And teach the unforgetful to forget?”
I lay awake for a long time after I got into bed, and I had not been long asleep when some sound wakened me. I was at first not sorry to awake; I had been sleeping uneasily and feverishly2, and my dreams had been full of disasters and difficulties. I did not trouble myself much as to what the sound was—probably a rat, as the house was overrun with them—and I tried to see the face of my watch by the light of the fire, which was still burning brightly.{174} I had made out that it was half-past one, when I again heard a sound. It was a movement in the next room, as if a chair had been pushed against by some one moving cautiously in the dark. I do not pretend to being superior to irrational3 terrors at night, and now the blood rushed back to my head from my heart, as I sat up in bed and tried to persuade myself that what I had heard was the effect of imagination.
There was dead silence for a few seconds, and then a hand was passed over the other side of the paper-covered door, as if feeling for the latch4. I could not have moved to save my life, and remained sitting bolt upright, with my eyes fixed5 upon the door. It was a weak and badly fitting one, made of single planks6, and at first refused to open, but it had finally to yield to the pressure applied7 to it. It opened with a jerk, and I{175} saw by the firelight that the figure which appeared in the doorway8 was neither ghost nor burglar, but was that of the woman whose special mission it had seemed to be to terrify me ever since I came to Durrus.
“What do you want?” I demanded, as courageously9 as I could, though my voice was less valiant10 than I could have wished.
Moll advanced a step into the room, keeping her face down and half averted11 from me, while her large hands kept clutching and plucking at the cloak she wore.
“Go away,” I said, feeling exceedingly frightened. “You know you are not allowed to come in here.”
She stopped still for a moment, and looked at me. The deep shadows which the fire threw on her face made it look absolutely appalling12. Her lips moved incessantly13, and her malevolent14 expression, as she glanced at me out of the corners of{176} her eyes, made me feel certain that she was trying to curse me; but, except a guttural mouthing sound, I could distinguish nothing. While this imprecation, or whatever it was, was going on, she kept edging sideways towards the sofa, and, cautiously putting out her hand, she picked up the large cushion that was on it.
Still watching; me intently, she moved towards the bed, crushing and working the pillow about in her hands. I had no idea what she was going to do, and wildly thought of making a rush past her to the other door, and escaping down the corridor; but, beside the disadvantage of leaving a stronghold where, if the worst came to the worst, I could always pull the clothes over my head, I had a horrible fear that she might run after me. I determined15 to make a last effort, and, before she could come any closer, I said determinately{177}—
“If you do not go away at once, I shall call the master.”
At this, to my unspeakable relief, she looked hastily round over her shoulder, and let the cushion fall. Drawing the hood16 of her cloak over her head, she slowly retreated into the room out of which she had come, and with a final roll of her dreadful eyes upon me, she closed the paper-covered door after her. I listened intently, and presently heard the rustle18 of her cloak against the walls as she went down the corridor, and soon afterwards a door in some distant part of the house opened and shut.
I drew a long breath; she was out of the house now. I got up, and, with shaking limbs, dragged my big Saratoga trunk against the paper-covered door, and, having locked the other one, felt comparatively secure. As might be expected, I{178} did not get to sleep again very easily. I had always been aware of Moll’s animosity towards me, but this was the first time it had taken active form. As my nerves steadied down, I remembered the sounds that Willy and I had heard in the avenue on the way home, and I wondered if jealousy19 on Anstey’s account could have been Moll’s motive20 in following us, and then in making her way, with what seemed like a sinister21 intention, up to my room. Yet it was hard to believe that such a creature as she was could comprehend and act upon an idea of the kind. I drowsily22 tried to connect this dreadful visit with her husband’s words to Willy at the lodge23, but before I could arrive at any satisfactory conclusion I fell asleep.
At breakfast I told Willy the greater part of what had happened, but I made as light of it all as I could. He was out of{179} spirits, and not like himself, and I had put off saying anything to him about it until we had almost finished breakfast. When I had ended my story, he pushed back his chair from the table and got up.
“I’ll make them sorry for this,” he said vindictively24, his face flushing darkly as he spoke25. “I’ll teach that old scoundrel Brian to let Moll come up here frightening you! You look as white as a sheet this minute.”
“I am sure I am nothing of the kind,” I answered, trying unsuccessfully to look at myself in the silver teapot; “there is nothing the matter with me. If you will fasten up that little door into the other room before this evening, I shall be perfectly26 happy.”
“Never fear but I will,” he said; “and it’ll be very queer if I don’t fasten up that old hag too.{180}”
He stalked out of the room. I heard him go upstairs and along the corridor, and presently the noise of hammering echoed through the house.
I met him in the hall soon afterwards, putting on his cap to go out.
“I fixed that door the way it won’t be opened again in a hurry,” he said, with grim satisfaction, “and I’ve locked the other; and now I’m going to be off to fix Moll herself. She’s not such a fool but she’ll understand what I’m going to say to her!”
