貌( propriety的名词复数 )；规矩；正当；合适 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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intemperate
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| adj.无节制的，放纵的 | |
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breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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incumbent
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| adj.成为责任的，有义务的；现任的，在职的 | |
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impudent
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| adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的 | |
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impudently
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39
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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40
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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41
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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42
rusty
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| adj.生锈的；锈色的；荒废了的 | |
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43
hoarseness
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| n.嘶哑， 刺耳 | |
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44
rustiness
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| 生锈，声音沙哑； 荒疏； 锈蚀 | |
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45
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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46
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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47
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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48
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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49
wither
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| vt.使凋谢，使衰退，(用眼神气势等)使畏缩；vi.枯萎，衰退，消亡 | |
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50
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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51
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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