“I wonder what the attraction in that room was for her?” I said. “I have seen her in there several times.”
“Goodness knows! There was nothing in it, only an old broken chair she had by the window, and there were a couple of books on the floor that I suppose she stole out of the study to play with. One looked{181} like an old diary, or account-book, or something. I meant to bring it to show you, but I left it in my room with the hammer and nails.”
“I am very much obliged to you for shutting up that door,” I said, with sincere gratitude27. “I had no idea you were going to do it for me at once. You are a most reliable person.”
He had taken his stick out of the stand, and had opened the hall door; but he stopped and looked back at me.
“I think I’d do more than that for you,” he said, almost under his breath, and went out of the house.
It was a fine morning, and I finally went for a walk along the cliffs with the dogs. I expected to hear all about Willy’s encounter with Moll at luncheon28; but, on my return to the house, I heard, to my surprise, that he had ridden into Moycullen,{182} and would probably not be home for dinner.
The afternoon lagged by. I had tea early, in the hope of shortening it; but the device did not have much success. As the evening clouded in, rain began to beat in large drops against the windows, and the rising wind sighed about the house, and sent puffs29 of smoke down the drawing-room chimney. I despised myself for the feeling of forsakenness30 which it gave me; but I could help it no more than I could hinder some apprehensive31 recollections of Moll’s entry into my room. A childish dread17 of having all the darkness behind me made me crouch32 down on the hearthrug, with my back to the fire, and rouse Pat from a satiated slumber33 to sit on my lap for company. Something about the look of the fire and the sound of the rain was compelling my thoughts back to the after{183}noon when I sat and waited here for Nugent. I did not try, as I had so often tried before, to drive away those thoughts, or to forget the withheld34 possibilities of that afternoon. Once more I gave myself over to the fascination35 of unprofitable remembrances, yielding to myself on the plea that it was to be for the last time. After to-day they would be contraband36, made outlaws37 by the power of a resolution which I had newly come to—a resolution that I had been driven to by the combined forces of pity and sympathy and conscience; but to-day, for one final half-hour, I would allow them to have their way.
Dinner-time came, and with it no appearance of Willy. Uncle Dominick had for some time given up his custom of waiting in the library to take me in to dinner, and Willy and I usually found him{184} sitting by the fire in the dining-room when we went in. To-night, when I came in alone, he remained seated in his chair.
“We may as well give Willy a few moments’ law,” he said. “I hear he rode into Moycullen.”
“He told Tom when he was going that you weren’t to wait dinner for him, sir,” interposed Roche.
“What business could he have that would detain him so late?” said my uncle, slowly rising and taking his place at the table. “Can you throw any light upon this absence, Theo?”
He looked anxious and surprised when I told him that Willy had said nothing to me about it. Several times during dinner he harked back to the same subject, and I was more struck than ever by the nervous uncertainty38 of his manner, and the strange way in which one idea took possession of{185} his mind. He looked so ill and worn, that before I left the room compassion39 made me screw up my courage to ask him if he would not sit with me in the drawing-room, instead of going to his own study by himself.
He shook his head. “You are very good, my dear; it is very kind of you to express a wish for my society. But I am much occupied in the evenings—letters to write, accounts to go over. Besides, I am used by this time to being alone—ah yes!” He walked feebly over to the door, and opened it for me to leave the room. “You must forgive me,” he said.
To my amazement40, he stooped down as I passed, and, putting his hand on my shoulder, he kissed my forehead.
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1
assuage
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| v.缓和，减轻，镇定 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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irrational
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| adj.无理性的，失去理性的 | |
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latch
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| n.门闩，窗闩；弹簧锁 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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planks
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| （厚）木板( plank的名词复数 )； 政纲条目，政策要点 | |
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7
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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8
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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9
courageously
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| ad.勇敢地，无畏地 | |
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10
valiant
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| adj.勇敢的，英勇的；n.勇士，勇敢的人 | |
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11
averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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12
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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13
incessantly
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| ad.不停地 | |
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malevolent
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| adj.有恶意的，恶毒的 | |
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15
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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17
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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18
rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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19
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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20
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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22
drowsily
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| adv.睡地，懒洋洋地，昏昏欲睡地 | |
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23
lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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vindictively
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| adv.恶毒地；报复地 | |
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25
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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26
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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27
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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28
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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29
puffs
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| n.吸( puff的名词复数 )；（烟斗或香烟的）一吸；一缕（烟、蒸汽等）；（呼吸或风的）呼v.使喷出( puff的第三人称单数 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧 | |
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30
forsakenness
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| 抛弃 | |
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31
apprehensive
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| adj.担心的，恐惧的，善于领会的 | |
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32
crouch
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| v.蹲伏，蜷缩，低头弯腰；n.蹲伏 | |
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slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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34
withheld
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| withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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35
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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contraband
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| n.违禁品，走私品 | |
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37
outlaws
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| 歹徒，亡命之徒( outlaw的名词复数 )； 逃犯 | |
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38
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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39
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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40
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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